what happened to my friends?

M

motivatedmama

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I've always been the fat girl for as long as I can remember. In my wedding, I was bigger than my bridesmaids. I've had friends for 20 years that have always been thinner than me. One in particular my supposed 'best friend' has watched me loose 50 lbs over the last two years. Everyone I see compliments me in person and on social network sites. This friend though, hasn't made one compliment. Now, she makes negative comments to other friends about me. I sense a jealousy or a dislike to me now that I'm actually thinner than her.
I was a size 14/16 and now in a 6/8. 95% of the people I know are happy for me and give me praise and motivation. I just can't believe this.

Has anyone else delt with a similar situation?
 
Hey!

Hey! I understand your frustration. I sometimes feel uneasy trying to make healthy choices when people around me aren't. They say things that make me feel like I'm doing something wrong...u know? I wouldn't dwell on it too much! If she doesn't treat you with respect, then your friendship is not as sacred as you thought it was. Just to check, you don't ask her about your weight when you are around her or anything to get compliments...right? If she is just rude to you for no apparent reason, then she just feels threatened by your success. Make friends w/ people at the gym or in organizations in the community that appeal to you. Don't let her negative energy get to you! Best of luck!
 
It sounds like a clear case of sour grapes to me. If she is really an important friend to you it might be worth trying to talk to her about it, but if not then I would not worry about it too much. Congrats on your weight loss! You deserve to have friends that support you and be surrounded by people who make you feel great!
 
No, I don't ask her about her weight. Infact, when I started loosing she joined a gym and lost a few pounds which I congratulated her on. I felt then like here I was giving her credit for loosing 5lbs when she'd say nothing to me. I did it anyway because, I know how positive reinforcement helps. She's gained some of her weight back and I've noticed her animosity towards me deepen.

It's sad because, you find out who your friends are and they aren't the people you expected.
 
That's sad that that's happened. It's entirely possible that some people wish to be our friends just so they can feel superior to us, to 'fix' us or act like our guru. Suddenly, when we gain power, they start to feel threatened, or like they're losing their place. Maybe it just takes time; if you really care about each other, give the relationship time to 'find itself' in this new situation. Otherwise, look for a new best friend! :)
 
You have "stolen her thunder" so to speak. She does not have a dramatic change in her life to be complemented on and it's bothering her (obviously). Maybe she should go get a hair cut. :p
 
I lived a similar situation. Sometimes people around you get upset when you stray from the idea they have of you. Don't worry, you're doing great and the fact that she's so jealous of you just proves it.
 
Yeah... I've been there. People get embarassed to even be around you... sometimes I get worried that my wife will want someone else altho shes a big girl herself (250lbs). I want to be happy with myself... I want her to be happy with me. I for once want to walk in a room full of people and have them say WOW.... you look GREAT! Ive had very few comments on anything my whole life. Most have been negative. So when I dont feel like working out or I feel like eating bad I think to myself what people will say/think when they see me next & what I will feel like and how much it will improve my life with my family and kids, let alone add years on to my life.
 
Sometimes losing weight can include having to lose people too. Drastic weight loss forces you to re-evaluate your relationships with everything, food, drink, people, everything. There are some friendships that you never realised were toxic and some people will use a larger friend as a crux of sorts, someone that makes them feel better about their own looks etc. Its sad but true. You are now the person you *really* are (and thats totally different to who you were when you were larger) so perhaps its a good time to really evaluate and decide what kind of people you want in your life. I agree that if she is that important to you, then try talking to her about it, but if she's going to continue behaving like that, then its best to cut it loose and find a positive uplifting best friend. Truth hurts...but it also sets you free ;)
All the best
xoxox
 
Seriously!?!? I posted this here because it very much pertains to before weight loss and after. I'll be sure not to post here any more, don't worry.
 
Motivatedmama,
I took care and moved it. Don't worry. Post in this all you want.

Panthiest462,
Sometimes we don't catch things. When we do, we fix it.
 
Sounds like this isn't a true friend. A real friend would be supportive and loyal no matter what. It seems like if she was genuine she would be happy for you, and maybe your new found lifestyle would rub off on her instead of making her jealous. Whenever this happens to me I just lose touch with the person. I'd rather surround myself with positive and supportive people, instead of ones that drag me down.
 
I have some of the same problems. In the beginning, when my friends noticed that I was making healthy choices and working out a lot, they were like "good job, keep this up" etc. And now, whenever I go to parties with them and decide NOT to eat nachos, NOT to drink tons of alcohol, they complain and say "Why can't you never just let go and have fun?". And when I tell them I have lost 20lbs, they respond with "That is really good, but you should stop now. 20 lbs is a lot, if you lose more there won't be anything left of you." I weigh 198 lbs.... so no, I'm not planning to stop.. it's like they don't want me to be skinny like them -,- and it's not motivating.
 
krakefjes said:
I have some of the same problems. In the beginning, when my friends noticed that I was making healthy choices and working out a lot, they were like "good job, keep this up" etc. And now, whenever I go to parties with them and decide NOT to eat nachos, NOT to drink tons of alcohol, they complain and say "Why can't you never just let go and have fun?". And when I tell them I have lost 20lbs, they respond with "That is really good, but you should stop now. 20 lbs is a lot, if you lose more there won't be anything left of you." I weigh 198 lbs.... so no, I'm not planning to stop.. it's like they don't want me to be skinny like them -,- and it's not motivating.
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Good for you. Peer pressure doesn't stop once we get out of high school.
My best friend calls me nuts but now she's getting into getting healthy and the rest, well I see them occasionally but they laugh at me. At first I was offended but now I realize that their way of life isn't a life I want for myself and my family.
I have met new friends at the gym that has begun to creep into my out of the gym life. They are the ones who encourage me and congratulate me and keep me on the track I want to stay on.
They are the friends I want to keep in daily contact with. I hope they feel the same about me.
 
I like my friends, but when it comes to this they don't understand me at all. They are all skinny, but they eat more food, and more unhealthy food than me. Every day I have to watch them eat chocolate, chips, ice cream and soda at school - something I never did, not even when I was at my heaviest. I don't understand how they do it. It's their health though, so they can do whatever they want. I'm not tempted by the food they eat anymore, thank god for that. If I was, it would be a pain to be around them.

But the worst part is how my female friends try to convince me I'm not fat and that I shouldn't lose weight. It's like they love having me as their fat friend who they can stand next to and look skinny and pretty. And if I lose weight, they'll somehow lose status. It makes me a little angry. :/
 
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