Weight loss gone bad. Now what?

G

goryo82

New member
Here's my story.

I use to weigh about 320 pounds. Within a few years, I've lost it all. A few months ago I was 200. I did this all through healthy eating, exercise - eliminating pop, candy, etc. and drinking water, etc. However, until a few months ago, I just felt like it wasn't enough. I looked in the mirror one day and just said this isn't good enough.

Everyone says I look fine but I look in the mirror and see a fat, obese person and get disgusted with myself.

And, three exercise sessions have now become full round, seven days - rarely taking a day off. And, these are sessions lasting anywhere from 1 1/2 hours to two full hours. If I don't exercise, I get really depressed. I often wake up before work and look in the mirror and get disgusted and tell myself how hard I plan on exercising tonight (and I do - I'll do cardio for an hour at the max intensity and push myself all the way). I am really tired..my legs hurt sometimes, I feel exhausted, etc. I have canceled events with friends and family, and have postponed things just so I can get my one to two hour session in.

I'm eating food, I'm not like throwing it up or anything. However, I just think I look really big and fat when I look in the mirror, and I feel like friends and family tell me I look good because they want to be nice and don't want to tell the truth!

Also, I have been calorie-obssesed. I write down every single calorie I have - be it a piece of bread, or even a 3.5 calorie piece of gum. I also use measuring cups to measure my cereal, etc.

And now, I weigh 165 and still do all of the above. Also, I have no self esteem or confidence really. When I was bigger I felt fine. It wasn't until I started losing my weight did I really start to pity myself, and not believe. I have single handidly ended relationships because of a lack of self confidence/esteem. It's shameful. But I will NEVER EVER go back to being big because I'm so hard on myself now.

And, yes - I am a perfectly normal person. I go out, have fun, etc. I just have this issue!! I did see a doctor and they told me that I am overdoing ti way too much. I was told to moderately exercise. I tried cutting down but gave up after missing two days in a row. It was too hard. I got way too depressed so I said screw it and went to the gym. I still am losing weight, too.

Any suggestions?
 
Wow. A few questions:

Are you male or female? Height? Weight? Age?

I do think the doctor gave you good advice. You are overdoing it. I'm not sure what else to say about it.

I can see why/how you feel the way you do. Your self-esteem seems to be entirely linked to how you look and not anything else. Maybe building your confidence in areas other than how many times you go to the gym or how you look would be good?

You might have body dysmorphia (I'm not a doctor, just making an uneducated guess) Body dysmorphic disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia as you don't even seem to be enjoying the results of all your hard work.

Try this test: BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER SELF TEST
 
I think your issue is one that simply cannot be answered here on the forum. I would strongly suggest that you seek professional help - the services of a counselor or a therapist will be a lot more effective than having a bunch of strangers tell you what you already know: that you're obsessed and are probably on the road to damaging your health.

Please talk to a professional about this. It's important for you to get help before you seriously harm yourself.
 
goryo82 said:
Here's my story.

I use to weigh about 320 pounds. Within a few years, I've lost it all. A few months ago I was 200. I did this all through healthy eating, exercise - eliminating pop, candy, etc. and drinking water, etc. However, until a few months ago, I just felt like it wasn't enough. I looked in the mirror one day and just said this isn't good enough.

Everyone says I look fine but I look in the mirror and see a fat, obese person and get disgusted with myself.

And, three exercise sessions have now become full round, seven days - rarely taking a day off. And, these are sessions lasting anywhere from 1 1/2 hours to two full hours. If I don't exercise, I get really depressed. I often wake up before work and look in the mirror and get disgusted and tell myself how hard I plan on exercising tonight (and I do - I'll do cardio for an hour at the max intensity and push myself all the way). I am really tired..my legs hurt sometimes, I feel exhausted, etc. I have canceled events with friends and family, and have postponed things just so I can get my one to two hour session in.

I'm eating food, I'm not like throwing it up or anything. However, I just think I look really big and fat when I look in the mirror, and I feel like friends and family tell me I look good because they want to be nice and don't want to tell the truth!

Also, I have been calorie-obssesed. I write down every single calorie I have - be it a piece of bread, or even a 3.5 calorie piece of gum. I also use measuring cups to measure my cereal, etc.

And now, I weigh 165 and still do all of the above. Also, I have no self esteem or confidence really. When I was bigger I felt fine. It wasn't until I started losing my weight did I really start to pity myself, and not believe. I have single handidly ended relationships because of a lack of self confidence/esteem. It's shameful. But I will NEVER EVER go back to being big because I'm so hard on myself now.

And, yes - I am a perfectly normal person. I go out, have fun, etc. I just have this issue!! I did see a doctor and they told me that I am overdoing ti way too much. I was told to moderately exercise. I tried cutting down but gave up after missing two days in a row. It was too hard. I got way too depressed so I said screw it and went to the gym. I still am losing weight, too.

Any suggestions?
Click to expand...

We entered an area where you need to talk to a professional, like Kara said. Nothing we say will really effect how you are precieving your body.

I wish we could help but we could actually harm more than help in this case.
 
Ah..no suggestions then or anything outside of that? I'm not sure I would want to seek professional help. That would be worse because it would mean I'd have to skip an exercise day and I'd feel depressed. I mean, I admit I'm obsessed and go too much, and I took that test above and answered yes to every single question. Everyone tells me I look good but I think they are just lying to be nice (who really tells someone they look bad?).
 
Take a moment and re-read what you wrote..you might want to change your mind about talking with someone.
 
I'm going to say it again: You are displaying signs of OCD behavior. Please, please, please go seek professional help. There is nothing that anyone here can say that will help you.
 
What Kara said

Your obsessions are a symptom of your perceptions regarding weight loss and body image.

I'm sure your doctor could recommend a good therapist. Remember not all therapists are good. Like mechanics and plumbers there are good ones and bad ones. If you see one and they hand you a bunch of medication be careful and get a second and third opinion.

I'm not knocking your motivation. Every great athlete is a bit nuts about working out. By posting, you were asking for help and advice. We're all amateurs here and the advice you get is worth what you paid for it. ZERO.
 
I agree with what others have said. We just aren't qualified to help you with this. You know full well, from what you have posted, that your problem is mental, not physical. Go talk to a therapist about this. That way of thinking is dangerous and you need professional help before you damage your health too much.
 
While I can't really tell you anything that will help, I CAN totally understand where you are coming from. I lost 75 lbs a few years ago, and got to a point where I was doing nothing but going to the gym. It got to the point where my whole life was the gym, and yet, I still felt ENORMOUS. I still looked at myself and saw a fat person. So I just gave up and said "well if Im going to be fat anyway, I might as well enjoy the food" and gained all the weight back...PLUS thirty pounds.

I sympathize so much with what you are going through, I feel that way all the time. I always feel like people are telling me I look good just to say it, and I never take it seriously.

But you have accomplished so much. Think about the new sized clothes you can get into! Think of what great shape you are in. Think about what a HUGE accomplishment it is to do what you have done. In deciding to make positive changes in your life, you have decided that you are worth it, and that you are worth the hard work. So now that you've done that work on your exterior, maybe you need to work on your interior too, so that you can see yourself as you really are. I cant give you any sort of advice on that, because I failed to do that, and now Im right back where I started. But I think what everyone else has said about talking to someone might be a good idea. There are lots of issues that lead to being overweight, and those issues don't just melt away with the weight.

Good luck to you! I hope this post wasnt too preachy or too much, this topic just hit really close to home! I hope you are able to get some help!
 
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