Ta. It's not exactly styled back - just falling where it feels like it. I am happy that I can see pics that are of me the way I think I look and the way I mostly am, and don't mind posting them. I think I must have become more used to the way I look. Well, I think it's a combination of that, and the way the teeny size requirements screen out the wrinkles.
wishes ...
1) Why am i Eating
2) Have I eaten more than xxx calories within the last hour
3) If ive eaten to much and feel like im on a binge, what can i do to stop myself (get out of the house, read a book, walk etc)
4) Take note of how im feeling and what im doing so i can avoid that in future.
Thanks for this. It is probably a bit like what I'm doing, but it's helpful to have someone else say it like this - it jogs my thoughts from a different angle somehow.
Yesterday I went for a wonderful swim at the beach in the morning with my girl and her friend. As she had a friend I felt free to do what I wanted mostly and just swam the whole time. I would have been out there for an hour and not doing anything hard but equally moving the whole time, swimming against the current quite often - and constantly, actually swimming, not standing. There was a bit of a swell. There were yachts further out. I was moving and the water was moving me too, up and down and I was thinking how awesome it was. Really, that if there was no ocean and someone invented something like this and let people have a go moving in it like this, they would pay an unlimited amount for the chance.
And I ate fine. And then for whatever reason - not because I hadn't had 8 hours sleep, I had - I felt sleepy during the afternoon and decided to have a nap, though I thought it might cause me problems. I had a shower first. It didn't wake me up. I had the nap. Well slept for an hour I suppose. Afterwards I felt fine for a little while, needed to buy chicken for the dinner we'd decided on, and went out. Needed more bread, would have to go to the bakery. Umm. Yeah feeling hungry. No crackers in the car. Maybe jerky would be better anyway. Wolfed jerky that tasted like salty cardboard. Got to bakery still thinking in my half asleep way about brunchies (rectangular, savoury eggy, muffin things), and there were none but there was a pritikin muffin. Ummm. How bad could pritikin be (no egg, no milk, no fat, wholemeal, no refined sugar ...) Enormous size though. Heaps of spice, devoured instantly. Well not craving anything after that.
I knew the meal was dodgy. No salad in the basic meal. Thai green chicken curry. Somehow, at the best of times it doesn't ever seem like I've eaten much. So I planned to eat extra salad. Though there were 5 of us and by the time I had trimmed all visible fat from enough thighs for 5 I was pretty much over the kitchen.
I sat in a different chair. I sat in a different kind of chair, but I did sit in the room with the TV and watch
So you think you can dance. After eating the meal I figured I was not even full so I ate nuts. 3 brazil nuts, 5 cashews, 3 walnut halves. I didn't make it all the way to just walnuts. I ate my yoghurt. I ate an apple. I ate another apple. I thought - yeah - I can fix this, just eat apples till I'm over it all, they're small ones, only about 40 calories or so, I'm bound to get tired of this and stop eating. Actually I got tired of eating apples after 2 but I still wanted to eat. I wanted more intense sweetness in a smaller package. The strawberry Tim-Tams my girl had put in my shopping trolley were driving me crazy with their "Just one" siren song. WTF Why would anybody put strawberry in the middle of perfection, but still there would be chocolate on the outside. I ate a half a mini box of apricot and sultanas. Well, that was not so bad. I ate it slowly, one little bit at a time and I stopped half way. And about then
SYTYCD finished I think. Or I had a cup of coffee or whatever, and I escaped out of the tv room into the bedroom to watch a movie I really wanted to see called
The Constant Gardener, which I was sure I wanted to watch and which turned out to be quite engrossing and I was fine, over the whole thing with some calorie damage, but no chocolate.
Monday
I woke up and ate as normal, but it's not a normal day it's a holiday. I have my family to consider again. And an extra girl who has slept over. I love that girl, who I have known since she got into my car when she was 4 or 5 and talked nonstop all the way home - I mean NONstop. However much I value her, she is still very full on.
I got so cranky this morning. I was so confused about what I was supposed to be doing. Going to the health club, because it was Monday and it was mid morning and my breakfast was digested and I didn't have to take my boy to the beach after all because some other mum had, but then there was my husband talking about driving up the coast but the girls didn't want to go because too much driving and I thought well we could skate, but no the rinks were closed or closed down and omg that girl was on my computer and I was just soooooo cranky. And you know I
do know that I am uber fortunate to have all these people I love, who love me, in my house living with me, in my house which is an ok house, with all that good food and such, and I did tell myself that, in between grouching at them ...
But anyway, I made everyone lunch (I am so over being the kitchen slave) and ate a proper lunch, except for putting jam on one of my pieces of bread, and then the boy rang up to be collected which was not convenient really except ... thank goodness for me getting out of the house and away from being tormented in and by the kitchen. And yes, maybe just getting out of the house is quite a helpful change that I might be glad of some other time (thank you wishes).
Then I got the girls, bought petrol, didn't listen to all the chocolates next to the cash register, went to Hillarys. The girls climbed "Jungle Mountain" at moderate expense and I went and walked up and down the stairs, aiming for 2000, but having to stop after 1000 because my knee went funny. Well I think I needed to stop. It was going down that bothered it, so I started going up faster and down super slow and that fixed it but then it got worse again so I stopped.
But I did NOT have a cappucino. I had a diet Pepsi.
And then the girls and I went for a swim at the beach and it was wonderful again. Despite the other girl trying to persuade me that she was drowning and requiring attention which she did not really need ... except in that she always does require more than a normal child. It really was wonderful anyway.
And we dropped off the other girl and I put my shoes back on and went shopping for veges and bread. And fortunately the bakery was out of munchies
and out of pritikin muffins. And the fruit and vege shop only had dates in packs of 12. Twelve in my house at once I can't handle. What if I ate 12? (4x165) I bought more apples.
And showered and made dinner. We all had slightly different things. I had grilled lamb, and grilled mushrooms and corn. The corn was so fresh and wonderful. Also I had a great big pile of salad veges which I could eat for ages and ages at the cost of about 60 - 70 calories. We watched
The Biggest Loser. And the elmination show from
So you think you can dance. And I drank pepsi, and ate a yoghurt. And I was thinking that really the thing I should do about this eating hassle is not think about it, but I was thinking about it, and I toasted myself 2 slices of bread with jam, and ate it slowly and with appreciation as though it was cake, drank my coffee. And then the show ended, and the weather's not that hot, again, like last night, so my bedroom was cool enough. I went there and watched
Good News Week. In my bedroom I was okay. I actually got the relaxed feel of not having to worry about food. OMG. I remember that feeling. That was the feeling I had over and over last year. It is evening. Dinner is finished. I don't have to worry about food. What a relief. And
Good News Week was hilarious and engrossing.
Yeah. So I dunno, shifting chairs helps a bit. Getting out of the room the tv is in helps more. It is also the room with the dining table in it, so I don't plan to stop eating in there altogether ...
Also, sleeping during the day - I did sleep after school on Friday too, before having a hard time all evening. It definitely mucks me up, so, time for bed now, and if I feel like sleeping in the day time, next time, I'll have extra coffee instead I think.