Vanille's Diary

Vanille1

Vanille1

New member
I am hoping that this journal will help keep me on track to be successful in my weight loss goals.

A little about me: I'm 24 years old, married, no children. I don't currently work (which is part of the problem, since I used to be a waitress...which was about the only physical activity in my day).

My life: I'm lazy. My husband is lazy. We like indoor, non-active activities like reading, playing video games, and watching movies. We both hate cooking. So our diets consist of fast food, poptarts, pizza, grilled chz, cereal. Oh, and I HATE water. I hate the taste of it... I go days without drinking water. Unfortunately that means I drink a lot of soda. Usually around 3 cans a day.

I'm 4'11 at 138lbs. My goal is 100lbs. I know that might sound low to some of you, but please keep in mind I am very short. My BMI says that anything between 92-123lbs is within the safe zone for my height.

This picture is from this past Christmas. It's part of a large family picture. An aunt of mine tagged me in this on facebook. I was horrified. I haven't seen a full length picture of me at this weight. I was embarrassed and immediately untagged myself. I can't stand my weight anymore. It's not just a body image issue for me. It's that I'm UNHEALTHY. The physical image is only the visual proof of the REAL problem.

I went to play basketball the other day with my husband (an attempt he made to get active, something he only does with his male friend though) for the first time. I was amazed at how out of breath I was just getting to the park. I was so tired! I wasn't any fun, and I doubt he will be inviting me back lol.

On the way home he said he was disappointed that I couldn't play for very long. Of course my female crazy brain interpreted, "I'm disappointed in you." I broke down right there and started crying. This was 3 days ago. I don't want to be a disappointment to anyone, especially to myself.


***I am a court reporting student. Very, very briefly I'm going to explain the link I see between school and my weight. The goal of a court reporting student is to practice, practice, practice until you can get to 225wpm at 97% accuracy. This is an associates degree.. it's ideal that you make it there within 2 1/2 years. However, for some it can be 1 1/2 for other 4. If you are lazy, like me... you slow yourself down. You throw yourself in a cycle of depression. "Oh, I should be so much further.. I am a failure." "Oh, why even practice, I'm just going to fail." "Oh I'll be the perfect student... tomorrow." You compare yourself to the people who are flying through passing speedtests, and you are filled with awe, but also jealousy. Does any of this sound familiar? Yeah? I noticed how my thinking in terms of school were very similar to my thinking in terms of fitness.

So in my updates, you might see the occasional "Just passed a speed test!" Or some other updates on my progress.
 
These are the first steps I've taken:

-I've started using a free Nike workout training app on my Iphone. It's nice and guides me through workouts.

The first day I did it, I could only do it for 10m. I was only able to use the elliptical for .25 mile.

The second day, I did it for 13m and was on the elliptical for .25 before the workout and about .05 after.

The third day (Sunday), I finished the whole 30m workout and did .25 mile on the elliptical.

Monday, I rested. My body was sore. I probably should have used the elliptical at least. But it's too late to worry about that now.

It's Tuesday and I plan to do my workout, and depending on how I feel, I might start week one of the couch25k program (again).

My goals this week are:
1. Drop down to one soda a day.
2. Drink my daily iced coffee with half the sugar I have been using.
3. Continue with the Nike workouts, every day. Add in elliptical or couch25k as well.
4. Go to sleep earlier, and wake up earlier. (I've been going to bed at 3am and waking up at 11-12.
5. Drink SOME water everyday. Even if it's only a glass.
 
Vanilla. You look lovely. And i don't think you look at all grossly overweight. However, if you want to be thin, then go for it.

It sounds like your main problem is fitness. Its a wake up call. So do go with your motivation and change it. Try different things. Find something that makes you happy. A lot of people do gym. Its not for me. I like adventures and competitive sports. I like activities that are interesting in and of themselves. Maybe yoga would be worth trying for you but don't do it once and quit. Try anything three times. I like Iyengar yoga best i just can't afford classes at the moment. YOu might not be able to either. But have a go at some time in your life. My fitness activities are walking and gardening at the moment but i am going on a cycling tour soon for two months.

Its a shame you drink so much soda. This stuff is lethal. for weight, teeth and gut. I'd say quit it.

I am a big coffee drinker but i've decided to give water a go. The easiest way to start is to have a glass when you go to the bathroom in the morning. Use a 250ml glass or cup so you know how much you are drinking. Then whenever you feel like drinking or eating something, have a glass of water first. It shouldn't taste of anything.

Quitting sugar altogether is not that hard. I've done it after years of trying other things.
 
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Fortyfour, thank you for the reply. Yes soda is the bane of my existence right now. But I've tried saying, "NO SODA, starting today!" That NEVER works for me. The headaches always make me cave in. Plus, I tried this once before, using that one allowed soda as a reward for something else- like say doing so many hours of school work in a day. Eventually it has to go though, I know :(

The picture is 4 months old. I'm not sure, but I think I might be a little bigger. Just like you said, it's a wakeup call for me.

I love yoga! I've done yoga off an on, but the last time I went to a class (last summer), I was surprised at how much harder it was for me. I'm moving this summer, and we will have a membership to the same gym that offered those yoga classes I took last summer. So I am excited to try again. I also have liked pilates and belly dancing.

The only thing I would disagree on is the taste of water. I know I sound absolutely crazy, but I've heard of other people like me. I kid you not, just thinking of drinking a glass of water puts a bad taste in my mouth. The only time I drink water like a normal person, is when I'm eating out and I use lemons. I know I need to cut some lemons and keep them in the house.

I know I need to make big changes in my life. But I need to make small changes first. Just leaping in has led only in failure for me. And I just can't take much more failure.
 
Hi Vanille! One good thing about you drinking a lot of soda and coffee with sugar is that you have an easy place to start cutting back. The emphasis should be on small, gradual changes so I think cutting back and using half the sugar sounds great. I never drank much soda but I did the same with coffee... Switched from cream and sugar to milk and sugar, then half the sugar, and now I just use milk. Little changes like that will add up eventually (and we should all know that weight loss isn't a race, unless you're on the Biggest Loser!)

About the water, have you tried Crystal Light? I use the individual packets and they are delicious! Raspberry lemonade is my favorite!

Good luck with everything!
 
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