I don't even know where to start with how sad today has been for me.
I woke feeling kinda down, I guess that was probably cause of TOM. I went to meet my mum at the station, she'd come to visit me to do some shopping but also to give me a cheque for some money.
You see, a few months ago my mum got married. Her new husband is a nice guy and treats her well but the problem is that he's quite well off. Obviously this isn't a problem for my mum lol but because he's counted as one of my legal guardians now that they're married, I'm no longer viewed by the Student Loans Company as being from a poor household (which is what I was before she married) and subsequently I now get a significiantly smaller student loan.
The loan will in fact only just cover my rent. I hate taking money off anyone but I've had to resign myself to taking an allowance off my stepfather so I can pay my bills, buy food etc.
Anyway mum was bringing me a cheque for the first bit of money today and when I met her at the station, already in a bad mood, we started talking about the whole situation and she said some things that made me feel extremely guilty about taking the money from her even though I know she can afford it.
We ended up bickering in the middle of the street and I started crying. Then she just walked away from me. I waited for a while to see if she would come back and then I walked home. Later, however, she called me to try and meet up to talk it through but I just couldn't leave my flat. I was so upset. She waited hours in town for me and then eventually took a train home.
I called just before, once she was on the train, to try to apologise for not meeting her again and she told me
she didn't trust me any more and I had let her down.
Hearing her say that really broke my heart. My mum and I argued a lot when I was younger but in the last few years we've had a brilliant relationship. As someone with not many friends, my family is so important to me and having my mum tell me I had let her down was just too much to bare.
So yeah that's it really
Somehow I've managed to still eat well, in fact I've eaten less, which is unlike me - usually I would comfort eat. I haven't done any of the exercise I was meant to do today though. I think I might try to do something at least once I've done the washing up.