Over the past 3 years, I've gained a lot of weight. I've been trying to get it off but I'm struggling. I'm being treated for Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and Social Anxiety and the combination of the three makes it extremely hard to drop the large amount of weight that I need to.
For starters, I nearly have no motivation whatsoever. Even simply leaving my room can be a daily struggle. I wake up and immediately begin thinking of excuses for why I "can't" or "don't need" to go to class. Every so often, my level of motivation spikes but this is rare.
I hate myself almost wholly. This causes me to sometimes contemplate making purposely unhealthy choices - a do or die, I hate myself anyways sort of thing. I get bored really fast and spend most of my time sitting in bed alone. If I try running, I can go for as few as 2 minutes before getting bored and as many as 15. I can't figure out the machines in the small gym where I live and have no one to ask. Going to a larger gym causes my anxiety to spike and when I see a girl who is pretty and thin, the self-hatred and embarrassment kick in.
My ex and I still talk and he tries to encourage me to continue working out but he gets upset/frustrated and doesn't understand. He weighs probably about 130 pounds - wet - and doesn't get how I feel, physically or emotionally. Everything feels connected somehow...like I'm overweight which makes me more Depressed and since I'm Depressed, even managing to leave my room is hard which makes me gain more weight or retain the weight I've already gained and that, in turn, makes me Depressed. I feel trapped in my own body.
I'm on medication now, it's just a matter of finding what works. But I'm still sick of looking at myself and I just sort of need some advice...or some type of encouragement. What could I do for exercise knowing that I'm easily distracted, socially anxious, and it's still horrible outside where I am (can't wait for the sun to come and the clouds to go away)? I saw a picture of myself yesterday and it just totally freaked me out...I need a plan of some kind. =( I know that my total lack of motivation is a huge, huge roadblock but I haven't given up yet, one day I'll get this weight off, I have to...
For starters, I nearly have no motivation whatsoever. Even simply leaving my room can be a daily struggle. I wake up and immediately begin thinking of excuses for why I "can't" or "don't need" to go to class. Every so often, my level of motivation spikes but this is rare.
I hate myself almost wholly. This causes me to sometimes contemplate making purposely unhealthy choices - a do or die, I hate myself anyways sort of thing. I get bored really fast and spend most of my time sitting in bed alone. If I try running, I can go for as few as 2 minutes before getting bored and as many as 15. I can't figure out the machines in the small gym where I live and have no one to ask. Going to a larger gym causes my anxiety to spike and when I see a girl who is pretty and thin, the self-hatred and embarrassment kick in.
My ex and I still talk and he tries to encourage me to continue working out but he gets upset/frustrated and doesn't understand. He weighs probably about 130 pounds - wet - and doesn't get how I feel, physically or emotionally. Everything feels connected somehow...like I'm overweight which makes me more Depressed and since I'm Depressed, even managing to leave my room is hard which makes me gain more weight or retain the weight I've already gained and that, in turn, makes me Depressed. I feel trapped in my own body.
I'm on medication now, it's just a matter of finding what works. But I'm still sick of looking at myself and I just sort of need some advice...or some type of encouragement. What could I do for exercise knowing that I'm easily distracted, socially anxious, and it's still horrible outside where I am (can't wait for the sun to come and the clouds to go away)? I saw a picture of myself yesterday and it just totally freaked me out...I need a plan of some kind. =( I know that my total lack of motivation is a huge, huge roadblock but I haven't given up yet, one day I'll get this weight off, I have to...
