Trying to make it work this time...

sensa516

sensa516

New member
First off I guess I should start off with my name, Erika. This feels a bit weird to be writing about this especially in a place where so many people can see but I've discovered accountability is part of what I need in order to do this.

Growing up weight was always the topic of discussion in my family. There was a lot of pressure to look a certain way and I conformed to that pretty well. About two years ago I moved to New York. Prior to that I had lived in Boston and was working in clubs. There was a huge emphasis on looks and staying in great shape. Running around for hours on end every night helped with that. When I moved to New York I started my career and the classic weight gain kicked in.

When the weight first came on it was gradual and I noticed it but it didn't occur to me how out of control it would get. Slowly but surely my favorite clothes no longer fit. Over the course of 2 yrs in being here I gained 60 lbs. Just writing that made a knot in my stomach. I look at pictures of me now and can't figure out who that person is. I tried to regain control of my body before but the motivation was purely based on what people thought of me and not how I felt about me.

I'm starting over and this time I want it to be about me. I want to feel strong again. I just hired a personal trainer as weight training etc scares the hell out of me as I feel like 1/2 the time I have no idea what I'm doing. Also, this will help hold me accountable.

I guess I joined this site hoping that maybe with the new mentality and some accountability I'll get on the right track and stay there.
 
It's very hard to look at yourself and see who you have become now. The thing is don't look back look forward that's where your future lies. You starting now, why not finish?
I say if you can start it you can finish it off, even if you don't win this battle you'll realize you've made it so far.
 
Seeing who I have become is the hardest part because it's more than just that for me. A huge part of my identity for a long time was my appearance and being the "pretty girl" and now that I'm not I've had to take a long hard look at who I actually am as a person. Now that I've come to terms with that I want to be healthy and strong again but this time like I said for myself.
 
One of the things that I think sets this forum apart from others -is that people really do understand the true meaning of support here... support is not always coddling a person and telling them everything's ok when they're screwing up big time... but support is pointing out where a person is going wrong.. Not that we're mean about it or hurtful... but - instead... honest... or a healthy dose of reality...

But only when necessary... :D
 
For a second there when I first looked at your avatar, I thought I knew you! But I don't, so anyway, welcome to the board.
 
ah I get that a lot...classic girl nextdoor thing I guess...I always look like someone someone knows
 
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