This has to be it... I hope!

[Paladin-Cleric]

I've had a quick poke through your diary and I have to say, a lot of what you say is almost exactly the same as mine. I fall off the wagon a lot and get angry with myself for not being thinner and healthier. My own fault because I hate exercising and I hate eating healthy.

But I have my brothers wedding I need to fit into a dress for in August and a mountain to climb in Italy in September, so I'm just going to have to suck it up and keep going. I also tend to hide food and eat it with no one watching. Mostly because I feel like people are juding me for having that bar of chocolate (or twelve). I've started keeping a food and exercise dairy. I like it because it doesn't judge my eating habits, just accepts it and then at the end of the week I calculate all my calories and then have a mini meltdown because it's too much. Doing it by the week seems to be helping me out instead of agonising over every single day. That way a bad day is balanced out over the week by a good day. Same with Exercise.

Eating healthy is hard, really hard. So I wish you all the luck on that one!

 

[Kakes2]

Thank you Cate and Paladin for your replies. I am always happy to hear that people can relate to what I am saying because sometimes I think I am a little crazy. And Cate, I appreciate your honesty, because that is what I need at this point. No more sugarcoating things!

This week has been crazy busy so I haven't exercised since Monday evening. I knew the week was going to be busy so I made sure to go for a fairly long walk (almost 3 miles) on Monday. The rest of the week I was so busy finishing up work for my student teaching (I am getting my masters degree in education) that was all due yesterday (Friday). I also didn't eat that well but I did watch my portions and tried to drink more water than usual. Now that the crazy paperwork is over, I can get back on track. I am currently trying to convince myself to go walking today as it is a beautiful day and there is no reason not to go walk. The scale says 179 today which is down a tiny bit. Yay I'll take it.