This time for good...

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bananaphone

New member
Hello. It is hard for me to post this information and very embarrassing.

I am a 35 year old professional woman. I have a one year old baby. I am 5'4.5" and weigh around 180 lbs. This is my maximum non pregnant weight in my life. I have been down around 145 before and that is probably a good weight for me.

About four years ago, my then-fiance left because, as he said, he was not physically attracted to me. He felt I was fat, which...well, I was. It was humiliating. For the first time in my life, I began going to the gym religiously. I didn't grow up in a house where people paid attention to fitness, so I just didn't know, I guess; for me "gym" meant horrible PE classes in school and I'd never been to the gym in my life. I did Zumba, weights, and all kinds of things. I lost 12 pounds and went down to 170. I know that is still large, but I looked good and I was fit and I was on the right track. I continued to use the gym religiously for 1.5 years. I met my now-husband (who is a much nicer man). Then I got pregnant, and suddenly I was too sick to exercise intensely and also too frightened of miscarriage. But as soon as the baby was born, I lost the baby weight by breastfeeding and was back down to 170. Then a few weeks later, my dad fell (terminally) ill. Due to caregiving during the seven months of his illness and life with a new baby, I was unable to exercise at all. Slowly over the last year my weight crept back up from 170 to 180.

That's where I am now. I hate looking in the mirror.

I really need to, and want to, start exercising again. Somehow I feel scared, and I don't even know what I am scared of.

I measured my blood pressure today and for the first time in my life it was high. I am scared for my health. My knees hurt; I feel bad all over. Due to the baby I can no longer stay at work longer and use the gym there. I don't know how to exercise and then shower while watching her. I don't live near a gym. By the time I get home it is dark and freezing out, so I don't feel like I can just take the baby and go for a walk. My husband does not come home from work until 11 p.m. some nights.

I want to exercise again but I feel stressed, frightened, and trapped and I don't know how to begin. Two weeks ago I had a false start where I did three days on the elliptical and then stopped. I tried not eating sugar for a few weeks and I was surprisingly successful but I didn't lose any weight at all.

Last Friday at a work party, I binged on cake. I felt terrible afterwards.

So...I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I thought that maybe some company and :seeya: support might help.
 
Welcome to the forum Bananaphone!

I would suggest learning a lot of different bodyweight exercises and doing them as you have time. You can even incorporate the baby into some of them.



This guy has a ton of free bodyweight and minimum equipment workout information from simple to super intense.



This one is exercises to do with your baby, but unlike Ross I don't know of their quality.

Start off slow and just recreate the habit of exercise and you have nothing to worry about. If you can reforge the habit during the winter you will be ready to really take advantage of the warmer weather and longer days when they come around.

I look forward to seeing your success!
 
Welcome to the forum bananaphone. You have made a good decision coming into this forum. You will find unconditional support. We have all been there & understand where you're coming from. Most of us have/had issues with low self-esteem.The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop beating up on yourself. Being overweight does not make you a bad person. You will be better able to make changes if you feel better about yourself. Think of your positive qualities and don't be hard on yourself. It is so much easier to make positive changes if you tell yourself that you can do it. You're a professional. You can do it. I know it sounds cliched but look in the mirror each morning, pay yourself a compliment & then "treat your body like a temple." Spend as much time as you can dancing to music while doing chores etc. It all adds up. I have to go to golf, but will pop back tomorrow. Cheers, Cate.
 
Hello Quercus and Cate! I like your suggestions.

Cate, back before I had the baby, before my parents both fell sick, I used to have a book on self-esteem and do a lot of the exercises. Interestingly when I did that was when I managed to exercise. I put it aside for a while. Maybe I should pick it back up. Also you are right...I am very successful professionally, very on top of things; usually I'm able to face my fears and do what needs to be done. The weight thing is the only area of my life where I feel totally helpless sometimes. I have some kind of mental block and just feel like it is unfixable and have trouble starting. I am going to try what you said tomorrow morning.

Quercus you are right; I need to just start slow and re-forge the habit, and yes by the time summer comes again I will be ready to take advantage of the warm weather.

I am going to spend this weekend and next week motivating myself.
 
Picking that book back up sounds like a good plan to me. Being overweight sure is fixable & starting is the key. Of course, you can do it. I started a motivational thread WAY back & there's lots of quotes etc on it. When I started it most were new to me, but now they are everywhere on Facebook etc & sound a little cliched. There are still lots that are useful. The link is http://weight-loss.fitness.com/threads/33533-Motivational-sayings-and-or-affirmations xo Cate
 
Hello, all. It has been an unusual few days.

When I began this journal, I had been feeling much worse than usual and had suddenly gained a few pounds. It turns out that I am pregnant again. I am overjoyed but if all goes well I will be getting heavier, not lighter over the next 9 months! :)

My plan had been to take off a minimum of 10 pounds and get to 160 before a second pregnancy. That plan, and all other plans, were derailed by my father's sudden six month terminal illness and death. As I am now 35.5 we decided to try again despite the fact that I hadn't lost the weight yet. It seems to have worked.

I did manage to take a nice 1.5 mile walk yesterday and am aiming to do that daily. I know how important it is to be as fit and mobile as possible during pregnancy. During my last pregnancy I began at 170 (and very fit despite being overweight--could do an hour of Zumba nonstop), ended up at 198 or so, and could barely move by the end of it.

I am so ecstatic to have a second little one on the way. At the same time, a small part of me is afraid that I am never going to get to a point in life when I can really focus on weight loss and my own body. And I am scared that I am starting out eight pounds heavier than last time.

Wanted to thank all of you for stopping by here.
 
Hey bananaphone, welcome. First off - congrats on the second one due. I have 2 kids, and I know how time-consuming they are. Remember with the baby(ies) that they can stay in the crib a little longer if you need to finish up an exercise. If going to the gym isn't an option, can you get a workout DVD? Maybe one focused on pregnant women? When my wife was pregnant, both times, she lost weight during the whole process.

And remember the second tier of weightloss: food. You can still eat healthy while pregnant, oddball cravings aside, and it'll be better for the baby, too. My wife had a voracious appetite for fresh fruit with the first one (a girl), and her cravings didn't really seem to change for #2 (a boy).

Is there any overlap in your husband's schedule that would allow you to get in some exercise? Or do you have any friends/family/sitters who could come over the house for an hour or two?
 
Hello LJ. Yup...YouTube is also good for workouts. I am thinking of mainly trying to walk daily; I just got an iPhone and it has a nice Health app that checks your steps. Last time I also found some nice pregnancy yoga videos on YouTube. My diet is actually pretty clean...haven't had a dessert.

OK, time for lunch; going to go for a walk now. Yay!
 
Congratulations bananaphone :D That's great news. As long as you don't use your pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything & everything (like I did!) there is no reason that you can't be a healthy weight when you have your baby. It's the best excuse to be very healthy. I'm really happy for you xo Cate
 
Thanks to both of you. Sure, tips on any programs would be helpful.

Also, I. am. exhausted. Like, it is an effort to get up and go into the other room. I have meant to be walking more than I am but I feel like garbage; either I want to throw up or I want to sleep.

I have my first OB appointment and I feel so embarrassed that they are going to weigh me.

I am pleased to say that my diet has been very clean for a few months now. Except for a little accident :) at our holiday party when I was attacked by three cookies, I have not eaten junk food in months.
 
Well, here I am again--a year older, a mom of two now, and about 15 pounds lighter than when I started this thread. Now at 165 lbs. I hadn't seen the 160s in a few years.

At week 14 of pregnancy, I had a scare and I stopped exercising. Around 20 weeks, my weight started going up fast. I turned out to have gestational diabetes. It was a horrible experience. I was put on a strict diet and had to prick my finger four times a day. I had a lot of extra monitoring. All of my medical records said "obese." It was beyond humiliating and I felt awful, because I put my baby at risk by being fat. It made me feel a little better reading that overall 5% of pregnant women have GD, and 15% of obese pregnant women do. To me this said that 85% of obese pregnant women do *not* get GD, and that my problems weren't just fat but were also my genes.

After diagnosis, I had to see a dietician. I learned all about low-carb. It was a new and different way of eating. I cut out all refined sugar and anything that came in a box. That was in April. Five months later I'm still eating clean. I was on the edge of needing medications for the diabetes but controlled it by diet and exercise. I delivered a healthy 7 lb baby boy without insulin or any other diabetes drugs.

I had my postpartum checkup a few weeks ago and am cleared to work out again. After my GD diagnosis I religiously walked 1/2 hour a day and now I am free to do something more intense.

So that's an update. Hope all are well.
 
Hi bananaphone & welcome back sweetie. Wow! What a year you have had. Good on you delivering that healthy baby boy without Insulin. It's wonderful that you have turned your eating around. Go healthy you! xo Cate
 
Hi Bananaphone :)

Wow, you really have taken control of things! Congratulations on your second kid, sounds like you´re modeling a wonderfully healthy lifestyle for your offspring now.

LaMa
 
Welcome back Bananaphone! (Groovy name!!) Congrats on your two little kiddies as well. Keep up the awesome work!
 
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