I'm REALLY Trying...
... not to cry. I'm sure it's just hormones and the stress of planning my wedding and everything... but I've been on edge for days now.
I've realized that my parents never tell me that I'm pretty. They never say "You look really good today." I mean my mom's commented on my hair and complimented various shirts and sweaters, but I don't think... once... in my life has my mother told me I'm beautiful or pretty. It just kind of hurts when I think back on it. What's going to happen at my wedding? I just wish I got some kind of support.
I have a date with the Gym today when James gets out of work. I'm looking forward to it. I want to go EVERY day but I don't want to over due it. I also know that I'm not going to lose 200 + pounds in 8 months. And if I did I'm sure it's unhealthy. I just want to look decent for my wedding. I just want people to think that, for one day, I'm a princess. Just for one day.
My dad supports me, I think, more than my mom. He asks, every once in a while, if I'm still walking. I haven't been but then I've started going to the gym. I'm hoping to start doing some weights soon too. Get my arms nice and buff and hopefully maximize my workouts. If anyone has any good weight programs I'd really appreciate it. Not that anyone reads this mess of a diary.
Anyway... I gotta spend some time just writing. Maybe I can get rid of all these feelings... or at least push them aside for a while and feel somewhat content.