Jonathanpatrick
New member
If you're curious about the title of my diary, it's not because I necessarily self loathe myself. It just happens to be the nickname my father calls me.
For the longest time, just to spite him in a way, I'd stuff my face and eat and eat even when I wasn't hungry just because I couldn't express how sad I get when he called me names. Growing up in a family with two older sisters, one a model, and the other pretty slim herself, and parents who enjoyed making fun of me, I kind of gave up on the whole possibility of me losing weight and being healthy.
The weight really picked up these last few years since high school ended and my baseball days are over. I just graduated college, and have realized I've gained even more weight. I can take the name calling because I think that's how my parents express how they care, but for once, I'm worried. This last semester I had someone ask me if I was snoring when I was fully awake. I had trouble walking up the stairs to class, and I wholed myself up in my room for my entire senior year preparing for my graduate school applications and GRE. But that's no excuse for me to be as big as I've become. Other students got out and did things. ((Realized it was an excuse for myself))
My senior year of High School I weighed 210. I'm 5'11 and muscular to an extent. Thick legs and calves, broad shoulders kind of thing. I weighed myself the day of graduation which was December 13th, and I now weigh 275.
Needless to say, I was scared. I wasn't shocked my weight had gone up, but I couldn't believe how much I gained. The heavy breathing and trouble walking made sense. I'd done this to myself. And why? Just so I could feel some control over the comments my parents made when in fact, I was just fueling their disgust.
I don't want to change for them. I want to change for me. I'd like to walk around my new campus in a new city and be a new me. Maybe go to the parties at the dorms or just leave my room and jump in the ocean without a shirt.
So, if you're still with me after this lengthy post, I hope you'll come along with me as I update my diary over the next few months until August when I move and start school.
I'm going to go hard and push myself. I've made a wall of signs in my room of all the names I've been called. I'm using it as some sort of motivational mantra. I don't want to be the Whale, or the son my parents fear may break their staircase.
As for my diet and exercise plan, I'm kind of new to dieting in general so I'm making it up as I go. If I don't see results in my weekly updates, I'll continue to switch it up.
My diet will work around the idea of eating within a time frame from 12pm-8pm. Hugh Jackman did it for Wolverine so I figured that's a good thing. I also will cut carb heavy food from my diet as well. My biggest struggle will be soda. I can go through a two-liter a day.
As far as workouts go, I got a gym membership yesterday, and plan to go Monday-Friday for maybe at least an hour. I'm not too sure what to do in the gym, but I figure maybe some running and the weight machines. Hopefully I'll see some/any results by weeks end.
Next Sunday will be my next entry though I may sporadically post during the week as well if something comes up, good or bad.
Thanks for reading. I'll post pictures when I get to a laptop and take some. I haven't taken photos of myself besides my school ID in years. Maybe next year I'll feel good enough to be in the holiday photos. Oh and any tips or advice is greatly appreciated!
I hope everyone else is doing well on their own personal journey!
For the longest time, just to spite him in a way, I'd stuff my face and eat and eat even when I wasn't hungry just because I couldn't express how sad I get when he called me names. Growing up in a family with two older sisters, one a model, and the other pretty slim herself, and parents who enjoyed making fun of me, I kind of gave up on the whole possibility of me losing weight and being healthy.
The weight really picked up these last few years since high school ended and my baseball days are over. I just graduated college, and have realized I've gained even more weight. I can take the name calling because I think that's how my parents express how they care, but for once, I'm worried. This last semester I had someone ask me if I was snoring when I was fully awake. I had trouble walking up the stairs to class, and I wholed myself up in my room for my entire senior year preparing for my graduate school applications and GRE. But that's no excuse for me to be as big as I've become. Other students got out and did things. ((Realized it was an excuse for myself))
My senior year of High School I weighed 210. I'm 5'11 and muscular to an extent. Thick legs and calves, broad shoulders kind of thing. I weighed myself the day of graduation which was December 13th, and I now weigh 275.
Needless to say, I was scared. I wasn't shocked my weight had gone up, but I couldn't believe how much I gained. The heavy breathing and trouble walking made sense. I'd done this to myself. And why? Just so I could feel some control over the comments my parents made when in fact, I was just fueling their disgust.
I don't want to change for them. I want to change for me. I'd like to walk around my new campus in a new city and be a new me. Maybe go to the parties at the dorms or just leave my room and jump in the ocean without a shirt.
So, if you're still with me after this lengthy post, I hope you'll come along with me as I update my diary over the next few months until August when I move and start school.
I'm going to go hard and push myself. I've made a wall of signs in my room of all the names I've been called. I'm using it as some sort of motivational mantra. I don't want to be the Whale, or the son my parents fear may break their staircase.
As for my diet and exercise plan, I'm kind of new to dieting in general so I'm making it up as I go. If I don't see results in my weekly updates, I'll continue to switch it up.
My diet will work around the idea of eating within a time frame from 12pm-8pm. Hugh Jackman did it for Wolverine so I figured that's a good thing. I also will cut carb heavy food from my diet as well. My biggest struggle will be soda. I can go through a two-liter a day.
As far as workouts go, I got a gym membership yesterday, and plan to go Monday-Friday for maybe at least an hour. I'm not too sure what to do in the gym, but I figure maybe some running and the weight machines. Hopefully I'll see some/any results by weeks end.
Next Sunday will be my next entry though I may sporadically post during the week as well if something comes up, good or bad.
Thanks for reading. I'll post pictures when I get to a laptop and take some. I haven't taken photos of myself besides my school ID in years. Maybe next year I'll feel good enough to be in the holiday photos. Oh and any tips or advice is greatly appreciated!
I hope everyone else is doing well on their own personal journey!
I prefer manatee to whale though! Sorry to hear your parents are so perfect that they have to call you names. They sound like real winners. I hope you achieve what you want to achieve and stay positive!
