The hardest thing I've ever done

G

grebber

New member
As I sit here after walking my dog a few miles I decided to write what I was thinking about as stumbled up and down the hot towpath. I woke up this morning and just felt like I just lost my best friend. I had a short dream about a woman I care so deeply for. A woman I wanted date so badly. A woman I just desperately wanted to kiss. A woman I could never have. In this dream I walked up and sat on what I guess was my porch, I looked over and there she was coming towards me. This would be the first time we seen each other in real life since high school. She just walked up to me and gave me a big kiss. I suppose to most it would be no big deal but to me,yeah, it was more than a big deal. It was everything. We walked inside the house and it was a huge mess inside. She didn't care but I did. I was so embarrassed.
The just like that, I woke up. I woke up empty. I just didnt have the strength to get out of bed. I was getting over this woman and all it took was a few second dream to bring it all back. Why am I telling you all this? I really don't know. Maybe because she was the reason I started losing weight again. Sure I'm doing it for me but she's the one that started it. Because of her I dropped 34 pounds in 5 weeks and been busting my ass every day.
But today? Today was different. Today I didnt have the willpower to go on with my journey. Because of that dream and that kiss I didn't want to face the world. If it wasn't for the fact I had to go into work for a few hours , I may still be in bed feeling sorry for myself. But I did crawl out of bed, and went to work. Then some how, some way got my fat ass off the chair and got on with my walk. I wanted to say the heck with everything! It's just not worth it! The pain of not eating what I want all the time and exercising all the time just isn't worth it any more! But I went anyways, it was hot out, the dog was pulling me, and I felt like I pulled a muscle in my leg right off the bat. I kept going. I don't know why. The more I walked the less my leg hurt. The less the dog pulled, the less the pain inside me hurt.
It's funny, a few years ago I smoked a pack a day and chewed tobacco at the same time. I quit smoking and chewing like it was nothing but losing weight? Hah! You got to be kidding me! If anyone doesn't think food is addictive there a liar! Being fat is the absolute hardest thing I have ever dealt with period! I have no idea if this time I will stick with it or not but I'm just gonna keep at it. For all you people who read this please, I beg you please make this the day you change your life and do it for good. I know how you feel, it sucks! It takes for ever! But you have to push through it so you can get your kiss too. Maybe it's not a kiss for you but it is something. And that something is waiting for you to come get it. You know what you have to do.
I got my kiss, even if it was a dream. I'll remember that kiss. I'll remember how I was on top of the world even if it was only for a few seconds. And I'll remember how I felt when I woke up. I'll remember how empty my heart felt when I realized it was a dream and I was alone in bed. And I'll use this. I'll use this for motivation.
Some day I'll show her this post. Some day I'll get my kiss.
 
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Hey man, that's some really deep stuff. I know it was tough for you, thanks for sharing. I can definitely relate to you. I'm away from home right now, away from everyone I love. My girlfriend and I had some trouble and she said she wanted a break. A 1 week break with no communication turned into 3 weeks. I had some tough days, just like you were explaining, so alone and just so bleak. I'd come home from work go straight to my room and just stay in bed.

One day I stayed home from work and just cried my eyes out. That kick started my exercising. I got my iPod, threw on some Alexisonfire and just let my emotions flow through me as I exerted myself. It was a huge help. Whenever I felt sad, angry, depressed about the situation I would just exercise. Strength training was the biggest help. Helped me feel in control of my life again.

I'd say to focus on your workouts too, use your dream girl as motivation. I've found it has helped for me. You will succeed, I know you will.
 
Rough way to start the day that's for sure. Just gotta keep pushing through those days, use those moments to keep pushing yourself to be the best you can be. I have had days like that and they are not fun, but you use those days to push yourself further, to grow.

It makes me excited for next summer, when I lose all this weight and I can start building some muscle. I've lost ~10 pounds in the 4 weeks I've been doing this and I feel a lot better. I have a lot of work to do but man I can't wait for next summer. Nothing is gonna stop this train :D
 
grebber said:
Being fat is the absolute hardest thing I have ever dealt with period!
Click to expand...

I read somewhere a quote that goes something like this:

Being fat is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
Maintaining weight loss is hard.
Choose your hard.

I think about it a lot and it definitely motivates me.

(maybe read it on this forum but don't remember where)
 
Nice post man, I enjoyed that.


I always had the perception that weight loss was hard, my family and some of my friends always struggled with it for the longest time and I simply dismissed it as too much effort to get thin. But eventually a friend did it, she pushed through and went from being quite heavy to being absolutely stunning and that caused me to re-evaluate my own life.


After some sound advice from her and a lot of research and digging through the mountains of bad advice I arrived at a decent compromise for my own weight loss that allowed me to lose weight but for the experience to be bareable, I believe everyone can do it, not only lose the weight but also be happy as they do it.
 
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