If only!
I'm kinda stressed at the moment. Sort of because of the scariness (totally a word) of third year, sort of 'cause of issues with my old flat mates and probably also (but I don't admit this) because of the period coming soon.
I'm so sick of this old flat mate situation. I used to live with three other girls, two that I met in my first year and my (old) best friend. I volunteered to do all the bills, so they were all my name and that worked out fine until me and my best friend had a huge fall out and the other two girls took her side.
They all basically hate me now, except my best friend who I'm sort of on good terms with... And I still pay for their bills even though I moved out in April to live with my boyfriend instead (double rent sucks but it sucks less than an unbearable living situation with people who hate your guts).
Anyway I'm coming so near to never having to worry about chasing them for money ever again but getting these final bills sorted is just so PAINFUL. They make me feel bad for asking for money that they owe me and I have to constantly chase them and pester them to get anything done. It's so stressful and they're in these degrees where they have loads of spare time and I'm in a degree where I have to be in placement 9 til 5 every weekday MINIMUM!
I guess I've got to think there's people in much more difficult situations out there though and I only have to grin and bare it a little longer and I never have to be in that situation again, but still, I just hate feeling like this mega bitch who constantly has to ask people for money.
Sigh
I didn't exercise today either, partly laziness, partly the weather (pouring rain) and partly that I was worried about the stitches in my leg being painful on exertion. That's no excuse for not doing my weights routine though.
The thing that's really making me feel like crying right now is feeling like I have no friends. I have my boyfriend and I spend time with his friends (not many), and one of those has even become a friend of mine in my own right, but that's about it. My best friend and I are just so on the ropes still and my old friends from school, well I just never see them because they're all over the country. I want to see them sometime this month but it's just gonna be one weekend and that'll be it. I barely talk to any of them any more.
A part of me blames myself, for being a crummy friend but another part just feels like sobbing 'cause I know I'm a caring person and I should have friends to share fun times with...
Buh.
My best friend makes no effort with my any more. I've tried to stay in contact with her over summer but she's just been pretty much silent with me. I don't think we're ever going to be how we used to be.
I just hope that maybe I'll make some new friends in my third year placement but I'm not holding out hope - I'm so shy now a days. And kinda cold, without meaning to be - a defence mechanism I guess.
OK so I'm gonna end my massive rant here. Sad day. That's all.