Future RN
New member
Well, this is the first time I have ever joined an online forum, but definately far from the first time I have set out to lose weight. I have never been really skinny. Looking back now I guess I was the most happy with my weight when I was eighteen. I weighed around 175 pounds, but I was curvey and did not look like the Michelin man which is how I see myself now weighing 255 pounds. Ofcourse, when I was eighteen I was not happy with the way I looked and still thought I was fat. My step mom once told me, "You are such a pretty girl...if you could just lose weight!!" Well, it took me 6 years to get to the weight I am now. I married in 2002, and moved 900 miles away from everyone I knew because my husband is in the Navy. I used food as a comfort for being lonely, espescially during long deployments when I would be alone a lot of the time while he was at sea. I will be graduating with a bachelor's degree in Nursing in May of next year. I really want to lose weight to be healthy, feel better about myself, and hopefully the weight loss will help with infertility issues my husband and I have been facing. I have yo-yo dieted and crash exercised loosing between 20-30 pounds each time, but the weight comes back and I seem to plateau around this big old 255 pound mark. I kept all my skinny clothes as a reminder that I was smaller, and hopefully will wear them again. I have tried the South Beach Diet before....but as soon as I veered off of it here came the weight. This time I am going to work out and eat smaller portions to get rid of the weight. I am not going to "lose" weight because once the stuff is gone, this time I am planning to NEVER find it again. I joined a women's gym by my house, and I have full priveledges to use the on-base gym for free so there is really no excuse for me to not exercise. Today I worked out ont he elyptical for 25 minutes burning 280 calories, and then walked on the treadmill for 35 minutes burning another 240 calories. I used to be able to do 45 minutes on the elyptical and then walk an hour on the treadmill, but I have been out of the exercise scene for a while now and I need to build up my stamina again. I am just really tired of feeling embarrassed about the way I look, and I know it keeps me from doing things and enjoying life because I am always thinking people are judging me because of my weight. I try to compensate for these feelings by getting good grades. I really stress over school. I have a 3.93 over all GPA. I am entering my senior year. Last year I ended up on medicine for panic attacks, and depression because I stressed out so much over school and self esteem issues. I hope this year goes better. My husband is very supportive. I am blessed because he says he loves me whether I weigh 100 pounds or 500 pounds, and that I am a beautiful person inside and out. Sometimes I wish he would just tell me I am fat and that he wishes I would lose weight, but then again that would just make me feel worse. Well I could go on for a long time....but I will end now. I know this is going to be a long journey....I hope to reach my goal weight of around 175 pounds by May of next year. I look forward to posting the weight I have gotten rid of very soon!!! 
