Where it all started

brazenlysasse

brazenlysasse

New member
Hi all, i just wanted to share a bit about what is involved with my battle of weight loss. I know that everyone has a story behind why they struggle with it so much. I've not shared mine with many and i think that is why I have a hard time commiting myself to the process of losing weight. So, I hope its ok that I share here, because i think it might help me and hopefully anyone else that can relate.
When I was growing up, I was in an extremely unhealthy enviroment. My dad was quite verbally and mentally abusive to my older sister and I. She is 10 years older than me, and was always very slender and pretty. My dad acused her of terrible things at a young age because of her looks. From the time I was 2 or 3 my dad would force feed me and tell me I needed to be 'fattened' up so there would be no chance of me being loose like my sister ( not the words he used, but im sure you can imagine). Food became a tool to me because if I ate lots it made him happy. (looking back now i see how sad that is) My sister is the most gentle and sweet person I know and we couldnt be closer but she feels responsible for the fact that my weight is over 300 pounds. She on the other hand has to remind herself to eat. When I start to lose weight, i begin to panic and completely sabotage my own efforts. When friends start to notice that im looking good or even if i notice, my heart rate goes up, because in the back of my head i can hear him telling me to do as he says. I phoned my sister a couple weeks ago and told her that i quit TOPS (a weight loss group)... "another effort failed" I said her. She began to cry and asked me, when was I going to let dads abuse stop? I was so shocked by what she said and realized that I have been using this as an excuse to continue to fail. At some point I had to stop his abuse. I have to realize that I am soooooo completely worth the effort and that this is the time that you find out who your friends and real family are, because they support you through the good times and the bad times.
So, thats why I am here, to listen to other peoples stories and see their struggles and successes. To realize that no one has to struggle alone if they choose not to.
thank you for letting me talk,*it felt really good* I hope it was ok that i told part of my story
Michelle
 
Yikes sounds terrible, Have you been in and talked to somebody about it?

Sounds like hypnosis would help a lot with those sort of negative self talkings (you can go back in your mind and say/do the things the way they should have been). Alternatively perhaps self afirmations in the mirror every morning.

I think we all have our reasons for being overweight or getting fat, getting past them is quiet probably the hardest part.

Chin up and keep working at it.
 
Hi Wishes,
I have thought about hypnosis, but only recently so I've really done nothing about it yet. I find allowing myself to talk about it has helped a bit. I think the most important thing for me is that Im ready to do something about it, as hard as that may be.
thank you for the support
:) Michelle
 
You are right,
Admitting you have a problem and doing something about it is a fantastic step!
With you attitude im sure you can do it :)
 
hey i hope u feel better after sharing your story.. sorrie to hear you had such a negative childhood.. just remember that we're all here for you! all the best to you and take care! =)
 
Thanks so much wishes and hayley cookie for the positive remarks. Im amazed at how good it feels to get healthy feedback, even from strangers, when you allow yourself to accept it. Im also happy to say that ive lost 4 pounds..*yay*
You can't see me but i just did a little happy dance..lol
Michelle
 
woot! 4lb! thats a fantastic start!

Most people on the forums here are supportive and nice :)
 
Brazen you are not alone and you have come to the right place. I know where you are coming from. I was constantly made fun of by others and even by my own family for being overweight, perhaps that's why I am still overweight?! :( My family thought it was fun to make a joke out of me being overweight and they didn't realize how much it effected me and made me turn to food even more. Food seemed to comfort me when it needed too, but now I've realized that it never comforted me ... it seemed to tear me apart more than the comments that were thrown at me.

This forum has helped me and is going to help you too! Everytime you think of cheating on your diet you'll get the motivation you need to carry on. (The clubs are my main source of inspiration!)

The only worry I am plagued with now is my food consumption on a daily basis. After years of eating more than my body needed or wanted, I've now got to cut back enormously on what I eat. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was sad ... you get the picture.

You can do it!
 
I Understand

Hi Kosher,
Something I have also noticed about myself is that before I was obsessed with eating, now I find myself obsessed with how, and what I am eating.
It kind of switched from one thing too another. Sounds like that should be a good thing, but i find it consumes a lot of my time. I know that there is a transition when you are trying to switch from one form of living too another. Im looking to find a happy medium...in mind spirt..and body..lol
Michelle
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top