This is the time

ouch for the 1kg gain - mind you mine goes up and down 1kg easily with just water weight so i wouldnt call it a gain unless it hangs around longer than a couple weeks.
 
Hey Felici, Sorry to hear your not eating as well as you would like. I've been eating like a starved animal as well. In fact I had 5 yes 5! pieces of take out pizza on Sunday. It was so good and I just couldn't stop eating it even though I knew I would feel lousy afterward and probably erase all my hard workouts!

I feel ya about feeling disorganized. Brandy is right, slow down and take a break for yourself. Even if your not eating the best, try to get in some exercise. At least that will relieve some of the stress. Even if its just a walk in the fresh air will clear your mind.

Good luck with it and we will be thinking of you.
 
Feli,
Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now, so stop beating on yourself for not eating properly, you have always done so darn well in the past, and every time I read your menu I would drool with jealousy because you eat so balanced and good. But, there will always be ROADBLOCKS on our journey and we just have to work around them, as we both know road blocks are time consuming, so don't expect them to go away real fast, but know it's OKAY! you will get back on track when everything straightens itself out, with all the planning and school stuff and your family I don't know how you manage to breath, you had me tired after reading about your day.

I have not been posting that often either, as my work has me very tied up these days and well once I get home I have so much to do there I rarely have time to even look at the computer, and my weekends well they have been jam packed with my hubby's stuff or the weather is bad and I can't get anything done. I feel exactly how you do, but I know how wonderful you are! I know how many times you motivated me with your kind words and how determined you were during the past year for your own weight loss. You will get there again, and we will be here to keep you plugging forward, and don't feel bad for posting "NON POSITIVE" items, life is not all about the good, we all encounter NEGATIVE times an stuff on our journey's WE ALL DO!, so you just keep coming in and posting good or bad and we will be here to help you through it, even though sometimes my advise just isn't useful at all, but I am a GOOD LISTENER, and that's a fact! Cheer up my dear, your doing fine!!
lots of love
Kim
 
Thanks for all the thoughtful responses here guys. I will reply properly later. Probably not for a few days

I am not kidnapped! :D The desk is in. The computers are shifted and all the cords (including the new ones) are replugged in place. I am scared to log on to the net though because I never do get off again in under an hour! LOL! I came on tonight just to make sure a friend's house hadn't been blown away in a storm (it wasn't), and as usual the hour is closing in on me!
 
I'm so sorry you're feeling frustrated. I understand the desire to hide out when things aren't going well. For me, though, I find that daily accountability really is the best tool to keep me honest about my weight loss. If I can't feel comfortable about writing down that I've eaten something, then it's easier not to eat it. Same thing with exercise. That's only me, of course, and I completely understand wanting to focus on your own projects, which must be difficult with so much going on!

Just know that we all wish you well and want to hear how you're doing.

Sophie
 
Hey Felici! Just thought I would stop by and say hello. Seems like things are fairly chaotic for you right now!! As was said before, take time for yourself. And don't worry about that 1kg gain. I like what Wishes said about the water weight and not counting it unless it has been there for a few weeks. Sounds pretty reasonable to me!!

I dont' have enough time tonight to go through your diary to check out how far you have come (although from that first entry to now it seems like a long way!!!) but I plan on checking back in!! Hoping things will start to slow down for you. :)
 
Hi Felici

I was concerned when you mentioned that you had been having trouble with binges when you resigned from the challenge.

I am sure that many of us know just how difficult binges can be - and how distressing. You can actually feel yourself undoing all that hard work.

Well done for talking yourself out of that binge recently. Feel proud of yourself for that.

I had my last mega binge in September just before joining this forum. When I binge I do it in style. I dont even need to like the food and it doesnt matter whether it is in date or out of date at the back of the cupboard - when the idea enters my head to eat it - it is totally irresistable.

I told several people about it when I last binged like that and I got lots of phone calls through the day the next couple of days to make sure that I had broken it.

There is definitely some sort of emotional trigger for me.

Now I try and channel things into what is basically quite healthy stuff or that will not do too much damage. I might drink lots of diet cola (which generally I try to cut down on) or eat lots of extra fruit (and I already eat tons of it). Honey shreddies are the nearest thing to junk food that I eat (but at least they are wholegrain) and sometimes I eat definitely too much of them.

The triggers happen - and some form of binge can take place - but the effect is minimal.

You mention a lack of carbohydrates being possibly linked to your triggers. I notice that you have weetabix every day. I have weetabix every day. The pack says a serving is two weetabix but I always have three. It is wholegrain and unsweetened so maybe having an extra weetabix may make all the difference.

For me - a day is a good day if I do my walking - irrespective about what I eat. I know that your days are busy at work (but I know that you have those holidays), but I go out on my long walk every morning - so I can quickly say to myself that I am having a good day. I even managed to convince myself that the massive binge in September wasnt a bad day (just a bad food day) because I did walk over 6 miles that morning. Another benefit from walking is that it takes me away from food for that time.

It definitely sounds like you are taking on too much. Do you need to organise things like quiz nights as part of your job or is it something that you volunteer for? I would stop volunteering for things if I were you. There are only so many things that we can do in a day. To try to take on more that is destined for failure. To feel yourself failing at something is never a good feeling. If you could bring your list down to a more manageable size - you may be able to cross things off and retain a feeling of control and organisation.

Rest assured - we would all be gaining weight if dealing with as much stress as you are.

Come to the forum if it helps. Stay away if it helps. There are no rules about having to make postings. Lurk a little and see if you get something out of that.

Those cheesecake yoghurts certainly sound good. I will certainly be checking those out soon.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
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I agree with Omega's brilliant post. Sometimes we have to do the 'big picture' thing, look in the mirror and smile about all the weight that's gone and work off of that.

Never let the bad be your influence.


Peace, Love and Vegemite Sandwiches :)
 
Thanks for the thoughts. I wouldn't say I'm winning. I'm here right now though, and that's a good thing.
 
Hello lovely lady! Hope your doing well! I've missed ya big time!

I haven't had a lot of time to post myself, so I feel badly about that, but I'll try to check in as often as I can, because I do miss ya!
Kim
 
Thanks Kim! I am going to make a point of checking in to my own diary regardless of whether I can post as properly as I'd like. Things have settled down a lot for me here but I have so much to catch up on with both other people and with myself that it will be a while till I actually am caught up! I love to see your cute lady bugs. :) Also, that is a lovely avatar :).
 
Hello Eldaweesda and Heather! What great looking tickers. I am looking forward to catching up with your stories.

I was not visiting here partly because I lacked the time, but also, I'm afraid, partly because I pretty much lost my mojo and then I wasn't ready to tackle my own weight loss issues. I never had a whole day of thinking that it didn't matter and I never had a minute of thinking I wouldn't be back here (where you all are), but I had a lotta lotta procrastination. After a while I felt as though I would need some breathing space before I could do anything. It was a very unhelpful feeling though and one I want to ignore if it ever comes back. Then again, right now I do want to make use of what amount of breathing space I can find to get reorganized and get my thinking straight so that I can look after myself better, both now and the next time I get busy.

One helpful thought I had this weekend, was that I was behaving as though I was back in the bad old days when I had no idea how to break the cycle of bad eating I was in - whereas actually I'd already found some useful techniques, I just wasn't applying them. For me the binge cycle breakers have been writing, posting here, and exercising. Not necessarily in that order and possibly all three needed at once to be effective.

Sorry to be on about bingeing yet again. I'm thinking I won't drag you all through every thought I have about it this time, but it's very clear to me these days that bingeing is the issue for me.

Another helpful thing happened this weekend. Probably this was the precursor to the helpful thought above.

I went to a party. (I have had too many parties lately - not that I don't like them, just that I don't like them crammed together weekend after weekend - and it's not like they're optional). At this party was the most thoughtful of my husband's friends. I mean a guy who reflects on and talks about what matters to him. That kind of thoughtful. Anyway, as it happens, he's currently thinking about health and weight and food. So that was helpful to me because it meant we talked about that - and not just "you look great have you lost even more weight? - No I haven't, I'm gaining" - which is a bit too routine to count). Also he told me something about another woman it turns out we both know, who has dropped masses of weight. I mean she was way into morbidly obese and now she's normal. She started to visibly lose weight about the same time as me, but the day I mentioned her loss to her, it was early days and she seemed very uncomfortable about it, so I never brought the topic up again. However, she had spoken to our mutual friend about it. She told him she never deliberately set out to lose weight, but she went to something at a local university where they were dealing with underlying issues - self esteem and issues from her childhood, and the weight just started to fall off. I'm sure there'd be a lot more to it in the details.

Anyway, I was still thinking to myself that I personally was pretty far gone along the wrong track, so when I got home, I used what clues he's mentioned to do an on-line hunt, and where I'm at with that now is:

It seems there is a low cost psych clinic attached to my old uni. It's low cost because the staff haven't finished their training! But they are supervised. One of the areas they work in is eating disorders. There is at least one person working in that psych department who has specialist knowledge related to binge eating.

They did have a seminar related to the topic and one of the speakers from it has written more than one relevant book including a self help book which is not new now but is still on an updated list of self help guides suggested by another uni I respect.

I don't know if I have mentioned here that I have twice contacted a psychologist about my eating before. Once was many moons ago when I wanted to try hypnotherapy. (Which had some value but didn't work out for me at that time.) The next time was not so long ago, but I had a hard time finding a psych. I looked for two things. One was someone who was saying this was one of the areas they specialized in. Only one psych was saying that and she was located too far away to visit regularly. The other thing I looked for was affordability. There were not many who were on the list covered by my health fund! So I found one guy and went a couple of times and he seemed to me to be irrelevant, even though preparing myself to go see someone was useful.

Anyway, this clinic is close enough, on topic and dirt cheap. I'm not planning to go there just now, but I'm not discounting the possiblity either. Actually, I find it calming to think this may be a back up plan, and feeling calmer is helpful in itself. I guess I'm also wanting to do something more to give me confidence about staying healthy long term.

Also, I really must follow up on the idea that there is at least one selfhelp book out there which is quite likely relevant to me. I can't see where I can get the one that most interests me, but I guess it's time to at least get another book or three on the topic. (I have to return library books for my husband anyway.) This seems like a simple idea but truthfully hasn't occurred to me before. I suppose that's because it hadn't occurred to me that I had a binge eating disorder until recently. Maybe I don't actually have a disorder as such anyway, but clearly I have an issue, and it can't hurt to pursue information on the topic. I've looked on-line before and that's sometimes helped but sometimes gone nowhere.


Mmm. Now I've re-read that and it totally stands out to me that I'm saying "the things I know about doing to break the cycle of binge eating, all take time". So this is where the too busy too stressed thing starts getting wrapped into the negative circle in my mind. I did just say that was an unhelpful idea though. Better thought is that I need to do these things and if I'm busy I will do them a little bit.

I also remember a little cartoon that popped up in my on-line travels lately.

View attachment 6356
What suits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Well, I think, I need to get to the place where I do it right and then I need to make myself some strong habits which will buttress me when I'm busy or stressed. Nothing new in this thought, but it's still pretty relevant. Which reminds me that actually, I really could do with that book. I do wonder if I'm only lacking application, or if I actually am missing some concept, something I need to make my useful behaviour more steady than it's been.
 
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