Where the bluehourbird flies ....

B

bluehourbird

New member
... well so far, she's not exactly flying, more slightly dejectedly waddling around on the ground and avoiding comforting herself with food. But looking at the sky, and flapping her wings hopefully!


I signed up here today after an intense 3 hours of sugar carvings, at the point when I was seriously considering making a 30min trip to the gas station for some chocolate biscuits.


Starting the day is NOT the problem, it's getting tired, and a bit bored, and the darkness of winter ... and the fact that nobody is watching! Well, that one fact I guess I can change, simply by fessing up to what I have and have not consumed/done/avoided doing somewhere public, like here.


So, today after getting up early with a seriously messed up stomach (Lebkuchen for dinner last night, VERY bad idea as it turns out), I had a late breakfeast of scrambled eggs with peas, tomatoes and green onions, a pear for a snack and an early dinner of Beluga lentils with an Aubergine/bell pepper/tomato sauce and grilled strips of turkey breast. The sugar cravings hit about an hour after dinner and stayed and stayed - the only reason I didn't give in was that there's nothing evil anywhere in my cupboards.


Well, I've just moved to a new city with nothing but a big suitcase and a sleeping bag and am more or less camping in a friend's very empty flat (typical bachelor decor, evey gadget on the planet, coffee, and 3 unidentified mystery items in the fridge that are on the brink of evolving into intelligent life) - so there is pretty much nothing at all in my cupboards and fridge anyway.


A nice clean slate - if I can just not bring in anything that won't do me any good, sticking to the diet will be the easiest it's ever been, as soon as the worst of the sugar cravings are over that is ... because then, I'm sure I'll be too lazy to walk to the gas station in the cold and dark. Right now, that's still 50:50.
 
Not too bad since then! Instant public accountability effect? I'm not sure, but I managed to go shopping, while hungry, and not buy anything really bad so the place is still temptation free. For snacks, I bought a bag of apples and 2 bags of hazelnuts ... LOVE hazelnuts!


A handful of nuts and an apple got me quite nicely over last night's sugar cravings, as did the fact that after shopping, I am no longer plagued by the panic that there is nothing to eat and I will surely starve to death.


It's not logical, of course, it would be really (and I mean really) hard to starve in the middle of a city like this as long as you have enough money, and I am fortunate in that I definitely have enough to cover all my needs. But still, I made sure to listen to my own panicked thoughts about not having any food, or nothing I can eat quickly (not true, but somehow raw carrots don't show up as proper food on my inner radar!) and bought a few tins of fish and aubergines in tomato sauce and the like for "emergencies". Now, with my head much quieter, there should be nothing in the way of losing weight. I've noticed before though if the fridge gets too empty, weight loss stalls and my body prepares for famine.


Stange that, I don't think I've ever really been hungry in my life (I mean no more than a few hours or so ...) so i wonder where I picked up such a huge emotional charge around starving?


Anyway, yesterday I had:

2 scrambled eggs w. peas, tomatoes green onion, 1 pear for a late breakfast

Lentil/veg stew with fried turkey strips for early dinner

Hazelnuts and an apple as snacks in between.


Today, aiming for 3 square meals after getting up a bit earlier.

Breakfast: bacon, 2 eggs, tomatoes, 1 avocado

Lunch: the rest of yesterday's lenti/veg stew and a small tub of cottage cheese

Dinner: Steamed green beans and carrots, cod fillet, 1 apple and a handful of hazelnuts for dessert.


Feeling quite satisefied with that.
 
I should probably say that what I am aiming for because it worked so well last time (down from 85kg to 70kg) is the so called slow-carb diet (as in i.e. the 4 hour body diet).


That means no carbs except from plenty of beans, lentils etc., no dairy (except cream and butter), plenty of protein.


I will also slowly wean myself off the fruit, and hopefully reduce the caffeine intake over time. But all at once would drive me crazy ... so all the other carbs first, then fruit, then caffeine.


What stopped my weight-loss last time was the opportunity to spend an extended period of time at a meditation retreat centre, which I would still say was worth every gramm that I put back on, but it meant group food, no meat or fish - (the lack of protein had me ravenously hungry in no time and eating bread and pasta and rice) and lots of goitrogenic foods (such as soy, kale, broccoli etc) to slow down my thyroid which is not in the unhealthy range but close to the lower end of the healthy spectrum ... and lost of sitting still. 8kg back on in 7 months.

So before I do that kind of retreat again (and I will, as soon as I can), I want to use every day that I have my own kitchen and can make my own schedule to the best advantage.


For this month until Christmas, that's eating right and orienting myself in a new city (which is LOTS of walking) and finding a few active things to do that I enjoy. Exercise and me are not friends - unless there's a point to the movement besides the movement itself. Going to the gym ... just the idea has me bored to tears. I like doing all sorts of gardening and environmental conservation stuff, which can be pretty physical, so I'll see if there's opportunities to volunteer here. And I'm going to give Krav Maga a try because I like the idea of knowing how to defend myself and feeling a bit less "small" because of it. Swimming is great, but I do prefer lakes to pools so maybe not over winter ... and much as I like dancing I don't know anyone here in this city yet that I'd like to go out and party with, so that's going to take a bit of time as well. I guess that at the moment I do lack a bit of confidence there ... what I would like to wear to go out won't look good on me, what I could wear, I don't like, and so on ... so maybe self-defense first :)


For now, no scales. I don't have any here, and I won't buy any ... too much pressure. First weigh-in is the morning of Christmas Eve, back at my parent's place.
 
AHello bluehourbird, and welcome to the forum! Congratulations on taking control of your life. I've been on this journey to lose the extra pounds for 18 months, and over a year has been with the help and support of this forum. There is some "public accountability" effect, but mostly, I find it's a good place to share thoughts, ask for advice, rant and just about anything else...all with people who have a common goal, and who probably understand everything emotion you are going through...and not judge you one bit! It's a great place to share true feelings and get them off your chest, and not "eat at them" (which is what I used to do a lot!).
You mentioned that your re in a new place and there is nothing to eat...I highly suggest you go to a regular grocery store (north eh gas station) and get some healthy snacks...apples, nuts, celery, baby carrots..things that will help you get over the sweet tooth, and not make you feel guilty! Your room mate may appreciate it too! You also mention that exercise and you are not friends...I understand your concern...I can tell you, for me exercise has been a key for speeding up my weight loss...so don't go to a gym...why not start with a 30 min brisk walk outside..no one will have to know it's exercise, but over time, you can lengthen it and I think you'll see the effects on the scale too.
I wish you good choices...no luck..it's not about luck...I'm convinced weightloss is an inside job and much more mental than physical...so I wish you good choices today and take it one day at a. Time...one minute at a time and most important, never give up, never give up, never give up!
Scbibhouse!
 
Welcome aboard bluehourbird! Living in Berlin sounds like a crazy experience. As for the dancing, getting down to German techno sounds like just about the last ring of hell to me, but if it floats your boat I say go for it. :)
 
Sunday, and I'm still working ... taking a break from the spreadsheets for a minute to record today's food:


Breakfast Scrambled eggs, peas, bacon, tomatoes

a few hazelnuts as a snack

Lunch: The rest of yesterday's green beans and carrots and some minced beef mixed in, 1 apple for dessert

Dinner: will be a tin if Sardines (I LOVE Sardines) a lentil salad and a green salad

quite likely a few more hazelnuts ...
 
Just wanted to say good luck with everything! And also, no scale is probably a good thing, but doing your measurements can be really encouraging and really shows your body changing in a positive way! I have never been to europe but would love to some day!
 
ugh, what a day ... was working until 2am last night and started again at 7:30 am, went for 10 hours straight ... and aonther 2 to go tonight and another early morning tomorrow ... Very very glad I bought the emergency tins, and had nothing really bad in the house cause this would be chocolate prime time!


Instead I had: rest of yesterday's lentil salad, a can of chili-sardines, very nice

dinner less nice as had 2 minutes before a conference call, apple slices dipped in (or loaded with rather) Coconut cream. Delicious, but now I'm a but queasy.


and some unintended caffeine reduction, the kettle broke and I don't have time to heat water on the stove ... or a clean pot as no time to wash dishes.

Oh well, this day too shall pass! Can't wait to go to sleep.
 
The project is done, and I'm starting to recover ... still a bit of sleep to catch up on, but at least i have time to cook again, last night's made-from-scratch dal was such a delight ... I am glad though I had bough nothing unhealthy - I would have eaten it- and stuck with my tinned fish and aubergines or green beans in tomato sauce and the like ... tasty, quick and apart from way too much salt, good for me :)


Only a few days into the low-carb thing and not even doing it all that well, but I already feel lighter and like last time the first thing that happens is that I am no longer feeling bloated. That's one dress size right there even if it's not much weight ...


Now, onwards and downwards, looking forward to going for a long walk today.
 
Phew, tough few days ...


Mostly good though in terms of food, the policy of only buying the right stuff and not having anything else in the house, and having stuff to eat that doesn't need much prep time.


Saturday was my supposed 'binge day' - the one day a week where a) I can eat whatever I want so I keep a list of all my cravings and simply 'defer' them until that day, and b) the one day a week I am supposed to eat way more calories than normal.


Well, after about a week and a half of not eating anything high-carb or high sugar, I found it really hard to even think of anything like that that I wanted to eat, so I ate good stuff for breakfast and lunch and decided it was going to be only a dinner - but still had a hard time wanting anything even in the middle of the supermarket, so i shopped of the deferred list - Flammkuchen, semolina pudding, fresh papaya and maong, and a particular kind of chocolate I have't seen anywhere outside of Germany ... and I dutifully ate my way through most of it, but couldn't even finish. It was less than I'd have normally eaten for dinner just a few weeks ago ... still: ensue bad sleep, bad dreams, terrible sugar-hangover and crankyness and upset stomach the next day. So it's definitely served the purpose of inspiring me to stick to the healthy stuff! Won't be craving those particular things for a while ...


Stomach is finally happy again today, I've been walking a lot over the weekend and my muscles are nicely sore (as in 'good to feel I've done something'), and I've started an intensive course of coaching sessions - best thing I know to tackle the stress and overwhelm that comes with being too busy - or too disorganised, however you want to put that. Nothing quite like taking half an hour out, nothing else to distract me, to just think about what's going on, what's really important to me, and have somebody ask me questions to help me think things through. Could I do that by myself? In theory yes, but saying it out loud, and having someone listening makes a huge difference. I've had a vastly more productive day today and felt so much calmer and in control even though we were only talking big picture stuff ... somehow the small stuff just had somewhere better to slot in.


Now for some more work and an early night tonight for once, no working until 2am - something else that really doesn't help my body, buit happens way too often anyway. The joys of a freelance portfolio career ...
 
Well done doing the walking on the weekend, not having junk on hand is a good way to keep bad eating under control :)
 
Fianlly feeling back on track, my rice-protein powder arrived in the mail yesterday and I started the day well with a protein/veggie juice shake, I always have this problem that I just don't feel hungry in the morning, can't face eggs at 6am ... but this works, followed by breakfast proper and hour or 2 later. Still doing good on the shopping and not introducing any bad foods into my home, but still doing badly when presented with temptations in the outside world (like the Christmas market selling sweets I loved as a child, or the parcel of goodies sent by my mum to today's St. Nikolaus day ... sigh) If it's there, I'll eat it ...
Oh well, one battle at a time. If I can keep the regular diet clean, the occasional lapse shouldn't kill me, right?
 
Again, a good start to the day so far. Protein first, then eggs with tomatoes and green beans. Now I'm off to look at a yoga studio that has a room for hire for me to see clients in - exciting! I hope it's as gorgoeus (and as flexible and arrangement) as it was described to me. It would make such a difference to me (financially yes, but mostly in terms of how much I enjoy what I do each day) to shift the majority of my work towards therapy and coaching, and away from admin stuff ... people are so much more interesting than spreadsheets!
 
A proud moment yesterday - I was out in the City for an appointment around my usual lunchtime, I got hungry on cue, I got cold, I got cranky ... and still I resisted both buying something to eat that I shouldn't have, and my usual compensation shopping of other stuff I don't need (the money I've wasted on books/stationery/nic-nacs/you-name-its while being hungry is rather embarassing). Instead, I picked up a really good deal for organic tomatoes which were on the shoping list anyway, went home and ate tomato salad with some leftovers (which were delicious!!!). And then had a lovely 0-calorie, 0-Euro (the counting thing isn't working here at the moment :) bath to celebrate and warm up.
Despite the occasional sugar cravings I still get, that was a very very hopeful moment.
 
Today's food: started again with protein drink (rice protien mixed with diluted vegetable juice), had green bean/tomato/tiny bit of bacon plus 2 poached eggs for breakfast, lunch will be a nice beluga lentil/tomato/beef stew, dinner will be lambs lettuce and a bit of fish.
Forays into temptation land are planned, so almonds are in my jacket pocket.
Wish me luck!
 
bluehourbird said:
I resisted both buying something to eat that I shouldn't have, and my usual compensation shopping of other stuff I don't need (the money I've wasted on books/stationery/nic-nacs
Click to expand...

Hee-hee! I can't resist. This reminds me of an old shaggy dog joke:



I think my version is better, but I'm not going to type the whole thing out. My 2nd favorite Shaggy Dog joke behind only the Great Paulescu, Romania's greatest magician.
 
Thanks for the giggles, Mr Vee, I could use them this morning! Very tired, and have no-one to blame but myself ... started a novel and could not put it down until I was finished at 2am (9 hours straight ... well at least I'm getting back to my university reading speed :). Then had nighmares about it ... What is it that makes me finish books I don't even really like? Bloody completion bias ...
Today, suddenly, I have a horrendous amount of work to do ... the lot of a freelancer, but I can hardly keep my eyes open, and what worries me most is that I know how bad I am at resisting temptations when I'm tired ... I am planning my day in a way that means I won't have to leave the house, or at least not unaccompanied and therefore not accountable to anyone but me.

Breakfast was good at least, green beans with tomatoes and scramble egg could be my new favourite, especially with a bit of roasted garlic added ...
And I am entering one of my favourite phases of cooking, the 'there's nothing in the fridge' challenge - it's not true, it's just that I've used up most of the staples and now need to start THINKING! That was particularly fun when cooking group meals for 50 very hungry people ... and amazing how long you can feed them on an 'empty fridge' for! Not so amazing if you for some reason have to use up 80lbs of beetroot, but then some people like it ..
I am rambling, back to work!
 
Sounds like you're doing well! I totally get not wanting to put a book down, though I usually only get that feeling when I LIKE the book haha.
 
So far one of my better days, enough sleep last night and I woke up rested and ready to go an hour before my alarm clock, which I always LOVE, feels like a present, an extra hour just for me :)

Food today:
Rice Protein & Veggie juice when getting up.
Breakfast:Green beans, red onion, tomatoes w. scrambled eggs - the onion made all the difference, yum!
Lunch: 2 small cod fillets, lambs lettuce, apple slices dipped in coconut milk for dessert
Snack: soaked hazelnuts
Dinner: about to go and make a fantastic coconut dal ... my specialty :)
And while I'm at it probably some chicken soup too, as in throw whole ckicken in pot etc. See if it's defrosted yet, if not the cooking fun will have to wait until tomorrow morning.
Work-wise it's been an ok day, more motivated again after a coaching session this morning, but held back by a bad headache - caffeine withdrawal. Kind of silly, I ran out of cream and I don't like black tea without it, so I've been drinking Mate all day, which also has caffeine but apparently that doesn't count. Oh well, this too is going to pass.
Now on with the 3 million other things on today's to-do list ... one at a time.
 
A good day in terms of food, and I'm starting to feel some weight-loss going on ... there is definitely less belly when I sit down, and the tights fit way more easily. Yay! And I still have almost 2 weeks until the first weigh-in.

I have more energy as well, had lots of errands to run today and felt way less tired than last week with this, and I continue to sleep well and wake up early.

Today's menu: Beluga lentils, bacon bits, red onion, tomato & scrambled egg for breakfast, Coconut dal for lunch, and chicken salad for dinner. Oh that chicken turned out ever so yummy and will provide at least 8 meals ... now I'm off to throw the carcass and offal into a fresh pot of water & veg to make more yummy stock. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. after living mostly vegetarian for half of the year, this is a heavenly diet for me.
 
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