The (im)possible mission of an Italian cook's daughter

Yes, it's like you said, I feel like I'm going to be more vulnerable when I lose weight. Plus, I've never been slim so I'm just scared to see what I'll look like.
Thank you for your kind words Lena, they really helped.

I almost forgot: this morning I went and subscribed to a gym. That's quite an event, 'cause gyms and me never had a very good relationship, in fact we like each other almost as bush and bin laden do.
 
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bravaaaaaaa bella :) i'm so very very proud. i'm signing up for one also probably next week for once a week to go along with my aerobics.
 
Congrats on signing up at the gym! I was really self concsious about going at first, and sometimes I feel like people are looking at me, but that's their problem.. I am there to improve myself, not to look at people. Most people are just there to focus on themselves. Who knows maybe they are looking at me because I am just so beautiful even if I am overweight. Or maybe they wish they had such a great attitude! Who knows.
About being scared, I posted a poem about that exact feeling the other day. It's sooo scary, I dont know if I will change, but I do know that people will look at me differently. I am afraid that I wont have to use my smarts to win people over anymore, so, what if I stop using them as much, and what if I do change?
Or what if we can be ourselves along the whole way, and know that we are more brave that most, because our problems are on the surfice, while alot of people can hide theirs. We know we can do anything, because losing weight was the thing that we had to work so hard to do, and get enough courage to try again and again. If by vounerable, do you mean that you think people will approach you more? I think that too. I think I subconsciously put on weight after I was raped because when I was like 14 and 15 i was 30 lbs overweight, and I was safer than when I was thin just because less guys liked me, less situations were presented to me.
You can lose weight. You already have!!! The gym will be good for strength training, and toning, and you will be looking amazing by august. It's time for you to shine, and you will!! You still have 6 months until august :)
 
If by vounerable, do you mean that you think people will approach you more?
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I meant that I think I'll feel more easy to hurt. Fat is like an armour, it hides you from the outside world...And above all it's easier to blame it all on your fat: your social problems, your insecurity, your rage...when fat is gone you have to face the real problems. That's not easy at all...
 
Venice girl said:
Yes, it's like you said, I feel like I'm going to be more vulnerable when I lose weight. Plus, I've never been slim so I'm just scared to see what I'll look like.
Thank you for your kind words Lena, they really helped.

I almost forgot: this morning I went and subscribed to a gym. That's quite an event, 'cause gyms and me never had a very good relationship, in fact we like each other almost as bush and bin laden do.
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Hi Venice girl! I just loved what you said about the relationship between you and the gym :D My friend just lost a lot of weight and she says she doesn't always recognize herself in reflections! I don't think you should be scared but it is always a big step. You'll feel proud of yourself for your hard work and commitment :)
 
I totally understand. There are so many different aspects of how we are vounerable to the outside world. I think youre right that we will have to face our problems, but there is always the possibility that if we dont face those problems, we could start eating again to cover them up.
You are absolutely right that fat is like an armour. Everything you said is absolutely true, but the way it is an armour for me is that I have been secluding myself, and the easiest way for me to do that is to gain weight because I have found that less people will reach out to me if I am overweight. If I let them in, they can hurt me.
How lucky are we that we have a safe place to discuss this without being bombarded with opinions of people who don't understand?
Have a good day girly (or night :))

Oh and Rachie, I have the same thing where I dont recognize myself, only I just can't see how I got so huge! I'm not kidding. One day I was home alone and I saw my reflection in the mirror and I was like "who is that in my house?!" lol...
 
Thank you Britta. I gave you a rep point 'cause you've been so nice to me!

I gave rep points to everybody who supported me in these difficult days...thank you guys!
 
What's up Venice, girl you deep with the whole "fat being an armour" I can totally relate to that, being that I have been big all my life. I used to blam it on my parents being big and this was just hereditary, you know, having someone else to point the finger at instead of saying this is my life and me take charge of it. Stay with us, we need you!!!! The more successful you are we take pride in it!!! When it gets hard come holla at one of us, b/c even your close friends can't comfort you when they can't relate to you on that level. Be encouraged, ok
 
Thank you Lovinme, I won't give up, I promise. It's just that I'm kind of an inward person and love to think about things that happen to me...And this weight loss is giving me a lot to think! It's fascinating though, to discover so many things about myself.

Britta, do you see those little scales next to your name? If you click on it you give a reputation point to the person who wrote the post...it's a way to say I appreciate what you say and like you. :D
 
Venice Girl...thanks for commenting on my diary...it's much appreciated...and it's nice that you took the time out to read it...muchas gracias chaquita ;)

You're doing great yourself...keep up the fantastic job

Kataleena
 
breakfast: skim milk and cereals
lunch: vegetable soup with tortellini
snack: low fat yogurt and 1 kiwi
dinner:rice bread + raw ham + vegetables

:)
 
raw ham? are you sure that's not going to make you sick?
Everything else sounds really good though!! Is it an Italian thing? Sorry I just got a little worried...
 
Howdy Venice,
Well I just wanted to stop by to wish ya a Happy
weekend and keep up the great work,summertime will be here before
ya know it.;) Tammy
 
Britta, yes raw ham is an italian ham. It is very good and usually american people love it!

I went to the gym this morning. Have I mentioned I hate gyms? I'm sooo tired...
 
Once you push yourself to go on a consistent basis, you will feel like you're missing something if you dont go. I was just telling my mom yesterday that I feel like I have to go because I am paying for it monthly. So once I am there, I push myself through the workout because I went out of my way to go down there in the first place, so I might as well finsih what I set out to do. Oh, and also what helps for me, is I bring my Ipod, and a book and read on the stationary bike while doing cardio, and it goes by alot faster. Then weights seem to go by pretty fast because you are really thinking about what you are doing, trying to have proper form, breathing etc., so anyways, I hope you have a great day today Venice, and keep up the amazing work you're doing :)
 
Venice girl said:
Britta, yes raw ham is an italian ham. It is very good and usually american people love it!

I went to the gym this morning. Have I mentioned I hate gyms? I'm sooo tired...
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Is it Proscuitto or something like that?


I sorry you hate gyms! Maybe you'll start liking them!
 
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