Whippy's Diary

March 29 2010

This is a short week and my brain knows it! I have a list of things to do and in between those things, exercise.

I think it should be the other way around. When I was in great shape, that's how it was...I had to fit things in between workouts. It's all about priorities, isn't it?

Nothing is terribly important but it would be nice to get these things done. I'll be out of town for 4 days and won't have time to do them ...the most important being to get cat food! I think that's really the only thing that must be done!

Life is simple when that's the only pressing matter, right?

I didn't exercise yesterday because I've been feeling less than 100% and thought it better to lay around and do a whole bunch of nothing. I'm glad I did, I slept on and off all day and was still able to go to bed at a decent hour and fell asleep quickly and slept all night.

I feel better today, in a way. Still not 100% but better than I felt on Fri. & Sat.

My weight is still down and I'm still in denial about it. Maybe all that walking in Rome did more good than I can fathom!

I'm actually not leaving until Thursday afternoon, so I have plenty of time to do all the things I need to do but today I feel in a little bit of a panic. So this blog is short and not very focused. And I've already not eaten properly...

I ate only a banana for breakfast, and then stuffed 2 more bananas in my bag for later, not taking time to make my 320 calorie deluxe fruit breakfast bowl. I have just enough food for a yummy salad tonight but I should buy something either this evening or first thing tomorrow. But as I'm only making time for bananas today it's clear that I need to get some food sooner rather than later.

But I have to dash now...ugh! Bad! Bad! Bad! :angelsad2:
 
March 30 2010

So I've been at this new weight every morning for 4 mornings. I'm not usually quite this stable no matter what weight I'm at...so I grabbed a cat and weighed myself to test if my scale was broken or did my weight really change that much! Ha! Ha!

I'm deliriously happy that I lost! I'm just a little surprised at how much it is. This loss certainly makes up for the weeks and months I didn't lose much of anything. There's a point last June, July, August, that I only lost 4 kg total for those 3 months. I remember trying really hard to be thankful it was a loss and not a gain.

In the last 4 weeks I've dropped 6.9 kg, or 15.2 lbs. I'm astounded! When I decided to kick up my activity, I didn't expect to see results so quickly. I'm sure this is in combination with my recent bout of calorie counting as well.

I remain skeptical because I know how my water weight behaves...if I jump on the scale tomorrow or the next day and have a gain I'll just have to cope. The weight trend is still downward, so I'm thankful for that.

Yesterday I managed to get a bagel with rabbit food on it, so I didn't have to suffer with just bananas all day. I'm glad too, because when I ate the bagel it was super yummy and I was not only happy on the taste front, but my body was also happy. I felt nourished.

I'm still struggling with the hunger panic in the evenings. Yesterday, even though I managed enough food during the day, I found myself in a panic to eat something and also that what I had in the fridge wasn't going to be enough to satiate me. It really is such a strong feeling it's painfully difficult to will it away. Water didn't seem to help and I was miserable at talking myself down yesterday. I don't know why yesterday was so hard.

It's a full moon soon, right?

I didn't plan it but I got in an extra walk yesterday. I had too many things running through my mind and I got on the wrong train and because the trains run less frequently at that time of night, there was a point where walking seemed a better option than waiting for the next train. I arrived at my destination (DVD return station) about the same time as the next train did - so that was a good thing...instead of sitting on my rear and waiting for the train I got exercise and arrived at the same time regardless. My shins were protesting a bit but I figured that just meant they were getting a workout. I was still so pumped up from the walk that I walked home from there - it was a good 40 minutes total walk, and I kept a quick pace.

Today is another day of shin protest I fear. I have a bunch of things to do. I didn't work yesterday morning and this morning I'm doing all the stuff I didn't do yesterday. I hope to get it all done so that on Wednesday I can just sit here and do all the work I didn't do yesterday and today without any pressing need to go anywhere...and then Thursday...vacation! :hurray:

Yep...more vacation. We get a standard 5 weeks vacation over here, and I didn't use 2 weeks of it last year and well... I've got to use it or loose it!
 
March 31 2010

I'm still at 123, this would be day five... beats me how that happened, but I'd sure like it if it happened every month like that!

Well, it's a surprise, let's just say that. I think this online tool is very good to help me stay focused. I liked the challenge too - it helps me stay true to myself.

If only I were so diligent at other things in my life!

It's been a month since I started blogging and I'm still not as diligent at exercise as I'd like to be. The winter is gone and I have no more excuses. I can't complain about the rain because I actually like being out in the rain...

I've got my program (couch potato to marathon) and if I follow it, I should be in good enough shape to do some fun runs by the end of summer (and not be the last runner in)...provided my feet hold out. And April 2011, the local Marathon. And this excites me to no end!

My picture perfect idea is to travel to different cities around Europe for their Marathons. I'd love to do the Paris marathon, and the London marathon and wherever else I can manage to afford to go! I just hope my body allows me to do it! It's a very exciting idea to me! I'm really inspired by older runners, especially the women...they prove that age isn't a factor. With my feet problems I know that age is only in the head and that there are other real issues that can prevent running. Well, all I can do is keep on keepin' on and see what pans out.

I can't believe the trouble my feet have been giving me though! I hadn't had trouble for months and months and months...and now...very annoying. I guess I should be thankful it isn't worse. *sigh* I don't know. It seems there's no out-smarting it. I'll just take my naproxin and let the endorphins do the rest.

I leave for Amsterdam tomorrow :sifone: and have already reserved a bike. The weather forecast predicts only one day of rain for that area, so with any luck, it'll be just a little rain and won't ruin an entire day on the bike! I can hardly wait! :hurray:

Food yesterday was horrid. I dunno why but I didn't eat breakfast, nor did I eat lunch, and when I got to work someone had made brownies, of which I'm sure I ate the most. Then I ate some little chocolate Easter eggs. And then when I got home I didn't eat anything. Very strange day. I wasn't hungry and even this morning I had to force myself to make a kiwi-yogurt-granola bowl...it was good but I was just too lazy to cut up any other fruits (yeah, so I pick the most labor intensive fruit!). My appetite is gone. I wonder if it has something to do with hormones or the moon or something... I had this problem last month, I remember writing about it. Hmm...

I'm looking forward to April 14th, because that's my measuring day and I noticed that my pants are definitely looser and my spring coat is looser. I hope it's because I lost some centimeters and not just my imagination! I think I get the most satisfaction from watching my measurements go down. I had ordered some capri pants from a catalog a month ago and they fit snug when I got them. I tried them on yesterday because I was thinking of taking them to the Netherlands with me, and they were loose. Not terribly so, but they certainly weren't snug!

It's very satisfying to see changes. But I have noticed that not a single person at work noticed anything. In the past two months I've lost 20lbs and nobody noticed! I just checked and in the 4 months prior I also lost 20lbs! In the last 6 months I've lost 40lbs...and nobody noticed!?! Am I that disgusting to look at that nobody even notices such changes? 40lbs? Huh? No wonder I can walk faster! ha! ha!

:cheers2:
 
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April 01 2001

So my mind is elsewhere and this will be short. I leave for Amsterdam today and haven't packed yet. I'll be on a bike for 5 days, so whatever bad things I might eat shouldn't be a problem.

I walked a lot yesterday, first really fast, then I just strolled around for a bit. It was a nice day and I had time so I used the time for doing something good for me.

I bought some good food that doesn't require a lot of preparation to increase my calories. My appetite is still out to lunch, so to speak.

Anyway, I'll be back in 5 days and I'm hoping that I loose, if not just stay the same!
 
April 05 2010 Back from Amsterdam

Well, it's the evening and I won't even get on the scale. I just got back from 5 days "away" in a lovely city with bad, wet, horrid weather...so bad that biking was not done unless absolutely necessary.

I was there with someone who doesn't go to museums and ended up spending much of my time in the coffeehouses and then snacking away until the next coffeehouse.

I was terrible the past 5 days, and I was the bad influence.

What did I eat...what didn't I eat?!!

But I'm home now and it's back to normal things and back on my plan. I have even more incentive because I really liked the person I was with and there might be something there...and he won't see me naked until I can stand to see me naked!! So... there's that!

I take my motivation where I can get it. Motivation is the difference between getting there and not.
 
April 06 2010

I was only up 2.5, which could be water. My feet are swollen which tells me I have excess water.

I didn't get to do the biking the I wanted to do. The weather was terrible - too much like winter to even pretend to be hard-core and ride around in. Regardless of the weather, I had a good time and as it turned out I was the bad food influence on the weekend. He was the one who bought salads to go with whatever else we (he) were having. I just bought food for munchies. You know...it was Amsterdam, man.

So this week I will concentrate on activity. I'm going to set some concrete goals and that will help get me out there.

My feet are simulating the worst possible scenario at the moment. They are in pretty bad shape. I don't understand why because I haven't changed anything. My hands are in pretty bad shape as well, but then I don't walk on my hands. I have made myself an endorphin reminder, so that I ignore the pain and go out anyway knowing that after about 400 meters the pain will significantly subside.

My appetite is still low so that will help too. I really want to meet my April 14th goal of 125. I mean, I was under it last week, but if you read this regularly, you know I'm skeptical of all things loss related.
 
April 08 2010

I'm feeling a little unfocused right now. I track my weight everyday and have finally noticed a pattern of extreme changes. Yes, the trend is downward, but still, it's frustrating. One day I get on the scale ant it's 123kg, 4 days later it's 129kg - that's a 13lb fluctuation! But I remember when I was a teen, and not overweight, my water fluctuation was 11lbs every single month.

Crazy - YES! Trying to figure that out will drive you crazy! I weigh myself every day to stay motivated and focused. Normally I'm okay with the fluctuations but I think today I'm NOT okay with it because I ate so many salt crunchy things over the past weekend.

My feet were in really bad shape the past couple of weeks, and even yesterday they were troublesome, but today I woke up and they feel fine. I soaked them Monday evening and since then they've gotten better. I can never tell when, or if, soaking will help. I guess it's better safe than sorry.

With my feet feeling better I will go for a power walk today. I've been active the past few weeks, but not with much walking. This week I plan to get my tire repaired so I can get back on my bike for added activity. Since my fitness goals revolve around running, I've totally neglected my bike (that and we had a hard winter). Normally I ride my bike all year, but I wanted to get my body use to the running motion again.

I've started mapping out which Marathons I want to run next season and it's really getting me pumped up! I will run the local one, of course, in April, and if things stay the way they are (with the Danish guy) I'll do the Copenhagen one next May. I'll find one more to do in the Spring/early summer if they aren't too close together. I'll do the Amsterdam marathon in October, which I could actually do this year if it doesn't conflict with my trip home to California...I could do it...if I adjust my trip to California a little. I could also make it a half marathon and take the pressure off me. I have a long way to go with training (and weight loss), but it should be enough time - for a healthy person - for me, maybe it's better to make room for times when I can't train.

Looking at that stuff really gets me pumps up! The next time I'm craving salty crunchy things I should read my runner's magazine - stay focused!

Unfocused, but motivated...that's me today.
 
April 09 2010

Yesterday was bad. Not bad, bad, but I can do better. All I ate was a salad and for dinner an itty bitty steak and potato, with a mound of spinach that could choke a dozen Popeyes! The menu just didn't feel right.

The only upside was that I went for a nice long power walk. I'd hope to do it again today but I've almost run out of time. If I hurry, maybe I'll have time. I'm going to try, so this will be short.

For some reason I'm intensely motivated right now. Every time I almost grab something I don't need (or really want either), I get a flash of what it will be like when I'm in running shape and it's super easy to pass it up. I don't know how that happened (maybe my self-brainwashing is working) but I like it!

So I'm going to dash and then put in another 30 minutes of 4mph...or is that kph? I'll figure it out later. TGIF!!
 
April 10 2020

I think the reason I feel unfocused is because I'm not recording my weight everyday, the way I had - and I'm not using the food diary - because I feel like I found my diet and I eat a small variety of things as a matter of course and now that I know how much of those things I can eat I don't bother recording it, I just know it's okay. I still weigh myself everyday, but I don't take time to record it...I just remembered I was going to make a spreadsheet!! ...so I can graph the hideous changes.

I have this clothing catalog. It has the cutest clothes in it! The cutest I tell ya!! (enlish site: ) It's like they got into my head and collected dozens of things that my picky (and poor) fashion mind would actuallys wear, priced them at a slightly-higher-than-I-would-normally pay, but a price reasonable enough to afford, but also screams of quality...and put it all in a catalog just for me. Their largest size will fit me, but I'd rather invest in these clothes when I'm smaller.

Although the models are painfully thin in this catalog, the clothes are adorable and you barely notice the models. the cuteness of the clothes is a huge point of inspiration for me. I keep the catalog where I can see it all the time just to keep me motivated.

If I were my thin self right now, I'd buy every single dress they have and be happily in debt with a huge smile on my pretty dress wearing body!

Keep your eye on the prize! (not the debt part, but the pretty dress part)

So I'll go for my power walk today, no doubt. It's a really nice day and I can't wait to get outside to enjoy it! I have to meet some friends later and I plan to walk to the next train station, not the nearest one, which is about a 35 minutes walk at 4.5 mph...I forgot to look that up, if I'm measuring mph or kph...anyway, that will be a good way to get it in. This evening I'm going to walk a route in the forest that I love to walk, it's 5k and has lots of ponds and ducks along the way. It was no fun to walk it in the winter, but now should be just right.

Those new moves I added to my iso are killing me! I only do them about 3 times a week. They are so horrid that I sometimes don't even want to do my iso...but I figure once I get into it I'll do them - but alas, not every time. Some is better than none, I suppose.

Tomorrow I'll give my bike a bath so I'm not so embarrassed to take it to the repair shop. They take really good care of bikes over here so the condition my bike is in will reflect strongly on me. It's crazy, I know! I'm getting city tires put on it. Right now I have tour tires (one is flat), but I want something thinner so I can go faster. I rarely ride on anything other than paved surface so it doesn't make sense to have any other kind of tire. I'm excited to have a thinner tire. If my bike is quicker, the idea is that I'll ride it "for fun" more often than use it just for practical purposes. It's another opportunity to be active and burn calories!

Oh yeah, and I got a sun booth subscription, or however you call it, and since my skin hasn't seen the summer sun for about 10 years now, I have to start slow and frequent - it's a good excuse to do my walk, then stop by the salon on the way back..or vice versa. I thought that was an ingenious plan! I have 3 long beach weekends planned this year and I don't want it to be like the years before: 1) skin so white I'm embarrassed to show any of it 2) skin so pale it starts to burn after an hour of direct sun protected by 15spf 3)ouchy burned skin for 3 of the 4 days I'm at the beach. 4) fully covered skin at the beach. I love the Baltic coast and want to hang out on the beach for the day, swim a little (brrr), and enjoy the sun without being fully dressed...my poor pale skin! I used to have such a nice glow when I lived in California! Anyway...two birds with one stone!

I hate being the fat woman going to the tanning salon - but if I combine it with my walk, maybe the endorphins from my power walk will kill my insecurities, as they usually do, and get me into the salon!

My ego is kinda big right now because I've been kissed twice in the past week, by two different, totally groovy, men! It's Spring fever or my charisma outweighing my weight?

Happy Saturday!
 
March 12 2010

You know...if you are doin' it right, you'll lose the weight. It's inevitable.

I've been in a slump. I was looking at my chart and something has shifted. I had a progressive increase over the past weeks. I would submit that I'm paying for satiating my munchies while in Amsterdam... I attempted to compensate with more rigorous exercise, but failed. . . obviously.

I can't really say it's a progressive increase, but a yo-yo between 123 and 129. 129 is my last plateau weight, and when I got to 126 I was sure (and delighted) to have left it behind me. At 123 I was literally jumping for joy...and today, at 128.2, I'm nonplussed. I remember the 120's being a difficult point the last time I tried to loose weight. I also remember the slide to 110 was easy...*sigh*...what is it about plateaus?!

Wednesday is my measuring day. I'm not demotivated, but I'm disappointed. I normally look forward to measuring day because the results are proven there more than they are on the scale. But the scale the past week has told me that I will not be happy.

I'm definitely going back to the chore of writing down my food consumption. I stopped in part because I thought I had it figured out but also because ti takes so much time. I don't think I'm eating any differently, but when I had an ice cream cone this past weekend I realized (after) that my awareness is much less when I don't keep records.

I think there is always something to be learned from failure - after the tears and anger clear away, you can always extract something. I've extracted a lack of discipline with exercise and perhaps not treating myself to the variety of foods that will aid in keeping me from straying from the plan.

Every day is another chance to do it right.
 
March 13 2010

I forgot to weigh myself this morning - a subconscious inclination. It's weigh-in day for the April challenge. Tomorrow is my measuring day, so I'll do it then.

I think I'm a bit depressed. I've been sleeping a lot more and not as chipper as I usually am. Today I felt it strongly, so I would submit that my spirits are definitely down. Or maybe I'm just coming down from my vacation high.

Either way it doesn't feel good. Even after what I wrote yesterday, and the sentiment behind the words, I went and ordered sushi to be delivered, which by itself isn't an issue, but I also ordered Hagen Daz - and ate the entire pint while watching a movie. It was after I did that when my brain kicked in and I realized I ate this pint of fat and calories without even thinking about it. Sabotage?

Even after I came to my senses I couldn't remember how I came to the idea that ordering the ice cream was a good idea. It's missteps like this that make the journey difficult. I'm perfectly happy with vanilla yogurt and fruit - I don't know where this ice cream idea came from.

grr... I'm not going to beat myself up about it, because there's no changing that I ate it now. But I remain confused about how I seemingly autonomously ordered and ate something so damaging to my goal.

On of my bosses will be back in a couple of weeks and I'm hoping he will call me with some good news. I'm a freelancer and the other gal is a permanent employee. She had a baby 4 months ago and should return to work soon - but they don't expect her to. If she decides to stay home with her bundle of poop, I will get a contract. RIGHT next door to the office is a gym. RIGHT next door! I have to pass it to get to my office. And it's a "sports association", which translates to much lower membership costs than a private gym. They have all the modern equipment that I'm looking for.

I keep forgetting about this option - that when I get a contract I'll join this club and work out there. If I don't get a contract, the plan is to join the gym near my house in November, upon my return from California, and just in time for the dark, cold winter months.

I really feel that activity is where I'm lacking focus (sans ice cream fiascos). I want to be/do so much more, but don't feel satisfied with walking or my isometrics. Last night when I was walking I kinda felt like I could possibly start the week of the marathon program where I start to walk/jog. I felt like I had the energy for it. I don't know what's holding me back...well, I do... but when I think that there are people with much worse conditions than mine who do much more than I do I feel like any reason I give is just an excuse.

Excuses aside, I might just be on the verge of the walk/jog part of the program - and that's exciting!
 
April 15th 2010

I'm definitely not feeling myself. I'm really sleeping too much and seemed to have lost my fighting spirit. I mean, I've got this "It doesn't matter" attitude. Not with my goal, but with other stuff.

I've been oversleeping and have fallen behind on my work. I managed to go for a long brisk walk today hoping the endorphins would help, and although they did while I was walking, I came down pretty quickly.

I weighed myself, but I haven't measured myself. I don't really want to. I've been writing down my meals again and that's had the desired affect, of me thinking and rethinking, and making the conscious decision about every single thing I put into my mouth.

I know this is just a process and whatever has got me down will be gone eventually, but it's hard at this stage. I even almost called in sick to work today. I think I would have if I didn't know that my favorite colleague will be there with me this evening. Maybe I can draw on some of her energy.

It could be the wedding...I, amazingly, found shoes to it, and I bought a thingy to put in my hair and tried it out yesterday. I need to practice using the thing and it will be easy and look stunning by the end of May. I'm still waiting for the 3 dressed to be delivered. I'm 100% confident that one of them will fit and be suitable. It's an Afghan wedding, so it's more formal than anything I'm equipped to attend. At this size I'm not sure how I can pull off formal wear - and I didn't want to go in black to a wedding!! Even in Western traditions that's not okay. Anyway, I'm wondering if I'm dreading the wedding. The time is getting close where it will be too late to order a dress and there is a little niggle in the back of my mind that these three dresses won't fit for whatever reason. I had ordered some things before and they were surprisingly poorly structured elements and fit so poorly I was really surprised they were considered formal wear, or even were still being sold.

I was at the mall yesterday and saw they had all kinds of cute dresses that stop at the size just below what I wear right now. The large-size section doesn't carry nice dresses - as if we aren't allowed to wear such nice clothes, or wouldn't buy them, or whatever. Germany has a lot to learn from America's marketing to large women. The large size clothing on offer in the stores is hideous - luckily they have some catalouges, but that comes with it's own set of complications as well. It's hit and miss with the quality and of course the fit is subjective.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets frustrated with clothes - I'm sure even thinner women get frustrated. More than just getting frustrated with fashions, or lack thereof, I get this "why did I ever let myself get like this" feeling. I suspect I'm not the only one who has boxes full of clothes that don't fit, but that I hold on to for that time when they will. I went the extra step and sorted them according to size, so that I can retrieve the box of clothing that will fit and leave the ones that are still too small for later.

Yesterday I found myself starting almost every sentence with "I use to..." or "If I were thin right now..." and I hate doing that.

This depressive state precceeded the unplanned shopping excursion, so I can't blame that, but it could be why, despite my plans, I wasn't able to roll out of bed at a decent hour. If I analyze my dreams, I'd say my job is at the heart of my woes. I work with people, and I don't like people. I'm one of those people who relates better to animals. I'm not anti-people, and I've learned some great skills to be good at my job, nevertheless, it's taken quite some brain washing to get me to the point of enjoying my work. Lately it seems that I don't enjoy it at all. I'm on the verge of seeing a doctor about it. I'm a foreigner here and I don't know what kinds of benefits I have available to me in this regard, if any. When a local has burn out, they go on sabatacle for 3 months. I can't imagine that being the case with a foreigner who is here on a work visa.

I digress. Although changing my weight is a priority, feeling poorly has certainly put a damper on my enthusiasm.
 
April 16 2010

Misery loves company, they say. My favorite colleague was also in the dumps so we talked a bit and ended up in giggles. I feel a bit better today and arose a bit earlier than the days before.

I managed to do one of the things on my list.

I haven't been eating badly during this, pretty standard. But I noticed my appetite is kinda back. I don't feel hungry but I want something to eat. Thank God for apples, eh? I resisted the urge, yesterday after work, to buy a bag of chips or something comparable on the way home, or order take out. The food I get with take out isn't bad, it's the ice cream I seem to feel obligated to order that I want to avoid. I'm not such a terrible over-eater, but I am indeed on a diet and ice cream does not belong. I cannot seem to resist the urge to order ice cream! I can resist it at the supermarket, but not on a take-out menu!

I want to take my bike in tomorrow for new tires. I'm quite surprised I've gone this long without doing it. I was noticing the whole week the huge surge in the number of bikes on the road, and I was a little bit envious. It's still "cold" in the mornings and evenings, but the days are mild. I miss the freedom and agility of getting here and there swiftly and easily. The train is fine, and I'm glad I had to get reacquainted with the joys of walking, but I do really miss my bike.

I'll go for a walk today, but it'll be brief. About 20 minutes. But this evening, I'll walk another 20 minutes with about 10kg on my back, so that should count for something, right? That's the thing about getting in shape, the distances that use to take you 20 minutes now take you 15, or even 10. I think I'm on the verge of not being able to say, it takes me 20 minutes to get there - because now it takes less...and will have to just look at my watch instead of taking a certain route. But that was the point of all this walking, wasn't it? I definitely feel more fit, just with the bit of walking that I've been doing! That's really cool! Every time I walk I keep thinking I can jog a bit. I might have to take time to integrate that soon.

TGIF!
 
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April 17th, 2010

I think I can blame my hormones for wreaking havoc. I hate it when that happens. . . . and still, I can't imagine why it's such a mystery when it does!

Today I begin the next phase of my activity regime. As planned, I've given myself a reason to leave the house every morning and plan to combine it with my couch potato program. I live relatively near the ocean and enjoy the seaside every chance I get (and when it's not raining). But every year, without fail, I get burned, even with 30SF, because skin rarely sees the sun. This year I'm going back to my roots and preparing my pale skin for the season. The added force-fed UVs should also aid in elevating my mood. I'm also hoping that the treatment will benefit my skin conditions. I used to get UV treatments, but stopped them because they didn't make any notable difference. Who knows, maybe the non-doctor supervised treatments will be more effective.

I feel yucky today, but as I said, it's hormones. My feet, however, are more or less back to about as normal as they can be, which is a relief! I hope to keep up with them better so I don't have a post-Rome problem to prevent me from doing my walk. I don't half wonder if part of the problem I had with my feet was due to all the walking I did in Rome. If it is, I can't say I regret it, Rome was worth it!

I'm just glad the pain has subsided and I can get back to enjoying my walk. I'm also taking in my bike today for new tires - I see a good long ride in my near future!

I hope I never undervalue the food journal habit again. It takes time but not so much time... and since this is a priority, time must be spent!
 
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April 19 2010

Hormones indeed...even after being a chick for such a long, long, long, long, time, I'm still amazed at what havoc hormones can wreak.

There is some relief in learning that my "issues" last week were hormone induced. Now that it's over, I need to get on with more important things - exercise.

I dreamt about running last night. This tells me I'm either stressed or excited. I'll vote for the latter. I'm going to start the run/jog portion of the couch potato training today. TODAY!

I was reading about how generating heat was how we burn calories. I hate being hot and when I walk, even though I generate a nice glow, I often figure it's not enough to burn much. But I am at 4mph and according to calculations found all over the web, I am indeed burning. I guess the term "heat" is somewhat subjective.

I made a couple of spreadsheets in anticipation of the new activities so I can better track any changes this new level of activity effects. I can't really track the calories burned because of the alternating run/walk thing, so I just want to count the activity and then measure the result. I love spreadsheets! By the time I'm at my goal I should have a really nifty calculation tool!

My heart rate monitor, I should add, has indicated that I can work harder. This might be the cause of the dreams. It peeped during all of my walks this past week and I checked, and re-checked the settings. It was on Saturday that I decided it was peeping because I had peaked at my current fitness level and not because something was amiss.

I was extremely happy when I could increased my speed to 4mph, I can't even say how thrilled I was, but to decrease my heart rate at that faster pace, is indeed exciting!!

This is first! It's an unexpected milestone! I have concrete evidence that my fitness level has improved. I couldn't be happier! Happy Monday!
 
Arpil 25 2010

I don't know what I was thinking. My number was 986 - for whatever that's worth.

I "walked" in the marathon this weekend. I thought it would motivate me. Rather it frustrated me. I wish I could do more. My feet are complaining a lot right now...as they soak for the 18th time.

Some of those walkers were waking faster than some of the runners were running! That was nuts - I can't imagine putting quite that much effort into walking!

I guess I should be satisfied that I finished. While I can understand when a runner isn't able to finish, I can't understand when a walker can't finish - but quite some didn't, and they were all significantly thinner than I.

I started this group on the local forum for "chubby girls". The word in German is "Möllig" and is considered a term of endearment. There were 12 of us who walked together as a team, and we all finished - even though some weren't at all interested in such a level of fitness, it was more just something to do- it seemed...and it should be said I was the fattest of all of those who participated. A few of the women were sure I wouldn't finish because I was too fat (I overheard - or perhaps they figured I couldn't understand) - then they learned I was the organizer and they were surprised, but not as surprised as they were when I showed the least amount of fatigue during and after the event. I was told that the "good" turnout was due to the weather being fabulous rather than an actual interest in the event or fitness.

I would rate the turnout as poor. There are 50 members of the forum who showed interest and from what I gather 35 registered and paid to participate in the event...and yet only 12 showed. And that's a "good" turnout? Hmm.

I hadn't planned to do this, but I was planning on going to the event and watching. When I was looking for information on the event I saw that some people were selling their spots...I didn't know you could do that. But evidently the walkers and hand-peddlers are allowed... When I showed up, I only had to provide the registration papers I "purchased", fill out a change of participant form, sign the liability waiver, and got access to all areas, so to speak. When I learned about this I was glad, and started that group so that I wouldn't be there all alone...turns out I needn't have started the group or worry about walking alone. Turns out the walkers are a friendly and chatty bunch. Walking is not as solitary as running is.

Provided my feet allow it, I'll be a runner next year. If nothing else, I'll just cruise along at a steady pace and finish. It's a nice flat route. It was beautiful weather.

Nevertheless, I spent some of the distance holding back tears behind my sunglasses. I felt so lame - both literally and figuratively. When I got home I had a good cry. It was one of those how-did-I-let-myself-get-like-this cries. I didn't expect to feel deflated. I guess being there just drove it home how far I have to go...and the distance is great.

Today I found myself fantasizing about how much I could afford to work out and to what benefit. We don't get that "Biggest Loser" show over here, but I've seen it when visiting. It can inspire, but I wonder if anyone could manage such a regime without the drill sergeant overseeing the process.
Anyway, it was a hike, but I did it (and got the Tshirt)...and can mentally prepare for next year.
 
May 3 2010

Every Monday, I get a new resolve to succeed. Which is cool, but by Monday evening I'm tired and cranky and don't really care. Well...that's how it goes.

I'd like to get a new resolve on Fridays - so that on the weekend I will get out and be more active. It's a good time for new resolve. But somehow I think; it's the weekend and I deserve to lounge around as much as I like. It's not like my activities go on for hours and hours and are so laborious that they make me feel bad - quite the contrary, I feel good after.

Anyway, I'm still struggling with making activity a priority.

1500 calories is working good for me. I can't always make it there but I do my best. I can enjoy other things like avacados and more salad dressing, so that makes the extra calories worth it.

I had started making this spreadsheet so that I could track all the things I wanted to track in one place. It was a chore. I love Excel and I'M damn good at tweaking it, but I wasn't as enthusiastic when it came to actually working out something. I decided to check out FitDay - boy am I glad I did...no point in re-creating the wheel, right? And the database is nice as well. Lots of foods and options for measurements for said foods - and all those comparative and goal setting attributes - it's awesome for people like me who like to see all the details of how to manage goals. I love it!

As a result of using FitDay, the new food task I've set for myself is to balance how many of my calories come from fat or protein or carbs. I don't really pay attention to that (avacados and salad dressing) so it will be interesting to see if I eat 500 calories of good stuff and 1000 calories of bad stuff. That's a point of FitDay, they could have written in a suggestion for what are healthy balances in that regard, instead they let you put in the amounts will-nilly...and I have no idea what the amounts should be - although I guess I could look it up, and I will.

So there's that. Everything else is a-okay.
 
May 6 2010

My exercise is steadily improving. I'm glad because the weather is nicer, sort of. At least the sidewalks aren't frozen!

I'd like to do more isometrics but after my nice long walks at 4.5mph...yes...that's right - I'm moving briskly along! And at the end of the day, I'm wiped out. The obvious solution is to do them at the beginning of the day - but I'm not a morning person - I'll just have to ignore my excuses or ignore my tiredness...let's see...which one is the path of least resistance?!

Eating is going well. I think I've hit my stride at 1500. I usually fall in between 1200-1300, but it's nice to have that cushion for a bite of cake or whatever else is laying around the office taunting me!

That Fit Day is really cool. I like seeing the trends. I've entered all the archival information from the past month...which was a chore but it's a good reference. I'm quite sure I'm not the only one who's hormones play havoc on energy and weight levels. It's nice to see a concrete trend.

I've lost quite a bit on my lower body but my upper body is not proportionately losing. I understand the concept but I'm going to gripe about it anyway. I have a jacket and some nice blouses I'd like to wear, and I can wear them except that the arms are too tight... just a few more weeks and they might slip on more comfortably...my favorite things in smaller sizes definitely motivate me.

I have some linen pants that I can't wear now, but I'm hoping that by July that I can button them easily. Again, I can get them on, but it's far too snug to actually wear. I'm looking forward to meeting my goals. It sure feels good to take this kind of control over your body.
 
Macro Nutrients 11 May 2010

Okay, so...I was joking (with a friend) when I suggested you can't loose weight on 1000 calories a day when all those calories consist of fat and carbs...or can you? It's not so funny now that I look back on this past week of macro-nutrients.

So I've been eating around 1200-1500 each day and feeling pretty good about the kinds of foods I eat; fruits, veggies, seeds, granola, yogurt. This is pretty much it.

I've been using that fit day and I love how pedantic it is...but after I set up the macro-nutrient thingy, I learned that most of my "nutrition" consists of fat and carbs. Fat should be at 28g, and I'm at 52g, with saturated being exactly 2x what it should be. Carbs should be at 25g and I'm at *gulp* 98g. If my carbs aren't disturbing enough, my protein should be at 125g and it's at only 24g.

So it looks like I'm going to have to do some research on how to beef up the protein and scale back the carbs. The fats are coming from my salad dressing and that's easy enough to change.

A medium (7") banana has 28g of carbs! I eat two of those every day! One is the whole amount of carbs for the entire day! That's crazy!! Even an apple has 21g! How is a teacher supposed to get some energy during the 2 minutes between classes? Ugh!

I'm a little bit shocked by this. Maybe I passively knew these were bad because of the sugar element, but had pushed it out of my mind because it's clearly more "healthy" than other quick alternatives. Unfortunately the foods I'm choosing are not "diet friendly".

Well...back to the drawing board, as they say. It's funny you know, because I felt like a million times better when I stopped eating bread/pasta and meat. a couple years ago. I imagine I'll feel EVEN BETTER when I have the right balance of nutrients...and boy, this sure would help explain why I'm having trouble with plateaus.

According to this fit day program, which lists just about every activity on the planet - and actually encourages me to do things because I know I can then enter it in as an activity - I've learned that I burn quite some calories everyday, even when I'm conservative with my entries. In combination with the nutritional information, I can now see where I need to make the biggest changes.

Science is cool.
 
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