This beginning is two years in the making

I feel like I should refer to you by your screenname, but I feel *really bad* calling you "fatguy". :-( So...Guy...thanks! I can't wait until I hit my goal either. I will be spamming the hell out of this board once I do, that's for sure.
 
Talking the talk but not walking the walk

UGGGH! I'm up to 174 today. Stupid stuffed shells did me in last night. I didn't eat a huge portion but apparently it was still too much. I had set some aside to bring for lunch today but the thought of gaining more weight is just too depressing so I threw it in the freezer and made my normal sandwich. I am so glad I have a go-to lunch that's relatively low calorie (around 400) that I can eat every day. Otherwise this would be a lot more difficult.

A friend (who has lost almost 80 lbs) and I were talking about weight loss and how coming down to a specific number always feels so great, but going back up to that number is doubly painful. And it's really true. I was so excited to hit 174, but that was back in friggen December. Going back up to it makes me feel like crap. Whine whine, kvetch kvetch. I'll get over it.

TRX last night was absolutely awesome. I love my instructor SO MUCH and how hard she pushes us. We'd go through a rotation and then we'd drop and do pushups. In all we ended up doing 60 along with the rest of the workout. But damn do I feel GOOD after a workout like that. Not just good physically, but good mentally. Working out like that just makes me happy. I've got spin tonight with my favorite instructor so hopefully I'll leave with the same skip in my step.

Math night at the girls' school last night was fun. We played some games, learned about how they learn math differently than when I was a kid, and we just had a nice time. Afterward I came home and sewed up some cloth napkins for the house. We're trying an experiment to see how long we can go without paper towels. Now that we have cloth napkins I don't see any issues, but I guess I'll have to wait and see. At least the napkins are ridiculously cute. :)

Breakfast for dinner tonight. I got some really nice bacon at the store and can't wait to try it. The girls want chocolate chip pancakes, but that just sounds like way too much sweet for me. I'm sure I can make plain ones for myself, but even that sounds like too much. I'll figure something out.
 
Oh how I hate weight fluctuations

Back down to 172.6 today, so maybe yesterday's weigh in was a fluke? Hopefully that weight was a fluke and not this one. :) I had a great workout last night and sweated buckets, so maybe that's where the loss came from. Regardless though, I'm back down and very very very happy about that.

One of the couriers at work made a comment the other day that I was "wasting away" and that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. I'm sure part of his comment came from the fact that I was wearing ill fitting clothes that looked very large on me (even though, because I'm an apple shape, they fit in the waist), but that comment really hit me hard. I don't know if I'm upset by it or what it is, but I don't feel good about it. When I look at myself, I don't see anything terrible, but I do see someone who is larger than I would like to be. I guess they were all just used to me being bigger, and are having some issues getting used to the smaller me. I'm terrified that they're right and I'm too small. Body dysmorphia is something I've struggled with for a very long time, and it's not something I know how to fix yet. I don't honestly expect my weight loss to have any effect on it, though it would be nice if it did. I'll have to do some research and see what I can come up with.

Doing some more running at the gym tonight. I've got my Half marathon schedule all in place and the hardcore training starts in two weeks. I want to get used to the number of training days so that when I start running/working out six days per week it won't be a huge shock. I hope to do 3 miles tonight. It's supposed to snow, so I may have to cut it short, but we live close enough to work that hopefully I won't have to.

The world's best ham and bean soup for dinner. I'm debating stopping for bread on the way home. Again, if the snow isn't too bad I will. If not, then...no bread I guess.
 
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Great Run!

My running has steadily getting better and I'm finally back to the place I was before I took time off working out for wedding stuff. It is SO NICE to be back there. I need to have a sub 30 minute 5k time before I start my half-marathon training and I don't think I'm going to have any problems with that. My run last night was fantastic. It just felt good and my heart rate was right where I wanted it to be. My hip is a little stiff today but nothing major.

I'm down to 171.6. I don't know how, because I went to St. Louis over the weekend to help a friend move and ate VERY well. We went to this place, Cheese-o-logy that had the most amazing macaroni and cheese I had ever had. It was utterly fantastic. I'm sad it's so far away! But still, great food. The only thing I can think of is I've stuck with the two meals a day thing and even if I indulge, I can stay within my calories. Works for me.

I switched up my lunches a bit. I've been feeling super hungry after lunch lately (which I'm sure is a direct result of me working out more) so I've been trying to figure out how to get some more protein and fat into my lunch so I'm not so hungry. The option this week is peanut butter and apples. It is working so far. Let's see if that continues.

TRX tonight. I'm pumped! Even though our gym has been packed with new year's resolution people, no one takes the TRX class (which I do not understand as it's absolutely awesome) but that basically means a free personal trainer for me. And I LOVE that. She kicks my ass and it feels so good. :)

Chili and cornbread for dinner. I love chili for the fact that I can eat what feels like a whole hell of a lot of it and come away full without ruining my calories for the day. Plus, it's leftovers that were frozen, so I don't really have to "cook" it either. Score!
 
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Weight fluctuations and a plateau

Back up 2 pounds this morning. I'm sure it's a combination of the garlic bread I overindulged on last night as well as water retention from my workout. Not a huge deal but still a bummer. I really need to cut more refined carbs out of my diet, because when I overindulge, it's on carbs. :-( Not sweets, but pasta, bread and potatoes. They're all so tasty. But they should be treats not every day foods, which they have been lately.

I skipped my workout last night because my eye was bothering me and I was worried it was pinkeye. Turns out my contacts just hate me. :-( This is kind of bad, because I have plastic glasses that not only fall off my face when I run, they also fog up when I sweat. So it's pretty much essential that I wear contacts. But given how bad my eye hurt yesterday, I don't think that's going to be possible for a while. I have an appointment with my eye doctor tomorrow. Maybe she has a different brand I can try. I hope so. :-( I don't need to wear contacts all the time. But if I can't wear them to work out, I'm doomed.

No workout tonight because I'm giving blood. I love that the Red Cross comes to my work for donations. My company is all about this sort of thing so they encourage us to take an hour or so out of work to donate. It's pretty sweet.

Dinner tonight is guacamole chicken with cilantro lime rice. At least it's brown rice. :p
 
173 has become my glass floor

I went to my parents house to celebrate my mother's birthday and had a weekend full of food. I still 173.1 though. As amazing as that sounds. Why is it that I eat really well during the week, and go up two pounds, and go nuts over the weekend and stay the same weight? My body is ridiculous. Also, I have just concluded that working out makes it harder for me to lose weight, especially when I do weight training. I've been checking my food diaries from this month to November, and while I'm complaining here about how I'm eating too much, it's not any more than what I ate then. The only difference is the amount of working out I'm doing. I'm still getting smaller, as my belt can attest. But no weight loss. I think I'm ok with that.

My belt is almost to the point where I can put it on the last hole and pull my pants off of me. Once it gets to that point I am really going to have to get new clothes. I'm still scared though that because women's clothing sizes are ridiculous, that I will be the same size as I used to be. I'd seriously cry if that were the case. :-( I'm not ready to risk it yet.

Running tonight. Shooting for a 5k and hopefully a PR. My official half marathon training sessions start this weekend and I am worried I am not in good enough shape. I need to do a 3 mile run in 30 minutes. My 5k time is around 33/34 minutes, which includes a 1 minute warmup, so I'm super close. But I guess I will have to wait and see.

I've read the greatest article lately about working out and how most workout machines are a waste of time if you want to build strength or power. But it had a few core exercises that everyone should focus on (squats, deadlifts, and bench press) and building up your strength on those will be the most beneficial. Regardless of whether doing only those three exercises is "the best", they're good exercises. So I'm going to start incorporating them more into my workouts. The article said once you build up the strength from those exercises, to get "muscle endurance" add in pushups, pullups, dips, and sit ups. Very old school exercises, but hey I'm ok with that.

Baked eggplant parmesan paninis for dinner. Super high carbs. :-( But it was requested by the whole family. The rest of the dinners this week are a bit better.
 
I know exactly what you mean about 173.....

It's crazy, but I was having the toughest time getting past 173 too! I hit 173 on 1/17 and didn't leave it until yesterday (1/30). It drove me nuts because I was doing everything the same as I was before. I was amazed how consistent my weight was, because usually it goes back and forth. I weighed myself everyday and for ten days straight I was 173.X.

I think everyone has to figure out what's best for them because everyone's weightloss is so individual. I was eating so good for those ten days I was 173. Yesterday I weighed in and finally got to 172.2. But I was dreading weighing in today because I was afraid it would go back up. I was reading the message boards on the weight watchers site, and some people were saying how they tried not to eat the same amount of points per day. They tried to vary it by eating more some days, and less on others. So I decided to try it yesterday, since previously I was always eating my allotted 29 points. For dinner I went to McDonalds and got a quarter pounder, small fry, and hot fudge sundae. I still counted the points, and of course I went way over. (But we also have a set amount of weekly points we can use when we go over our daily points.) So I went into the weekly points a bunch, but didn't use them all up since I had been so good previously. Today I weighed in at 171.8!

I'm not advocating eating at McDonald's, because I know it's not good for you. But varying your calories might be something you could try. If that doesn't work, just keep tweaking other things (exercise, protein or carb amounts, etc.) one at a time and maybe something will work for you so you can get past 173!
 
Oh and by the way you are so ready for new pants!! I know it's scary to see what size you are, but I know you're in for a happy surprise. I got new jeans after my belt had moved by four holes or so, and I had went from a 16 to a loose fitting 14. Now I'm in a 12 and they are finally starting to feel looser.
 
BB you were totally right! After my food fest this weekend, I'm down to 171.2! Weight fluctuations are so weird.

I think I'm going to see if I can snag a new pair of pants this weekend. Hopefully it goes well!
 
171.2

Yay! I think (I hope!) I've finally broken my plateau. I'm down to 171.2 today. And I even had a cupcake after dinner! This makes me so happy! Especially considering my craptastic workout last night. I got new contacts from the eye doctor in hopes they wouldn't bother my eyes as much but NOOOOO, it felt like I had a stick in my eye the whole time. My running felt fine and I had a PR mile time, but after 2 1/2 miles I gave up. My eye was just bothering me too much. I think next time I'm just going to bring my glasses but take them off. This is so damn frustrating. :-( My hip is also sore as hell and I've been stretching and doing some yoga poses to try and help with that but nothing is working except ibuprofen. :-( This really worries me. I get aches and pains a lot. But this has been sore since last week. That is kind of scary.

TRX tonight. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about this. I may just try doing it with my glasses on. I sweat, but there isn't the bouncing around like when I run so my glasses should stay on my face ok. I brought my contacts just in case so I can see how bad it is before I work out. Here's hoping it works out.

Chicken fingers and fruit for dinner. We had such a variety on sale at the store this past weekend that bought a bunch of different things. So many we could each have something different. I'm a big believer of all things fruit so to have so many different kinds at once is exciting!
 
Sick

I swear this winter has been just full of sickness for me. From the day after my wedding until after the new year I had first a sinus infection and then bronchitis. After that, I got a gastrointestinal bug and spent a week ... well you know how GI issues go right? No need for me to spell it out. Yesterday I notice I have a slight tickle in the back of my throat. At first I think I must have swallowed something funny and try to drink some water or cough it up. This morning though my fears are confirmed. I am sick again. My chest is tight and it hurts when I cough. I am so upset! Right when I get back into my routine, crap happens. Ugh ugh ugh. I think I'm still going to try to work out anyway. I have to do something.

My workout last night was kick ass, so that's good. We worked arms HARD. 40 regular pushups, 5 inverted pushups (which about killed me), dips, curls, shoulder press, burpees. You name it, we did it. And I'm feeling it today. But in a good way. I love when I get great workouts like that.

I'm supposed to do spinning tonight. I guess we'll see how I feel after work. :( Hopefully good enough to spin. Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner. Nothing fancy, and a little high fat, but I have a super low-cal lunch today so I'm not going to sweat it.
 
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All the worry about whether I would feel good enough to work out after work has become moot. Daycare is closed so I'm working from home. So I guess no workout for me.
 
Yay for 171.2!

Congrats for getting past 173! Feels good doesn't it? :D

Did your contacts ever stop bothering you? Have you tried changing your brand of contact solution? I used to wear contacts. (I've had Lasik.) When I first started with them I had problems and the doctor suggested changing my solution. So I did and that fixed everything. Most likely that isn't the case for you if you've been using that solution in the past without problems, but just a thought.

Sorry you're sick again! I hope it doesn't sideline you for too long. Don't over do it. Try to rest when you can, and maybe you'll get better faster.

I'm sending you "healthy vibes"! ;)
 
I got two different kinds of contacts from my eye doctor the last time I went. A monthly disposable and a daily one. The monthly ones I wore the other day and it felt like I had something in my eye the entire time I used them. :-( I'm going to try the daily ones the next time I go to the gym.

I have tried changing solutions but so far it hasn't seemed to have helped. I am so jealous of your lasik. :-( I desperately want it but there are quite a few other things in line ahead of them, money wise.
 
Rant

I am in a down down down down down mood today. I got into an argument on Reddit last night with a couple of guys that had me so upset I was in tears and couldn't sleep. I had regarded that subreddit as a space similar to WLF. Kind of like a "safe space" for support and non-judgmental comments for people to get help and assistance in losing weight. Given how few spaces there are online that are "safe" to openly be a women and not be bombarded with sexist disgusting comments all the time finding one that seemed to be safe not only to be a woman online, but a fat one seemed like a miracle. I was apparently mistaken.

The argument I got into was about a "motivational link" that someone had posted by a guy with a similar attitude to Tucker Max only regarding weight loss. Calling people "fat pigs", "disgusting", "pussies", "lazy assholes" and the like was his shtick while occasionally throwing out bad information about working out (like if your knees hurt when you run, keep running you pussy!). Calling them names and being derogatory is apparently motivational to these guys. And I called them out on it. I had said that subreddit for the most part was for support, not judging. That people are much more likely to lose weight and keep it off if they have a strong supportive circle of family and friends instead of people who want to push tough love on them. I said there what I've said here before; that your worth as a person is not defined by your weight. That "being fat" is not inherently gross and those sorts of things are what lead millions of people in the US to eating disorders. Needless to say, I was a single person in this fight, and for all intents and purposes, I lost.

I don't have the time and energy to explain how we are all socialized in every aspect of our lives from books to music to movies to advertising to regard "being fat" (which has such a stupidly vague definition) as being sinful, and wrong, and gross, and unworthy, and "less" than being skinny. Explaining how advertising and the media takes those bad feelings and makes money off of them in the form of selling quick fix diet aids, slimming clothes, makeup, food, and everything in between is a waste of my time. It's not worth it to explain the significant correlation between thinness in the media and the rise of eating disorders in adolescents and teenagers. Or the rise of photoshop use on photos and the correlation to plastic surgery. Especially not to jerks like this who believe that the same society that has shaped most of their thoughts, beliefs, and habits could not possibly have any effect on their views toward people who have been "othered".

Even considering the intersectionality between being overweight and living in poverty makes me a "pussy" because apparently the idea that your economical circumstances could have any bearing on your health is just ludicrous. And to them the idea that changes in food production (including, but not limited to, food subsidies) in the US which have made the foods that make us "fat" ridiculously cheap compared to healthy foods could be partly to blame for the rise in obesity in the past 30 years is laughable. To these people you are fat simply because you have no will power. Because you are lazy. Because you stuff your face too much. And saying anything contrary to that is trying to take the blame off of yourself. To them we all live in a vacuum, uninfluenced by the world around us and everything that happens to us is something we control over. How very libertarian of them.

I am still so stinking mad about this. I consider myself someone who is "fat positive". Not in that I think everyone should be fat but that the condemnation of fat people is wrong. That we should work to treat people of every size with the respect and dignity that they deserve. That there should not be one standard size for beauty, especially not one that is physically unattainable for 95% of the population, and one that is photoshopped beyond belief. When Cindy Crawford is quoted as saying "I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford" (alluding to the fact that in real life she could never be as beautiful as she is portrayed in magazines and on tv) there is a problem.

I cannot fix this problem. I am one lowly person against the juggernaut that is "advertising". So getting upset about it really is a waste of my time. Arguing with them will probably do nothing more than get me negative karma over there. But I can't help it.
 
The good - 169.3 - Along with that, some bad

Good: Down to 169.3!!!!! The last time I remember being this weight was 2003. I can even tell you the exact date of my weigh in because it was just hours before the Ohio State-Michigan game. And, because it matters to me, it was also the last time Ohio State lost. :) Yay football! And yay weight loss! This also means I am officially halfway to my weight loss goal of 135. I've been getting loads of compliments at work, and after the dearth of them before now, I will take what I can get! I also keep getting the comment that my face looks "healthy" and "pink". I don't have the heart to tell these guys I have rosacea. :)

More good: I have been commissioned to make both a set of book cases for a coworker and to be the photographer at a friend's baby shower. Both of these things are minor hobbies of mine, and it just makes me feel so good that other people think highly enough of of my skills to ask me to do these things for them. Makes me so stinking happy. Far happier than the weight loss, to be honest.

Bad: I bought birthday presents for our oldest's birthday, she's 8 now (OMG HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!). And while at the store (spending way too much I might add) I walked past the belt display. I thought since mine is now officially too big, that I'd buy a new one. So I grabbed a large. Thinking that I had been an XL before I lost the weight so I thought maybe I'd have gone down a size. That one sadly was not big enough. No sweat I thought. The S-M-L sizes fluctuate between brands, I'll just grab an XL. Even though it's an XL in title, it'll still be smaller. Sadly, that one didn't fit either. And they didn't have any that were bigger. Talk about depressing. :-( I've stolen one of my husband's belts for now. But this has just reinforced the scary thought that my body size hasn't changed enough to fit into a smaller size. So, for a while anyway, I'm not going to go clothes shopping. I've got some old clothes that are a bit smaller that I can finally fit into, so I've been wearing those a lot more mixed in with the baggy stuff.

I'm hoping to do another 5k tonight. I've been sick lately, with both a cold along with some stomach issues so it's probably going to suck. But I need to go. Stuffed shells for dinner. High carb but I'm having a small lunch.

I hope everyone has a great day!
 
i try and plan all my meals at 500caleries aswell and have lost 30lbs so far. :waving: only just getting my weekend binging down tho so i`ve done really well.
 
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