To happiness...and beyond!
- Thread starter Tik
- Start date
JLStretton
New member
Long time since you posted, hope things are alright?
Tik
New member
Ok...wow...where do I start?
It's been a long time, and a lot has happened.
I reached a very low low a few months back, and it was hard to bounce back. But I have, and while I'm happier than ever, I realized these past few days that I'm walking on a thin line of bouncing back to habits I don't want, and delving even lower than I was.
I'll start back in April- that was probably the most pivotal point in my life, and where my weight loss journey began to falter. (And i feel that this is a safe place to write about my emotions...my emotions are so tightly linked to my eating and exercise behaviour- as I find that when I am up and happy, I love my body, myself, and my goal is to be clean and healthy. However, when it's the opposite, I can have such a septic and vile attitude towards myself, and I treat my body so hard)...
During April I was finishing my courses for my PhD. This was a time of stress, heavy workload, and a lot of self doubt about why I had decided to carry on with my education. I knew I had been battling with low self-esteem and I finally admitted that I might have a bit of depression bubbling inside me. However, I kept telling myself that regardless of the changes and hardships I had experienced that year, if I continued to exercise and eat healthy I would feel better both mentally and physically...and I encouraged myself to get over the hump with school, keep working hard, and I would appreciate the choice one day.
Looking back now, I think I weighted the events of April disproportionately to each other- mostly because I was confused, and unwell. My ex had begun to try to creep his way back into my life, and I was so proud of myself for not letting him drag me back. It was the first time in a long time that I stood up for myself; and it was finally the time I cut the cord between us. A few days following the events with my ex, my grandmother had a stroke. I have a small family, only consisting of my mom, aunt, and grandparents. My grandparents are truly second parents to me, and I have always been very close to them.
As an adult, you know the people who you grow up with and are close to, will pass. My grandmother's stroke was very severe, and she passed a few days later. During that time, i spent every night with her in the hospital. I was there with her, and she knew I love her, and I knew she loved me. It was a very hard time for everyone in my family. My grandfather is 89, and he has not taken well with it. My aunt and mother also had a hard time with her passing. The results was that I took on the funeral arrangements, the obituary writing, and the eulogy. This was my first close death, and in some ways, I think doing so much made it easier for me.
After my grandmother passed, my mother went into a very deep depression. I was very worried about her, and knew that I was also not myself. I finally admitted to myself that I was on the edge of a very dark cliff, and needed to recognize the dangers of not admitting what was happening to me.
After April, I decided to make changes to my life. I get my depression in check, I continued at the gym with my personal trainer, I successfully ran in my first 5k (with a pulled glute!), I joined my very first soccer team, I began to love myself and see how smart and bright I was, and I let go of the past and looked towards the future.
June was a fantastic month filled with my birthday celebrations. I had over 20 people come out (friends that I hadn't seen for years!), and enjoy my birthday with me! It was great! I was so happy, and felt so loved!
Unfortunately, I also caught pneumonia and had to halt all training for 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks slid into my trip to the UK which lasted 3 weeks. (My UK trip was amazing!!!! It filled me with so much happiness and enjoyment, and really changed me!)...I returned from the UK 2 weeks ago, and have been able to squeeze in 3 sessions so far. Summer is really busy for me- in a good way!
This is the first summer in years that I have felt that I am enjoying what summer should be. Travel, friends, BBQs, beaches, outdoor concerts, laughs, and love...because I have been so busy with friends, I've been kind of pushing my healthy eating and exercising to the side- which I don't want.
Another important thing that I have to admit to myself is that I am utilizing alcohol way too much. I'm not an alcoholic, but I drink a lot, and I drink to get drunk. It's with friends when we're out having fun- but I don't want that. My family has a history of alcohol abuse , and I have seen firsthand how drinking a lot everyday can hurt you. I don't want to drink so much, I want to be conscious of what I put in my body...and I feel that while I am happy and enjoying life, I am still tiltering on an emotional cord that could be pushed either way with things like alcohol.
I have never felt like I was someone with emotional/mental health problems, but these past few months have really made me look inward and see the state I am in. I love myself, but I have to admit that I am fragile and vulnerable- and I don't want to be.
I want to begin again on my journey for weight loss , and to a happier, healthier and loving self.
Over the past few months I have manage to maintain my weight at 186lbs. But I want to get that lower- I know I can.
I have goals over the next few months.
GOALS:
-In October run my first 10k: This means (1) SIGN UP FOR IT!!!! and (2) Begin my 10k running plan ASAP.
-Update my diary regularly with a record of my exercise and meals: I NEED TO BE MORE ACCOUNTABLE
-Be honest with myself about my actions and feelings: This will ensure that I can understand the choices I make and the repercussion I face in the future! (like eating half a tub of soy ice cream!)
-Every time I am out with my friends, be conscious of what I put in my body. Ask myself if I REALLY want it, and why I want it. Do not let my friends or other pressure me into making choices that I do not want to make.
-Write something nice about myself everyday in here, so that I can look back and see how proud I am to be me and appreciate all my accomplishments in life.
Thank you all for all the kind words. I apologize that I disappeared. The past few months have been a big change for me, a lot of self-awareness and understanding went on- however, I also dropped a lot of responsibilities and duties that I shouldn't have. Thank you for being great and I look forward to catching up with you!
Love to all!
It's been a long time, and a lot has happened.
I reached a very low low a few months back, and it was hard to bounce back. But I have, and while I'm happier than ever, I realized these past few days that I'm walking on a thin line of bouncing back to habits I don't want, and delving even lower than I was.
I'll start back in April- that was probably the most pivotal point in my life, and where my weight loss journey began to falter. (And i feel that this is a safe place to write about my emotions...my emotions are so tightly linked to my eating and exercise behaviour- as I find that when I am up and happy, I love my body, myself, and my goal is to be clean and healthy. However, when it's the opposite, I can have such a septic and vile attitude towards myself, and I treat my body so hard)...
During April I was finishing my courses for my PhD. This was a time of stress, heavy workload, and a lot of self doubt about why I had decided to carry on with my education. I knew I had been battling with low self-esteem and I finally admitted that I might have a bit of depression bubbling inside me. However, I kept telling myself that regardless of the changes and hardships I had experienced that year, if I continued to exercise and eat healthy I would feel better both mentally and physically...and I encouraged myself to get over the hump with school, keep working hard, and I would appreciate the choice one day.
Looking back now, I think I weighted the events of April disproportionately to each other- mostly because I was confused, and unwell. My ex had begun to try to creep his way back into my life, and I was so proud of myself for not letting him drag me back. It was the first time in a long time that I stood up for myself; and it was finally the time I cut the cord between us. A few days following the events with my ex, my grandmother had a stroke. I have a small family, only consisting of my mom, aunt, and grandparents. My grandparents are truly second parents to me, and I have always been very close to them.
As an adult, you know the people who you grow up with and are close to, will pass. My grandmother's stroke was very severe, and she passed a few days later. During that time, i spent every night with her in the hospital. I was there with her, and she knew I love her, and I knew she loved me. It was a very hard time for everyone in my family. My grandfather is 89, and he has not taken well with it. My aunt and mother also had a hard time with her passing. The results was that I took on the funeral arrangements, the obituary writing, and the eulogy. This was my first close death, and in some ways, I think doing so much made it easier for me.
After my grandmother passed, my mother went into a very deep depression. I was very worried about her, and knew that I was also not myself. I finally admitted to myself that I was on the edge of a very dark cliff, and needed to recognize the dangers of not admitting what was happening to me.
After April, I decided to make changes to my life. I get my depression in check, I continued at the gym with my personal trainer, I successfully ran in my first 5k (with a pulled glute!), I joined my very first soccer team, I began to love myself and see how smart and bright I was, and I let go of the past and looked towards the future.
June was a fantastic month filled with my birthday celebrations. I had over 20 people come out (friends that I hadn't seen for years!), and enjoy my birthday with me! It was great! I was so happy, and felt so loved!
Unfortunately, I also caught pneumonia and had to halt all training for 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks slid into my trip to the UK which lasted 3 weeks. (My UK trip was amazing!!!! It filled me with so much happiness and enjoyment, and really changed me!)...I returned from the UK 2 weeks ago, and have been able to squeeze in 3 sessions so far. Summer is really busy for me- in a good way!
This is the first summer in years that I have felt that I am enjoying what summer should be. Travel, friends, BBQs, beaches, outdoor concerts, laughs, and love...because I have been so busy with friends, I've been kind of pushing my healthy eating and exercising to the side- which I don't want.
Another important thing that I have to admit to myself is that I am utilizing alcohol way too much. I'm not an alcoholic, but I drink a lot, and I drink to get drunk. It's with friends when we're out having fun- but I don't want that. My family has a history of alcohol abuse , and I have seen firsthand how drinking a lot everyday can hurt you. I don't want to drink so much, I want to be conscious of what I put in my body...and I feel that while I am happy and enjoying life, I am still tiltering on an emotional cord that could be pushed either way with things like alcohol.
I have never felt like I was someone with emotional/mental health problems, but these past few months have really made me look inward and see the state I am in. I love myself, but I have to admit that I am fragile and vulnerable- and I don't want to be.
I want to begin again on my journey for weight loss , and to a happier, healthier and loving self.
Over the past few months I have manage to maintain my weight at 186lbs. But I want to get that lower- I know I can.
I have goals over the next few months.
GOALS:
-In October run my first 10k: This means (1) SIGN UP FOR IT!!!! and (2) Begin my 10k running plan ASAP.
-Update my diary regularly with a record of my exercise and meals: I NEED TO BE MORE ACCOUNTABLE
-Be honest with myself about my actions and feelings: This will ensure that I can understand the choices I make and the repercussion I face in the future! (like eating half a tub of soy ice cream!)
-Every time I am out with my friends, be conscious of what I put in my body. Ask myself if I REALLY want it, and why I want it. Do not let my friends or other pressure me into making choices that I do not want to make.
-Write something nice about myself everyday in here, so that I can look back and see how proud I am to be me and appreciate all my accomplishments in life.
Thank you all for all the kind words. I apologize that I disappeared. The past few months have been a big change for me, a lot of self-awareness and understanding went on- however, I also dropped a lot of responsibilities and duties that I shouldn't have. Thank you for being great and I look forward to catching up with you!
Love to all!
cowboy48
Well-known member
Hi Jill,
It is so nice to see you back. I was getting a little worried when I seen you hadn't been here for a while.I have gone through periods in my life like you have just gone through- in fact I have had more than my share-lol. Highs and lows, that is life. It is nice to see you maintained and you have a new running goal. I knew you had it in you. You are such a positive person and it is nice to see you haven't changed. I run my 1/2 marathon in less than two weeks - I am excited and nervous.I know I can run it because this past Sunday for my long slow distance run I ran 21.5K. It is now just to see the time I can do it in. I am shooting for a sub 2hour 1/2. I have my fingers crossed. I am so glad you are back!!!
It is so nice to see you back. I was getting a little worried when I seen you hadn't been here for a while.I have gone through periods in my life like you have just gone through- in fact I have had more than my share-lol. Highs and lows, that is life. It is nice to see you maintained and you have a new running goal. I knew you had it in you. You are such a positive person and it is nice to see you haven't changed. I run my 1/2 marathon in less than two weeks - I am excited and nervous.I know I can run it because this past Sunday for my long slow distance run I ran 21.5K. It is now just to see the time I can do it in. I am shooting for a sub 2hour 1/2. I have my fingers crossed. I am so glad you are back!!!