Trying to change our mindsets

stoptheexcuses

stoptheexcuses

New member
You know...today got me wondering as I feel very depressed and just bummy...
I wonder will i ever change the way I see myself. I went out last nite w/ some friends and only one person, my sister-in-law, said how great i looked. I know its been a slow progression and I should love myself...blah blah blah...whatever...does anyone else love themselves? Is there a club I can join...a pin I can wear...a drink I can drink to make me not care that I still feel like the fat kid in the corner.. WEll, probably because i am the fat kid still. Everyone thinks i have the most amazing personality & self esteem... its all to hide how little of a self esteem I have. The fact that my husband doesnt ever ...i mean ever, say i look beautiful has a bit to do w/ it.... He will go the whole nite and finally like a needy woman I will say, "so do you think i look nice...?" What is he going to say...No? hello dumba##! I hate that I feel like i have to ask for my positive reinforcement...He loves me dont get me wrong..but i am working so freekin hard & I need an occassional lift by someone who loves me...other than my mom. Does anyone feel me here! Uggh! I have to go sit and write in my diary..im struggling today w/ my emotions... I just feel like the ugliest fattest thing on the planet. I was in a good mood after my workout & when I saw I had lost 2 more lbs..but i wonder sometimes if it will ever be enough!
ya know?
ok..sorry just venting
 
I kinf of know what you mean lol. Ive worked my ass off for like 9 months to gain 25 lbs or so of muscle and no one even says anything! Never been "above average" in the weight department but I have always been the skinny kid( I know theyre not the same so dont even tell me). And there is a powder you can take to feel more socializable or whatever you call it, its called phenibut powder, sells at bulknutrition.com, dont remember the price, but you asked so I told lol. I do know it sucks after eating all the good for you foods for so long, you miss out on a lot of the best tasting foods! you should at least get a compliment, but hey the world isnt a fair place so suck it up and when your confident enough show some skin and dont care what people think, have an ego thinking your hot stuff. lol I like to stare at myself in the mirror after a shower, I mean cmon ya gotta give yourself compliments, because your the person your working so hard for.
 
I know how you guys feel. I mean back when I was 120lbs, I was living my life to it's fullest, and then an abusive relationship came along and he always made me feel bad about myself, and called me a slut whenever guys looked at me, and I basically just ate when I was depressed. Then I broke up with him one I realized how stupid I've been starying with him, and then 2 years after I started dating him, I gained 40lbs. Now whenever I go out with my friends, they always compliment each other about how hot each others looks, and all the guys at the clubs drool all over my friends, and I'm just the "full figured" one. I mean I was told many times that I don't look 160lbs, and there are a few guys that buy me drinks and ask for my number. But I still feel fat compared to my friends. I feel like I can't look as good in a bikini anymore, and I always have to cover up because of my flubby arms or my love handles. It really sucks, and I try so hard to cover up my low self esteem, but sometimes I just want to break down and wished I never dated him or put myself through it. I mean we did have our good times, but I was being so stupid thinking, "Oh well there are those wonderful times where hes so good to me..".

I haven't been in a relationship since him, and that was around a year ago. I'm just afraid of the same time happening again and putting myself through shit again. AHHH.. I hate this.
 
Postive reinforcement is the best motivation to keep going.

My girlfriends friends have really noticed my change and have told her all about it but they havent said anything to me. Deep down i want them to speak up, it feels really good when people do.

But you know whats better then compliments from people. Motivating other people and making them want to better themselves. I now have about 5 people that want me to be their trainer, lol. Even my gf's roomate has started to change her eating habits and has been asking for advice.

One reason i train really hard in public on the streets is because i think maybe one person will notice and decide that they can make a life change also. Or maybe i just want people to think "man, that guys f****ing crazy" :D
 
I'm really sorry you feel that way. I have felt it many many times! You have to sit down and talk to your husband about your feelings. Say "look honey, I know it might sound corny to you, but it really makes me feel good when you tell me how nice I look" Yes, I know, being told "yes honey you look great " isnt' the same if you have to ask!

When I get down about my weight, I realize that sure I was prettier when I was skinny, but now I have learned to be a good wife,and I'm a really good mom. I couldn't cook macaroni when I was skinny but now I'm a great cook. I just have to think about all the things that I am good at! It will take time doll, but in the meanwhile, think of how far you have come and think about what a wonderful person you are!!
 
errtu140 said:
if it makes you feel any better I think your lookin good even though Ive never seen you.............
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LOL! thanks errtu! You crack me up... Your absolutely right..Im suckin it up..since I cant suck up carbs & calories..Ive gotta suck up somethin....sorry that sounds bad too...
LOL
 
I am new but old here ( have not posted in quite a while) but oh my gosh do I feel for you. I have no support what so ever. I know that my husband loves me, but not once has he complimented me on my 160 pound weight loss. He has actually had the nerve to tell me that he would rather have me obese. Hmmm, I sense a bit of insecurity. That comment was made after he seen me talking to another guy at the gym. He acted as though talking=adultry. But, I figure, oh well I am not doing it for him anyways! So, I can completely understand how you are feeling.

Debbie
 
You guys are all so sweet & its nice to know everyone understands...I knew you all would. I actually write in a journal most of the time cuz i hate having anyone else hear my needy girly crap. I personally sometimes wish I could shove it down inside..but im such an emotional person & I wear my heart on my sleeve ..it just doesnt work.
Vince..I totally understand what you mean about wishing people would speak up...I do..thats exactly how i feel.

I have been told by several people that they are now thinking of walking, or doing a 5K..or eating healthier..so you are absolutely right...people are changing because of the positive changes Ive made...So i need to stop wining and keep moving! I am not giving up this time...and I am going to be so freekin hot next year everyone is going to be shocked! i hope :-D

Thanks Korrie... I have to say...I am a better person even if im heavier than i was in my 20s...Im so much more capable & responsible...and such a good mom & Im a great freekin cook... I love to cook & actually would love to open my own "healthy dining" resteraunt...just a quiet little dream i have..shhhhh
i dont have any money or business backing..so thats where it might stay. For now...
 
powder you can take to make you feel more socializable? :eek: i'd like to have some of that.

ok i have sorta the same problem. not 1 compliment from the man. but thats ok, i did this for me, not him. besides, nobody wants the kind of compliments you practically have to beg for! sheesh. as im runnin out the door in my spandex at night and he's sitting there with his big ole belly i just think to myself "hon, i love you...but i need to do whats best for me right now."
 
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Yup same problem my H doesnt send any compliments my way bc "he doesnt want it going to my head" hmph men. well not men ive gotten more compliments from strange men(well not "strange" lol but stangers...some might have been strange though ;) ) than him it ticks me off. ive told him too but he just doesnt get it....i know how you feel K ive lost this weight but i still feel like im a big girl.....pisses me off but i cant help the mind set.i see myself in a mirror and have to remember that thats me....sucks hope it changes someday.... people just dont get either they think im just being hard on my self and maybe i am....just dont know if ill ever be satisfied. damn aint that a b**** :(
 
LuvdByAngels3 said:
I am new but old here ( have not posted in quite a while) but oh my gosh do I feel for you. I have no support what so ever. I know that my husband loves me, but not once has he complimented me on my 160 pound weight loss. He has actually had the nerve to tell me that he would rather have me obese. Hmmm, I sense a bit of insecurity. That comment was made after he seen me talking to another guy at the gym. He acted as though talking=adultry. But, I figure, oh well I am not doing it for him anyways! So, I can completely understand how you are feeling.

Debbie
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Wow..that is an amazing amt of weight to lose! You should be complimented & a flag should be flown in your honor..I honestly think somethings it challenges them to have to work at the relationship harder because we get better looking... Its a shame they have to handle it that way! wow..he has issues & he sees you doing so well
 
Im a greedy bastard, if people want any help I will help them, but if they do it for a couple weeks, screw them. I am in this for me and me only lol, probably wrong of me to think so but I dont care lol. everyone just keep thinking this is for yourself and not someone else, what if you do it for your significant other then you break up? then itll come back! either people are with you or against you, but no matter what keep pushing. Dont wait for compliments, consider them "bonuses", lol who doesnt want everyone to praise them for something they have accomplished? Alright sorry lol, Call me what you will but I'll keep kickin ass no matter what people say or don't say.................besides I know I'm a sexy bitch and no one else has to tell me lol.
 
I pretty much have said that to myself as of the other day..after I sucked it up and kicked my own butt..thanks for the encouragement errtu! I really am doing this for me...and I know Im getting more & more toight..and that is a concern for the fasha of my children i believe...oh well...too bad for yooouuuuu! ok, Ive watched austin powers way way too many times
"can i paint his yoohoo gold?"
 
alright I am going to agree with you on the austin powers thing...........and if you paint it gold make sure he isnt allergic to the paint;).

and wonderwoman "hon, i love you...but i need to do whats best for me right now."
frickin hilarious

And smiley quit yer bitchin and go out and make your h jealous or something, get him back lol. you beefy woman you(sorry couldnt help it;))
 
Ass! lol ;)
i dont need to get him back he hasnt gone anywhere lol i just want him to notice a diffrence and maybe say something nice, ex. -me:look hon i got me a new muscle**point out my massive biceps lol** him:hmm yeah that some muscle *points to my lacking triceps*..... see what i mean not like i want him to say oh you hot sexy ass babe to me everyday, i just want him to be a little...ah crap i dont know say something like "yeah hon your really working hard and it shows" that would be nice.
hmmm i dont think i need to make him jealous, other men like me, but im married to this one :p
ahh your still a sexy bitch in my books errtu ;)
 
ahahaha! This is effin hilarious. Errtu, I didn't know you had it in you. When I first met you, you seemed so... humble.
errtu140 said:
......besides I know I'm a sexy bitch and no one else has to tell me lol.
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Oh we already knew you are a sexy bitch.
 
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