Third Time Is The Charm. 18 158lb

Originally Posted by Irishprincess


Best of luck darling! What are you studying in college? Also what part of ireland are you from? xx
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From the beautiful, yet dreadfully dull, west! what about you?

I'm studying psychology and I absolutely love it!! :D
 
I'm an Addict. . .


That's me. :blush5: I have an an unbelievably addictive personality. Doesn't matter what it is, I can become addicted. . .cigarettes, t.v. shows, this forum, exercise, facebook, certain foods, Pepsi and tea. . . especially tea!


I've always been like that. Right before I left college for Christmas I was addicted to Areo mint, before then it was cola jellies, before that it was coca cola, before that curry and so on and on and on...


When it comes to exercise, I go from loving running to dancing to swimming to my treadmill to weights to basically anything! I can't help it, they become fads for me and then suddenly I stop.


The only consistent addiction I have ever had is to tea. Tea is my drug, I would give up anything in favour of tea (including all sweets, takeaways, fizzy drinks, etc.).


But either way my addictive personality concerns me, particularly in terms of weight loss! I said before I've lost weight in the past, then I went back to my old habits and put it all back on. I had been addicted to weight-loss and then lost interest and I've been worried it's going to happen again (not because I'm falling into bad habits now, or because I'm addicted but because it's happened before) but I'm not going to let that happen. This is my life, my choice and my desire so I am going to do it and not give up :coolgleama:



My Day. . .


Sooooo, today has been good. Mostly because I can cook a serious dinner. Like, I mean, everyone should be jealous because it was fabulous!!! It was only chicken and brown rice but I can make a serious dinner out of that!! Its all a matter of spices and flavours, but the blend was so perfect I should get an award! The best thing about it though was it was only about 400-450 CALORIES.!! So, yeah, it's been a good day! Ohhh, btw, have had about 800 calories with breakfast, lunch and dinner so doing well as the day ain't over for me yet ;)


Also, on the exercise front, not great! I know I promised I'd go on the treadmill but I only went to burn 100cals when I could have burnt so many more! I didn't have much time for anything so I suppose its good to have done a little bit?! :confused:


Other than that, I've been rather amused because for the last few days my calf muscles have been burning a little, as though I'd been using them when I haven't. I think it's because since Christmas ended I haven't been running but who knows...
 
Weigh in. . .


Okay, so weigh in should be tomorrow but, to be honest, I just wanted to see if I had done well (sans exercise) and, so, yeah, will post my weight again tomorrow but for now I am . . .

153.6lb.

Which, considering I was fluctuating between 157-158 means I've lost 3.4 - 4.4 lb so YAY :biggrin:
 
Originally Posted by feelinggooder


Congrats on hitting Goal #1! :hurray::hurray:



Time for a victory dance....
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Thank you!! :sifone: So delighted to have reached my first goal, watching as all my goals are marked off is going to be great motivation for me! & I must say it feels so good and its only been 6 days! looking forward to losing the rest of it :biggrin:
 
Bulimia. . .The best thing I ever gave up (Bulimia point was added following this message being posted)



For some reason I feel like talking about this today! So, I had bulimia for two years, from 14-16 (its hard to remember exactly), and then struggled with it when severely stressed, had low self esteem etc., but for a long time now I have felt good.[/b] Even with my weight not being ideal. Funny thing though, at 14 I was thin, healthy and slim and its only now that I realised my bulimia made me gain weight and become unhappy!



I've realised I'm happy with life even when I'm not happy with my weight, I love college, I love my friends, I love my family, I even love me![/b]:biggrin:





But, like I said, I had this for 2 years[/b], and that is a long time, the weird thing about it though was that I never lost weight yet I continued to do it! For me it was a coping mechanism, it began because I struggled to cope with something and it was there for me when I needed a release. It was easy for me at first because I have GERD and could pretty much get sick at will if I was even a little full. I'm a smart girl, always have been and even as I did this and was aware of what I was doing I couldn't stop ( like I said before. . .addictive personality), in fact, I didn't want to stop.





When I did eventually break my longest cycle of binging and purging it was for 2 reasons


I had to get an endoscopy, didn't know how soon I'd be getting it (camera in my stomach) and didn't want the doctors to know what I had been doing

I wanted to keep my teeth. . . weird how I chose teeth over health, but I guess they are a visibly identifiable feature. . . inner health isn't.




When I stopped I was freed. . I no longer was a slave to my darkest thoughts! It was actually about 3 months after that when I started dieting and caring for myself that I started losing weight and it felt great, I felt great.





I guess the reason I am discussing this is because I am happy and I am proud of how I can be in control of my life and weight and self esteem without pain and suffering.







The reason I brought this up was because I was looking on-line for pictures of people who are 5'5" and 154lb [/b]and I found some, but so many of these pictures led to "thinspiration" [/b]sites and, to be honest, it was T[/b]errifying[/b] to be reminded of what I once wanted and believed. I think what I am trying to say is even if you feel as though you couldn't love yourself now, respect yourself the way I didn't and don't allow yourself to make your life worse, cripple yourself esteem and twist your beliefs.



Sleeplessness . . .


In case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm somewhat of an insomniac !!! :cry:


The night before last I didn't sleep till after 8a.m. and thus slept half the day! What's worse is that when I tried to sleep last night I couldn't so I was basically up till 3p.m. this evening!! I had a four hour power nap and will hopefully (!!!) be able to get to sleep tonight!!:sleeping:





My Day. . .


Not much to report other than I've been very tired and very cranky haha!


I have, however, successfully stuck within my calorie limit and managed to go for a 2 and half mile walk, in the mountains (up steep hills), before my lack of sleep hit me and I crashed like a baby!
 
Sorry to hear you suffered from bulimia, that must have been tough.



Also, well done you for reaching your first goal, thats unreaaaal:) xx
 
Sorry to hear you were suffering with an ED. I too struggled with bulimia when I was in high school and college. It wasn't an issue with wanting to be skinny back then for me, it was a control issue. I felt out of control with my life and they only think I felt I could control was my food, especially when I was still in high school and living with my parents who cooked all our meals and had "rules" about clean plates. It took me years to break the cycle but when I did I remember thinking about the sense of relief I had, I didn't have to be hypervigilent anymore. I didn't have to find somewhere to purge anymore after I ate. Even now, at my fattest, I would never chose that life again.
 
IrishPrincess and OldSchool: Thanks for your kind words ! Bulimia is in my past, my future is a healthy lifestyles so that I can live for many years to come and do all the things I want to do :biggrin: Ohh and Oldschool I get the control thing, its why my bulimia first started, I couldn't control something in my past but I could control my body, like when my father was sick it worsened because I couldn't control his health, but I, like you, would never chose that life again and I'm so glad it's my past :biggrin:


So.. I haven't posted in a day or two, I know thats not long but I just wanted to clarify that my diet is still on track :cheers2:


I've been sticking to my calories, not eating white bread, rice, etc., haven't touched chocolate and only used diet drinks with my bacardi ;) hehe.

I was drinking again last night, although a lot less than last saturday :)leaving:)!!! And I didn't pig out on take away when we went to the chipper after the nightclub :hurray:

Also, considering I am not hungover today I havent started scoffing limitless amounts of greasy and unhealthy foods so I am rather happy :biggrin:
 
So, this is only a quick post because I'm packing!


Basically I have NOT been good, spent monday night at a friends, drank a lot (=a lot of calories), drunkenly ate junk food without even remembering doing it, smoked a bit:sifone:, and like I said, I drank a lot! Bacardi and Malibu dragged me into a world of fun, amnesia and high calorie yumminess!! :cry:


Whats more is I ate a load yesterday too, mostly brown bread, had some crisps and microwave popcorn and damn it was all in all a bad food day! :)




Need to be super good now for a while cos I will fall into bad habits quickly !:hat:


Only had two boiled egg whites for breakfast, would have had some toast but apparently my house has given up on having food!!

Currently waiting for my lovely mother to return with shopping so I can cook something cos I is hunnnnngggryyyyy!:toetap05:
 
Oh to be young! Lol! I remember those days. Now if I go out and drink too much I'm hungover for two days. ENJOY them while you can! And get back on the wagon so you can reach your goals.
 
Hi diamond!
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Yeah, please be careful! Alcohol can definitely make you do some crazy things! I had some bacardi last night and found myself goofing around on chatroulette in my Spidey suit! :p


I got banned too, which is weird. I guess Spider-Man is more offensive than random nudity? haha. Ah well.


Yeah, but anyway, glad to see you getting back on track now. Letting loose every now and then isn't a bad thing though, just as you know what's really important in the end.
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HAHAHA Yesterday I thought I would try some soda water with a bit of lemon cordial (just something a little different to water for a change), I had a sip and thought to myself hmm this would be pritty good with Bacardi in it .... And it was... the second one was better but omg the third one was magic... :drool5:

My kids did me the favour of dragging me out shopping after that (could have been a big night).

I have stayed away from alcohol because I was worried I would smoke, my big test will be next Thursday it’s Australia day and we are going to the pub.... Mmmmm beer :cheers2:
 
Fear not guys I have not abandoned ship, but being back in college is somewhat more time consuming than expected, will right more when im home, but heres a quick update



drinking a lot ;)

not eating junk foods

swimming and exercise is coming back on track

will be doing a charity run as part of college....



that is all , will write soon :)
 
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