The Difference Between A Girlfriend and A Wife Is About 30 Pounds

L

La Dauphine

Guest
I'm getting married in 4 1/2 months so I figured now is a good time to start another diary...

In sum, I'm terrified I'm going to turn into a fat and frumpy wife with no sex drive.
Although none of these are issues at the moment, if I don't take better care of myself they will be.

I've worn my hair in a bun more times than I'd like to admit this month and although we have sex regularly I want to want to have it more.

I've managed to (almost) acquire the lifestyle I've always wanted in that I only work part-time (with no intentions of ever working full-time) at a reasonably stress free job.
The best part is I have a fiance who supports this.
How many women are lucky enough to have a man who wants them to be able to work part-time?
Not many.
I have the time, money and support to become a part-time house/trophy wife and I'm not utilizing them.
[Aside: Before you jump to conclusions, my fiance is not a crusty old man 25 years my senior with a lot of money; in fact, he's handsome, only 1 year older and although he makes a very decent wage it's only seasonal so for 1/2 the year he works slightly above minimum wage.]

So, this diary is going to contain a lot of food logs, exercise plans and wedding planning babble.

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SUNDAY, APRIL 3rd, 2016
1:00 PM

I picked up my dress yesterday.
It actually arrived a week or so ago, but I'd been dreading trying it on again.
It took a somewhat nasty call from David's Bridal to make me go get it.
(Apparently, they can only hold gowns for 10 days as they don't have the space for long term storage.)
The particular dress I tried on a few months ago was a size 8.
It was too big, however, so we ordered a 6.
I wasn't sure it was going to fit because I didn't have the luxury of trying on a size smaller.
Not only did it fit, it was too big!
Fuck yes.
(I probably could have ordered a 4 although that means nothing when it comes to dresses because you can be a 4 in one and a 14 in another.)
Anyway, the entire floor went silent as I walked out.
I was a shining star for all of 10 minutes.
 
The whole episode with my dress has really opened my eyes.
Like most people I'm "aware" that weight loss is 75% diet and 25% exercise, but I'd yet to see one of these mythological creatures.
You know the type: They eat their avocado then go for 1 pathetic power walk yet are somehow boasting figures I only see in my dreams.
Anyway, this winter was not an active one for me.
I usually play on 3 competitive soccer teams/week, but this year I only played on one.
(I'm talking high-intensity games that make a 45 minute jog look like a skip.)
Obviously, I was worried I was going to get fat so I spent my extra time really monitoring my food intake.
I figured if I'm not going to be burning off much I need to eat less.
It's such a simple concept, really.
I'm now that avocado-power walking female I was referring to.
Go moi.
As sick as this sounds, my revelation came as a result of the failure from my co-worker.
We work in a pretty dull unit and have way too much time to chit-chat so I'm aware of her stats, workout, eating habits, etc.
She goes to the gym 4x/week which I thought was pretty impressive.
Flash forward 3 months and I realize she hasn't a lost a pound.
In fact, I think she's gained.
Then I noticed what she puts in her mouth: Anything and everything.
What's the point of going to the gym 4x/week if you're going to undo all of your hard work by over eating?
FTR: She's not a pig or anything, but wants to lose weight is just eating way too much .
 
I find it very interesting seeing what others do. I used to think that most slim women were lucky & mostly ate what they like, but have observed carefully. Most slim women watch everything they eat & mostly are very mindful.
I know that I will have to do so forever.
It's worth it!
 
Yes, my friends who are 'naturally' slim, are actually very conscious of what and how much they eat. I'm trying to be like them.

Great news on the dress, awesome achievement.
 
THURSDAY, APRIL 7th, 2016

8:30 AM

The amount of calories in condiments is surreal.
I'm French... I love butter. I've actually had people ask if I would like pancakes with my butter because I can easily eat only 1 or 2 pancakes, but they have to swimming in butter.
(The same goes for syrup although I did manage to purchase a cheap low calorie bottle instead of my usual $12 syrup at 260 calories per tablespoon.)
I'm like this with sour cream, mayonnaise, etc.
I'll have to work much harder to limit my intake in this area.

I just want the nice weather to come so I can run outside.
I don't want to be one of those (inevitably fat) people who use bad weather as an excuse not to exercise, but I also don't want to be one of those weirdos in their spandex running in a downpour.
I like to think there's more to life than that.
But I'm also sickly so it's just not worth it.
I also have a very small puppy who loves to be outside, but only when it's nice enough and I feel guilty running without her.
Soon.
Look at that face!
YOU couldn't leave without her either, I'm sure, lol.
View attachment 23656
 
I just came across an older post from you in which you said you had undergone lots of tests & that you would know the results in a month or so. Were they ok? Is your little dog a whippet? We used to have one. It had so much energy!
 
cate said:
I just came across an older post from you in which you said you had undergone lots of tests & that you would know the results in a month or so. Were they ok? Is your little dog a whippet? We used to have one. It had so much energy!
Click to expand...

Thank you for caring! I get my results May 4th, so hopefully I can figure out what's going on and take it from there.

She's a little Miniature Pinscher! She also has a LOT of energy, but we knew that when we bought the breed. Whippets are adorable!
 
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13th, 2016

9:05 AM

For once, I didn't inhale half of my FI's Doritos.
He called from the grocery store on the way home yesterday and asked if I wanted any.
I said no.
He sighed.
I always manage to say no, but as soon as he opens the bag I eat most of them.
On top of the dramatic sigh, I could sense the frustration in his voice when I declined and that's when I knew I wouldn't eat any.
My poor FI finally cracked and it gave me strength.
The poor guy can't even eat some chips without my hand in the way, only to hear me bitch about how fat I am later.
I honestly believe if more spouses just spoke up or sighed more about things, there'd be less fat wives in the world.
Anyway, if I can do this once I can do it again.
And again...
 
SATURDAY, APRIL 16th, 2016

9:30 AM

Mike has an exhibition game at 10 and I really don't want to go.
I've been to every one of his games for the last 3 years and I'm always the only fan.
I was starting to feel like a fucking idiot.
Where are the rest of the women?
Is that something that happens in long-term relationships, SO's stop supporting one another?
I wrote the women on his last team off because they were wives with children without an athletic bone in their bodies so even if they did make a cameo we rarely talked as we had nothing in common.
His new team is different.
These aren't any fat, frumpy moms...
(One of the girls dances for the Toronto Argonauts!)
He's playing for a younger, higher caliber team and with it comes younger and higher caliber women.
I can't just show up in my sweat pants like I used to.
But I want to be a Trophy Wife so I guess I better turn that flat iron on...
The frumpy wives who never showed up didn't put in any work.
I don't want to be them.
 
8:30 PM

I had a decent time at Mike's game.
(Probably because it was the first nice day we've had so I actually got to see the sun.)
They lost 3-2, but played a team from a more competitive league so it was expected.
Mike scored and played well, that's all that matters!
There's a guy on his team I've slept with, though...
Men are different from women so I don't expect he'll say anything.
In fact, he'll probably just pretend we don't know each other which is fine by me.
He did approach me and was kind of dog I had, but I think that was just his way of letting me know he sees me and have nothing to worry about.
(We hooked up in like 2009 so I doubt Mike would care that much, but still - it's an uncomfortable situation and I'm glad it's over with.)

My own soccer practice went well enough.
I forgot how much extra work it is to run on grass in comparison to turf!
I was dead after 2 laps which is pathetic.
There's a new girl on the team who I think is in competition for my spot.
I have a few friend on the team, but none of them play a complimentary position so I feel like it's this new girl and this other girl I didn't get on the best with against me.
It's not that I don't like this other girl, but we have different playing styles and haven't found our flow yet.
She'll be my main competition as far as goals go.
She also has the potential to completely shut me out because if she doesn't send or cross the ball (she's the wing and I'm in the middle) then my position becomes useless.
It means I'll have to go get the ball rather than mainly receive it.
I'm a little worried I'll just sit up top like a fucking idiot and her and her friend will ice me out.

*​
Mike is out for some drinks with a few of his friends.
I've been pushing him to spend more time with other people so I'm not at all mad that he left.
I am, however, sad.
I just want to cry.
I can't really explain it and I can't be the only one who gets like this, but I'm grateful for the solitude.
It means I can just get my cry on.
It's probably a result of stress because nothing is actually wrong.
The wedding is fast approaching and although we're in good standing it's just so much fucking work that sometimes I want to give up.
I'm just going to spend my Saturday night at home crying.
I'm going to tell myself it's healthy.
We all need a cry now and then.
 
TUESDAY, APRIL 19th, 2016

8:30 AM

I slept in.
Again.
I won't be cleaning, prepping a meal or exercising before work... I'll be wasting time on the computer.
If I don't learn to control this I really will end up just another fat and frumpy housewife.
(Or part-time housewife in my case.)
I'm fucking blessed to have the life that I have and I'm wasting it by sleeping.
I guess it's better to be an over sleeper than an over eater.
That's what I'll tell myself.
 
THURSDAY, JULY 21st, 2016

9:00 AM

I'm getting married in 30 days!
For the most part, planning hasn't been fun.
It's been a lonely process, mostly due to the neglect we've encountered (financially and emotionally) from my FI's family.
When my FMIL passed away it was like all of the negativity went away.
I felt fresh.
I didn't feel like this at first, however, because I was afraid my FI would mourn for longer than necessary and I'd be starved for attention and ignored at the hardest part in the planning process, but no.
She was a toxic person for the last 3 years or so and her death has created the opportunity to take the space we need to take from his family.
Mike himself agreed to cut them off (or seriously distance himself) after the wedding and I see no reason to change this plan now that she's no longer here.
Although she was a big part of the familiar problems, they're still a dysfunctional bunch and I'd much rather not be around them.
I'm sure, in time, things will work themselves out, but I don't see the point of dragging ourselves down with them.
We're going to be newlyweds: It's time to make our own life.

Anyway, I had a fitting yesterday.
I purchased my veil.
It's a gorgeous Vera Wang cathedral work of art.
(Expensive as fuck, though...)
During the fitting I noticed the dress wasn't as tight as I'd like it to be, especially on the top and when I asked if it would cost more for another alternation I was told no.
Why?
Because my measurements had stayed the same since I was there last.
Basically, because I didn't gain any weight I was "entitled" to have my dress worked on further at no extra cost.
I'm not sure if this rule applies to losing weight as well, but honestly, I don't think it does...
The point of my alteration was to take it IN so losing weight (I didn't, but that's not the point) was the purpose of the fitting.
I kind of want to clarify this, but I just have this feeling this snarky little rule only applies to brides who want to take it in more with the hope that they're lose weight only to gain it.
Sick world.
 
Hi Dauphine,
You have heaps going on don't you. That really seems to be a trend on this forum.
So much excitement for you with the wedding and the veil you bought sounds wonderful. Vera Wang no less; would love to see a picture if it wont reveal any secrets.
Issues with family and working out how to communicate and function all together is tough. We all have our own ways we were brought up and our own ways of doing life so when lots of people come together it can be a hard juggle. But take heart, at the end of the day you and your groom will walk way happy and ready to start a new life which is wonderful.
Don't worry too much about becoming a frumpy wife. If you don't wont it to happen it probably wont. I did put on weight myself when I got married but it wasn't because I decided to just stop keeping myself in shape, I lost who I was when I got married. I was a new wife, with a new business we bought, I was still a daughter but not quite because I was married and I also changed my last name which was something I wanted to do but it also meant I was leaving another part of me behind. It ended up being a very stressful time for me and as a result my taking care of myself fell to the floor. So my advice would be to be aware of things that may trip you up a little (you may not have any) so you can smoothly move into the next exciting part of life.
 
FRIDAY, JULY 22nd, 2016

9:00 AM

I've decided to boycott chips until after the wedding.
This sounds insignificant, but I have no portion control when it comes to them.
I eat 1-2 full bags/week which is disgusting when read aloud.
A little while ago I managed not to eat any for a few months so I know I can do it again - I just need to keep a conscious effort.

I'm getting my hair done after work!
Being blonde is tres time consuming.

Tomorrow, it's Shannon's birthday and we've rented a limo bus.
Sounds very high school (and it is), but that's OK with me.

Mike will be hand delivering the rest of his invitations today and I hope it does OK.
That is, I hope they come.
It's such short notice and I confess we hadn't planned to invite them in the first place, but so many things changed over the planning period.
This is how it's all worked out and I"m just doing what I can to keep positive.
 
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