_Alice_
New member
I've had problems with my self-image for as long as I can remember, due to a difficult home situation which I shan't go in to. Because of my genes, I've always been overweight; my sister eats more than me but is thin, yet such is life.
Anyway, about 2 years ago, when I was around 15-16, I started starving myself and very quickly began the useless pattern of yo-yo dieting. About a year ago, I developed bulimia. Since then, my weight has varied from 178lb, my heaviest ever, to 156lb, a weight at which I was proud of achieving just 10 weeks ago at Christmas; I'm 5'6" and 18 years old. In the last 2 months however, I've started bingeing again and put more than a stone - I now weigh 172lb. I understand the reasons for this constant yo-yoing effect - I starve myself for a couple of months and then start to eat all the foods I miss, relying on bulimia to get rid of the excess calories, which it can never do sufficiently, so I gain weight. I feel absolutely awful in my current state and hate myself, and have been trying to stop bingeing since Xmas, but haven't managed (so far) more than 5 consecutive days.
All of that is background to what I now want to do: develop a healthy relationship with food. I'm receiving councilling and very much want to stop the damaging pattern of bingeing and purging, begin to take regular exercise and establish better eating patterns. The problem is that my desire to do all that is still secondary to my desire to lose weight; but I hope to be able to achieve both.
Anyway, this diary is a way of making myself come to terms with my eating patterns and my attempts to change them.
-- How much weight do you want to lose?
Around 30-35lb; I would be so happy if I could reach 140lb.
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I'd like to reach this weight or (to have at least surpassed my previous weight of 156lb) by June 25th (Glastonbury Festival)
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
To try and tempt myself out of a bingeing pattern:
Carbohydrates in the morning (toast or cereal or porridge)
Fruit/yoghurt throughout the day
Dinner of meat or fish and vegetables.
I know it seems like very litle, but bulimia has severely mucked up my metabolism and I need to eat enough to function (normally when going through periods of weight loss I eat around 800 calories a day, and I now want to aim for around 1200)
I will also be aiming to exercise more; stretches etc, walking, jogging, and recording the little extra every day.
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
My friends and my family
-- How realistic is your goal?
I think it's realistic; it's 16 weeks til Glastonbury and, at a rate of 2lb a week, that's 32lb. I also lose weight fast and have lost 20lb in 6 weeks before.
-- When will you start?
Now - today was Day One.
DAY ONE:
Breakfast - dry special K (200)
Lunch - apple banana yoghurt (320)
Dinner - beef (300) asparagus (100) swede, cauliflower and green beans (100)
Feeling? Hopeless, as though I'll never lose any weight, though I know if I can only keep this up for about 14 days I'll be seeing a difference already.
Anyway, about 2 years ago, when I was around 15-16, I started starving myself and very quickly began the useless pattern of yo-yo dieting. About a year ago, I developed bulimia. Since then, my weight has varied from 178lb, my heaviest ever, to 156lb, a weight at which I was proud of achieving just 10 weeks ago at Christmas; I'm 5'6" and 18 years old. In the last 2 months however, I've started bingeing again and put more than a stone - I now weigh 172lb. I understand the reasons for this constant yo-yoing effect - I starve myself for a couple of months and then start to eat all the foods I miss, relying on bulimia to get rid of the excess calories, which it can never do sufficiently, so I gain weight. I feel absolutely awful in my current state and hate myself, and have been trying to stop bingeing since Xmas, but haven't managed (so far) more than 5 consecutive days.
All of that is background to what I now want to do: develop a healthy relationship with food. I'm receiving councilling and very much want to stop the damaging pattern of bingeing and purging, begin to take regular exercise and establish better eating patterns. The problem is that my desire to do all that is still secondary to my desire to lose weight; but I hope to be able to achieve both.
Anyway, this diary is a way of making myself come to terms with my eating patterns and my attempts to change them.
-- How much weight do you want to lose?
Around 30-35lb; I would be so happy if I could reach 140lb.
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I'd like to reach this weight or (to have at least surpassed my previous weight of 156lb) by June 25th (Glastonbury Festival)
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
To try and tempt myself out of a bingeing pattern:
Carbohydrates in the morning (toast or cereal or porridge)
Fruit/yoghurt throughout the day
Dinner of meat or fish and vegetables.
I know it seems like very litle, but bulimia has severely mucked up my metabolism and I need to eat enough to function (normally when going through periods of weight loss I eat around 800 calories a day, and I now want to aim for around 1200)
I will also be aiming to exercise more; stretches etc, walking, jogging, and recording the little extra every day.
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
My friends and my family
-- How realistic is your goal?
I think it's realistic; it's 16 weeks til Glastonbury and, at a rate of 2lb a week, that's 32lb. I also lose weight fast and have lost 20lb in 6 weeks before.
-- When will you start?
Now - today was Day One.
DAY ONE:
Breakfast - dry special K (200)
Lunch - apple banana yoghurt (320)
Dinner - beef (300) asparagus (100) swede, cauliflower and green beans (100)
Feeling? Hopeless, as though I'll never lose any weight, though I know if I can only keep this up for about 14 days I'll be seeing a difference already.
