What am i doing wrong?

[luvsymm]

can someone please give me some tips and hints on losing weight? Ive been doin a lot of walking on a treadmill an incline upwords at about 2.3 at a steady pace for an hour straight everyday, eating only 2 meals a day been doin it for about a wk straight now and i havent even lost anything ....please what am i doin wrong??

 

[Steve]

First, I truly believe spoon feeding people the information they desire works to their disadvantage. I strongly suggest you read though the sticky threads on this forum. They can be overwhelming in length, but well worth the time. That is, if you're interested in having a better grasp of your health and fitness.

Secondly, a week's time is not enough to figure out if something is working. Ever. I don't know how much weight you have to lose but I'd bet my life savings on the idea that you didn't gain said weight in a week, so why on Earth are you expecting to see an appreciable difference in just one week.

Third, the scale is a poor metric to track progress. Sure, it tracks how much fat you lose. But it also measures things like water, glycogen, muscle, bowel matter, etc, etc. These latter things can mask any fluctuation in actual fat mass. Don't get so up tight about the scale.

Fourth, what are your stats. Nobody is going to be able to help you without knowing a damn thing about you. Are you male or female. What is your age, heigh and weight? What are your goals? What have you tried in the past?

Fifth, why are you eating two meals per day? Are you aware of how many calories you are eating? If not, do you know that if your calories aren't in check, no amount of exercise is going to make a difference in your fat levels. It's extremely hard, if not impossible, to out exercise a bad diet.

 

[luvsymm]

Nobody is going to be able to help you without knowing a damn thing about you.

damn i didnt know how RUDE people can be god sorry i even fricken asked a thing.. ill be leaving this forum sorry for buggin anyone on here god! bye

 

[Steve]

Oh wow.

Can't help someone who expects things to come in pretty little packages.

 

[bran1]

Oh wow.

Can't help someone who expects things to come in pretty little packages.

I think it was the "damn" that gave the effect of a bad attitude. She has 3 posts, it isn't as if this person knows you well enough to know if you just have a bad attitude or if that is just the way you talk.

If it were me, I would've probably given you an ass chewing myself. lol

 

[Steve]

Meh, to each his/her own.

Know me or not, "damn" wasn't the only word in there. It's funny when people browse right over good advice simply b/c a word or two didn't fit their mold of what constitutes politeness. Perception can be a real bitch when it comes to getting hung up in the pursuit of your goals.

I'm sure she'll find someone who loves to coddle. There are some sweet weight loss forums I belong too where everything is nothing but sunshine and rainbows... butterflies too.

Nobody realizes any real progress and they're always bitching and moaning about being fat.

But hey, at least nobody says, gasp!, the word damn.

 

[bran1]

Meh, to each his/her own.

Know me or not, "damn" wasn't the only word in there. It's funny when people browse right over good advice simply b/c a word or two didn't fit their mold of what constitutes politeness. Perception can be a real bitch when it comes to getting hung up in the pursuit of your goals.

I'm sure she'll find someone who loves to coddle. There are some sweet weight loss forums I belong too where everything is nothing but sunshine and rainbows... butterflies too.

Nobody realizes any real progress and they're always bitching and moaning about being fat.

But hey, at least nobody says, gasp!, the word damn.

Just curious, have you ever been severely overweight? Obese? Sure, no one should be "coddled" but there is the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". The advice you gave was good but you didn't have to be rude about it.

It takes a lot for some people to come onto a public message board asking for help - no matter how vague and "childish" it might seem to the almighty Steve. (just joking)

You don't have to baby people but try having a little more tact. You could really help people. But with a bad attitude, you are just making people feel ignorant and not worth your time. If you really feel they are wasting your time, don't post. It's really simple.

Too bad that person is gone because of a rude remark but hopefully he/she will find help elsewhere.

 

[Steve]

Just curious, have you ever been severely overweight? Obese? Sure, no one should be "coddled" but there is the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". The advice you gave was good but you didn't have to be rude about it.

Ad hominem anyone?

Nope, I've never been severely overweight. I'd be interested in hearing who you've known to be severely overweight though. I'd actually like to know your definition of what constitutes being severely overweight.

I can tell you that I am currently working with two women who are near 500 lbs and can't leave their house without feeling like they're going to die.

I can tell you I've worked with similar type people for a long while now.

I can tell you that said people come to me for a reason.

But again, to each his own. Trying to discredit me on the merit that I've never been 'severely overweight' is sort of silly from my perspective, but it really doesn't matter.

It takes a lot for some people to come onto a public message board asking for help - no matter how vague and "childish" it might seem to the almighty Steve. (just joking)

If I came at the OP and said nothing of value and didn't extend an offer to help, you might have a point.

Too bad that's not how it went down.

Sure, I can be blunt at times but my approach on the Internet has helped more than it has hurt. I've got more appreciation mail than hate mail... stories of success than stories of failure.

That in mind, I'm not about to change my approach simply b/c someone found a word or two I typed offensive.

You don't have to baby people but try having a little more tact. You could really help people. But with a bad attitude, you are just making people feel ignorant and not worth your time. If you really feel they are wasting your time, don't post. It's really simple.

This is really funny.

First, who the hell are you to be giving me advice?

Do you know me? Do you know of my success as a trainer? Have you read all of my posts on this forum? Do you have troubles fending off the desire to add tone to typed word?

When the fuck did I say anyone was wasting my time?

Please show me where I said this?

While we're trying to enlighten one another here, I strongly suggest you go back and not only read, but comprehend my original post.

The way you are pointing fingers and making assumptions, you'd think I would have replied:

"You're being stupid and I'm not about to waste my time on you b/c of said stupidity."

Let's be serious.

Too bad that person is gone because of a rude remark but hopefully he/she will find help elsewhere.

I truly don't know how this community has survived with me being around so much.

 

[txsqlchick]

Just curious, have you ever been severely overweight? Obese? Sure, no one should be "coddled" but there is the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". The advice you gave was good but you didn't have to be rude about it.

It takes a lot for some people to come onto a public message board asking for help - no matter how vague and "childish" it might seem to the almighty Steve. (just joking)

You don't have to baby people but try having a little more tact. You could really help people. But with a bad attitude, you are just making people feel ignorant and not worth your time. If you really feel they are wasting your time, don't post. It's really simple.

Too bad that person is gone because of a rude remark but hopefully he/she will find help elsewhere.

Steve's not about warm fuzzies and huggles. The guy tells it like it is and is quite blunt about it.

People nowadays, particularly in the US, Canada, and the UK are used to very smooth and euphemistic language meant to avoid any hint of offense. Steve's not like that.

When I first got here I was startled by his delivery and the thought did cross my mind that maybe he's a dick. However, as I spent more time here reading threads I realized that he's the opposite of a dick. He comes here and answers questions and gives advice for no reason other than to be helpful.

Some people are just looking for any excuse to be offended, to throw in the towel. I would classify the OP as such. People are so sensitive these days, I don't get it. You can't be blunt or honest these days without being accused of being an asshole. It's kind of pitiful. Everything he said in his response was 100% right IMHO. The OP threw his/her toys out of the playpen and stomped off. Who was acting childish in that scenario?

 

[Steve]

I appreciate the kind words. And I'll apologize in advance for dropping the F-bomb. I was going to edit it out but no point now. It gets me twisted though when all this self-righteous BS gets thrown at me as if I need to learn a thing or two. I'm happy with myself. My clients are happy. I wouldn't change a thing in my world. This is a public forum and I'm free to present myself as I see fit.

Just as Bran is free to refute said presentation.

I'm all for learning and I'm far from perfect. That doesn't mean I'll rollover lightly when publicly attacked.

When you take an informational discussion and start pointing fingers at the people behind the information, trying to discredit them and attacking their value systems... I take issue with that, is all.

 

[bran1]

Boys and their assumptions. I wasn't trying to "discredit" you. Just because you haven't ever been overweight doesn't mean you can't help others. Please, don't assume. The reason why I asked is because you don't seem to understand that yes, for some people, asking for help is hard. A lot of us who are overweight have very low self confidence. For someone to ask for advice and to be given a rude reply can hit pretty low. You just don't seem to grasp any understanding of emotions or lack of confidence.

There is a difference in being blunt and just being snarky.

You, sweetheart, gave me a good laugh in the last half. Thank you for that. Someone needs to step off of the high horse, I never asked for your resume. I don't care about your successes. I'm here for myself, not to boost your ego. You obviously also didn't read my reply properly. I never said you told the OP that you were wasting your time.

Get your panties out of a wad and learn some tact. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll give you the attention you so desperately seem to need.

Good day.

 

[txsqlchick]

You, sweetheart, gave me a good laugh in the last half. Thank you for that. Someone needs to step off of the high horse, I never asked for your resume. I don't care about your successes.

But don't you think that his experience and successes are somewhat relevant, particularly since you questioned his motivations and qualifications?

 

[Steve]

lol

high horse, huh

i'm not the one going around pointing fingers at others and questioning their personal ethics and values, telling them how to live their lives.

you have a severely twisted perception of reality, my darling.

at least we're both laughing, even though it's at one another.

you can ride of into the sunset with all your morality and self-righteousness... you done good. i'm sure, if the OP comes back, she'll appreciate your efforts

 

[bran1]

Steve's not about warm fuzzies and huggles. The guy tells it like it is and is quite blunt about it.

People nowadays, particularly in the US, Canada, and the UK are used to very smooth and euphemistic language meant to avoid any hint of offense. Steve's not like that.

When I first got here I was startled by his delivery and the thought did cross my mind that maybe he's a dick. However, as I spent more time here reading threads I realized that he's the opposite of a dick. He comes here and answers questions and gives advice for no reason other than to be helpful.

Some people are just looking for any excuse to be offended, to throw in the towel. I would classify the OP as such. People are so sensitive these days, I don't get it. You can't be blunt or honest these days without being accused of being an asshole. It's kind of pitiful. Everything he said in his response was 100% right IMHO. The OP threw his/her toys out of the playpen and stomped off. Who was acting childish in that scenario?

I guess we can agree to disagree. I will agree however that people shouldn't be treated as children, but as I said before, tact is the key.

I might have just joined yesterday but I have actually been lurking here for quite sometime now. Too long actually. I've come across his comments enough to notice his name more than most. I still have yet to figure out if he's a prick who is here to boost his own ego or just really bad with people at times. I also said he gave good information. That is something that no one can deny, period. His form in giving it however can sometimes be lacking.

I tried being nice but he obviously feels threatened. That's fine and I'm sorry that it turned out so badly. So I'll leave this thread alone. I won't stoop to that level of insolence.

 

[txsqlchick]

I guess we can agree to disagree. I will agree however that people shouldn't be treated as children, but as I said before, tact is the key.

Tact is relative. I lived overseas for many years and managed to get in trouble constantly, even when I felt I was being tactful. What's tactful to one person is rude as hell to another. So when we tell other people to "have some tact", what we're really saying is "Never offend me or challenge my perceptions."

I might have just joined yesterday but I have actually been lurking here for quite sometime now. Too long actually. I've come across his comments enough to notice his name more than most. I still have yet to figure out if he's a prick who is here to boost his own ego or just really bad with people at times. I also said he gave good information. That is something that no one can deny, period. His form in giving it however can sometimes be lacking.

Steve is Steve. Hopefully, he's not going anywhere. I don't think he should change either. If you find him so offensive, you have options.

 

[edco76]

Steve took the time to type out a 5 paragraph response to a complete stranger who obviously by her stated diet and progress expectations doesnt have a flippin clue what shes doing. Of that 5 paragraphs he typed 1 word (damn) that changed the tone of 1 sentence to seem a little aggressive. If you read the post without that word, I don't see how anyone could find it offensive.

First, I truly believe spoon feeding people the information they desire works to their disadvantage. I strongly suggest you read though the sticky threads on this forum. They can be overwhelming in length, but well worth the time. That is, if you're interested in having a better grasp of your health and fitness.

That was plenty enough IMO to get the TS started out and if you have been posting hear long you will know that that is about all anyone else on here or any other forum would have offered. Steve has a good rep on here because he will actually go above and beyond just like he did in this case and probably does in his day to day life which would explain his success.

Anyway. Just so you don't think people are "ganging up on you" like I have heard claimed here before I think Steve shouldnt have worded that response that way But it is the web after all. I misspoken word out of a 5 paragraph attempt at help doesn't warrant the TS overreaction.

 

[Steve]

All the subtle low blows you're throwing aside...

Why don't we make this productive?

Why don't you tell me how I could have better handled the situation in your mind?

Also, what specifically did you find insensitive in the original post? Let's try and be honest too.... you went as far as to put words in my mouth above in what seems to be an effort of painting a dark picture of the person I am.

Lastly, would you agree that perception is a powerful influence of what constitutes tactfulness? If you are to agree, how do you propose someone in my position handles himself since how one perceives tact is completely dependent on their individual set of values? The Internet is a funny thing; people have the tendency to insert tone and intentions into the typed word. I admittedly find myself doing this.

Should I always reduce my presentation to the 'lowest common denominator', thus, working under the assumption that everyone will view my approach as offensive if I shoot straight from the hip (as I tend to do) instead of presenting it in a more formal, civil way?

If so, than why? I've been helping people through the Internet for just shy of a decade now. I don't say this to impress you, but rather to impress upon you that my e-persona, if you will, has been accepted more than it has been rejected. I've been successful (by a variety of metrics) being me on here. Why should I listen to you and change that? I'm not writing you off... that's not what I want to do. I'm simply asking you to instead of fling low blows based on morality and tactfulness, sell me on why I should change to fit your ideal mold of a 'professional.'

I certainly understand where you're coming from. My presentation may have chased this poster off. From your perspective, this may be a good thing considering the evil that is me by your standards. Be that as it may... you might want to stop and think that there is some rhyme to my reason. Most of what I say and how I say it is backed by well-reasoned intentions.

When I first started posting on forums, I admittedly coddled. Big time. This was then reduced to being blunt b/c the coddling wasn't working. I was blunt with more than adequate tact. Now what you see is a little more bluntness and a little less tact.

Why?

The power is in the numbers.

I present the information in a way that has the highest chance of not only being heard, but also listened to. Simple as that. If I offend some along the way, which has happened a few times on here, I'm usually able to turn it around... redirect it to a more solution-focused discussion before all hope is lost.

I have one goal on here, which you can believe or not. That is to reach people. The means by which I reach people is a product of what has and hasn't worked over the years.

If someone is sensitive to the point where my original post was too much to handle (especially considering that is far from brutal around here), then chances are pretty good that said person needs more than anonymous people on the web to help.

Edit: I typed this after everyone else spoke up, so many similar thoughts were repeated in my post... apologies.

 

[bran1]

Thank you Steve for being nice and tactful. lol

First off, I could tell you were a bit aggressive before the "damn" and that's all good. Like I said, I don't think people should be coddled, it gets them nowhere. That I believe we do agree on.

I also don't think tact in my opinion or in the opinion of anyone I know means to be "coddled". However, I was raised overseas, everywhere I've been/lived when people curse at others (no matter how innocently they meant it) 9/10 times it comes off as rude BECAUSE we can't tell how they meant it. I personally don't take offense. I'm one who is down with confrontation and bad language to a point. I also don't really care what people think of me either. But if someone wants help, I won't treat them like I would my four year old but I also won't curse at them. That for me, is common sense, that someone might take offense to it. Before you take anything out of that, I'm not saying you don't have any.

Now had you not said it in the way that you did and if she would've been offended and still left. That is another story. Obviously she does want to the...what did you say? Butterflies and rainbows? lol

Cursing at people is disrespectful to most people around the world. Like I said, no matter how you meant it. I can't hear your voice, your tone. The rest was fine in my opinion and great advice. But I think anyone would agree that no matter how innocently the curse is meant, it comes off as very unprofessional unless the person knows you well enough to know how to take it. A lot of people would look at a response such as that and think "why would I take someone's advice who talks like that?" I just feel if you toned that down a bit, you might be able to help more people than you already have.

I think it is wonderful that you help people and I have read a lot of your threads. There is a lot of great information on this site and I've noticed, a lot is from you. I just don't feel that swearing at someone when they are asking for help is appropriate.

It really shouldn't have blown up into "this". I'm sorry you took offense in the first place but...yes, that one itty bitty word did change the tone in your entire post and that is unfortunate because it was a very informative post.

 

[Steve]

Fair enough.

I will say that I will be aggressive in many cases... and I think I articulated why in my previous post clearly. That's not going to change.

As for the cursing... where I come from, damn isn't a curse word. Where I"m from, 9/10 people would not be offended by that word. But I understand it's a matter of personal values and perception. The veil of anonymity associated with the net also plays a role here.

Will I use profanity again on this forum? Most likely.

Am I sorry if I offended anyone? Certainly. My intentions were also clearly outlined in my above post and offending people was not part of it.

I've often thought about toning down my approach but it simply doesn't make sense to. In this particular case one person loses out on a helping hand. I hate that, I truly do. At the same time though, I have to question how much advice she would have listened to regardless of how it was presented.

No matter how you present yourself on a forum, when you put yourself in a position of authority as I do on a number of forums, you're always going to have people who aren't happy with what you have to say. What it comes down to, then, is, as I said before, finding what most often will 'work.' What will reach the highest number of people... that's the question I'm most concerned about.

I will keep your values in mind, and I hope you do the same toward me. I appreciate your opinion, to be honest. I did not appreciate your delivery though, which is why you saw the reaction you did.

Hopefully we can move beyond this and if the OP comes back, she'll have a 'treat' of a thread to read, lol.

 

[San2]

I just read through this thread and maybe it's just me, but I don't see the offense in the word 'damn'. Especially since it wasn't directed at the op (as in 'you damn so-and-so', for me it was merely emphasising the complete lack of information in the op's post.

I have been reading a lot of the threads around here, and noticed that Steve is rather blunt, straight and to the point. Personally, I appreciate that. I'd rather have somebody tell me to my face that I'm an idiot and then helps me change it, than somebody who is all nice and let's me go on and make an arse out of myself (or is 'arse' a curse word as well?).

The op didn't include any useful information, how the heck was anybody supposed to help? If they had taken the time to look around the board for just 5 minutes before posting, they would have realised that they need to include more info about themselves, their diet, their workout etc., because it has been said over and over before. Obviously they didn't bother though, and it looked as if they expected a universal answer to their 'problem' immidiately.

Oh, and just for the record, I was born 'overseas' (Germany to be exact), and lived there for 30 years. I don't think in all my time I have ever met anybody who'd find the word 'damn' offensive or rude. As said, for me it's not even swearing to say it. Or would it be swearing if I said 'It's damn hot today'?

I think some people simply need a ....*lol*