Vandal's journal

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vandal1023

New member
Well. First off, I'm so computer illiterate, it's a little disgusting, so hopefully I've done this journal thing correctly.
Anyway, I decided I'd start a journal when I had something to report and I've actually finally gotten off my ass.
So, I got up this morning at ate an apple. Which sounds kind of dumb, but I wake up at 6 and don't have 'breakfast' until 3. So, I figured 'huzzah for that, while I'm at it I might as well do some exercising too'. And if that wasn't depressing... gross.
But to make things better (not) I took 'before' pictures. I thought I'd be able to post them, but maybe when I have some 'after-esque' pictures to post with them. Just can't put those up here yet
Either way, I have nearly a full gym in my basement that hasn't been used in, forever, except for by Vandal, one of my dogs, which made exercising funny. I hopped on the treadmill and had my feet on the side bars, waiting for it to warm up. I'd forgotten that I taught Vandal to run on the treadmill (so I didn't have to take him for a walk, oh my GOSH, if that's not a little motivation....). Vandal jumped right on in between my legs and went for a nice little jaunt... until I kicked him off.
So, anyway, the actual stuff I guess:
I...
'race walked' for 10 minutes at a small incline (.52 miles)
recumbent biked for 10 minutes (2.2 miles)
and very poorly jump roped (37 'reps'... partially due to lack of coordination but mostly because I'm in the worst shape of my life).
then I did some crunches on one of those exercise ball things
2 sets of 12 just straight up, and one set of 12 to each side (the ones where you bring your left shoulder to your right knee and visa-versa).

This whole 'getting in shape' thing is a little daunting. I've always had these 'battling sides' about it. On one hand it's not my style, I like giving of the impression that I just don't care, I like being able to do what I want which includes not exercising if I don't feel like it and eating whatever I want. At the same time I was encouraged to stay big. My good friends a little heavy (well, at 18 he weighs about 250) and he hates the idea of me not being in the 'fat club' with him. Also, my partner until very recently didn't want me losing weight, apparently if I lost weight I'd be pretty and be able to find someone better. Luckily I'm not putting up with that crap anymore.

I'm committed to this thing now though, I don't have any reason not to do it, between my 'fat club friend' moving cross country, losing that lame partner, and developing new interests which would be much more fun and far less difficult if I were in shape (backpacking, urban exploring). So, I'm all in I guess. Hopefully soon I'll have good news to share with everyone.

Also, sorry for the long winded-ness. I appreciate you suffering all the way through though.
-Liz
 
Thanks so much for the support!

So, it's day two, and I haven't given up yet, which is actually an achievement in and of itself, since that's what I usually do.

Food's already frustrating me, not being limited so much as not eating the right things. I'd like to do 40-40-20 but I guess it'll just be a lot of trial and error. I thought I'd have been pretty close yesterday but not so.
Yesterday went as follows:
1 medium apple
1 serving peanut butter (I know better than to do that now!)
1 muscle milk protein shake (with water, not milk) and a serving of frozen berries
medium grilled chicken breast (no skin)
1 cup of grilled mushrooms and onions.

Oh! and a mocha (I'm obviously going to have to cut that out, especially since I'm allergic to both dairy and caffeine).

So, sounds decent, right? No
22% carbs, 35% protein and 43% fat. (all this information came from fitday)
I suspect that most of the fat came from the mocha and peanut butter so I'll be switching to tea and toughing it on the peanut butter. I'm concerned though because it was a stretch for me to take in that many calories 1213 and the coffee and peanut butter were 350 of that. So that's a little bit of a bummer.

Today I did the mocha thing again (they make it before I even get to the counter, because I only live at the coffee shop), so that was a bad call. I didn't eat anything until after I exercised either, which was also a bad call.

I also know now I need to pump water BEFORE I exercise, especially after drinking coffee. I did my standard 10 minutes on the treadmill (up to .55 miles, not much, but it's something), 10 minutes on the bike (up to 2.4 miles) and 50 rope jumps. I skipped Abs since I did them yesterday, but I'll do them tomorrow.
I also started Steve's weight training program, which I like so far. I can definitely feel it working on my problem areas (but hopefully I can still lift clients at work tomorrow!). However, this is where the water comes in. I always drink enough water a day, usually 72 oz a day plus another 16 for every 8 oz of coffee, but I drink it all during the evening, I exercise during the day. Half way through my first set of squats my quads were cramping like you wouldn't believe. Some of that I'm sure has to do with being in really crappy shape, but I'm sure drinking water wouldn't hurt.

I've stuck to things pretty well so far, I'm pretty proud of myself and feeling really good. Hopefully I'll see results though.

-Liz
 
Is the 3rd day supposed to be a little hellacious? Today's not that bad, I'm just really really sore. I met my mother for lunch today and she got quite the kick out of it. Apparently I was grimacing while just sitting there. I think that might have been an exaggeration, but not by much.
I nearly skipped working out today because I was just so sore, but my mother mentioned that you could already see a difference in how I was carrying my weight, so I thought I'd suffer through it. Also, I know if I don't stick with it every day until it's a habit I'll stop altogether, and to be honest, I don't want to have 'this' day again in the future... ever.
Regardless, I kicked exercising's ass today:
'race walked' 10 minutes (.53 miles) at a 5.5 incline
recumbent bike 15 minutes (3.5 miles)
2 sets of 12 straight sit ups
2 sets of 12 sit-ups to each side
3 sets of 12 dead lifts (12 lb bar)
3 sets of 12 over head press (12 lb bar)
3 sets of 12 cable pulldowns
3 sets of 12 step ups (no weight)


Food is still unfortunate though. Yesterday I was 200 calories under, which didn't seem like much to me, but my mother (who is a hard core weight trainer) flipped out a little. Today my proportions are all off. I had a sirloin salad and didn't even think to order a different kind of dressing... 43 grams of fat later.... (which is about 77% of my intake thus far). I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a learning process. Doesn't make me any happier about it though.
I woke up really late today, so the salad's all I've eaten, hopefully it won't throw me off too bad.

I also figured I answer the questions that were stickied & suggested:

-- How much weight do you want to lose?
Well, I'm 20 and weigh 190. At 5'3, that's huge, so, I'm aiming for 65 lbs

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I'd like to lose it by the end of march, which means about 1.5 lbs a week.

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? 'dieting' though I guess it would be a life style change; diet to me always suggests 'temporary', which I don't want. I'll also be exercising everyday, for at least a while, but always at least 5 days a week.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
My mother is a weight trainer and used to be a personal trainer, so she's all about me finally getting in shape. Also, my girlfriend and I are exercise buddies, despite living across the country from one another. We always call each other after we've worked out. It's good having someone to report to.


-- How realistic is your goal?
I think it's pretty fair, though it will be a lot of work.

? When will you start? Started Monday, on day 3.


Also- lame, as it turns out, lentils have way more calories than I suspected. Rather than the 40-40-20 that I wanted (just once?) I have 46 (fat, lame), 22 (carbs) 32 (protein). So. I think that was the dressing on the salad today that threw that all off. It’s still awfully frustrating. All I can do is do better tomorrow.

peace
 
Day four is not so bad as day three for sure. Still sore though, and that's lame

I blanked on eating today and only made 950 calories, but my proportions are closer to where I want them to be 28 fat, 37 carbs, 35 protein. So I'm a little closer, but I need to get my calories up, I guess. Seems counter productive, but I know it's not.

Exercise was good too:
ran 28 minutes (1.35 miles, wish it'd been further or a shorter period of time, but that was my first time using a program on the treadmill)
biked 16 minutes (4.0 miles)
3 sets of 12 squats (12 lb. bar)
3 sets of 12 bench presses (12 lb. bar)
3 sets of 12 cable rows

I'm going to have to go see a doctor or some silliness though it appears, my shoulder is clicking and popping and grinding and hurts like all hell. My mother thinks it might be a muscle imbalance or that my teres major is way tight. I don't know if I ought to wait it out or not. Lame

Also, I found out my university offers 8 personal training sessions for $180, so I'm thinking I might give that a shot. On a students budget, that's a lot, but so are the results of not losing this weight, so I have to weigh that.

Speaking of which, I am so antsy to jump on that scale. I've been told to only get on the scale once a week, so I'm waiting it out, but it's hard.

So, there it is.

peace
 
Food is stupid, pretty much. <caution, a litany of venting>

I'm crazy frustrated. I just cannot get enough calories, it feels like I'm eating all the time. I didn't even break 500 calories today which is bad, I know, but I just didn't feel like I could eat any more (that's not counting the mojito I had, but that's only another 150 calories). Then, because I didn't have enough calories I couldn't work out nearly as hard as I wanted to. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and 9 minutes on the bike, not even half of my weight routine, and I was done.
Dear Food- we're not friends.
I don't know how to get enough calories in. and that's shitty.
Also shitty- my partner. I'm really proud of how well I'm doing (aside from not getting enough calories today and therefore not working out enough which I'm pretty much beating myself up about), I already feel slimmer and I definitely feel healthier. I keep asking him to work out with me (he's 5'10 and 250... I'm pretty sure none of that is muscle) mostly because I think it'd be fun for us to get in shape together, and because he wants kids and knows that I won't commit to that until we *both* have a healthy and active lifestyle. He keeps bitching me out because I 'think he's fat' and then again because he spends 'all day' (5 hours) on his feet at work (fast food, get a real job, you're 21). Well, I work 18 hour days either lifting quadriplegics from a bed to a chair or the opposite or full nelson-ing a 180 pound autistic girl so she doesn't pet strangers beards. I'm not only on my feet but I'm also hauling at least 150 extra pounds four times longer than he is. Seriously. And then he bitches because getting in shape has 'changed me' and I don't spend time 'watching' movies (I actually just fall asleep) or driving aimlessly any more.
All this energy has actually motivated me and I do a lot more house cleaning and take on extra hours at work and I'm always busy and I feel great, and apparently that's not okay. I'm pretty sure that's crappy.
<done venting>
 
Hi Liz,

It looks like your doing great so far. I totally understand what you mean about taking in enough calories. I was never much of a calorie counter but I've realized that I am not taking in enough. Also, eating throughout the day instead of a few times is tough. Keep at it, you'll get used to it. I'm working on eating enough calories too.

I'm sorry your partner isn't being that supportive. Maybe he'll eventually see how great your starting to feel and look and join you. Don't let him get you down. You have to do this for you. Hopefully you can find the support that he isn't giving you right now here. Keep up the good work.

~Jenna
 
Thanks so much for the support Jenna! It's much appreciated (at least I'm getting it from somewhere).
Luckily my partner started to change his tune a little when I cooked for him what I eat (I usually make 2 meals, something healthy for me, and something deep fried and full of potential heart attacks for him) and made him sleep in his 'boys club' for a couple nights. (When he moved in I had a studio in the shed outside and it was gorgeous. I could play my cello and paint and crochet and be the art dork I am. When he moved in he said that he needed his own space, jacked my studio, painted it black (black!! it used to be white with lime green and yellow abstract shape things, it was a very happy room), put a 52 inch tv in it (I've never had a tv before, ever, it's appalling that I have such a huge one now, or one at all), and calls it a guys room (it's really just a boys club though, isn't it?). So, he's still being kind of a jerk, but he's not nearly as verbal about it.

Anyway, Yesterday I felt like I didn't eat well again, but my food was 42-38-20 and I was right at 1200 calories. I don't know. But I at least made my food. I exercised, about as much as normal. I just felt lazy, which is lame.

Today was weigh day also though. I actually had dreams that I lost 5 or 10 pounds..... and I had dreams that I gained 5-10 pounds. Not very restful sleep, for sure. Either way though, I lost 2 pounds, which is less than I wanted, but more than I expected.
So, huzzah for that.
 
Congrats on your two pounds! Its a start. Not making him a second meal will certainly bring him to your side. Eat what I make or starve. And of course the sleeping in the boys club will certainly entice him to be more supportive. I'm sorry he took away your studio. I've always dreamed of having a studio, growing up in my house my little brothers had a whole room for friggin legos the "lego room" but I couldn't have a studio. Its hard painting and sculpting in your bedroom I don't know why. Keep up the work and it will start to drop.

~Jenna
 
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