What is this forum all about?
- Thread starter niapage
- Start date
Mindik - that was kind of my point to someone.
Some think because someone hasn't complained directly to them or indirectly that it must mean, that no one feels initimidated or that no one sees their posts as negative.
I have tried to stay away from saying anything as I am new and really here to focus on me and my goals. And if you knew my personality, can be very aggressive and a little toooo assertive. Trying to get away from that right now as it wont serve me.
Don't ever be afraid to post! Ignore the negative ones as I stated earlier and realize that's them and their persona.
( I know I am going to get bashed here. lol)
There are definitely a lot of supportive people here and people at various stages in their goals that I am sure would like to help or work together to achieve each others goals.
Good luck and ask away. Not that I have any answers. lol
Some think because someone hasn't complained directly to them or indirectly that it must mean, that no one feels initimidated or that no one sees their posts as negative.
I have tried to stay away from saying anything as I am new and really here to focus on me and my goals. And if you knew my personality, can be very aggressive and a little toooo assertive. Trying to get away from that right now as it wont serve me.
Don't ever be afraid to post! Ignore the negative ones as I stated earlier and realize that's them and their persona.
( I know I am going to get bashed here. lol)There are definitely a lot of supportive people here and people at various stages in their goals that I am sure would like to help or work together to achieve each others goals.
Good luck and ask away. Not that I have any answers. lol
Now Steve...from what I've read NOTHING scares you too much....
And I like your quote...
Bees and rollercoasters scare me a lot.
Don't ever be afraid to post! Ignore the negative ones as I stated earlier and realize that's them and their persona.
You're walking a fine line.
Loseit...thanks for the reply! It's just in how people take things. Someone has said on here before that it's hard to know HOW someone means something they say on here when there's no way to put emotion into words on a screen. Some (myself included) are more sensitive to that than others....
But I'm thinking I can wade through the posts, ask my own questions more often and try not to take anything TOO personally. I've been lucky enough to find probably more supportive people than NOT supportive ones, so I'll focus on them.
But I'm thinking I can wade through the posts, ask my own questions more often and try not to take anything TOO personally. I've been lucky enough to find probably more supportive people than NOT supportive ones, so I'll focus on them.
maverick2
New member
Maybe she's well-respected because she speaks her mind? If she's otherwise well-respected, it really sounds like a problem you and her need to discuss one-on-one in order to resolve the issue, even if you don't want to give her name publically. *shrug* If you aren't specific concerning who you're talking about, how is she ever going to realize she has hurt your feelings if it's unintentional? I've met a couple different mods on this forum and don't believe any of them, no matter how blunt some of them have the capacity to be, are out for blood.
Ditto.
I think so, too.
Salt may not be all that great in your diet, but if I were you, I'd take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt here. I don't care whose talkin'.
I'm sure there are people in every forum on the planet whose joy in life is to make people look stupid, but some (though surely not all) of the "negative" feedback I suspect is being targeted in this thread is really only people being honest, and telling it like it is. It's much easier to be honest with people when you don't know them and don't have to tell them to their face. This honesty can definitely work to your advantage if you use it (instead of being abused by it) and don't take it personally.
As far as support goes, supporting people does not always mean coddling them or walking on eggshells around their tender feelings. Lots of people here are in their current state of bad health because people in their lives were trying to be supportive of them (and tactful of their weight problems). Nobody wants to be the person to say: Hey, put down the fork, you're digging your grave with it.
Because nobody (well...ALMOST nobody) wants to be negative. People's feelings get hurt. Sometimes certain people in here can seem negative, harsh, or even a little cruel, but many of them are trying to look out for your best interest in the best way they can, whether it bruises egos or not.
I haven't been part of this forum very long, but I've been criticized a few times by people in here, for various things. The thing to keep in mind is that you can learn much more from people you disagree with and/or don't like than from people you do.
The best thing to do (imho, anyway) is to forget about tone. Just take in the information, and double-check it if you don't think it's right. That's the greatest way to self improve. And the more you improve yourself, the higher your self-esteem will become.
Self-esteem shouldn't be dependent on the opinions of people you don't even really know. It should come from within yourself.
It's all a matter of perspective. If I say something harsh and nobody calls me out on it, I don't automatically assume that people approve of what I've said - but it's kind of silly to go around seething because you think someone is being "negative" if you don't call them out on it to clarify, because emotion IS difficult to read in text. Chances are, they didn't even mean to hurt anyone's feelings, only inform to the best of their ability (which, admittedly, is sometimes not very good, depending on the person and the subject).
There is no reason to be intimidated by ANYONE in an online forum. I don't care how ignorant of weight loss issues or sensitive you are (not that I'm calling anyone here ignorant or sensitive-strictly speaking in the hypothetical here).
I mean, you don't know any of these people. How seriously can you take their opinions, really? It's not like they're cutting you down in front of your friends and family or dragging you around by the ear like a wayward pup who piddled on the carpet, just voicing their opinions from out of the cyber ether.
Maybe there are just people who are more delicate than I am, but I don't find any person online intimidating in the least. Nobody I know online, friend or foe, has any real bearing on my life, other than the advice they have to give. And then only if *I* choose to take it.
Even in everyday life, you always have the choice to say Screw That! Nobody, no matter how knowledgable, can take that power from you.
And THAT'S called self-esteem, people.
(On a completely separate note, I frickin' LOVE me some rollercoasters.
)
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Korrie
Moderator
Well Tammy, I guess all I can say about the topic is this.I think generally most people here are very good people. However, I know that there are people who do behave badly from time to time. People who do say things that are insensitive and rude.
You know I agree w/ you on what you are saying. The problem w/ a forum like this is that people feel so comfortable speaking their mind that they often leave their manners at home. I guess what you have to do is make the choice to just ignore then and look to your true friends for support. In the grand scheme of things, we can't change people. Members of the forum are going to come and go and we can't make them all behave, unfortunatly.
I know what a sweet heart you are, and so do your friends...just try not to get it get to ya too much, its just not worth it. ((Hugs))
You know I agree w/ you on what you are saying. The problem w/ a forum like this is that people feel so comfortable speaking their mind that they often leave their manners at home. I guess what you have to do is make the choice to just ignore then and look to your true friends for support. In the grand scheme of things, we can't change people. Members of the forum are going to come and go and we can't make them all behave, unfortunatly.
I know what a sweet heart you are, and so do your friends...just try not to get it get to ya too much, its just not worth it. ((Hugs))
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You speak many truths, Maverick....
I think I got pulled into the thought that a support forum was all candy canes and sugar and nice, sweet encouraging words. And you may be right about people just "telling it like is is" rather than trying to sugar coat the words they're saying....
It's just taking me time. I'm starting to develop a thicker skin and stop worrying so much about how my questions and thoughts are perceived and start concentrating more on getting the best out of responses.
I think I got pulled into the thought that a support forum was all candy canes and sugar and nice, sweet encouraging words. And you may be right about people just "telling it like is is" rather than trying to sugar coat the words they're saying....
It's just taking me time. I'm starting to develop a thicker skin and stop worrying so much about how my questions and thoughts are perceived and start concentrating more on getting the best out of responses.
niapage
New member
Korrrie((((****HUGGGGGS*****))) You are a true friend!!I am finding it
intersting that the "PERSON" has not posted here yet and TRUST me this isn't like her at all LOL!! I just felt the need to get things off my chest and MAV ummmm I did send her a personal message trying to resulve yet another not nice she said back in the summer and she pretended to do no wrong.
MIND That is so true I guess from getting alot on NO SUPPORT from where I live I went seeking it on here and I am very pleased with the people I have met,I am just having trouble shaking off the PORN issue and the whole comment directed to me as a mommy of 4 to"GO GET AIDS" and a MODERATOR to basically say well look at her spelling she had that coming CMON PLEASE I deserve to go get aids for that "BITE ME"
intersting that the "PERSON" has not posted here yet and TRUST me this isn't like her at all LOL!! I just felt the need to get things off my chest and MAV ummmm I did send her a personal message trying to resulve yet another not nice she said back in the summer and she pretended to do no wrong.
MIND That is so true I guess from getting alot on NO SUPPORT from where I live I went seeking it on here and I am very pleased with the people I have met,I am just having trouble shaking off the PORN issue and the whole comment directed to me as a mommy of 4 to"GO GET AIDS" and a MODERATOR to basically say well look at her spelling she had that coming CMON PLEASE I deserve to go get aids for that "BITE ME"
maverick2
New member
That sucks that you're not getting any support from home, and you definitely don't deserve to be addressed in such a degrading manner. Nobody does. Just don't sink to their level and you'll be in the right.
As far as the other thing goes, if you've tried to take care of the issue with that certain someone and it's just not workin' for ya, I would just ignore or block them. It's about all you can do, yeah? No use stressing yourself out over it.
niapage
New member
Yeah that is sounding better and better to ignore to avoid the stress!
Gr8 advice I will do that just as long as no porn,name calling starts up
again!I am not saying PORN is bad BUT there is a place for that and WEIGHT LOSS FORUMS isn't the place.Thanks MAV
James2
New member
I completely agree with this. I remember the guy (He had an old S.U. flag as his avatar), and he had done that same thing multiple times. Being a man that enjoys his women, I don't mind a naked person or two in general, but it was some really disgusting crap that he posted, and started laughing about. I believe this was also the guy that posted an ad on craigslist with a fake picture of a girl looking for men... the guy was disturbed, and I haven't seen him post here in a long while.
Korrie
Moderator
LOL, too funny
Yea, thats him alright. We did end up banning him, not just over the deal w/ Tammy, but his history as well.
Exactly.
Plus, I think it's some form of claustrophobia I have. As soon as they lock me in and it starts rolling, I panic knowing I can't stop if I want to.
I'm a sissy.
Steve - not sure, but could it be a control issue???
Maybe she's well-respected because she speaks her mind? If she's otherwise well-respected, it really sounds like a problem you and her need to discuss one-on-one in order to resolve the issue, even if you don't want to give her name publically. *shrug* If you aren't specific concerning who you're talking about, how is she ever going to realize she has hurt your feelings if it's unintentional? I've met a couple different mods on this forum and don't believe any of them, no matter how blunt some of them have the capacity to be, are out for blood.
Ditto.
I think so, too.
Salt may not be all that great in your diet, but if I were you, I'd take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt here. I don't care whose talkin'.
I'm sure there are people in every forum on the planet whose joy in life is to make people look stupid, but some (though surely not all) of the "negative" feedback I suspect is being targeted in this thread is really only people being honest, and telling it like it is. It's much easier to be honest with people when you don't know them and don't have to tell them to their face. This honesty can definitely work to your advantage if you use it (instead of being abused by it) and don't take it personally.
As far as support goes, supporting people does not always mean coddling them or walking on eggshells around their tender feelings. Lots of people here are in their current state of bad health because people in their lives were trying to be supportive of them (and tactful of their weight problems). Nobody wants to be the person to say: Hey, put down the fork, you're digging your grave with it.
Because nobody (well...ALMOST nobody) wants to be negative. People's feelings get hurt. Sometimes certain people in here can seem negative, harsh, or even a little cruel, but many of them are trying to look out for your best interest in the best way they can, whether it bruises egos or not.
I haven't been part of this forum very long, but I've been criticized a few times by people in here, for various things. The thing to keep in mind is that you can learn much more from people you disagree with and/or don't like than from people you do.
The best thing to do (imho, anyway) is to forget about tone. Just take in the information, and double-check it if you don't think it's right. That's the greatest way to self improve. And the more you improve yourself, the higher your self-esteem will become.
Self-esteem shouldn't be dependent on the opinions of people you don't even really know. It should come from within yourself.
It's all a matter of perspective. If I say something harsh and nobody calls me out on it, I don't automatically assume that people approve of what I've said - but it's kind of silly to go around seething because you think someone is being "negative" if you don't call them out on it to clarify, because emotion IS difficult to read in text. Chances are, they didn't even mean to hurt anyone's feelings, only inform to the best of their ability (which, admittedly, is sometimes not very good, depending on the person and the subject).
There is no reason to be intimidated by ANYONE in an online forum. I don't care how ignorant of weight loss issues or sensitive you are (not that I'm calling anyone here ignorant or sensitive-strictly speaking in the hypothetical here).
I mean, you don't know any of these people. How seriously can you take their opinions, really? It's not like they're cutting you down in front of your friends and family or dragging you around by the ear like a wayward pup who piddled on the carpet, just voicing their opinions from out of the cyber ether.
Maybe there are just people who are more delicate than I am, but I don't find any person online intimidating in the least. Nobody I know online, friend or foe, has any real bearing on my life, other than the advice they have to give. And then only if *I* choose to take it.
Even in everyday life, you always have the choice to say Screw That! Nobody, no matter how knowledgable, can take that power from you.
And THAT'S called self-esteem, people.
(On a completely separate note, I frickin' LOVE me some rollercoasters.
This gets the Post of the Year approval by me.
Very rational.
Thanks.
I think this is the heart of the concept I take issue with here.
Regardless of what was done to whoever here, nobody has the right to try and change anyone else. To think otherwise is insane to me.
Value structures are very unique. Looking at the world using your own value-structure-goggles will only serve to frustrate and upset you.
It's all about keeping an open-mind and if and when something bothers you to a point where you can't turn a cheek....
a) use the ignore feature
or
b) PM the person bothering you civilly to clarify their intent before letting assumptions eat at you.
NewBride.... this isn't directed at you. This blurb in your post just triggered a general response.
Steve - not sure, but could it be a control issue???
Very well could be.....