This Time Around...

jjjay said:
IPHEW! Its been really therapeautic writing about it. But I need you to get to current day so you can advise me on what to do! LOL! :blush5:
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It's been theraputic for me to read!
Here's the thing though, it's end of financial year here in Australia so work is ridiculous at the moment and though I have read your last chapter several times, I haven't had the chance to respond. PLEASE just go ahead any send the next chapter? I promise I will catch up!

In the meantime ladies and gentleman...it's happened! I am officially BELOW 87 Kilograms!!!! I am currently on 86.7 kilos grams!
I did say when I saw 86kgs on my sale that I would cry, but instead I did a happy dance on my scale :p
It was very timely actually because I went shopping yesterday to try and find something smashing to wear at the party tomorrow night, and came hope thouroughly depressed and went straight to bed.
But when I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale it was as though the Universe was saying to me "There, there Besdy...we'll get there. We'll get you into that silky, slinky Balck and Pink Kimono style top soon enough."

So i'll be very good today. Gym tonight, nice healthy dinner and then tomorrow, I will be good at the party. I am 1.7 kilos away from my goal! I don't want to stuff it up while I feel so motivated!
 
Hey just wanted to stop by and say I'm proud of you for everything you've done. Keep it up, you're doing wonderful. I'm on quite a journey myself... have a LOT of weight to lose. I'll be checking in every so often ;)
 
I am pretty much alone in my office right now.
Everyone has gone out to lunch, and I am sitting around trying to decide what kind of pathetic lunch I am going to have, while I try not to remember all the excitment of eveyone talking about the fancy new pie shop across the road that opened and supposedly has the best chunky beef pie and thai chicken curry pies ever.
Urgh. Pies! I hate slow cooked and chicken, I hate gravy and I especially HATE gravy!

Is anyone convinced? No....I don't blame you.

I went online today trying to look at clothing websites to try and motivate myself, but am finding it a bit hard and ineffective at the moment since there's all that hideous eighties stuff out at the moment.
I tried to find a picture of the kind of little black dress I would want to wear, but I couldn't find one I really liked online and it was harder than I thought.

Anyway, I don't really have anything of any value to say really, it's just that the office is pretty much a ghost town and I can't be bothered to do any work so...
here I are.

So what's for lunch peeps?
 
Casey4588 said:
Hey just wanted to stop by and say I'm proud of you for everything you've done. Keep it up, you're doing wonderful. I'm on quite a journey myself... have a LOT of weight to lose. I'll be checking in every so often ;)
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Thanks for stopping in Casey! And thanks for the encouragement!
I'm heading over to yours right now! :D
 
Bedsy81 said:
In the meantime ladies and gentleman...it's happened! I am officially BELOW 87 Kilograms!!!! I am currently on 86.7 kilos grams!
I did say when I saw 86kgs on my sale that I would cry, but instead I did a happy dance on my scale :p
It was very timely actually because I went shopping yesterday to try and find something smashing to wear at the party tomorrow night, and came hope thouroughly depressed and went straight to bed.
But when I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale it was as though the Universe was saying to me "There, there Besdy...we'll get there. We'll get you into that silky, slinky Balck and Pink Kimono style top soon enough."
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W0W Bedsy!! Well done on the under 87kg achievement - I'm really proud of you!!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray::hurray:

You are 4 kg ahead of me! I got to catch up! And whatever you wear for the party, think of the weight that you are no longer carrying around...in fact, get dressed for the party then go and find something heavy in the kitchen like tins or bags of sugar and pick up the weight that you have lost so far and imagine trying to fit that into what you are wearing - you will be amazed at how far you have come!

Bedsy81 said:
It's been theraputic for me to read!
Here's the thing though, it's end of financial year here in Australia so work is ridiculous at the moment and though I have read your last chapter several times, I haven't had the chance to respond. PLEASE just go ahead any send the next chapter? I promise I will catch up!
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LOL! I am a bit :willy_nilly: about it all at the moment. As long as you promise me a nice fat conversation about the meeting and what you think of it all, I'll send you what I've written so far.
 
Thanks jjjay my girl! :D

So I am trying to get my head around another 10kgs and while that's going on, I feel like I have been at that place lately.
You know.
The place where you've lost enough weight for it to be noticable and people start commenting and then the self sabotage begins?
Well. Honestly before I just gave up, but now that I totally acknowleding that that's the place where I am, I am desperately trying to find out why I am doing it and how to stop.
I haven't binged!
But the state of mind I am in right now is really not helping me with my motivation.
Though I am trying to change things up diet and exercise wise, I feel like everything is so stagnant.
I feel like I am in this place where I am sick of watching my weight, I'm sick of watching my food and I am SO SICK of thinking about it all!

I have noticed lately that everyday at work, I look at my clock and at around 10am I am DYING to go to the gym!
Like if I was able to walk out of my office, go home and go to the gym, I would!
Then by the time the day is over, and I can actually go to the gym, I have barely enough energy to get there, let alone the cardio and weights program I am supposed to be following!
I know I sound like a giant moaning/whiney baby, but when excercise is the key to my motivation and I have no choice but to go in the evenings after a full day's work, it's not easy.
I notice I don't binge when I am exercising so what I might do is, since I bring my gym gear with me to work so I can go straight after I finish, I might as well, get dressed at lunch and head out for a walk/run during my lunch hour.
I'll start doing that tomorrow and seeing how I go.
I have to do something!!!
At this point anything is worth a try.
If anyone has any advice or anything, I'd love you help.
 
Well you are completely up to date now Bedsy...I have nothing further to tell!!

Bedsy81 said:
You know.
The place where you've lost enough weight for it to be noticable and people start commenting and then the self sabotage begins?
Well. Honestly before I just gave up, but now that I totally acknowleding that that's the place where I am, I am desperately trying to find out why I am doing it and how to stop.
I haven't binged!
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I know exactly what you mean....and it IS self-sabotage - pure and simple. Plus a bit of comfort...ah well I'm not as bad as I used to be there I can eat a little bit of this...but a little bit of this everyday is what go you to where you used to be! I think its at this point that remembering THAT feeling can be a good motivator...you know...the feeling when:
- you look at a photograph of yourself and just feel so embarrissed
- you have a evening thing to go to and walk around so many stores..to the point where you'd just spend whatever it took..but can't find anythign that fits or looks good
- you're out with the girls and that REALLY cute guy, the one guy in the whole place that you might actually be interested in, is actually wanting to talk to your slim friend
- you go to put on your "best" smart suit for work...and its a bit too small...

Bedsy81 said:
I have noticed lately that everyday at work, I look at my clock and at around 10am I am DYING to go to the gym!
Like if I was able to walk out of my office, go home and go to the gym, I would!
Then by the time the day is over, and I can actually go to the gym, I have barely enough energy to get there,
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I am the same - its all about when you have teh energy. I try and fit in a work out before work...so I go to the gym at 6.45am (eek!) and am done and dusted by 8am for work. Its not always the longest gym session - sometimes only 40 mins, or I don't look my absolute best for work...hair might be tied up rather than styled...but its at least a visit to the gym. Lunchtime too - long power walk? All you have to do is slip on some trainers and go! Not fast enough to sweat but far enough to be a proper walk! I even get to the gym for 30 mins workout sometimes in lunch.

It is tough when you have a demanding job though Bedsy and you are (hopefully) coming to the end of what has been a really busy patch - so natural that you feel tired in the little free time that you have. It also depends how flexible your work are - I can turn up any time between 8am and 9ish as on some days I'm in at 7am working...I can take 1.5hours lunch break now and again if I want to, or leave at 4ish rather than 5.30...because I work a fair bit of overtime as and when the job demands it. This isn't possible in every job but does make getting down the gym easier.

Why not set some small goals...just 1 or 2 day goals..and achieve them...like TODAY I won't eat in between lunch and dinner...etc...and see if it gets you temporarily through the movitivation/self-sabotage bump?
 
TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY! I Can feel it in my bones!
I'm sick of this pychological mumbo jumbo. It's just me looking for excuses and I'm done! Back in to it as of now! I had my weet-bix for breakfast and a cup of tea, I have an apple and a tub of yoghurt for snacks and a big bowl of beef and vegetable soup for lunch. Dinner is slow cooked chicken with veggies. And that's it. No treats! I am going for a walk at lunch time and then tonight, I am going to go home, get my clothes and go to the gym. Ooooh okay I am getting excited about it again!! !
 
I have had 482 calories so far and I've just had lunch!
I had my cereal and milk for breakfast, 2 cups of tea an apple and a 500g tin of soup for lunch.
Will likely have my yoghurt later and/or an apple so that's roughly another 150
Then dinner which will be about 300-350 calories.
That's almost 1000 cals so I could have more veggies and stuff for dinner and a hot chocolate tonight.
I went back and re-read my previous journal before this one and was (or wasn't, I should say) surprised to see that almost identically to this journal, I lost around 10-12kgs and then just went missing after that.
I even spoke about it saying that I wa sstarting to get itchy about people commenting on my weight loss and how it throws me off, so it's definitely a little tick of mine that I am going to have to work out in order to continue.
In one sense I feel like paying to much attention to it is just giving it power to continue, but then I think it's the same thing that has plagued me in my weight loss goals since as far back as I can remember.
It's just weird.
Anyway. I am definitely not letting it beat me this time.
In fact when I get to the gym tonight, I'm going to pummel it out of myself!
 
Bedsy81 said:
TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY! I Can feel it in my bones!
I'm sick of this pychological mumbo jumbo. It's just me looking for excuses and I'm done! Back in to it as of now! I had my weet-bix for breakfast and a cup of tea, I have an apple and a tub of yoghurt for snacks and a big bowl of beef and vegetable soup for lunch. Dinner is slow cooked chicken with veggies. And that's it. No treats! I am going for a walk at lunch time and then tonight, I am going to go home, get my clothes and go to the gym. Ooooh okay I am getting excited about it again!! !
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I LIKE IT!!!
Go go go Bedsy!

You are so right - there's a "point" where I think you get a little unsettled, when people start to comment on the changes, and the ol' self-sabotage kicks in. Why?!?! I don't know. But it does. You've recognised it, you aren't going to let it affect you - the best way to get to the other side of a blockage?!? Go straight through it!!! Motor on right through middle and out the other side!

Just get down the gym, even if you are tired, go and see what you can do when you get there, it will be more than you think you can do at the start and you'll feel better afterwards.
 
jjjay said:
the best way to get to the other side of a blockage?!? Go straight through it!!!
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Oh jjjay! It's little nuggets of wisdom such as this that makes me come back for more! :)
Seriously though you're so right. And I have really taken this advice to heart so thank you. The plan is just not to pay attention to those negative feelings that try to hold me back, I'll just ignore them and power on through.

So today will be another good day!
I had my weet-bix and coffee for breakfast and an apple or a pear stil to go. Beef and veggie soup for lunch and a yoghurt for a snack. I'll probably end up having a lean cusine for dinner since I am going to my parents house.
i feel good boys and girls! I feel GOOOOOOO---OOOOODDDD!!! :)
 
This drinking ridiculous amounts of water thing...
I don't know man...
I feel like I am goin to pee about 82 times a day!!!
I hate it!
 
Bedsy81 said:
Oh jjjay! It's little nuggets of wisdom such as this that makes me come back for more! :)
Seriously though you're so right. And I have really taken this advice to heart so thank you. The plan is just not to pay attention to those negative feelings that try to hold me back, I'll just ignore them and power on through.

So today will be another good day!
I had my weet-bix and coffee for breakfast and an apple or a pear stil to go. Beef and veggie soup for lunch and a yoghurt for a snack. I'll probably end up having a lean cusine for dinner since I am going to my parents house.
i feel good boys and girls! I feel GOOOOOOO---OOOOODDDD!!! :)
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All good stuff!!! I'm proud of you! POWER ON THROUGH!
Feeling good is definitely the way forward!! I hope you are playing the James Brown song in your head as you say that!! I FEEEEEL GOOOOOOOD DA NANA NA NANA! I KNOW THAT I SHOULD DA NANAA NA NANA!

As for the peeing...here's another JJJay nugget of wisdom just for you this morning...I say: better out than in!!

Keep up the hard work, keep on the straight and narrow! I know you can do it!
 
So we just had a long weekend here in Australia and though I don't want to talk about it, I will say, I have had a good week so far, heading to the gym tonight and I'm going to kick my own ass.
Okay?
Okay!
 
So long as you had a great weekend...sometimes its worth it! Hope you have a great week ahead.

How much water are you drinking btw?? 82 times is an awful lot! lol
 
Ohhh man! I've missed ya! Great to see ya back on here :) I've become a little wishywashy on this site. Not gonna lie... I NEEEEED to be better at it, lol.
Anyway, I'll seeya round!
 
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