Who drives you crazy?

[mikitta]

Even though there was the "qualifier" that thin people aren't all dumb or have horrible personalities, it seems like there's this view that people's brains are somehow affected by their weight and if they're thin then they are more likely to be dumb and have a horrible personality and if their overweight then they have a great personality and are really bright? I dunno, I dont really think the weight has much to do with it. I've met smart and dumb people of both sizes as well as nice people and asses of both sizes.

I never meant to imply that ALL obese people are good, kind and highly intelligent. Nor did I mean to imply that ALL slender people are cruel, stupid and uncharitable. My point was that many men given the choice between a kindhearted and intelligent fat woman vs. a stupid and cruel skinny woman, will go with skinny because they can't see past the eye candy. It is a rare and special man who will look beyond the book's cover to determine weather it's worth the time to read it or not.

FWIW - I've known some obese people who were as rotten and mean as you can ever see, and some slender people who were saints alive. And I've know people the opposite of what I just described - skinny and mean, fat and nice. The thing is, the personality doesn't seem to play as big a role in choosing a mate for men as looks do.

And yes, for many women, who the guy is is less important to them than their status and bank account.

It's pretty sad, you know? Choosing a mate should be based on personality first, compatibility of lifestyle and beliefs second, then everything else is tertiary to that.

God Bless,
mik

 

[Blancita]

First off, do not *try* to speak nicely but firmly - DO IT! As Yoda says, do, or do not...there is no try.

A poor choice of words. I do speak nicely and respectfully to my baby all the time. I easily lose my temper with everything except her actually.

Next, remember, kids need boundaries. They are far more comfortable knowing what is acceptable behavior and what is not. I wouldn't say, Mommy asked you..., I would say, Mommy specifically TOLD you NOT to do xyz. Certainly, you can preface your requests with "please" (ie, "please do not use your bright blue paints on Mommy's nice white marble floor"), but it should be delivered as more of a statement of fact, and not a begging request.

I do firmly say "asked" but you're right, it should be "told".

Next, spell out consequences. I started that quite early with my kids. ie, "If you use your bright blue paints on Mommy's floor, you will lose your Elmo plushie for 3 hours." And then STICK WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!!!! Your child has to know you are serious and firm. Sure, they might cry. And they might whine. And that almost always translates into, they will learn how to manipulate you...which would be detrimental to their future growth as well. So I empathize with their unhappiness wrt consequences but do nothing to mitigate it.

She's too young for her to care about me taking toys away from her, but thanks for the heads up! I usually threaten to put her in her crib or play pen if she's getting too cranky and usually she likes that as she chills out a bit and rests for a few. You're so right that you must follow through on what you say or you'll be a chump in their eyes where you dont mean what you say.

I always ask myself, how do I want my kids to treat me as they get older and I get more tired? Do I want to fight battles then....or do I want to nip things in the bud today? Almost always, it's "fix it today" (which is extremely tiring and draining and what have you, but hey. It's needed).

Yes, I dont plan to spend the next decade battling with a child that's fo' sho'.

In closing, I am 'way stern with my kids when needed...but I'm also hilariously funny with them and keep them laughing all the time as well. They know I am not their friend, I am far and away superior to any friend they could ever have. I Am Mom. I am one of the few constants they'll have in their lives...and the person who will always look out for them to the best of my abilities.

So far (12 years!) it's worked pretty darned well.

Hope that helps,

Barbara

I'm not quite sure of what you mean by being "friends" with your child. But of course I'm 38 years older than her so I do see me as the authority figure ha ha.

 

[fat2fit]

I think the "friend" part shows up more as the children get older. Some parents have a hard time seperating their lives from their children's. The extreme is, let's say, the mom wanting to hang out with her daughter and her daughters friends. There comes a point where you need to let your child have more responsibility. Obviously I am talking more pre-teen, teen years. As far as a "friend" when the child is younger, it is more that you don't want to hurt your childs feelings and you worry about them not liking you. My kids don't have to like me, because my job is to stear them where they need to go. That is my opinion of not being a "friend".
Cathy

 

[iamfire1]

Morning,

I'm not quite sure of what you mean by being "friends" with your child. But of course I'm 38 years older than her so I do see me as the authority figure ha ha.

Ah. What I mean is that some parents feel that being strict with their kids might make them made (ie, friends wouldn't be that way) so they'll try to sugar-coat as much as possible.

Effective parenting, alas, sometimes causes pain. Kids hate being told 'no', kids hate being shown where they're wrong, etc. So some parents feel that their children's short-term 'feel good' feelings are more important than getting the point across.

Hope that explains it,

Barbara

 

[lanadefemme]

this website has been around for years..



and it's part joke - part reality to some degree

LOL, how funny. My friend from college, Dallas Lynn, wrote the Ladder Theory. Truth be told, he was quite the ladies man whether or not he realized it. I knew dozens of girls who would have loved to date him, he was just too shy to notice/ask. But his angst really did end up giving us a hilarious theory to ponder.

As for who drives me crazy? Me, I drive me crazy. Not the me that's typing this and being really motivated to stick to a plan and have self control and move forward, but that "me" that seems to not want to go to the gym, or really wants to have that delicious brownie, or just wants to go out on a rager and drink over a thousand calories worth of alcohol.

I've got to figure out a way to tame "me."

 

[jennbabe06]

Why do people avoid sound weight loss advice that has been around for years and stood the test of time? Eat wholesome, unprocessed food a little below your maintenance level, exercise at least three days a week, get plenty of water and get enough sleep?

This is what I have learned from experience
1) People are lazy
2) People are impatient...dieting right and exercising right takes time and patenince....most people..not all people wan the quick fix
3) People want quick/fast and easy results no matter what the consiquences
4) Tabloids push all of the celebrity diets that only celebrities can afford...and look where they are now...skin and bones

All of us here on this website are here for support but they are also here for the right reasons and are willing to take the time to get it right to keep the weight off. The woman in the other board that you are talking about are not open minded to other's advice on healthy weight lost because they know what they are doing is bringing them more harm than good.




But what drives me crazy is:
1) my best friend who knows what is it like to be over weight but isn't anymore will sit there and say how fat she is getting or that she is gaining weight when I am sitting right there. I will tell her not to even start with me on the weight issue and she willl look at me like I have two heads or something confussed of why I don't think she is fat.......

2) my sister has it stuck in her head that she is a size 9 or 11 when she should be wearing a size 15. I'm sorry seeing your gut or your butt crack isn't plesant. And then when she cries to me or my mom about her not fitting into her jeans or something and that she has gained weight she does nothing about it. She almost acts like the weight will magicly come off. She also will only do exercises that she likes. She refuses to try anything new. You can't discuss exercising, dieting, or weight issues with her at all.


That is what bugs me....

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

people who say 'you can't do that' or 'you'll never be able to that'!!!

woah!! hello...who are you to decide what i can or can't or will be or won't be able to do!!!

that is all lol.

x

 

[amylosesandwins]

there's one that I've seen a bunch of times, generally around 3 or 4 am -with the 60 year old woman named greer soemthing who wants to think she's 25 -she's overly tanned and has long bleached blonde hair (I seriously wouldn't mind looking like her but there's something just sad about women like that...

With her program you can shape your body in just 7 minutes a day I swear I'm tempted to buy it just to get one more thing that will never work but it fascinates the hell out of me because she has an actual Medical doctor (as opposed to non medical doctors) giving testimonials... I just love the term "Diametric Resistance" that she uses... that the muscles work against each other and all you have to do is stand still

But it works I tell ya - those people on the informercials wouldn't lie

I saw that infomercial the other day and laughed my ass off! All you have to do is stand still! hehe...the only thing about it that made any bit of sense was her recipe book that she claimed had recipes made with high fiber/low calorie/high nutrient-density foods, which the diet thing is pretty much about nutrient-dense foods that have more nutritional value but are more "low-cal"...volumetrics, if you will. The women who did her thing probably also did cardio and stuff, they're getting paid to endorse her products...hehe

 

[amylosesandwins]

What drives me crazy are people who are skinnier than me telling me I'm not fat, but going on and on about how fat they are...

Social weirdness about fatness does bother me sometimes. Anyone can become fat if they let themselves go enough, and that's easy to do in our culture of excess. It's easy to get sucked in, so I give most fat people I see the benefit of the doubt, but most people don't. People are very negative about the overweight in general.

The basic, central message of every product advertisement aimed at people to improve some physical "flaw" is that you should be ashamed of yourself for having x flaw (whether that be overweight, "unwanted body hair," acne, stained teeth, etc.). "Buy our product, and then you can come out of the shadows, you hideous thing, you!" That annoys me greatly. People need to get real and understand that life is about way more than that, and while you should take care of yourself, be healthy, and have good hygeine for your own self respect, it shouldn't be the be-all end-all of your life, and the bulk of your thoughts should go into internal matters.

 

[OrleansLink]

What annoys the ever-living daylights out of me are my friends who do NO EXERCISE and eat TERRIBLY yet stay thin as a pen. I just don't get it. And I am around these people a LOT including having lived with two of them so I know what they eat and how much.

Now, one was a long-distance runner in high school and his entire family is thin so....maybe that has something to do with it.

But the other....no reason for him to be skinny. Guy used to eat Wendy's 5-6 times a week including 2 value meals a sitting

 

[maleficent]

What annoys the ever-living daylights out of me are my friends who do NO EXERCISE and eat TERRIBLY yet stay thin as a pen. I just don't get it. And I am around these people a LOT including having lived with two of them so I know what they eat and how much.

they might be stick thin, but doesnt' mean they are healthy... Some people just don't gain weight no matter what they don't do or what they eat... and others look at a picture of cheesecake and gain 3 lbs

 

[slavke]

I really don't care much if I disagree with other peoples opinions. I might not like it but it doesn't really drive me crazy all that much. Its their own opinion, either wrong or right I don't feel like I need to say something to change their aspect at looking at weight loss. If someone asks me for help I would tell them what I do and thats basically as far I will go. I have been told different ways of loosing weight before and some of them worked fast but didn't last very long, until I realized and found my self a perfect way for my body to get healthy and stay healthy.
And when the chicks are concerned I get interested in any kind (chubby or hot looking), just need to get that spark from a girl at the first sight or from a first conversation. The biggest thing that drives me nuts in certain people which is no where related to weight loss is SHOWING OFF. I just loose any interested in a person who constantly shows off in front of friends and other people.

 

[mikitta]

What drives me crazy are people who are skinnier than me telling me I'm not fat, but going on and on about how fat they are...

You know, that used to be me. Of course, my mother, who used to abuse laxatives to stay slender, had me convinced that 125 pounds was obese and that if I put on any more weight I would look just like those poor people they have to cut a wall down to get them out of their house. It took me a long time, and actually getting truly fat to understand that.

Social weirdness about fatness does bother me sometimes. Anyone can become fat if they let themselves go enough, and that's easy to do in our culture of excess. It's easy to get sucked in, so I give most fat people I see the benefit of the doubt, but most people don't. People are very negative about the overweight in general.

The basic, central message of every product advertisement aimed at people to improve some physical "flaw" is that you should be ashamed of yourself for having x flaw (whether that be overweight, "unwanted body hair," acne, stained teeth, etc.). "Buy our product, and then you can come out of the shadows, you hideous thing, you!" That annoys me greatly. People need to get real and understand that life is about way more than that, and while you should take care of yourself, be healthy, and have good hygeine for your own self respect, it shouldn't be the be-all end-all of your life, and the bulk of your thoughts should go into internal matters.

This is so true. We (as a culture) are so fixated on visual perfection that we miss true health and happiness. It's very sad.

God Bless,
mik

 

[IHeartExercise]

Oh and people who were once overweight and then turn around and cut down people who are still overweight.

I think this sometimes happens because of what Aleelah said. The I wish I could do that mentality.

I think that also sometimes happens because overweight is not all inclusive. Being aesthetically overweight is different than being 20 or more lbs overweight. I know you probably weren't talking about people who were aesthetically overweight.

Also being 40lbs overweight is different than being 200lbs overweight. Example, being morbidly obese symbolizes to many people being super lazy and gluttonous or unattractive. Someone who is not morbidly obese might have similar issues but their criticisms of that person will be along the lines of "how could you let your problem get THAT bad?"