To happiness...and beyond!

[Tik]

Before I start a little bit about who I am, my history of weight, and why I think this time can work.

My name is Jill, and I'm currently in the first year of my PhD. I spend a lot of time in front of the computer working. I'm studying chronic disease prevention, population health, and environmental health status. Every conference I go to, every presentation I give, I feel like a hypocrite. I am working to understand how individuals can be healthier, and yet, I am not healthy.

I have always battled with my weight, but 6 years ago I was comfortable with my weight, how my body looked, and most importantly, I was happy. At that time I met someone, and for the past 5 years, we were in a relationship. I thought I was happy, but I wasn't. I gained a lot of weight, and experienced a lot of emotional abuse. I was never good enough, I was always wrong, I was always illogical and too emotional, I put myself through school and worked full time to support the two of us, and I let myself become filled with self hate, low confidence, and shame.

I have recently ended this relationship, and have decided that it's time for me to take care of myself. I want to be happy again, I want to love the way I look, I want to have confidence, and enjoy life. A month ago I decided that to become the weight I wanted that I needed a personal trainer. So I signed up for a gym, and have been seeing Jessica 3 times per week.

My work out plan is as followed:
Mon- PT appointment
Tue- Zumba
Wed- PT appointment
Thu- Off day
Fri- PT appointment, zumba
Sat- solo gym
Sun - Off day/ yoga

A month ago I weight 207lbs, with a 40% body fat. Standing at about 5'3, that's bad. I'm at risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, CVD..the list goes on.

Today I had a reassessment- I have lost 3lbs of fat and gained a pound in muscle. I'm down to 39%bodyfat. These are fantastic goals...however, I'm still not content with where I am.

Today I am having a hard time battling myself...I should be happy with my goals, and what I have accomplished. I am keeping up with the gym, keeping up with trying to improve my eating, and I am losing weight...but I'm still not happy. I need a good kick in my rear.

I came on here to get comfort from the fact that there are others out there going through the same thing I am going through. Reading your diaries and posts have made me feel wonderful, and have, in just a short period of time, given me hope and brightened my day.

I have never kept a journal, but this will be my first. I want to keep at it!


1. Answer these questions before starting your diary.

-- How much weight do you want to lose?
I would like to lose 30lbs within the next 6 months, with a total goal of 50lbs
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I am giving myself 6 months to lose 30lbs...but making it a life long journey!
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
I am going to the gym 3 times a week with a personal trainer, i want to work towards running a 5km race, and I will be working on improving and maintaining a healthy diet
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
This community, my friends, family, and self can support me reaching that goal
-- How realistic is your goal?
It's PERFECT!
-- When will you start?
I am 1 month in!!



Other questions you might want to consider answering in your diary, to get you started, and avoid that white page writer's block are: (stolen shameless from Geam's diary)
1. What is your current height and weight? 205lbs, 5'3
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? Ideal weight - 130lbs - what I am striving for 150lbs
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? 170lbs
4. Why do you want to lose weight? To make myself happier!!!
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? My biggest event is to be able to wear a short sleeved top this summer
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? I think my biggest obstacle is myself, and myself doubt.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? I've always been a heavier person, but I think my past relationship contributed to my current weight
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? I am changing my diet, where I live, who I love..etc.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? I have never successfully followed a diet or exercise plan!
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? I never accepted how unhappy I was...
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work? I have found strict diets haven't worked for me...I starve myself, and then binge. My new plan is to eat a well balance diet and consider moderation in what I eat, and how much. I'm starting the morning with a healthy breakfast, and making sure I eat healthy snacks between meals.
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? I am currently (and unsuccessfully) keeping a food diary! however, today i will make sure I write everything down, and tomorrow...and the next day
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? I try and cook all my meals at home. I like to make stews, soups, chili, etc....anything that I can take to work the next day for lunch
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? I would eat out once a week...I go to places that aren't healthy, and serve a lot of booze!
15. What are your three favorite foods? I like carbs...CARBS AND SODAS!!
16. What are your three favorite restaurants? I don't know that I have any!
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Drink less diet soda (cut it out completely), eat smaller portions, and eat more protein and less carbs!
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? Everything....
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? yes - I know I am an emotional eater
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? No...well...yes!
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? No
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Yes!
23. Do you eat as a reward? YES!!!!
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? ANOTHER YES!!!
25. What do you normally eat for a meal? I try and eat a protein, a carb and a veggie!
26. What type of snacks do you eat? nuts, cereal bars, veggies, fruit...brownies
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? See above!
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? I like weight lifting, ZUMBA!!!!! and martial arts!
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? Seeing how happy I am to wake up and put clothes on, and check myself out in the mirror!
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals? No, but I need to!!
What are some of the rewards you guys give yourselves for reaching your weight loss goals?

 

[BikiniBound2011]

Hi Jill! Looks like you have a great plan to lose the weight. Having a personal trainer sounds awesome, and I've been dying to try Zumba!

Ideas for rewards: Well, when I lost 10 lbs I bought myself a new pair of Nikes that I had my eye on. I haven't really rewarded myself for any other certain # of lbs lost, but I have bought new jeans and also I have a closet of clothes I want to fit back into. That's a great reward and it's free! I would suggest rewarding yourself with the other things you love in life besides food! I love clothes and makeup, so I'll treat myself to something like that. I also have a hair appointment on Saturday to get highlights.

Welcome to the forum!

--Priscilla

 

[Tik]

Thank you for the welcome! You'll have to try Zumba! I was so amazed at how fun it was! Great music, great moves, and just loads of fun!

I love your idea for rewards! And you're right- there are a lot of rewards out there that don't involve food! I'm so use to rewarding myself if I complete a certain school/work task - this reward was most likely a food/bevvie!

Congrats on your weight loss! That's fantastic

 

[Tob1]

wow that seems like a busy fitness schedule. don't over due it!

 

[Tik]

Mmm! Ty Tob! I agree, I'm trying to find a balance to make sure I don't over do it...My goal is to go to the PT 3 times a week, and do at least 2 days on my own!

But you're right, enthusiasm is great- but injuring myself isn't

I have to say, I'm still enjoying going! Yipppee!

 

[Tob1]

Mmm! Ty Tob! I agree, I'm trying to find a balance to make sure I don't over do it...My goal is to go to the PT 3 times a week, and do at least 2 days on my own!

But you're right, enthusiasm is great- but injuring myself isn't

I have to say, I'm still enjoying going! Yipppee!

That is a good goal, i was just trying to caution you of injuring yourself or burning your self out. I did that last year :/ i was walking every day some times running and i was lifting and also playing to soccer with friends in pickup games. then in like late October i stopped for a bit and just really enjoyed all the freedom. ( 1 - 2 hours a day became free ). and its only now that i got back to it. I love when i am getting in shape and i feel good but man i also love me free time haha. i always kick it into high gear in summer.

when I started my walking schedule was like 1 day on and one day off. Lift on the alternate days. then i changed that to walking every day but one. then I ended up doing 4-5 miles a day every day in late September.

i ended up eating alot more as well because i was always hungry. :/ that didn't stop after i did though.

sorry for talking your ear off.

 

[BikiniBound2011]

Congrats on your weight loss! That's fantastic

Thanks!

 

[Tik]

That is a good goal, i was just trying to caution you of injuring yourself or burning your self out. I did that last year :/ i was walking every day some times running and i was lifting and also playing to soccer with friends in pickup games. then in like late October i stopped for a bit and just really enjoyed all the freedom. ( 1 - 2 hours a day became free ). and its only now that i got back to it. I love when i am getting in shape and i feel good but man i also love me free time haha. i always kick it into high gear in summer.

when I started my walking schedule was like 1 day on and one day off. Lift on the alternate days. then i changed that to walking every day but one. then I ended up doing 4-5 miles a day every day in late September.

i ended up eating alot more as well because i was always hungry. :/ that didn't stop after i did though.

sorry for talking your ear off.

Talk my ears off as much as you like! It's always wonderful to chat with people - especially those that can help me and give advice!

I totally understand about the free time! There is SO many things that I could be doing with the 1-2 hours at the gym - for instance, catch up on tv shows, play video game, lay in bed and read! But the strangest thing is, I find I enjoy these activities (because I still do them!) after I work out! It makes me relaxed! It's wonderful!

But I don't have a little one running around the house so that would change things a lot!

It's a hard balance! It's great when you can enjoy physical activity, a lot of times that comes from doing something with friends! It's a great way to get a social activity in as well as something healthy! It's hard though when you have to force yourself to go- I'm hoping that in a few weeks, i still enjoy going!! hehe

 

[Tob1]

Talk my ears off as much as you like! It's always wonderful to chat with people - especially those that can help me and give advice!

I totally understand about the free time! There is SO many things that I could be doing with the 1-2 hours at the gym - for instance, catch up on tv shows, play video game, lay in bed and read! But the strangest thing is, I find I enjoy these activities (because I still do them!) after I work out! It makes me relaxed! It's wonderful!

But I don't have a little one running around the house so that would change things a lot!

It's a hard balance! It's great when you can enjoy physical activity, a lot of times that comes from doing something with friends! It's a great way to get a social activity in as well as something healthy! It's hard though when you have to force yourself to go- I'm hoping that in a few weeks, i still enjoy going!! hehe

talk your ears off... challenge accepted haha.

haha your list of things to do in your spare time are my list of things to do with spare time. literally... I also write( not that you can tell by my poor grammar etc haha) and play Nerdy games haha.

Yeah our six month old keeps us tied up most of the time.

When i was in college i used to go to the gym and play tennis and soccer and football.. all for fun with groups around campus. And i learned i hated the gym. i hate being around other people while i work out. plus the price of a gym can easily cover the cost of some home equipment. also i walk and walking is FREE haha.
So you asked about my walking club on my journal so here again are links.

Line 1 is the clubs talking forum: http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club/46238-walking-club-duex.html

Club challenge found here: http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club...ing-club-duex-february-walking-challenge.html

I also use the walking to clear my head and what not.

 

[Tik]

talk your ears off... challenge accepted haha.

haha your list of things to do in your spare time are my list of things to do with spare time. literally... I also write( not that you can tell by my poor grammar etc haha) and play Nerdy games haha.

Yeah our six month old keeps us tied up most of the time.

When i was in college i used to go to the gym and play tennis and soccer and football.. all for fun with groups around campus. And i learned i hated the gym. i hate being around other people while i work out. plus the price of a gym can easily cover the cost of some home equipment. also i walk and walking is FREE haha.
So you asked about my walking club on my journal so here again are links.

Line 1 is the clubs talking forum: http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club/46238-walking-club-duex.html

Club challenge found here: http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club...ing-club-duex-february-walking-challenge.html

I also use the walking to clear my head and what not.

Excellent! I'm glad we share the same interests! I must confess, that I am a GIANT nerd! I rarely tell people but my biggest weaknesses are (a) The Sookie Stackhouse novels, (b) World of Warcraft, and (c) Fallout!! Oh, and really, REALLY bad television

I use to write all the time! There's something about writing that can be so healing. Unfortunately, I have lost the ability to tap into my creative writing - I'm hoping it comes back! What do you write? Have you shared any of it on here?

This is sad to say, but I've actually never felt comfortable playing on a team! *gasp* I've done kick boxing, skiing, and other solo sports, but I've never been able to get up enough nerve to participate in team sports! I would LOVE to change that! Team sports are such a great way to engage in social activities while getting physical activity!

I have to say, I like the gym...I like the personal trainer- as she shows me what to do, and how to do it correctly! This way I can go back on my own and do it...however, I do NOT like the gym for solo cardio- I'm hoping that changes!

Your walking club sounds fantastic! It's a bit cold here right now (and will be for some time), does the walking count if it's inside, warm, on a treadmill!?

 

[Tik]

Day 2

Wow! Firstly I have to say that I am filled with warm and fuzzies about this community. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that in 1 day, I would receive so many encouraging words, tips, and motivational pushes towards my goals! Thank you!

I was feeling so down about my progress and myself yesterday, that I was really worried that I would end up making myself fail! But you guys have helped a lot! There are so many inspirational stories on here that let me know that I can do it...I CAN DO EEET!

So, Day 1 Food
9am:Half banana, 5-6 frozen strawberries, 1 cup OJ (smoothie)
10am: Oatmeal & 16oz of water
11:30am: Veggie rice and 4 small homemade meatballs & 16 oz water
12pm 16oz water
1:30pm 16 oz water, and 1 two bite brownie (yuuum!)
4pm: 16oz water, hummus & pita, greek salad (no cheese, low fat sauce)
6pm: 16oz water
8:30pm: can coke zero, 16oz water, & med homemade ww pasta & veg tom sauce
10pm: 16oz water

*I have a 16oz jug for water, and refill it a lot!
** Wed I have class until 7, and often don't get home until 7:30/7:45. I'm normally starving, as there's no break in class- after I make dinner, it's a little late. After readings some posts on here, I noticed that it's ok if you eat after 6pm, just make sure that it's not carbs...I will have to start trying to have more protein and veg based meals wed nights!


Day 2
It's still early, but
8:30am : Granola w/ cranberries & almond milk

I will have class between 11:30 and 2:30, and plan on having a lunch sized portion of the pasta I made last night. I'm not feeling 100%, and I'm a bit slow on the water intake..in fact, it took almost everything for me to get my breakfast down.

I woke up feeling like I'm getting a head cold...snuffie & coughie, and I'm absolutely POOPED. I've set myself up to be able to go to the gym (have all my gear on!), but I'm feeling like all I want to do is go home, snuggle in, and nap. It doesn't help that it's storming here today! My walk to work caused me to become completely soaked! So, right now my mood is damp, a little cold, and a whole lost of sulking

I'm hoping by this afternoon, once I warm & dry off, I'll be ready to hit the gym. I would LOVE to get some cardio in, and try out some of the interval training BugDude suggested! I'm always amazed at how much going to the gym makes me feel better- it's just getting myself there

Wish me luck! And thank you all for being so fantastic

 

[Tob1]

Excellent! I'm glad we share the same interests! I must confess, that I am a GIANT nerd! I rarely tell people but my biggest weaknesses are (a) The Sookie Stackhouse novels, (b) World of Warcraft, and (c) Fallout!! Oh, and really, REALLY bad television

I use to write all the time! There's something about writing that can be so healing. Unfortunately, I have lost the ability to tap into my creative writing - I'm hoping it comes back! What do you write? Have you shared any of it on here?

This is sad to say, but I've actually never felt comfortable playing on a team! *gasp* I've done kick boxing, skiing, and other solo sports, but I've never been able to get up enough nerve to participate in team sports! I would LOVE to change that! Team sports are such a great way to engage in social activities while getting physical activity!

I have to say, I like the gym...I like the personal trainer- as she shows me what to do, and how to do it correctly! This way I can go back on my own and do it...however, I do NOT like the gym for solo cardio- I'm hoping that changes!

Your walking club sounds fantastic! It's a bit cold here right now (and will be for some time), does the walking count if it's inside, warm, on a treadmill!?

Haha well i like George R.R. Martin and the WOT series. i also like some others. I don't much care for wow but i am a HUGE Diablo fan. and D&D and Catan.
I have not shared what i write i don't much think its the proper forum for that kind of thing. i am working on a novel im a few chapters into it. its not often i can work on it.

and as far as team sport well it depends on the team for me haha... but what ever no one makes fun or anything it just gets competitive... it also helps i used to be athletic haha. it is a good social tool.

i have never had a personal trainer but i bet its a great tool to have. lucky haha. and yes walking on a treadmill counts. * if it tells you how far you walked *

 

[Tik]

Haha well i like George R.R. Martin and the WOT series. i also like some others. I don't much care for wow but i am a HUGE Diablo fan. and D&D and Catan.
I have not shared what i write i don't much think its the proper forum for that kind of thing. i am working on a novel im a few chapters into it. its not often i can work on it.

and as far as team sport well it depends on the team for me haha... but what ever no one makes fun or anything it just gets competitive... it also helps i used to be athletic haha. it is a good social tool.

i have never had a personal trainer but i bet its a great tool to have. lucky haha. and yes walking on a treadmill counts. * if it tells you how far you walked *

I have heard Diablo is an AMAZING game! I haven't tried it!
I think it's fantastic that you're working on a novel! I wish I had the patience and determination to do that!

I love having a personal trainer- but I do think they're not as practical as some other means of weight loss. They cost a lot, but they do hold you accountable for your goals, and they encourage/motivate you! I don't think they're for everyone- but for me, it works! This is the first time I'm putting an investment into my health. A lot of people pay monthly car payments, etc. which is the same amount- since I don't have a car, I justify it that way!

 

[Tik]

Day 2
It's still early, but
8:30am : Granola w/ cranberries & almond milk
11:45am: ww pasta and homemade veg sauce
12:30pm: 2 two bite brownies (I can't stop!!)
5:30pm: grilled potatos, asparagus and baked chicken, glass of OJ
7:00pm: blue corn nachos and home made salsa

Unfortunately, I've only had a little more than 32 oz of water today. I'm hoping to kick that up a notch

Also, after reading some diaries on here, I was motivated to go to the gym this afternoon! It took ALL my will to go back outside in the pouring cold rain, but I did!

I tried the interval training, and some more cardio- but I wasn't feeling strong/well enough to push through- I was completely exhausted.

I ended up doing

12min on the treadmill at speed 5 and incline 3
and then 15 minutes on the elliptical at incline 15 and resistance 5.

I made sure my heart rate was always between 60% and 80%...

Then I did 40 sit ups using the exercise ball, and 20 pullups, and then finished off with some stretching.

I feel good that I made myself go, but I wish I had been more diligent to push through my cardio.

Tomorrow is another day Another day for me to surpass my expectations and continue onto my goal

 

[Tob1]

Great job Today!

 

[Tob1]

I have heard Diablo is an AMAZING game! I haven't tried it!
I think it's fantastic that you're working on a novel! I wish I had the patience and determination to do that!

I love having a personal trainer- but I do think they're not as practical as some other means of weight loss. They cost a lot, but they do hold you accountable for your goals, and they encourage/motivate you! I don't think they're for everyone- but for me, it works! This is the first time I'm putting an investment into my health. A lot of people pay monthly car payments, etc. which is the same amount- since I don't have a car, I justify it that way!

Diablo is one of my favorite games for ever!

you wish you had the patience and determination to do that?... yeah me to hahahaha!

that sounds great about the personal trainer! i don't see a problem with paying for it. its like anything really if you want it pay for it... right?

 

[BugDude]

Jill, your original post on this thread took a lot of courage. You're making positive changes in your life and you should be very proud of taking control of the things you can change. Working on your PhD, you're obviously very intelligent and driven...you certainly have the tools and fortitude to do this as well.

I've been married for 17 years, so I know all too well what it is like to never be good enough and always be wrong. I support our family of 4 by being the Chief Financial Officer / Chief Operating Officer of a Hospital. It's a high stress job. With 2 kids, 9 and 2, I thankfully found a way to appreciate the Al Bundy style humor in my situation instead of choking on bitterness. Things that used to irritate me to no end I now think are funny. I also learned the only thing I could change was me, my attitude towards things, how I reacted to things, and how I let things effect me. I had to change my expectations. Funny thing happened...it affected others around me and my situation improved immensly. I became the change I needed and it effected those around me. Go figure.

10 years ago I weighed 280 and I undertook this journey and was very successful. I lost 100 pounds in 9 months, was running 23 miles per week, and lifting weights. I was in the greatest shape of my life. I remember thinking most of my adult life, "if I was just in great shape everything would be great." I had an unrealistic expectation that it would fix everything and make me happy. Some time after achieving my goal and maintaining it for a while, my whole world came crashing down on me. Personally, professionally...everything. I suffered severe anxiety attacks and sunk into a deep depression for years. THAT was the biggest challenge of my life. It was so deep and dark no one had a clue. Over a period of years, I gained all of the weight back and then some. It has taken me this long to now get completely off of anxiety medication and understand what happened to me and why and to develop the tools to deal with life's surprises.

So, here I am 10 years later, starting out at 306 and on my journey once again. I've done it before, I can do it again. This time, with a whole new set of tools, expectations, and motivations all for the right reasons. I don't have any unrealistic expectations that this will cure any issues or be the answer to any of my problems. It won't make me happy. I'm already happy, and I found it deep from within and not from anyone else. I will just be wearing a different size pants and be a healthier happy me. Life is full of issues, problems, ups, and downs and regardless of the number on the scale it will continue to have them. No one else can make us happy, we have to find it with ourselves for who we are and hopefully we can find someone else to share our happiness with. Ideally, the sum of both happinesses is greater than the two individual parts...and you can help prop each other up when you're down.

It took me 10 years to get back on this path, and I'm much better prepared, equipped, and mature in my perspective of life, people, relationships, and spiritual connectedness. I hope you find this forum helpful because it is full of positive perspectives...it's already helping me.

You have a great plan, you've found a great resource in this forum, and you have people here to help you along the way. You WILL reach your goal. Slow and steady wins the race.

 

[Tik]

Great job Today!

Thank you!

(I got your PM and will respond- but can't until I have had my account for a certain number of days! )

As for the personal trainer- you're right! You get what you pay for! It's hard though on a student budget to justify it- but hey, health is priceless, right?!

Plus, it'll curb my shoe addiction!!

 

[Tob1]

Thank you!

(I got your PM and will respond- but can't until I have had my account for a certain number of days! )

As for the personal trainer- you're right! You get what you pay for! It's hard though on a student budget to justify it- but hey, health is priceless, right?!

Plus, it'll curb my shoe addiction!!

Haha, thats cool. well justify anything on a student budget really... you know!
shoe addiction? hahah

 

[Tik]

Jill, your original post on this thread took a lot of courage. You're making positive changes in your life and you should be very proud of taking control of the things you can change. Working on your PhD, you're obviously very intelligent and driven...you certainly have the tools and fortitude to do this as well.

I've been married for 17 years, so I know all too well what it is like to never be good enough and always be wrong. I support our family of 4 by being the Chief Financial Officer / Chief Operating Officer of a Hospital. It's a high stress job. With 2 kids, 9 and 2, I thankfully found a way to appreciate the Al Bundy style humor in my situation instead of choking on bitterness. Things that used to irritate me to no end I now think are funny. I also learned the only thing I could change was me, my attitude towards things, how I reacted to things, and how I let things effect me. I had to change my expectations. Funny thing happened...it affected others around me and my situation improved immensly. I became the change I needed and it effected those around me. Go figure.

10 years ago I weighed 280 and I undertook this journey and was very successful. I lost 100 pounds in 9 months, was running 23 miles per week, and lifting weights. I was in the greatest shape of my life. I remember thinking most of my adult life, "if I was just in great shape everything would be great." I had an unrealistic expectation that it would fix everything and make me happy. Some time after achieving my goal and maintaining it for a while, my whole world came crashing down on me. Personally, professionally...everything. I suffered severe anxiety attacks and sunk into a deep depression for years. THAT was the biggest challenge of my life. It was so deep and dark no one had a clue. Over a period of years, I gained all of the weight back and then some. It has taken me this long to now get completely off of anxiety medication and understand what happened to me and why and to develop the tools to deal with life's surprises.

So, here I am 10 years later, starting out at 306 and on my journey once again. I've done it before, I can do it again. This time, with a whole new set of tools, expectations, and motivations all for the right reasons. I don't have any unrealistic expectations that this will cure any issues or be the answer to any of my problems. It won't make me happy. I'm already happy, and I found it deep from within and not from anyone else. I will just be wearing a different size pants and be a healthier happy me. Life is full of issues, problems, ups, and downs and regardless of the number on the scale it will continue to have them. No one else can make us happy, we have to find it with ourselves for who we are and hopefully we can find someone else to share our happiness with. Ideally, the sum of both happinesses is greater than the two individual parts...and you can help prop each other up when you're down.

It took me 10 years to get back on this path, and I'm much better prepared, equipped, and mature in my perspective of life, people, relationships, and spiritual connectedness. I hope you find this forum helpful because it is full of positive perspectives...it's already helping me.

You have a great plan, you've found a great resource in this forum, and you have people here to help you along the way. You WILL reach your goal. Slow and steady wins the race.

Thank you for such a fabulous post! You have NO idea how warm this made me feel!

Posting on here, and about my past, and how I got here- was a positive step for me. I haven't opened up a lot about my relationship, and how it impacted me...and only recently did I accept the fact that I choose to stay in an abusive relationship. I always thought it would never happen to me. I would hear stories, or see it in the media, and I would always say, "goodness, I'm way to bright and smart to ever let that happen to me" ... but sadly it did. But it's a new day, and the path that I have taken to get me where I am has taught me a lot.

Some people say that weight loss won't make you happy, and I think on some levels they're right. But at the same time, actively seeking this goal is making me happy- because for the first time, (in a VERY LONG TIME), I'm doing something JUST for me! And I'm doing it because I want to feel better, I want to be healthier, and I want to feel confident! I already notice a little extra jump in my step

Relationships are hard, and you're right- you must look inside yourself for happiness before ever looking outward. It's amazing how a change in perspective can improve many aspects of your life

I am so happy to have found here, and have a place where I can be open about my weight, my life, and the roads that I've taken to get where I am, and the roads that I want to take to get where I want to be! Everyone's words, stories, and help are so inspiring!

And I can't say this enough- we can make our goals! We can