Winter's Diary

W

Wintersqueen

New member
At the sega begins ....

Well i dont believe a whole lot of past information is really valid since i have never had this problem with myself before.

Ive alwasy been overweight, but ive never felt unatractive becasue of it. or ashamed the way i feel at the present moment.

Whn you look at your self in the mirror and close your eyes and wish to god your eyes were playing tricks on you! .. You have issues. and i dont like feeling this way. i have alwasy been a firm believer in if you want to change yourself you have do work hard to do it.

I just celebrated my 25th birthday. I wanted to wear somthing nice so i threw all of my clothes out of the cloest and picked out something i had bought just last year .. nope there was no way that it woudl come close to fitting me.
So there i sat on my spareroom floor depressed an angry that i had let myself get in this state.

I see skinny people and in my mind i say rude and hateful things, while my eyes long for myself to look as good as that.

When i see over weight people i alwasy ask myself. "Do I look like that ? "

I am afraid of cameras. i despise having my picture taken. and have gone as far as pulling the film out of a family members camera. yes it it saddens me i feel i have to go to those lengths.

On top of gaining a whole lot of weight over the past year. I have a crazy addiction to an Online video game .. that i have played religiosuly for the past 4 years. I know it makes me so Inactive. And i swear to god i will deactivate my account, but i never do.

My husband calls me sexy and gorgeous every waking day. i roll my eyes at him and scrunch up my nose , tell him hes nutzo. and needs new glasses.
I honeslty think he beleves what he says but i just cannot see it anymore.
Most times he shakes his head at me . occasionally he may get a little upset
but i cannot help the way i feel at the present.

Im SOOOO selfconcious. i feel like people are always staring at me.
I am literally asahmed to go for walks. to walk my dog . go for a bike ride.

I am an incredibly open person. I can talk about anything , BUT my weight, and how it makes me feel. soemhow its different online. and i know im typing to others who have the same issues and it makes me feel better that i am not in this battle alone.

So what i need...
Is some friends to help me along this 100 pound journey i have set out for myself.
Some people to point me in the right direction (like where the heck do i start)
and most of all motivation to keep me going !
YOu need it , I need it , it keep us going thru those hard times !!!

~Winter
 
Winter you have come to the right place to look for the friends you need for this!:) I think you have started right by coming to th WLF looking for answers. Really take the time to check out the threads on this site for some good ideas on exercise and nutrition. The people here are great for encouragement too. I will be right here cheering you on the whole way!! Find a challenge in the challenge thread to join too they are fun to do! Anyways if you need someone to give you a boost, a push, a kick, anything feel free to send me a personal message and I will help you out! And about your husband....honey any man who can look at you everyday and tell you that you are sexy is a definite keeper!;) So type away your frustations about everything and we will help you out and remember that you are not in this alone!
 
Dragon is right you have come to the right place. Many of the feelings you have described in your opening post are feelings that I have experienced and do experience on a daily basis. On June 1st I decided to start this journey and I felt very alone eventhough my b/f was supporting me. A few days later I found WLF and its been a great help so far. Having a place to vent to others who understand you helps during the good times and especially during the lowest times. If you need any help or encouragement feel free to pm me and I'd be glad to help you out.

~Jenna
 
welcome to the site :) I do hope you find what you need here :D and have some fun along the way...

do beleive your husband... he really does mean what he says... someday you'll believe it as well
 
Thank You All for the encouraginig words,
Its is very inspiring to know that other people are rooting for me as well.

The first thing I am aiming to do is eatting healthier. It may be but a baby step but its step in the right direction. So with that being said no more take out for me!! More stock piles of fruits and vegetables in the house. NO MORE POP!!! As we speak i am drawing up a list of the foods i want to be in the fridge.

I also tend to cook for an army... When its really on should be for two people.
So once i get my fridge all cleaned out . I want to teach myself to cook in moderation, so that it will also come out in my eatting habits. I think if i dont cook all the extra i wont be eatting it either!!!

So that is my aim for the next week.
Then comes the hard part , getting off my butt and getting moving.
*Cringes with fear* I know this has always been the hard part for me.

But i have been doing alot of reading on the threads.
and I will be definately wanting to join a challenge.

But slow and steady wins the race :)
 
Changing the way you eat came be a big undertaking. Go at it slowly. Cutting out the pop is a good start. Don't take away all of your comfort foods at once either because that might just backfire on you. I started with the one thing I loved the most ice cream. I gave it up and for me that was hard because I ate it everyday at least once if not more. It took me about a month to get used to the idea and then I moved on the another thing. Try to introduce a new food every week to my families diet and sometimes they went over great and sometimes they didn't. Don't get discouraged!:) Keeping fresh fruit on hand is a great idea but you should also try keeping some bags of frozen fruits too. Blend some up with some yogurt and juice and you will have a smoothie that helps with sweet tooth cravings and also this warm weather! Good luck and keep us posted!!
 
Baby steps are the best steps to take at first. If you deprive yourself of too much then you will just have constant cravings. I find that if i buy things in smaller quantities i'll cook them in smaller quantities. Like when buying fish, chicken, or beef I'll order it by the amount of peices I want instead of the quantity. If there's only what you want and/or need in the package then you won't have it to cook more of.
 
I wanted to go back to your cooking for an army post!! Take the extra stuff you cook and put it in those handy little freezable containers in portions just the right size for one and then not only do you have food on hand for when you don't have time to cook but they are the right portion size so then you are not eating as much! Just a thought for you!!:)
 
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