This Time Around...
- Thread starter Bedsy81
- Start date
jjjay
New member
Ohhhh jjjay! It's all a rich tapestry this journey we're on
On the day that I run for 40 minutes without stopping, I will think of you and raise a beer in your honour. (Low carb of course! hehehe!)
oh oh oh! It sure is hon! And we'll get there
On the day that you run for 40 mins without stopping, you'd better tell me and I'll raise a mojito in your honour at the same time!! *although given our geographical distribution, I may regret it as it will probably be lunchtime?!?*
Hope work is easing up - I know month end can be manic but its not meant to last for the week and the half before the month end!!!
Bedsy81
New member
oh oh oh! It sure is hon! And we'll get there
On the day that you run for 40 mins without stopping, you'd better tell me and I'll raise a mojito in your honour at the same time!! *although given our geographical distribution, I may regret it as it will probably be lunchtime?!?*
Hope work is easing up - I know month end can be manic but its not meant to last for the week and the half before the month end!!!
Thanks lovely!!!
Okay so....I don't want to admit this, but I'm gonna....
I binged.
I know.
I don't know why.
So went back to the gym to punish myself and will again and again all week.
AlexPlatups
New member
Well, that's it then, I'm taking out my belt!!!
To be more serious though, can you explain what happens to you before
you do that? Have you ever observed your thinking process from the side
before you actually choose to eat what you promised yourself that you
wouldn't eat?
There's nothing really wrong with binging once in a while, per se, the thing
that we must do, if we are responsible human beings is to watch ourselves
from the side and observe how our thinking process works, i.e.
..."what kind of thoughts does your mind produce before we reach for that food?"
..."what kind of thoughts happen why we are eating what we shouldn't be eating?
..."what kind of thoughts happen after we have done it?"
Observe this, and you will notice a very, very strange thing, you will notice
that there is a part of you that is doing the observing?
...who or what is that? when you answer this, your life WILL CHANGE!!!
Bedsy81
New member
Yeah, you know I have tried to sort of have that objective looking at yourself, from outside yourself kind of view and most of the time I can see myself that way and be really objective and present, but every now and then, it’s almost like my brain flips a switch and I go into this weird auto-pilot mode. It’s not like I don’t know what I am doing, because even as I am eating the wrong thing/s I will be sitting there eating it and still trying to talk myself out of it.
“Throw it away, what are you doing? Do you really need this? This is going to stop you from getting where you want to be” and before I know it, it’s over and the guilt that follows is just…horrendous.
Sometimes I seriously think about purging, but the thought of vomiting makes me want to die and it’s the only reason I haven’t ever and never will.
Obviously I am SO frustrated by this and in other ways, I think at least I am being forced to be aware of my behaviour and am trying to observe, analyze and counsel myself.
I honestly don’t know why I do it, but I am at least committed to working it out.
I don’t think that ultimately it’s going to stop me from reaching my goals, but it does hinder the efficiency in which I meet them, because binging just makes my weight loss come to a grinding holt for 1-2 weeks.
“Throw it away, what are you doing? Do you really need this? This is going to stop you from getting where you want to be” and before I know it, it’s over and the guilt that follows is just…horrendous.
Sometimes I seriously think about purging, but the thought of vomiting makes me want to die and it’s the only reason I haven’t ever and never will.
Obviously I am SO frustrated by this and in other ways, I think at least I am being forced to be aware of my behaviour and am trying to observe, analyze and counsel myself.
I honestly don’t know why I do it, but I am at least committed to working it out.
I don’t think that ultimately it’s going to stop me from reaching my goals, but it does hinder the efficiency in which I meet them, because binging just makes my weight loss come to a grinding holt for 1-2 weeks.
Bedsy81
New member
Okay! I am back!
I have had a good weekend. Pretty lazy but am getting organised for the rest of the week so that I don't have any excuse for this week.
The plan is, to be to-the-letter all week because on Saturday is my sister's boyfriend's birthday. Now the plan isn't to be to-the-letter and then mess it all up on Saturday. I just want to get a step ahead for the following week, instead of trying to play catch back to what I was before the following week.
The good news is, I am down to 192lbs or just below so 87.2kgs.
Only 2.2 more kilos to my short term goal.
I have had a good weekend. Pretty lazy but am getting organised for the rest of the week so that I don't have any excuse for this week.
The plan is, to be to-the-letter all week because on Saturday is my sister's boyfriend's birthday. Now the plan isn't to be to-the-letter and then mess it all up on Saturday. I just want to get a step ahead for the following week, instead of trying to play catch back to what I was before the following week.
The good news is, I am down to 192lbs or just below so 87.2kgs.
Only 2.2 more kilos to my short term goal.
Sunflower2
New member
2.2 can be done! You'll have smashed that mini-goal in no time at all! x
jjjay
New member
Bedsy, so glad you are back around - some stuff has been happening lately so I want you to catch up on the files so I can get to current day events!
Re your binging post - I wanted to say that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I find myself stuffing myself full of something that I'd convinced myself really wanted as a treat (i.e. an excuse to binge) and halfway through I think I'm full, I'm not even enjoying this but I keep on eating it - like literally stuffing it in. I think subconsciously it could be a sabotage thing - like you are scared of the changes that losing weight might bring and its more comfortable to retreat back to the old patterns and old ways? I mean "you" as a general you rather than YOU specifically! I just know that I'm trying to do it less and less but the urge is still there. Like, a small bowl of ben and jerrys is a treat, stuffing nearly the whole tub until you can't physically eat any more...isn't. So why would I do that? And why would I carry on doing it even when I've recognised half way through doing it that I don't really want to?! Then again, lets face it, if we all had "normal" relationships with food, we probably wouldn't be here!
The main thing is not to feel down about it, say ok it happened but tomorrow is another day and I'm not going to let it affect the choices I make tomorrow - a bit like tossing a coin I guess, even if you've tossed 4 heads in a row it DOESN'T MAKE ONE OUNCE OF DIFFERENCE as to the odds of getting tails or heads next time. So a bad binge day...don't let it affect the next day, get back on the saddle and eat healthily, do exercise and make the right choices.
192lbs - we are nearly exactly the same weight! You can get to your mini-goal, I know you can! Just keep the focus - its all in the mini choices each minute of each day, just tackling them one by one and then they'll all add up at the end of the week to a big fat weight loss!
I hope work has calmed down for you a bit now!
Flumes
New member
Congratulations! Any you'll be out of the 190's in no time! Alright!!!
As for messing up....its only human nature. We weren't meant to be perfect. The challenge is to own up to the mess ups and get back on track.
Have a great week and keep up the great work!
Bedsy81
New member
Thanks for the posts guys And especially thanks to jjjay for understanding.
It's a pretty lonely place to be when you feel like you're doing the wrong thing and you can't stop it, so the fact that you understand is really comforting.
I may have found the answer though.
I have just decided not to deprive myself of the food that I want.
There's no point. It's always going to be there.
I feel like as long as I can make healthy choices seven or eight times out of ten then that pretty good and the only thing I have to make sure of is that I don't over indulge in the naughty things and if I do, then I have to flog myself at the gym. End of story.
So I have commited to going to the gym every single day this week and that's going good so far, but it's only Tuesday LOL.
I am starting to notice a difference in my stamina and endurance and having to push a little harder to get my heart rate up where it's supposed to be which is awesome for me! I love that feeling.
And despite my efforts (or lack thereof) of the past week, I still managed to lose weight so YAY!
Okay off to make some breakfast now
And especially thanks to jjjay for understanding.It's a pretty lonely place to be when you feel like you're doing the wrong thing and you can't stop it, so the fact that you understand is really comforting.
I may have found the answer though.
I have just decided not to deprive myself of the food that I want.
There's no point. It's always going to be there.
I feel like as long as I can make healthy choices seven or eight times out of ten then that pretty good and the only thing I have to make sure of is that I don't over indulge in the naughty things and if I do, then I have to flog myself at the gym. End of story.
So I have commited to going to the gym every single day this week and that's going good so far, but it's only Tuesday LOL.
I am starting to notice a difference in my stamina and endurance and having to push a little harder to get my heart rate up where it's supposed to be which is awesome for me! I love that feeling.
And despite my efforts (or lack thereof) of the past week, I still managed to lose weight so YAY!
Okay off to make some breakfast now
jjjay
New member
LOL!!!!!
And you are right - don't deprive yourself of the nice stuff, just make a conscious choice to eat it in moderation...before the urge becomes a flood that you can't stop!! I went completely puritan the last time I lost weight and denied myself everything...sure I lost a load of weight but I put a stone and a half back on again because when I loosened up and started eating some stuff again...it just happened. This time round I'm making long term changes that happen at a level that i can live with for the rest of my life - a few little treats, a bit more exercise, nothing too extreme either way.
Bedsy81
New member
You're right.
And to be perfectly frank with jjjay. I CANNOT.BE.BOTHERED with all the "eat this. Don't eat that. Eat only when you're hungry, eat every three hours. Eat a little bit, eat a lot. Run, don't run, BLODDY STAND ON YOUR HEAD AND DO THE HOCKEY POKEY!!"
I am sorry but white bread and rice wasn't a problem for anybody thirty or even fifteen years ago and I'm finding that as long as I am sticking to serving sizes and within my calorie budget. I am losing weight.
the rest (for me) is just putting pressure on myself to stay within certain, impractical restrictions and boundaries.
My problem is not what I eat, it's how much and the reasons why.
That's what I have to work on.
SIGH! Okay Calming down now...rant over!
Had a great week so far, have been hitting it hard at the gym every single day, and have kept on or just below 1200 calories.
Looking forward to going to the gym tonight to pound out some of this diet information frustration on a treadmill!
And to be perfectly frank with jjjay. I CANNOT.BE.BOTHERED with all the "eat this. Don't eat that. Eat only when you're hungry, eat every three hours. Eat a little bit, eat a lot. Run, don't run, BLODDY STAND ON YOUR HEAD AND DO THE HOCKEY POKEY!!"
I am sorry but white bread and rice wasn't a problem for anybody thirty or even fifteen years ago and I'm finding that as long as I am sticking to serving sizes and within my calorie budget. I am losing weight.
the rest (for me) is just putting pressure on myself to stay within certain, impractical restrictions and boundaries.
My problem is not what I eat, it's how much and the reasons why.
That's what I have to work on.
SIGH! Okay Calming down now...rant over!
Had a great week so far, have been hitting it hard at the gym every single day, and have kept on or just below 1200 calories.
Looking forward to going to the gym tonight to pound out some of this diet information frustration on a treadmill!
jjjay
New member
Rant away!! Hahahaha! I completely agree with you. You got to find what works for you and stick with it. ANY food is fine...within moderation...jeepers, if you want a deep fried mars bar..have it once a while but know that you are gonna have to move down the gym to shift it! And don't think of it as a regular part of your everyday nutritional intake!
My problem was never WHAT I ate...it was my relationship with food and WHY I ate. It was that that determined what I ate and how much...just how much!! I.e. at what point I would STOP eating.
Bedsy81
New member
I know! Like when I'm out eating and there is like 4 bites left, but I am full to the brim...I won't leave until I've cleared the plate. Like it makes me uncomfortable to think that I am wasting that food that I pay for and then I try and say "well take the rest home in a doggie bad" and THEN I will tell myself "NO. This is a treat, tomorrow it's back to Tuna and Salad!"
*shrugs...
I just don't know...
I can't pretty much talk myself into or out of anything when it comes to food.
It's just ridiculous. What is wrong with my head?
BTW. I am waiting until I get home to respond to your X.File! ;-)
Bedsy81
New member
I am SO tired lately.
I thought eating right and exercising was supposed to give you more energy, but all I want to do is put my 'jammies on and climb into bed and sleep the day away.
Day had started off well!
Had some cereal for breakfast with an apple and some coffee, so tummy is happy for now.
Am thinking I will have a salad sandwich, at lunch with some soup.
I have plenty of fruit with me today so that's good.
Had fish and vegetables last night for dinner which to be quite frank, I am starting to get sick off.
There's only so many ways you can grill a piece of meat and eat it with veggies and still enjoy it. I iwsh I had a BBQ. That would make my life so happy.
Anyway, skipped out on the Gym yesterday because I was lucky enough to have to stay back late at work last night, so so much for my every-day-this-week- commitment, plus I am likely to have to go shopping tonight for a birthday party so might not go tonight either.
However if I do go tonight, I will go hard!
Promise ;-)
Am so looking forward to reaching my goal. My focus is so on that at the moment...I just want to get there!
I thought eating right and exercising was supposed to give you more energy, but all I want to do is put my 'jammies on and climb into bed and sleep the day away.
Day had started off well!
Had some cereal for breakfast with an apple and some coffee, so tummy is happy for now.
Am thinking I will have a salad sandwich, at lunch with some soup.
I have plenty of fruit with me today so that's good.
Had fish and vegetables last night for dinner which to be quite frank, I am starting to get sick off.
There's only so many ways you can grill a piece of meat and eat it with veggies and still enjoy it. I iwsh I had a BBQ. That would make my life so happy.
Anyway, skipped out on the Gym yesterday because I was lucky enough to have to stay back late at work last night, so so much for my every-day-this-week- commitment, plus I am likely to have to go shopping tonight for a birthday party so might not go tonight either.
However if I do go tonight, I will go hard!
Promise ;-)
Am so looking forward to reaching my goal. My focus is so on that at the moment...I just want to get there!
jjjay
New member
I do that ALL the time - try to clear the plate even if it means stuffing it in. I read a book that said you should always leave something on your plate to slowly retrain yourself to only eat what you want to and let go of the "must clear plate" mentality...Lets just say..I'm still working on that one (!)
Re the X-file...thank goodness! I was beginning to get paranoid that I was in the "some nutter on the internet" catagory!! hahahaha.
Bedsy81
New member
Are you kidding! I LIVE for the X.Files now! The last one. My jaw was on the floor! So much to talk about! ;-)
Bedsy81
New member
Gee Whizz, could the weather in Sydney today be any more depressing?!
It feel like it's 8 o'clock at night and it's only 2pm, it''s totally zapping my energy!
The good news is, is that it's not cold and therefore, I don't want any comfort food.
I'm kind of free of that feeling for now, so I am taking advantage of it while it lasts!
My sister informaed me that my Dad is STILL winning this weight loss challenge, but I am so close behind him and this weekend is going to be very tough for him because we're having a party for my sister's boyfriend and my dad will not resist party food!
I figure since I am so close behind him, if I am REALLY good these next two weeks and I don't get my monthly visit from mother nature before weigh-in, I will FINALLY catch up to him! Just in time too! Since the compeition is ending at the end of June!
I'm really going to have to stay focused though to catch him...maybe if I can 2.5 kilos in two weeks...I will finally get him!
Plus I kinda need that money to get my brother's B'day present!
Gosh....I feel like I have been stuck at 87kilos FOREVER.....which is kind of my fault I should be there by now, but I think when I finally see 86 on the scale I will cry of happiness!
You know what the depresisng thing is though?
87-86kilos was what I was when I used to start my diets. LOL. Now it's my short term goal to get to what I used to be when I thought I really needed to start losing weight LOL.
Oh well, like can be a kick in the crotch like that sometimes.
What do you do?
Okay...I suppose I cans top rambling and get back to work now...
Until next we meet...
It feel like it's 8 o'clock at night and it's only 2pm, it''s totally zapping my energy!
The good news is, is that it's not cold and therefore, I don't want any comfort food.
I'm kind of free of that feeling for now, so I am taking advantage of it while it lasts!
My sister informaed me that my Dad is STILL winning this weight loss challenge, but I am so close behind him and this weekend is going to be very tough for him because we're having a party for my sister's boyfriend and my dad will not resist party food!
I figure since I am so close behind him, if I am REALLY good these next two weeks and I don't get my monthly visit from mother nature before weigh-in, I will FINALLY catch up to him! Just in time too! Since the compeition is ending at the end of June!
I'm really going to have to stay focused though to catch him...maybe if I can 2.5 kilos in two weeks...I will finally get him!
Plus I kinda need that money to get my brother's B'day present!
Gosh....I feel like I have been stuck at 87kilos FOREVER.....which is kind of my fault I should be there by now, but I think when I finally see 86 on the scale I will cry of happiness!
You know what the depresisng thing is though?
87-86kilos was what I was when I used to start my diets. LOL. Now it's my short term goal to get to what I used to be when I thought I really needed to start losing weight LOL.
Oh well, like can be a kick in the crotch like that sometimes.
What do you do?
Okay...I suppose I cans top rambling and get back to work now...
Until next we meet...
jjjay
New member
You know what the depresisng thing is though?
87-86kilos was what I was when I used to start my diets. LOL. Now it's my short term goal to get to what I used to be when I thought I really needed to start losing weight LOL.
Oh well, like can be a kick in the crotch like that sometimes.
What do you do?
Okay...I suppose I cans top rambling and get back to work now...
Until next we meet...
I KNOW you can do it!! Beat your Dad!!
And don't be too down on yourself re getting to 87kg - its still a great acheivement, even if you did start at higher than you wanted to start at. Celebrate the little steps! I spent ages feeling really down that I'd let myself "get this far off track" and "ruined my body" but one day I thought the ONLY way I'm going to change this is tackle it. I can't change what's happened or where I am but I can change where I'm going to get to and make the best of a bad situation.
PHEW! Its been really therapeautic writing about it. But I need you to get to current day so you can advise me on what to do! LOL!
