WineDeer's Fitness/Food Diary

WineDeer

WineDeer

New member
Dear FF Diary,

This is the first time I keep a diary on a public forum, so I hope that the purpose of this diary is to keep me on track, hopefully supported, and at the end of the day, as a means to track my psychological as well as my physical progress and changes.

Well, for everyone out there in the public (*looking around*) this is a little bit about myself:

How much weight do you want to lose?

I think I need to lose a total of 70 lbs in order to reach a goal weight of 130 for my 5'6" frame.

I think I may even have a smaller frame than average, as the "finger" test says if they overlap around my wrist, then it's considered a small frame. But my question is -- how much of an overlap? I have like less than half an inch overlap. Does that count?

On bad days, I tell myself I'm a medium frame.

What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?

I've been wanting this for a while now, so I think that the timeframe is completely arbitrary. I think that as long as I am progressing -- and this is how I feel about life in general -- then I would feel great.

If I can do this by the end of a year -- i.e. in March/February 2008 -- then that would be very awesome, because I imagine I would be making progress all of 2007.

How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?

Well, I know enough now to know that it's about exercise and food. I know that exercise is absolutely a must for me, because while I don't mind losing the weight, I would if I was completely flabby and weak. I have been an athlete most of my life, and I need the strength and definition to be happy with my body.

I am being more conscious of my food choices, and really thinking about whether I want to indulge in that pizza or can it wait another day or another week?

I am exercising twice a day -- when possible -- to improve my overall fitness and strength but to also be able to not worry as much about my calories.

Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?

Well, believe it or not, my boyfriend was a great motivator for this decision to start now. He had heard me bitch and complain for about a year or six months, and he finally said to me, "So, what's stopping you from doing? Just give it a few months, do your best, and I KNOW you can lose 20 lbs easily."

He gives good pep talks, and I believed him. Normally I would wimp out, but I win in either case -- if I can't lose those 20 lbs in three months, then I win because I didn't believe I could. And if I do lose 20 lbs in three months, then I win because I did, and that's a nice first step.

I hope HE wins.

He's been a source of support, reminding me to exercise and to casually ask me if I am going to the gym in the morning or at night, and he has been a doll about having to accomodate dates so I can fit my gym time in.

Even when we travel, he has offered to work out with me in the hotel's gym.

He also wants to lose weight, although he looks great to me! But he's been a little more reluctant to commit full on head on, because I know he is afraid that if he does, and fails, he won't be able to take it. I think he needs to warm up to the idea.

Also on the side, I have family that supports me -- I am the heaviest one in my immediate family -- although they can be highly critical of what I do and my efforts. They have their way of eating, and they don't understand why I don't eat like they do (it's complicated, and probably too long to go into right now).

How realistic is your goal?

I think my goal is relatively realistic. Part of the reason for being here is that my doctor was also one that said this was the year I had to lose the weight. I'm in my 30s, and I guess I reached that point where youth isn't going to save me from all sorts of complications. Added to that, I have a family history of diabetes, including deaths from the disease, so it's almost become a critical factor for my weightloss.

I tell myself that this weight loss is for the skinny jeans and the belly piercing, but it's also because I know I'm shortening my life, and possibly making it an unhappy life with medical problems and complications if I don't make changes now, today, when there is still time.


When will you start?

Technically, I've already started!

The diary is a little bit late, but I'm slowly ramping up with the online support and thing. I joined this forum because I am reluctant to talk to my friends about my weight or weight loss efforts because the majority of them (ALL except for one) have never been overweight or wanted to lose weight.

The one friend I do have that has lost significant portions of weight did it through Jenny Craig but has never had to cook a day in her life nor did any exercise to lose that weight. The pre-planned meals and portions are great for her personality and her food habits -- she gained weight because she ate out all the time, rather than cook at home.

I'm in a different situation altogether. I need to exercise -- it relaxes me, and I am generally a very stressed out woman -- and I really have an aversion to food that has been frozen and then has to be cooked in the microwave. I love microwave popcorn, however.

Also, no microwave at home -- I broke it last year, around October or November, and it's never been replaced. Not that I used it much, except for that famous microwave popcorn.

I officially started in January with my first trip to my dietician. Then my commitment really began when I found a personal trainer in mid-February. So far, I've lost three pounds since I started -- a month, let's say -- and while it's not crazy weight loss (which does worry me, since people seem to lose weight so easily at the beginning), at least it's progress. Even if I think it was water weight!

In part I don't worry as much because I am giving it full three months without worry about losing weight or inches.

My measurements also haven't changed.

I think I am still tweaking how many calories I'm eating with how much I am burning a day (with the exercise).

So far, I'm at 2000-2200 calories a day, and approximately burning 3000 calories a day with my exercise.

My exercise is typically spinning for 45 minutes, belly dancing for 90 minutes, pilates for an hour, weight training for another 45 - 60 minutes.

(It's usually a combination of those three or four things -- not all in one day!)

So, I think this is very long entry by now, so I'll end it here. I hope it's clear, and if it's not, please feel free to comment!

Thanks Diary!

WineDeer
 
Dear FF Diary,

I'm actually traveling, and for the last couple of days it's slipped my mind and with no time, to actually update the diary.

I am also feeling very guilty, because I struggle with choosing the healthier option in a restaurant. There are times when we get there that I am just hungry, and I could order the entire menu and eat it happily. Last night I showed some restraint, but today's lunch is a perfect example of just feeling so hungry that I went with half the menu.

Bleh. Yes, it makes me feel bad, and I wonder if I am gaining weight even in this week. I haven't been able to put in the exercise that I needed to, although I'm happy that I've taken a couple of walks instead of taking a car (where I could have easily). So, some exercise is being put in, but not at the levels I was doing before.

Yesterday, I tried using the hotel's gym, and I realized how spoiled I am at my own gym. I had even brought my spinning shoes on the trip in hopes that the gym would be as good as the hotel made it sound on their website.

False advertising combined with wishful thinking.

I know that tomorrow my efforts are renewed again, on the right path, because I am back home, I will have access to healthy food again, and to my lovely, wonderful, under-appreciated gym.

I also went ahead and decided not to wimp out on my personal training session and instead of having it in the morning - because I wasn't sure I would make it from my flight, I moved it to the afternoon.

We shall see.

I'm feeling just bleh. I know it's the food, ever since my parents became macrobiotic, I've become more aware of the effect on food in my moods and feelings, and how some foods feel better in my body.

For example, right now, I have a sugar rush, and I feel yucky. I don't know how to balance it out. I am too full to eat something salty, and the water I am drinking is only helping digest, rather than take the icky feeling away.

-----------------------------

The other thing I've been contemplating -- as I look around this forum and read the posts and questions and answers -- is that there comes a point where you really have to commit yourself.

It was easy to commit myself to exercise. I will gladly and happily do it.

I know my next step is the commitment to the food portion of that, and I know I am just on the ledge looking out, trying to figure out if I can do it, and how I will feel doing it.

Another, "we shall see."

That's it for now Diary.

WineDeer.
 
Dear FF Diary,

Being back home makes such a big difference! I am already making better food choices and sticking to a plan than before.

In one of those weird coincidences in the universe -- synchronicity or whatever youj may call it -- I ran into an old Pilates teacher at the organic food market. I was there buying groceries for the week, and apparently she's there every Saturday (never saw her before!).

I had been talking about her to my mom and friend last night about her, because she had always made an impression on me.

Her name is Nicole, and I met her at this local gym -- I went to take the exercise classes, not actually be a member, and I had heard about pilates, but didn't really know much about it. I had been taking yoga in the city I had just moved from, and in that class every once in a while the teacher would say, "This is a pilates move now." And off we would go... and I liked it.

So, when I saw the class, I had to take it, and this woman was just starting off her studio. She still taught mat classes at local gyms while she got her stuff straightened out, and Nicole always seemed to take some pity on me.

Well, I don't know if it was pity or not, but she seemed to have a soft spot. Not a "We're going to be BFF" spot, just kind of like she wanted to help, but didn't know how to approach me.

So, she taught me pilates. And told me that I was probably embarking on one of the best exercises ever. She told me she had worked with people who were morbidly overweight and had made them change their lives, implying that because I was only overweight I would see results faster and easier.

I loved her classes -- she was an excellent teacher, and she's always had a way of motivating you.

She left that gym, and I also moved out of the neighborhood.

A year or so later I looked for her again, and I found her in a different gym in another part of the city, and I started attending classes there. It was harder for me, because of parking and timing, but I did the best that I could. But it just wasn't the same. She suggested spinning then, because she taught both classes.

One day, I went to the gym, and the pilates class was gone and instead there was a yoga place in it's stead. I asked the front desk what happened and they told me they didn't know -- Nicole just stopped coming.

I started taking pilates classes elsewhere, finding a wonderful Australian woman who had been a ballet dancer before, and she seemed to know her stuff. She worked with a personal trainer who had set up his own gym in my neighborhood. Eventually she left him, and opened up her own studio (they had a fight over finances and she had set up quickly but that's a whole other story).

In my classes there, I found out that the world of Pilates teachers is actually quite small, and I discovered that Nicole had gone full-on ahead with her studio. I looked for her again, and while I loved my pilates classes with the Australian, I started taking the spinning classes at her studio.

I was there for a year, but I discovered that between the spinning and pilates classes, I was spending a lot of money. A new gym had opened, and I did the math, and it just seemed like it was the right time to move on -- this gym had both pilates and spinning classes.

I discovered there is a difference between being in a small studio versus a huge gym. But the benefits were also great, and I think it balances out at the end of the day. I am still taking pilates outside the gym, at the Australian's studio, but not as often as before. In part because her classes are full and sometimes I can't fit in, and because I've started doing other classes that interfere with the times she has.

Anyway...

I ran into Nicole at the Farmer's market, and she recognized me, asked me where I was now (I told her the gym) and we starting chatting. She's a quirky person, so we didn't talk for long, but I mentioned that I was once again trying to lose the weight, because I had the exercise down, but I wasn't getting anywhere with it.

She told there things:

Eliminate: Dairy, Sugars, and Wheat.

Damn.

I can eliminate the sugar. I don't know if I can eliminate the dairy or the wheat. Sandwiches are my life saver when I need a quick meal and I don't have the time!

But it was nice to talk to her, and it was nice of her to give her advice. She does have an awesome body, and one of her trademark phrases after spinning classes -- "Eat little, be little."
 
Dear FF Diary,

I just finished a lovely meal -- black beans, brown rice, collard greens, and some organic apple juice with water (50%/50%). And it was delicious and satisfying! I love beans!

I love garbanzo beans!
I love black beans!
I love red beans!
I love lentils!

I don't like aduki beans, that is all.

I didn't exercise yet today, but I am hoping to do that this afternoon. My body is still jet lagged from California, i.e. my sleep patterns are all off. Coincidence or not, I was reading the last issue of Glamour and it had a lot of things to consider that no one's said to me for weight loss.

I think it's implied. I think people assume you know this...

The first being the whole alcohol thing. Where do people learn this? I didn't know that drinking was still detrimental to the whole weight loss process. I genuinely thought that as long as it fit into the ration of calories per day, I couldn't go wrong.

Seeing an article about a woman who tried for three weeks or so to not drink, and have her report on how she lost 15lbs that way without changing her eating habits, have really made me consider that as an option.

As you can probably guess from the name, I love wine, and I can't imagine not drinking wine ever again, or even limiting myself to a glass a month (OMG!) I guess I can try it for a bit and see if the weight loss from it is worth giving it up.

At least I'm not a liquor or beer girl.

I signed up for another 10 personal trainer classes, and I am giving myself that time to eat as well as I can -- to eat "clean" as I've learned -- and to give it my best. I think I am also not going to be so aggressive with the exercise as I had been, because it was running me ragged with very little results body-wise, and instead, what I'll do is begin to concentrate a little more on the food intake.

I can already see how hard it will go. I know this month will be stressful for me at work and that may affect what/how I respond. Let's hope I am diligent about my safety nets (having healthy snacks around, reminding myself that it's not worth making a bad choice in a moment's notice, instead of thinking about a healthy alternative, etc.).

Anyway, I'm heading over an event with my friends. This will be dinner! Home cooked food, so it's better than a restaurant!

WineDeer
 
Hi WineDeer,
I just wanted to welcome you to the WLF and wish you much success!
 
Thank you M2M! I hope I get the support I need!

Dear FF Diary,

I went to my dietician yesterday with the intention of firing her. I get a free session with my gym membership that I never took up, and after reading so much on this site and others, I felt maybe I wasn't getting the most from her.

She seemed to compliment me on every choice I make and my progress, and for having started with her at the end of January, there is NOT much progress. And each session is so expensive... I think if it wasn't as expensive, I might not mind as much.

So, I went in and I talked to her, and I asked why she didn't give me a set of calories to count -- this website is all about calorie counting -- and she told me she didn't believe in calorie counting because it makes people too stressed out. I asked her why I wasn't losing weight, if theoretically I am in caloric deficit -- and she also didn't have an answer except to say I am not tracking everything I put in my mouth ( I am. Even those miniture sized chocolates by the receptionist's desk).

She seems surprised at my commitment to the exercise, and while she tried to help me find a way to bring more vegetables into my diet, I've lost a lot of confidence in her.

BUT -- while I was there, I didn't say anything to her. I just kept asking questions, and at the end, her methodology is to take baby steps with her clients because she wants them to change for life, rather than just a period in time.

Okay, I have a hard time breaking up with people. I couldn't do it. I guess what I'll do now is try out the gym's dietician and if I get a better sense, then I will move on to that and tell her then.

The real problem is this: I just don't know what makes a good dietician!

I think I need one. Maybe I don't, at the end of the day, but what I was looking for was someone knowledgeable in food and nutrition and psychology. I need it!

Food-wise, I just have a really hard time completely eliminating one food or group of foods. When I saw that pilates/spinning teacher Nicole, her words resonated in me -- for about three seconds. And then, I realized, wow, can I live like that?

The reason I am not macrobiotic like my family is because they've also completely eliminated food groups from their meals. And as my dietician said (I know, I know!) any diet that asks you to eliminate food from your diet is going to make you lose weight -- because you are eliminated calories.

Dairy, Sugars, and Wheat are probably where 75% of our calories come from. And honestly, if I did take those out, I might as well be macrobiotic too.

Bleh.

I don't know why this is so hard.

My boyfriend is also surprised at my lack of weight loss as he sees me eat all the time, and he knows I am not eating Big Macs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner -- not even once a week! Or once a month! He sees that I am eating relatively healthy -- clearly not someone who is restricting her food intake, but I choose the Diet Coke! I eat salads! I eat snacks so I am not ravenous at lunch or dinner! I exercise!

The last thing my dietician said is that I am probably not counting all the calories in my food, because the math shold be simple:

calories eaten - calories spent = weight loss

But it doesn't seem that simple. Am I making it harder than it really is?????!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
 
Dear FF Diary,

I am updating this out of obligation.

The last couple of days has been an emotional roller coaster for me, and I find myself not keeping track of the food that I am eating. At least, I've been keeping up on the exercise.

The emotional stuff is boyfriend related -- but not really anything I feel I can talk about here. It's not anything drastic, and we're not breaking up, but these conversations I think make me look at myself in a different way.

And that way is not a pleasant way -- I really think I need to work on the self-esteem. Like a good dieter that I am, I am doing this to make improvements -- all health reasons aside.

My self-esteem goes up and down, but thankfully, it's not associated with my weight. I say thankfully because even if I don't lose weight it won't necessarily affect that.

But it is about exerting control over my life, and food, is definitely part of it.

Bleh. I am not feeling my best, and it's time for me to go to bed. I have a different trainer tomorrow -- mine is on vacation -- and this woman never got back to me if she would be there at 7 AM.

I hope she is. I'll be very upset if she is not.

Bye Diary!

WineDeer.
 
Dear FF Diary,

I slacked off. Yes, it was a rebellion against have to deal with the other stuff in my life, it was easy to just let the food slide.

No, the exercising is still there.

The food is almost back in control, but I know I lost it over Easter. I ate a chocolate egg. Not a little one -- a huge one. And it was delicious!

The problem I am finding right now is trying to understand how much I'm really eating versus how much I'm exercising, and I do think that by being more vigilant about the food, I've discovered my "deficit" is not as great as I thought.

So, the food HAS to come under control.

This week has also been strange in terms of exercise -- it's been awesome, so far, but I've had to take it easy. I'm not sure what I did to my ankle, since I haven't had an "accident" or an event where I could pin-point what caused my ankle to swell up.

I stopped spinning for 48 hours, but today in class, it came back.

The spinning teacher, also, incidentally, stopped me towards the end of class and corrected me in my riding. I am not opposed to this at all, and I was stunned he gave me so much more attention. He insisted I ride with much more resistance, because I could lessen my workouts from 1.5 hours to 40 minutes of good, intense exercise, with the same results.

That made me think. I don't mind all the exercise, but it made me wonder if I haven't been getting the results that I want because while I may spend hours on the bike, sweating (because the sweat drenches off me) and huffing and puffing, that all that effort and energy isn't really being applied very efficiently.

It's more things to think about.

Work, on a personal note, has gotten weird -- things changing, people changing, and it's definitely a time of opportunity. If it does go that way, however, I will be a busy, busy, beaver.

Let's see what happens.

Later,
WineDeer.
 
Hi WineDeer,
Isn't it amazing how a little bit of new knowledge can help us refocus our efforts?

Glad to hear that instructor spent time working with you!

Hope your busy day goes well,
 
M2M -- thank you for your comment! It really is awesome to learn a little bit more, especially from someone who is so knowledgeable. That really made my exercise week!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear FF Diary,

This morning I didn't go exercise. I made the decision not to go last night, because I was exhausted, and the more I read, the more it seems that it's a question of intelligent exercise, versus lengthy exercise.

I need to consider this option. I fell for the more is better, more is faster.

The other thing that has made me think is that I heard on NPR today that stress increases blood sugar levels. I don't know if this true or not, but I am suspecitble to that, and that may explain why my body is so out of whack, in terms of exercise and food and results.

And of course, the answer is to relax, find ways of relieving stress, etc. I need to do that, and exercise used to be that for me -- but I may be over-exercising, and it may be becoming a stressor, rather than a reliever.

I need to think about it. And I need to find a massage therapist so I can really relax. My gym offers some massages, but they are SOOO expensive.

Anyway, let's see how today pans out. Back to the food diary!

WineDeer
 
Dear FF Diary,

I think I am not being very good at keeping this updated.

I think I know why. Part of it is sort of this psychological game I'm playing with myself -- if I don't write down how I feel, what happened in regards to my diet, I can pretend that it's not affecting me.

Well, in the last week or so, I've discovered that I am probably eating more calories than I should. I also discovered it's very difficult for me to choose a healthier alternative when eating something.

I stick to the "I'm not eating fast food every day therefore anything else I eat must be healthier and better for me" but that's clearly not working. I'm essentially maintaining my weight with my diet.

And I know I have to lower that caloric intake. I can't say that I don't know how -- I mean, I just eat less. But....


ARGH....

I don't want to give up my food. But I guess the I have to in order to get the body I want, right? Doing more exercise isn't going to do it.... right?

ARGH.....

Yes, I don't know why this is so traumatizing for me. I just feel so trapped if I have to cut down my calories. Or rather, if I have to cut down the food I eat.

ARGH. I need to do a lot of thinking and considering. I may even ask the boyfriend for a pep talk.

WineDeer
 
Dear FF Diary,

I've disappeared for a bit, because things in my life were hectic, and I came to a sad conclusion about my weight loss.

I need help. I don't think it's a trainer or dietician, because I have those. I need to figure out why I don't make the right choices.

And I guess that's up to a psychologist to help me figure it out.

So, we shall see. Another professional to the rescue!

WineDeer
 
Well, it's been quite a while since I've been here.

I did the psychologist, but that came after my injury -- had to go back to a sports medicine doctor and we still don't know what it is -- and a toe thing on my foot. And then I was officially diagnosed with PCOS.

I hate PCOS. One thing is to believe that you're just doing the wrong thing in terms of weight loss. Another is to realize that not only have you been eating the wrong things all your life, now it's going to be a bitch to lose the weight.

I need help.
 
Welcome back...

PCOS makes your losing weight a challenge, but not unsurmountable - member, Omega, has the same condition and she's been doing great...

Just take it one day at a time.. and you will get to where you want to be..
 
hi winedeer, welcome back! Im a newbie here...good to see you arent giving up...I wish I knew how to help...

:newbie:
 
ok, I read your whole diary... and I was thinking of the no sugar, wheat and dairy. I am am TRYING to stay away from sugar and wheat, but not dairy... do you know who Marilou Henner is? she doesnt eat sugar or dairy, no do her kids, they run around the house, "no sugar! no dairy!" anyways she has written a cookbook... I bought it then gave it away, I kinda wish I kept it cause I know my friend keeps it in the closet...in the BASEMENT!
 
Hey Jillz -- I'm trying to do it, but it's very hard. Much harder now, because there are certain things in my life that have changed, and I need to really re-vamp the way I eat.

*sigh* This is so hard.
 
Dear FF,

I am not going to the gym today. But I will go bright and early tomorrow morning.

I just can't make it today. I'm tired, I'm eating, I'm achy, and I really just want to go to sleep.

I may be in bed before 9 pm.

I started keeping track of what I ate again on fitday. I think I need to have that self-awareness again. I also have my therapist appointment tomorrow where I can hopefully talk about why I convince myself not to go to the gym.

Hmm... thinking about that makes me want to go. I think my sitting on the couch made me too warm and cozy... Writing these words is making me think twice.

There may be hope yet.
 
Dear FF diary,

I went.

I went on Tuesday too. I started on Monday with 35 minutes on the treadmill, Tuesday with 40 minutes (treadmill and bike), and hopefully, today I will do 45 minutes total.

I figure I will increase it to 60 minutes every day. Based on the PCOS stuff that I've been reading -- advice on their board -- I should be trying to get 300 minutes (at least) a week of exercise. Eventually, I'll have to divvy up those 300 minutes into cardio, weight training, and flexibility/stretching stuff.

I know I will be doing treadmill and cycling -- I'm a spinning girl (unless I get repetitive stress injuries from it) -- and I have pilates and yoga for flexibility, de-stressing, and some weight training....

And I'll have to figure out the rest of the weight stuff. I've been never been that comfortable on the machines, and I barely see any women on them, I acknowledge that I feel super self-conscious! :(

I'll get over it.

Tomorrow a meeting with the Endo... we shall see how it works out. I know that my next step is going to have to be the food. I've been keeping track of what I eat on Fitday (again) and I guess we'll see what happens.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top