WineDeer's Fitness/Food Diary

I'm at 187.5 "officially".

I'm still on plan, so to speak.

Still figuring out the health thing.

I haven't been exercising too much recently, this last week has been absolutely crazy. This coming week is going to be better -- I'm starting to focus on this again, so I don't just settle at this weight.

But, I do think that my body needs that time to "settle" if that makes sense. I lose a little weight, I plateau. I lose a little more, and I stop again. I think that's good. My body is slowly adjusting, so that I don't ever gain it back.

My previous attempts were really too drastic and it was easy to get cravings or miss food and then fall into the temptation.
 
Happy New Year!

It's 2010 and I'm still working on this weight loss journey.

Looking back, it really has been a process.

I had to work on the mental part before the diet and exercise could ever work. I needed to really understand where I was, how I got there, what I did to get there, what was stopping from losing the weight during all this time, and finally -- find the motivator to get me to lose weight.

I'm sorry it took a hospital stay to get me to review my health and take it seriously.

However, I'm sorry it happened because it was a catalyst to review a lot of my habits and beliefs about what I was doing for my body and it got me on a very good track. Getting off BCP was the best thing that could possibly happen to me. I feel so much healthier I don't think I will ever go back to that.

My highest weight in this journey has been somewhere around 200. When I went to my nutritionist's scale, I would weigh over 200 lbs, but I think it was a combination of clothes and the fact that my appointment was AFTER lunch. I think my weight at home was at 200 maybe 201 on a 'bad' day.

I weighed in yesterday at 181.5.

I'm almost 20 lbs down from my highest weight and it's amazing to think that I'm back down again to this weight. It's been years since I've seen these numbers.

And I know that my success translates too easily to exercise and diet -- the diet being the most important factor.

But it wasn't just doing the exercise and changing my food. It was genuinely the pre-weight loss mental stuff that I had to work with in order to finally reach this point.

And even when I'm faced with temptation -- like during the holidays -- I saw how easily I could fall back to old habits. My hand would go for that extra food without thinking twice about it. I had to consciously make the decision to stop and ask myself if I was hungry. I could see how the holidays could have easily thrown me off track.

Thankfully, I maintained my weight and didn't gain. I would have liked to have lost, but I suppose maintaining is an accomplishment in and of itself.

My goal now this month is to break through the 180 barrier and to exercise more regularly. I was at this weight 4 years ago, but my body was smaller because I was exercising regularly. I need to start doing that again so my weight and my body start to really transform.

It's a good start to this year. I'm going to reach my goal weight and then some. My doctor just wants me to lose the weight so I have a healthy BMI. I want to be in the middle range of my BMI for the healthy range.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2010!
 
Dear Diary!

I am going to try to update you sooner, rather than later.

The diet and exercise has continued to go well. I am not thinking very hard about what I'm doing -- I'm just doing it.

I've had plenty of years of self-talk, introspection, etc., and I'm now at the point that it's about the ACTION rather than understanding.

Sure, there are some things I don't understand. I'm pretty sure I have the right calories for a woman my size, but I'm still worried I'm going to hit a plateau.

Deer thinks I hit a plateau every week when my weight goes down and stays at that weight for the entire week. It's adorable in it's nuttiness. He doesn't know what a real plateau is like and I only hope that these "plateaus" are the only ones I have until I reach my ultimate goal weight of 140.

So far, I'm doing well. The more routine and habit-like this becomes -- diet and exercise -- I think the better for me. When I have to think too much, I give space for alternative options. And I don't want/need that!
 
It's been too long!

I've actually been on a plateau for the last month. Argh!

I know, I've been traveling, I've had the excuses, but at the end of the day, it's just been reluctance to go back to my plan. Why?

Because I still don't enjoy cooking or cleaning up to thinking about my meals. Thankfully, I have a system, so the only real meal I have to think about is dinner. Lunches are generally salads or soup. I'm playing with my macros, sticking to the PCOS diet guidelines.

I am, in some ways, glad that I was on the plateau because it showed me that I can stay at the same steady weight, despite "deviating" without gaining the weight back.

I think I am going to need that as I continue this process. I need to learn how to maintain, how to be comfortable with the food/exercise/psychology, so that I don't fall back into my old habits and the new habits/new weight loss is natural for me.

I know this process is taking forever and day to do. But I'm really counting on the fact that as long as this is slow, it will be permanent. Drastic weight loss scares me because I know I will deprived or I will want to have X food and I know I can't (EVER AGAIN) and that's not the way to handle this either.
 
Yikes, still on a plateau.

I never stopped counting calories or keeping track of them. I looked over that this past week and I know that despite the "healthy" eating -- increasing my veggies and fruits -- I need to also make sure I'm eating losing weight calories. It's obvious that I'm not and I'm not losing any weight.

It blows my mind that I'm at 180 (179.8 or 180.2 or 179.6 or 180.4, whatever).

It seems so normal to be at this weight now, because it's been about a month and half that I've been at this weight. I was so focused for so long to reach it that now that I'm here, I think my body is struggling to find a way to get under it.

I think I need to start visualizing. I've changed my diet (adjusting again for calories), I'm exercising, and I'm still not losing weight. I'm going to try whatever I can at this point.

I do know that I'm feeling great, I have energy, I'm happy with the "other" stuff that isn't weight loss. But I can't stop here. I don't know if this plateau is the PCOS or if it's just a question of changing my macros again, increasing the protein and seeing where that takes me again.
 
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