The Fat Enablers

CopperBoom

CopperBoom

New member
I'm really struggling on my weight loss journey. Part of the problem is that I have little support in the personal arena. My boyfriend tries to be supportive (while he drinks his beer and munches on his cheesy fries and then offers me some) and my mother is just as bad. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't expect them to change their diets like I have and workout to lose weight (they both need to) but it feels like they are both trying to sabotage me in their own ways. Help?:willy_nilly:
 
Hm. Chances are, they are probably trying to sabotage you.

Not in a bad way. I discovered this in my life too. While everyone on the surface agreed that I should lose weight, they had an impression/idea of who I was and what I did and how they acted around me.

My friends, knowing I wanted to lose weight, would still tempt me when we would go out to eat and would offer me wine when I had made the decision to stop and would order food that I would love to eat.

Even my boyfriend did it to me.

I realized that I had to be stronger and say no. Because they weren't doing it to be mean. They just knew WineDeer as the woman who ate all this food and drank all this wine and that's who I was.

I had to stand up for myself and learn to say no and explain that I wasn't rejecting my friends or my boyfriend or my family, but rather that I am choosing to make a different decision this time around when it came to eating this or that.

In a perfect world, everyone around me would be super supportive. But not everyone is or they forget or they don't care. By saying no, I've become stronger and it's been easier to make the smarter choice.

You can do the same thing. It will be hard. There will be times when you succumb to the temptation. But the more you say no, thank you, the easier it will be and then you'll reach a point where saying no is not a problem.
 
I get this sometimes, like my husband well we are seperated but live together yeah i know, well we are both going to the gym and at the begining of our work out hes like im going to the gas station do you want a treat to reward yourself youve done so good and he brings me back this thing loaded with calories, its like uhh whyd you do that. and well hes not as strict with himself as i am like today he ate out at chinese place i told him that was bad bad for him.

And people at work well some mess with me like a coworker said oh are you going to count those calories too, just messing with me, and my boss looked at her and laughed and then looked atme and said "when laura looks like april shes gonna laugh at us all, cause she stuck to it" april is the tinyiest girl who works where i work shes like 115 super super thin, the rest of us are all overweight pretty much. So it was funny . Sometimes its hard to like eat when coworkers want to eat somewhere you really have to mod your self to accomadate like boss and another coworker went to sonic asked me to go i said sure and i got a salad from there just cause i did look up calories on stuff to remind me like oh see this is bad if you eat it, like just to give myself the knowledge that im doing better. it helps just to keep yourself accountable.
 
CopperBoom said:
I'm really struggling on my weight loss journey. Part of the problem is that I have little support in the personal arena. My boyfriend tries to be supportive (while he drinks his beer and munches on his cheesy fries and then offers me some) and my mother is just as bad. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't expect them to change their diets like I have and workout to lose weight (they both need to) but it feels like they are both trying to sabotage me in their own ways. Help?:willy_nilly:
Click to expand...

I think in these types of situations you should always shift the focus on health. If they are offering you cheesy fries, tell them you don't want to get heart disease and diabetes.
 
For me, I use people like that as my motivation. At work lots of guys talk nothin but smack about me goin to the gym. There are only three people out of about 35 that actually give me compliments. To me it seems like they're jealous. Meanwhile I'm 25 pounds lighter since september and a monster in the gym. Yet they sit around and complain about how fat they are. Keep up your hard work, and don't give up. Every time someone makes a smart a$$ comment I just think to myself "Don't listen to the beta males." Works for me at least.
 
I have those people too.
I don't think my Mom wants me to fail but me losing weight is unknown for everyone, not just me.
Seems she's always baking something and sending it back!
Luckily, my husband and kids are major supporters!
 
You know, since I've started to improve my lifestyle, cutting out snacks and refusing to drink beer etc I've also encountered a strange kind of resistance from friends and family, the very same people who have time and time again encouraged me to lose weight. I don't think they do it on purpose, either, but at times it can be very condescending- and I've only been going less than month, I hope they give up soon! They see my smaller portion sizes and tell me I'm not eating enough, or they tell me 'one or two beers won't matter'. I'm very determined to battle on this time but 'peer pressure' can be difficult to overcome.
 
I would stop talking to your mom and break up with the boyfriend.. OR maybe they just don't realize what there doing i don't think its intentional my wife does this from time to time "Baking Cookies".. but she always is like crap im sorry i go no problem its good practice :) So i would say there not doing it on purpose and you might be upset at them because your having a hard time with it "because it bothers you" so i would just say no thanks and leave it at that no snid comments about heart issues and diabetes .. Also never suggest loosing weight to a love one unless they bring it up... can you imagine if your BF stumbled across your post how that would make him feel... And Whats Wrong with Beer!!!! lol jk have a great day...
 
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This happens to me all the time. I was really big compared to when a lot of my in-laws, etc. first met me. I would say.. "I am trying to lose weight" and refuse fried food, fried chips, etc. during family meals and they would make comments that on the surface seemed to lack encouragement, like... "one is not going to kill ya" or, "c'mon, just have a little".. If someone was in detox from drugs, the same response would be utterly offensive.

There are a few reasons that I think this happens. I think it's natural to want to be comfortable with the people around you, and subconciously if someone is 'being healthy' and one is still drinking/ eating unhealthy, it would make that second person less comfortable with the situation. If I am on a double-date with my wife and friends, talking about working out used to be uncomfortable, because I didn't work out. So instead, comments like "eh, I'm not really into that" with a demeaning tone would come out, as if I was "too good" to work out. This was not to sabbotage the friend working out, but to compensate for my own shortcomings....

28 pounds and you think you are not doing well? You are doing awesome!! Keep up the good work :)

-Mellon
 
Thanks. I think the biggest problem is that I've lost perspective. I need a new battle plan. I'm thinking its time to meet with a dreaded personal trainer. $ cha-ching.
 
I encountered this problem a lot while trying to lose weight. Most of my friends eat pretty horribly and were always pressuring me to eat the way they were, ex. "C'mon man, you worked out today and have been eating good enough lately to have a blizzard"... and numerous other related statements delivered with the same "you've earned it" logic. The way I always looked at it though was although it may seem like I earned to splurge a bit because I busted butt in the gym in actuality the reason I was in the gym working so hard in the first place was to make up for all the splurging I had ALREADY done in the past.

Even now when I am tempted with the "earned it" logic about working out and eating bad I remind myself that I am not working out to eat cake, I am working out to be healthy, and cake is not healthy. The body does require more nutrition when participating in a regular exercise program but it is much more productive eat more healthy food, not add junk food to the healthy diet. It is ok to treat yourself from time to time so you dont end up losing control one day and binging.

Do your best to stay strong! When they offer you junk graciously turn it down, they may be offering it out of kindness not malicious intent so you dont want to throw it back in their face. Remind yourself why YOU are trying to eat healthy and if you can use positive images in your mind of what you are working towards, if that is not working well than bring up some images in your mind of what you dont want to happen from all the junk.
 
I get really annoyed with my hubby sometimes because he offers me things he knows I am trying to stay away from just about every day! I don't eat after dinner, and that's when he pigs out. Every thing he gets out he asks me! It gets very frustrating, because it's not being polite anymore, it's just him not considering how I feel and the fact that I struggle with this sometimes.

He should be trying too, his gut is getting huge (it actually crushes me at 'certain times' if you get my drift!!!)

Anyway, I know how you're feeling!
 
CopperBoom said:
I'm really struggling on my weight loss journey. Part of the problem is that I have little support in the personal arena. My boyfriend tries to be supportive (while he drinks his beer and munches on his cheesy fries and then offers me some) and my mother is just as bad. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't expect them to change their diets like I have and workout to lose weight (they both need to) but it feels like they are both trying to sabotage me in their own ways. Help?:willy_nilly:
Click to expand...

WineDeer said:
Hm. Chances are, they are probably trying to sabotage you.
Click to expand...

So, just because someone eats in front of you, it means they're trying to sabotage your life? Come on. Really?!?!?! I mean, I'm trying to lose weight myself, but I'm not going to assume the worst about someone if they inhale a piece of German chocolate cake in front of me and chase it down by chugging a bottle of pancake syrup. Mmm, pancakes :drooling:

ANYWAY...

Look, people are going to be eating crappy and unhealthy foods around you aaaaall the tiiiiime. So, don't expect your boyfriend or mother to just instantly change their lives because you are trying to change yours. If they are rubbing it in your face, like, "NAH NAH NAH, you can't eat thiiiiis, NUM NUM NUM" it would be one thing, but if they're simply just eating and/or drinking in front of you, then I think you just need to take a step back and focus on your will power a little bit.

If someone is an alcoholic and is trying to quit drinking, that doesn't mean that they should expect everyone else in the world to stop drinking around them. People who are trying to lose weight shouldn't expect the whole world to stop eating around them either. It's unreasonable for anybody to expect other people to change their lives just because they are trying to better themselves. I want to lose weight and I'm trying, but, guess what? People are still going to eat. And, they're going to eat shit like hot dogs, pizza, tacos and ice cream. And, they're going to be eating it right in front of me at times. People are going to do the same with you too. So, instead of trying to deflect any personal responsibility onto the shoulders of others, people like us (people trying to lose weight) just need to suck it up, realize that dropping the fat from our bodies is going to be a hard road to walk down and get over it.

Easier said than done, I know. But, unfortunately, it's something that needs to just be done.
 
Hey guys! I agree w/ many of the comments. It's so hard to be healthy sometimes, not because of temptation necessarily but because of the reactions of people around you. Like sometimes I feel less "normal" because my habits vary from a lot of ppl I see around me. And I find myself questioning my habits. Do you guys feel that way too? I guess we just have to remind ourself that we're not harming anybody by eating healthy and are doing something really positive for ourself. And why does everything revolve around food anyway? Besides, so what if ppl are seemingly offended if we politely decline their cake!!!
 
People don't like change.

But you aren't losing weight for them, you'd doing it for yourself. So fuck 'em. Haha. That's what I tell myself.
 
i get this too my mates are always trying to get me out drinknig every weekend n i tell them n they just say whats the harm, they tell me not to bother going the gym.
my bf works away alot he promised he'd support me and when hes here all he eats is junk food constantly choclate bars and crisps. he does come the gym with me but he wants to leave after twenty mins and then goes home to eat two choclate bars to "replace his energy". he says i dont need to diet or loose weight or go to thee gym but when i tell him im doing it coz i want to feel better he dont get it.
my mum is the same nagging me to eat for and have dessert and stuff.
i wish they could be more helpful even if they dont mean to be unhelpful =/
x
 
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