UncoverBeauty's Journey Home

Hi Uncover Beauty!
I'm so sorry to hear about your foot!

I know it's hard to keep your calories low when you're taking anti biotics and painkillers...they make you so hungry. Don't give up, remember that if you do a little sacrifice now you'll be happier when you finally reach your goal. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself, eat some chocolate to keep you happy sometimes :)
 
VGirl -- That's so true, ever since I started taking antibiotics, I feel like I've gone into hibernation, stuffing myself with food =(


First off, I need to get this off my chest before anything else.

I am a female. Not to be confused with bimbo, whore, bitch, piece of ass, "my woman", or any other god aweful name some of the male population attach to us, FEMALES.

I am a female. Not to be confused with walking breasts, nice ass, tight ass, or "hey! check our her rack!". You call me by my name. My name is Holly. I do not have "twins", I have breasts, and I beg of you to stop staring at them.

My issue? Men are pigs. Plain and simple, but we know that. Not all of them are, but they must hide under rocks. The next time I get compared to the skinny girl next to me, I'm going to knock her off her chair.

Now, let me tell you something, I was never the girl that guys looked at. Ever. In elementary school, I was the fat kid. In middle school, I was the fat girl. In high school, I was the girl with big boobs who was friends with everyone. You'd think that'd be a step up, but I rather be called fat. All of a sudden in the 9th grade I had guys all over "liking me"...*ahem*..."liking me" wasn't exactly "hey, how are you, would you like to go out?" it was "heeeeeeeeey, so, got a condom we could use?". You'd think that would be flattering, because really, I was the fat girl, who wants to sleep with the fat girl?

I'm not a tramp, I don't sleep around, I've had things happen that weren't exactly within my will of wanting. So I'm not all "Wheee, lets get it on!" but I'd like to find a guy who can hang out, talk, be my friend, boyfriend second, and can get along with and create a foundation.

Somewhere along the lines, guys missed my mind, my personality, who I am on the inside. Instead, they saw what was on the inside and had their own ideas of how to "Get to know" me on the inside. That doesn't fly with me.

I've dated my fair share, which isn't a whole lot, because I picked not too and I can't do this "Dating around" thing. The idea doesn't fancey me. At all. But my point is.....

I'm a female. I have a mind. I deserve respect and they deserve it back. A relationship is a partnership and a friendship, not a sexual game for kicks. (unless you're into that).

*sighs* Someday, I'm determined to find him, the one guy who cares. I see so many "Fat" girls with these good looking skinny guys, and it restores my hope that there are good guys out there. I don't care what he looks like, as long as he treats me right. And realizes that a female is one of the highest forms of compliment you can ever call a woman.


Anyways, my eating hasn't been to good. I'm trying to put it back on track. I've tweaked my gym workout to include more treadmill, instead of ellipitcal because my wound can't handle that just yet. I'm hoping to get down to a reasonable weight by July, because my parents are throwing my graduation party and it'd be nice to look good and feel good and "Wow" everyone I had gone to high school with =D

Oh, and I was looking around on OnDemand and I found that belly dancing....gosh, it looks like so much fun! I hope by the time I can do it, they'll still have it around =D
 
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2/3 me said:
Wow, back at the gym already!
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Well, no, not yet. Ijust tweaked it for when I go back to the gym I'll know exactaly what I wanna do =D I was thinking around March 19th for going back. By then I should be able to drive and be pretty well off for walking and exercising!!!
 
UncoverBeauty said:

I'm kinda happy bout this, but at the same time, I happen to be rather...attached to my breasts and would really like to keep them. I suppose I have to look at it this way...lose weight, be healthy, cope with a B or C or stay fat and keep my D's. I'd kill to lose weight, so, I'll take my loses =( Look at me, going on about something that shouldn't really matter. Heh.
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I'm sorry about that jerk who was trying to use you--fuck him.

About the breasts: breasts are fat and tissue. Breast tissue is more dense and feels kind of lumpy. My own are large C cups (they turn into small Ds during my period, but I'm a 36"). When I lost the first few pounds, it seemed like my tits were the first thing to go. THEN that stopped. I'm still a C cup/D cup once a week. During my annual, the doctor gave me a breast exam. I asked her about it--if your breasts are full of dense tissue, then they will not shrink too much. Only the fat will ge gone, not the tissue. Since you have had D cups as long as you can remember, it is most likely that you have big breasts, not fat ones. So don't let breast loss dissuade fat loss. Keep at it! I'll be back I have more to comment on...
 
You Can Do It



I'm a female. I have a mind. I deserve respect and they deserve it back. A relationship is a partnership and a friendship, not a sexual game for kicks. (unless you're into that).

*sighs* Someday, I'm determined to find him, the one guy who cares. I see so many "Fat" girls with these good looking skinny guys, and it restores my hope that there are good guys out there. I don't care what he looks like, as long as he treats me right. And realizes that a female is one of the highest forms of compliment you can ever call a woman.
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I'm sorry--that is a lot to go through. And you WILL find him--you're (ok I'm sorry here, don't mean to patronize you) so young--you have your whole life ahead of you. And if you really want this weight loss, then you will have it! Put all your energy into it, and share your feeligns here. We're all here to support each other. YOU CAN DO IT!
 
Wanna hear something f-ed up? I think my boyfriend is the most wonderful person, and I love him with all my heart. No man has ever adapted so well to me and given me so much affection--that I desparately need.

BUT...

I aksed him if he'd still be with me if I got really fat, and he said that he wouldn't if it was to the point that he was unattracted to me.

I asked him why and he said it was because I wouldn't be healthy and taking care of myself. I was kind of steamed, so I dropped the subject. This did not change my high opinion of my boyfriend, but it made me see him in a different light--he's 6' and 151 lbs. He has been 150 lbs since puberty. He knows nothing about struggling with your weight.

Anyway, Life is hard on Big People. I wish I could change that, but I can't--I can only treat everybody how they deserve to be treated regardless of weight. I only wish people would do the same.

I recently lost 14lbs. I started wearing cute clothes once and a while, and it's warm here (65 degrees) so I wore shorts this one day in the mall. This woman (who was not overweight, but in her 40s) walked passed me, looked back, sneered and tsked tsked. I guess she didn't like my shorts. Also, women have been mad-dogging me, and men have been fawning over me. I really dislike this kind of attention--to be trated only in accordance with how people think you look on the outside. I like being thought of as attractive, but in these kinds of situations, I just want to crawl under a rock. It makes me kind of like, "WTF?"

Anyway, keep at it!
 
Curvie Girlie said:
I'm sorry about that jerk who was trying to use you--fuck him.

About the breasts: breasts are fat and tissue. Breast tissue is more dense and feels kind of lumpy. My own are large C cups (they turn into small Ds during my period, but I'm a 36"). When I lost the first few pounds, it seemed like my tits were the first thing to go. THEN that stopped. I'm still a C cup/D cup once a week. During my annual, the doctor gave me a breast exam. I asked her about it--if your breasts are full of dense tissue, then they will not shrink too much. Only the fat will ge gone, not the tissue. Since you have had D cups as long as you can remember, it is most likely that you have big breasts, not fat ones. So don't let breast loss dissuade fat loss. Keep at it! I'll be back I have more to comment on...
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I sure hope you're right..cause from 9/3/2006 to 3/7/2007 I've lost 5.75inches off my chest...I'm hoping it stops!
 
Curvie Girlie said:
I'm sorry--that is a lot to go through. And you WILL find him--you're (ok I'm sorry here, don't mean to patronize you) so young--you have your whole life ahead of you. And if you really want this weight loss, then you will have it! Put all your energy into it, and share your feeligns here. We're all here to support each other. YOU CAN DO IT!
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I know I'm young and have a lot of time, that doesn't bother me much, but I'm the type of person where I look for the one guy I know it'll last a while with. That maybe my downfall, since I'm not like most of my friends who have a new guy every week.

This weightloss, I'm waiting for it all to come off and I can "WOW" those who gave me this "you're to fat" crap :D
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Wanna hear something f-ed up? I think my boyfriend is the most wonderful person, and I love him with all my heart. No man has ever adapted so well to me and given me so much affection--that I desparately need.

BUT...

I aksed him if he'd still be with me if I got really fat, and he said that he wouldn't if it was to the point that he was unattracted to me.

I asked him why and he said it was because I wouldn't be healthy and taking care of myself. I was kind of steamed, so I dropped the subject. This did not change my high opinion of my boyfriend, but it made me see him in a different light--he's 6' and 151 lbs. He has been 150 lbs since puberty. He knows nothing about struggling with your weight.

Anyway, Life is hard on Big People. I wish I could change that, but I can't--I can only treat everybody how they deserve to be treated regardless of weight. I only wish people would do the same.

I recently lost 14lbs. I started wearing cute clothes once and a while, and it's warm here (65 degrees) so I wore shorts this one day in the mall. This woman (who was not overweight, but in her 40s) walked passed me, looked back, sneered and tsked tsked. I guess she didn't like my shorts. Also, women have been mad-dogging me, and men have been fawning over me. I really dislike this kind of attention--to be trated only in accordance with how people think you look on the outside. I like being thought of as attractive, but in these kinds of situations, I just want to crawl under a rock. It makes me kind of like, "WTF?"

Anyway, keep at it!
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Thank you so much for replying =D It's nice hearing things from other people about a subject!!

Guys, somehow they can fall in love with your personality, but if you get fat, they seem to not understand that you still have the same personality.

I know how you feel..and that woman shouldn't have had an issue, if you feel great about yourself, then you dress how you feel. I used to hide under hoodies, but then I'm like "You know, I'm fat, I know I am, they know I am, I'll dress in nice clothes, things that suit me" and I got a lot of BS about it, cause heaven only knows once you wear a V neck shirt you're trying to "Draw attention" *shakes head* But good for you, for wearing those clothes to show off the 14lbs and to feel great!! Don't let anyone tell ya other wise.
 
UncoverBeauty said:
I used to hide under hoodies, but then I'm like "You know, I'm fat, I know I am, they know I am, I'll dress in nice clothes, things that suit me" and I got a lot of BS about it, cause heaven only knows once you wear a V neck shirt you're trying to "Draw attention" *shakes head* But good for you, for wearing those clothes to show off the 14lbs and to feel great!! Don't let anyone tell ya other wise.
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Yes, clothes are tricky, aren't they? It's like being naked is sometimes less provacotive than actual clothes that are revealing. Weird.

I wish other women just weren't so catty sometimes. I like looking at people who look good and have confidence. At a club not too long ago I saw a girl, slightly chubby, who looked really good and curvy in a really revealing top. The top was interesting and kind of tied around her. I came up to her and said, "That's a really cute shirt, you look good in it!' and she seemed really flattered and pleased. I bet a lot of other girls were like, "Ew, why is she wering that?"

I feel confident and happy with my body--I know I didn't have a whole lot to lose but dammit! It took a lot of pain and suffering (not to mention I feel better than I have in a long time, got to point that out) to lose those 14 pounds. The only problem is I didn't know that people would start treating me different. I hate to say it, but my own boyfriend has been sweeter to me, less obnoxious, and touches my stomach and back more than he did when I was heavier. So it's disconcerting. He loves my personality, too--his ex was 6', gorgeous as a f-ing model, and skinny-skinny. But she was so crazy that he dumped her after 10 weeks. And didn't look back. I respect him for that. It's just weird--trust me, when your body gets closer to that "ideal, hot" version people have stuck in their heads, you're going to face a lot of weird stuff.

But fuck that--keep it up. It's for YOUR pleasure and happiness :eek:
 
belly dancing

You're doing great Uncover Beauty. You're a desireable young woman with the courage and elan to bellydance. Go for it!
 
Happychubette said:
You're doing great Uncover Beauty. You're a desireable young woman with the courage and elan to bellydance. Go for it!
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I can't wait till my wound heals up a bit more and I can jump into belly dancing =D And once I test drive that, I may find a class this summer to take!!

This summer, I'm going to try 1 thing new every month, exercise wise.
 
Yay

I think I'll do a real post =D Thank you to everyone who has commented; even if I didn't have much to say lately about weight or eating!


Let's see, I've been sort of blowing off my calorie goal, it's to much hassle and I rather not hold myself back while my wound is trying to heal. I've been trying to keep everything under 2,000 calories though, and there for a few days I slipped up and ate alot of sugary stuff. Right now I'm eating soups and dairy and meat. Meat isn't something I generally eat; considering my body goes into a hissy fit about it, but there are some cases where I will eat it. I've been trying to get my protein from eggs mostly instead of meat. Lot's of protein makes the body heal...hopefully.

Like I've said before, I'm waiting around till March 19th to start going back to the gym. I'm going to start off with an hour of a nice paced walking (probably around 3.0) four times a week. The next week I'll add another half hour to it. The third week I'll add another half hour. And the fourth week I'll keep it at 2 hours. That should give me enough time to get into the groove of things, get some activity in and keep me from gaining much weight.

I also plan to start out at 1,200calories, that doesn't seem like much, specially if you take into account I'm healing and exercising. But that will be the first week, the next week I'll up it to 1,250, the third week 1,300, and the fourth week 1,350.

After 4 weeks I'll start over. But I'll include the ellipitical this time and cut down my treadmill time, while upping the ellipitical. And I'll stay at 1,4000calories. (I've already figured out all my calories and such). The month after, of course I'll add weight training (the reason for the first two months is, the seats are hard and I can't sit down on anything remotely hard for the first month or so). I'll stick to my treadmill/ellipitical workout add in weight training and up my calories to 1,400. Depending on how much weight I lose, I'll either keep it there or go down again. It all depends. I could tweak it again.

This way may not seem to ideal to anyone, specially since I keep upping my calories, but my problem has always been that I eat to little, but not only do I eat to little, but I include junk food. And if I don't include junk food, I eat even less. Which gets to be a really bad habit for me, so I'll start adding GOOD foods and up the calories to keep up with how many calories burned.

Obviously the calories may change as I lose weight. I'll figure it out as I lose the weight and the count of how many calories I burn just living goes down. And I'll find a happy medium somewhere =D

I'm also going to start running this summer. I have a friend who wants to run with me, so yay!!

My one friend and I have been keeping up with blogspot.com. She's very leery about posting pictures of herself, yet she wanted a sure way to stick to losing weight. So I had started an account on blogspot for my own personal trackings, and I got her involved with it. She created an account, we upload pictures whenever we hit a good mark and we keep each other motivated. She lives in Texas right now, as I live in Pennsylvania and since she rarely comes up here, we thought this would be a good way to keep up to date with each other. I track all my calories on there. And she has lost around 5lbs so far. I'm very proud of her. She gained 45lbs in the last year and a half from her move down there, which is a lot of weight for her. She's skinny, but she wants to lose 10 or 15lbs and then tone.

I got my other friend involved in blogspot too with us, she wants to lose around 30 or 40lbs, so yay!! I hope she sticks with it and achieves her goal. I recommened this site to them, but one is scared of talking to people basically and the other is to busy to keep up. I'm sure they'll take a look or two =D

Sorry..that all was to the degree of a short story =(

I was looking through my pictures and found these two. Which just amazed me at the difference. I'm not sure if anyone else can really tell the difference, but I sure did. The one on the left is from when I was 15 and the one on the right was taken a few days ago, at 17
 
Fast Food

I don't eat Mickey D's. And I don't eat Wendys. And I don't eat Hardees, but I used to eat Arby's all the time. Why? Cause their meat isn't all dripping with fat and my stomach could with stand it. Then a few months ago, like 3, everytime I ate there, my stomach would turn on me. So I figured "My bodys had as much meat as it can handle, I'm stopping". So I stopped..and I switched to subway whenever I wanted fast food. Well, I was craving Arby's for some reason, so mom and dad stopped and got me a sandwhich, I ate it and good lord. That was the most revolting thing that I've tasted in awhile. The meat was so salty and it left this horrible after taste in my mouth and it wasn't as enjoyable as it had been and all I wanted was for that taste to get out of my mouth.

Screw fast food if that's what it's going to taste like. Ick!! I'll stick to my Subway club from now on =D

The funny thing is, awhile ago, around Auguast - October..what helped me lose the first 10lbs off my weight, was eating Arbys like once or twice a week. I wouldn't keep up with that or recommend that, but for some reason it worked in my favor. Now the stuff taste horrible and I'd perfer to stay faaaaaaaaar away from it. Which is good, cause I don't need it!!


I need to start back on the calorie counting band wagon. I need to straighten out my sleeping patterns and eat back down in my 1,300 calorie range.


Amazingly, today, I had 1,670 calories. Which is alot, but I didn't snack all day, the bulk of it came from the sandwhich. So I'm at least proud of that.

I also have been weighing myself these past few days; and I've been staying at 285/283 even though my calories have been higher
 
I've been having this real problem with feeling extremely bloated, but staying the exact same weight. And nothing is bringing forth this bloatedness, not that I'm aware of anyway.

I need to get back on track today, and maybe I'll go out for a walk.


Baking is a hobby of mine, and usually I don't eat any of it or I nearly eat all of it, but I made a three layer Boston Cream Pie for my family (and my brothers friends) and managed to not scarf down the entire thing. I had 2 small pieces (small width wise..the three layers didn't help much) and 1 small piece the next day.

Unfortunally my biggest downfall was the chocolate ganoche I have sitting in the fridge. I need to not do this often, the custard and gonache both had heavy cream in them, eep.

But today is a new day, and I'll restart. =D One step at a time.

I also have a pedometer that I think I'll dilly dally around with, go on a walk, see how many steps I take a day. It'll give me something to do.
 
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