doxbane
New member
First post here, looking forward to checking out the other sub-forums and journals for motivation. Hopefully, having something documented here will help me stay on a program and get this weight off.
To give some background, I'm a 32 year old male, 5'11", currently probably around 240 lbs. I've been fat all my life, but never to this degree; I was always sort of the fat kid that wasn't the fattest kid in the class, if that makes sense.
My usual fat (over)weight was around the low 220s. I hover around this weight when I'm vaguely watching what I eat and trying to get a bit of exercise.
Ideally, I'd like to get down to around 210.
I think that's a realistic and relatively healthy weight for me, even though for my height and build, I should be closer to 190 or so. But having been fat all my life, I know that with the ingrained lifestyle I have, my hobbies, responsibilities, and generally the way I live my life, 190 is not going to be realistic, and I'm ok with that. I am comfortable with the way I look at 210, my clothes fit well at that weight, and life is good.
I'm not completely sure why I've slid so far in the last six months or so. I think it's been a combination of a lot of things, all of them easily controllable separately, but instead I've let them band together and control me instead. Here's my problem issues:
- Food as Entertainment: I have two pretty sedentary jobs, which mostly consist of me sitting on my ass, or doing a minimal amount of walking. I work many overnights, alone in front of a computer or driving around alone, so food has become something to break the monotony with. Also, when I'm bored or just need to kill time, food has become a reward; something to look forward to. This is when the trip to McDonalds or 7-11 is a killer.
- Free Food: I have a very, VERY large compulsive issue with "free" junk food, and I work in an environment where it is quite often very accessible. People are often leaving pizza around, and donuts, or chocolates, etc etc. I never buy this sort of food at the grocery store, and don't really crave it at home, but if I know there's half a Meat-Lover's Pizza and four Boston Creme donuts just sitting around because no one wants them, I MUST have them.
I'm very ashamed of the way I behave in this type of situation. This is not a normal feeling for me; I am rarely, if ever, ashamed of ANY thing I do, because if it was such a bad thing to do, I wouldn't have done it in the first place. But I will eat ALL the free junk food I can get, and I'll do it in private, hiding it from co-workers because I'm so disgusted with my actions. Even if I'm not hungry, I'll still want to eat everything I can, because somehow the fact that it's there, and it's free, and it's something I like, means I have to have it all and I can't (won't) share it or risk someone else getting it.
Pretty sad.
- Lifestyle: this is basically who I am, and it's not going to change. I'm an indoors guy; I enjoy playing on the computer, playing strategy games, reading, and generally NOT going outside. I'll walk the dogs or do yard work, but these are isolated incidents. Hopefully when my son is old enough, I'll be playing sports and doing more exercise related things with him, but the truth is that over the years, none of my "pleasure" activities involve excercise.
I've worked out at gyms over the years since I was 16, but exercise is always for the sake of exercise; it's something I have to force myself to do. I feel comfortable in a gym, and I feel great while I'm doing it and after I'm done, but motivating myself to actually go and do it can often be difficult. It's the same story everyone has; going to the gym is just one more "have-to" task that must be done in the course of one's day, rather than something done for enjoyment.
- Laziness/Busy lifestyle: Quite often, I find myself too lazy or low energy to eat properly. I work two jobs, have a newborn son, try and be a good husband, get together with friends twice a week, and generally live life, and I don't spend enough time making sure I have healthy food instead of just grabbing a bowl of cereal or making five minutes worth of pasta instead of cutting up a salad and having some fruit.
- Picky Eater?: I just really don't enjoy things like fruit and vegetables that much. I don't mind salad, I don't mind oranges and bannanas and tomatoes, but when I want a meal, those things certainly are not what my body craves. It's tough to feel like I just fed myself without having at least some sort of complex carbohydrates on the plate.
SO, that was really long. Basically, those are the contributing factors to me ballooning up to a fatter level than I have ever been in my life.
The biggest problem I face right now is actually both relatively serious and extremely pathetic: I work at a job that requires a uniform, and right now, this very minute, I am at the EXTREME edge of almost being unable to work, because my uniform is too small for my fat, fat body.
My pant size has gone from a nice size 36 when I was in decent shape, to 38 about three years ago, which is not too bad. However, on a whim I ordered a some size 40 pants, and THEY DON'T FIT. And yet, I have to wear them anyway. I have no choice. This means that I spend much of my day physically uncomfortable because I'm fat. My shirts are tight around the waist as well, but it's winter now so I usually have a sweater and/or jacket on as well, so that is covered up.
So this is a crisis. As in, if I don't lose weight, I'm screwed. I've already blown apart a pair of pants because THE ZIPPER EXPLODED. TWICE. The waist clasp held, because I have to wear two pairs of belts in my job (don't ask) but the teeth of the zipper kept getting pulled apart because of the stresses my girth has caused.
Pretty picture, eh?
Anyway, enough of the negativity. There are some positives, and much hope for the future. I do know how to lose weight and get in shape. I understand nutrition, I can read a food label and understand what makes a product healthy or unhealthy. I understand my target heart rate, and how to maintain it during exercise to burn fat. I know how to create an aerobic exercise regiment that will burn fat and increase cardiovascular health. I know how to limit my caloric intake, and how to eat smarter, and better, instead of just less.
It's just a matter of willpower. The absolute worst problem about losing weight is that we can't just go cold turkey. I've had other bad habits and I've been able to kick them surprisingly easily because I could just STOP doing it. Eating is not like that. You can't just stop eating. It sucks. But, it's got to be done.
So, it's 5:20AM here. I'm done work in an hour, then I'm going back to the gym for the first time in five weeks. I'm going to weigh myself, then start into the workout routine I've been planning in my head.
Results posted tomorrow. Wish me luck, and I'll wish the same for all of you!
Mike
To give some background, I'm a 32 year old male, 5'11", currently probably around 240 lbs. I've been fat all my life, but never to this degree; I was always sort of the fat kid that wasn't the fattest kid in the class, if that makes sense.
My usual fat (over)weight was around the low 220s. I hover around this weight when I'm vaguely watching what I eat and trying to get a bit of exercise.
Ideally, I'd like to get down to around 210.
I think that's a realistic and relatively healthy weight for me, even though for my height and build, I should be closer to 190 or so. But having been fat all my life, I know that with the ingrained lifestyle I have, my hobbies, responsibilities, and generally the way I live my life, 190 is not going to be realistic, and I'm ok with that. I am comfortable with the way I look at 210, my clothes fit well at that weight, and life is good.
I'm not completely sure why I've slid so far in the last six months or so. I think it's been a combination of a lot of things, all of them easily controllable separately, but instead I've let them band together and control me instead. Here's my problem issues:
- Food as Entertainment: I have two pretty sedentary jobs, which mostly consist of me sitting on my ass, or doing a minimal amount of walking. I work many overnights, alone in front of a computer or driving around alone, so food has become something to break the monotony with. Also, when I'm bored or just need to kill time, food has become a reward; something to look forward to. This is when the trip to McDonalds or 7-11 is a killer.
- Free Food: I have a very, VERY large compulsive issue with "free" junk food, and I work in an environment where it is quite often very accessible. People are often leaving pizza around, and donuts, or chocolates, etc etc. I never buy this sort of food at the grocery store, and don't really crave it at home, but if I know there's half a Meat-Lover's Pizza and four Boston Creme donuts just sitting around because no one wants them, I MUST have them.
I'm very ashamed of the way I behave in this type of situation. This is not a normal feeling for me; I am rarely, if ever, ashamed of ANY thing I do, because if it was such a bad thing to do, I wouldn't have done it in the first place. But I will eat ALL the free junk food I can get, and I'll do it in private, hiding it from co-workers because I'm so disgusted with my actions. Even if I'm not hungry, I'll still want to eat everything I can, because somehow the fact that it's there, and it's free, and it's something I like, means I have to have it all and I can't (won't) share it or risk someone else getting it.
Pretty sad.
- Lifestyle: this is basically who I am, and it's not going to change. I'm an indoors guy; I enjoy playing on the computer, playing strategy games, reading, and generally NOT going outside. I'll walk the dogs or do yard work, but these are isolated incidents. Hopefully when my son is old enough, I'll be playing sports and doing more exercise related things with him, but the truth is that over the years, none of my "pleasure" activities involve excercise.
I've worked out at gyms over the years since I was 16, but exercise is always for the sake of exercise; it's something I have to force myself to do. I feel comfortable in a gym, and I feel great while I'm doing it and after I'm done, but motivating myself to actually go and do it can often be difficult. It's the same story everyone has; going to the gym is just one more "have-to" task that must be done in the course of one's day, rather than something done for enjoyment.
- Laziness/Busy lifestyle: Quite often, I find myself too lazy or low energy to eat properly. I work two jobs, have a newborn son, try and be a good husband, get together with friends twice a week, and generally live life, and I don't spend enough time making sure I have healthy food instead of just grabbing a bowl of cereal or making five minutes worth of pasta instead of cutting up a salad and having some fruit.
- Picky Eater?: I just really don't enjoy things like fruit and vegetables that much. I don't mind salad, I don't mind oranges and bannanas and tomatoes, but when I want a meal, those things certainly are not what my body craves. It's tough to feel like I just fed myself without having at least some sort of complex carbohydrates on the plate.
SO, that was really long. Basically, those are the contributing factors to me ballooning up to a fatter level than I have ever been in my life.
The biggest problem I face right now is actually both relatively serious and extremely pathetic: I work at a job that requires a uniform, and right now, this very minute, I am at the EXTREME edge of almost being unable to work, because my uniform is too small for my fat, fat body.
My pant size has gone from a nice size 36 when I was in decent shape, to 38 about three years ago, which is not too bad. However, on a whim I ordered a some size 40 pants, and THEY DON'T FIT. And yet, I have to wear them anyway. I have no choice. This means that I spend much of my day physically uncomfortable because I'm fat. My shirts are tight around the waist as well, but it's winter now so I usually have a sweater and/or jacket on as well, so that is covered up.
So this is a crisis. As in, if I don't lose weight, I'm screwed. I've already blown apart a pair of pants because THE ZIPPER EXPLODED. TWICE. The waist clasp held, because I have to wear two pairs of belts in my job (don't ask) but the teeth of the zipper kept getting pulled apart because of the stresses my girth has caused.
Pretty picture, eh?
Anyway, enough of the negativity. There are some positives, and much hope for the future. I do know how to lose weight and get in shape. I understand nutrition, I can read a food label and understand what makes a product healthy or unhealthy. I understand my target heart rate, and how to maintain it during exercise to burn fat. I know how to create an aerobic exercise regiment that will burn fat and increase cardiovascular health. I know how to limit my caloric intake, and how to eat smarter, and better, instead of just less.
It's just a matter of willpower. The absolute worst problem about losing weight is that we can't just go cold turkey. I've had other bad habits and I've been able to kick them surprisingly easily because I could just STOP doing it. Eating is not like that. You can't just stop eating. It sucks. But, it's got to be done.
So, it's 5:20AM here. I'm done work in an hour, then I'm going back to the gym for the first time in five weeks. I'm going to weigh myself, then start into the workout routine I've been planning in my head.
Results posted tomorrow. Wish me luck, and I'll wish the same for all of you!
Mike
I look forward to reading your journal and watching you shrink!