The Diary

S

SubbuS

New member
Ok, here I am now, riding on a wave of motivation for the past few days. I was casually browsing the net and - bam! - an idea hit me. I'm sure that it's the most original and brilliant idea anybody has ever had - why not join a weight loss forum where I could start a diary. Fantastic! :D

I've never done diaries. I've blogged before but they've been short lived. I'll just have to see what becomes of this. I might be on the verge of creating a monster.

To start things off, I found a very helpful list of questions that I will try to answer to the best of my abilities in a bit.

Let's get this show on the road!
 
Q&a

  1. What is your current height and weight?

    Height: 5'9'' / 175 cm
    Weight: Since I don't have access to a scale at the moment, I'll venture a guess that I weigh around 265 lbs / 120 kgs
  2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?

    around 160 lbs / 72 kgs
  3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?

    Since I've done this before so many time now, I'll guess it's possible to get my weight down to around 230 lbs / 105 kgs
  4. Why do you want to lose weight?

    I don't feel like myself with this weight on, never have. Of course there are health benefits, but mostly I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. I do realize that it's not only weight related.
  5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?

    Hmm. If I were to put down dates or things like that - my graduation in about a year, the end of June 2012.
  6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?

    Me, myself and I. Loss of motivation and just giving up when things are stressful in life.
  7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?

    I've always had it, I've never been "thin". I'm an emotional eater, low self-esteem, I have the tendency to give up too easily even when I've already accomplished a lot.
  8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?

    Regularity in everything I do and trying to maintain a positive attitude even when things are tough. Regular eating, sleeping, exercise routine. Be aware of certain times when I'm more vulnerable to giving up or slipping up, which, in turn, makes me want to give up.
  9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?

    Yes, many, many, many times. I joined Weight Watchers about 7 years ago, never attended meetings, but followed their points system on my own. Reading extensively on the subject and just using my common sense, when I had it at hand.

    Keeping regular habits and keeping myself in check at all times is very helpful and works when I follow a good routine I've established for myself.
  10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?

    Giving up and just not caring about anything anymore.
  11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?

    Hmm. I've never done those fad diets. Learned from experience very early on that I have to have regularity with my food consumption. I've always strongly believed that you have to make healthy choices with food, watch the portions and not starve yourself.
  12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?

    Sure. I mostly do that already. I plan my meals days ahead and usually follow them when I'm not in some kind of a funk and am close to giving up at that point.
  13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?

    Yes, I do. When I'm in a good place and feel motivated about being healthy I cook easy and simple foods from fresh produce. Low in fat, sugar and starches and high in all the other good stuff.

    When I'm in a bad place, cooking is set aside or I cook foods very, VERY high in fat, sugar and starches.
  14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?

    Not very often. When I do, it's mostly sushi or when I'm on a vacation, I try out different places.
  15. What are your three favorite foods?

    Healthy me - different kinds of fruit, yogurt, soup.
    Unhealthy me can never pass up on ice cream, grilled meat and something fat, sugary and starchy in excess.
  16. What are your three favorite restaurants?

    Don't have favourites.
  17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?

    Healthy choices. Consider the wider benefits when it comes to nutrition. Think before buying anything, not get overruled by my emotions.
  18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?

    First of all, I wouldn't growl trying to roll myself out of bed. My back wouldn't probably be as stiff as it is now.

    I'd actually want to wake up in the mornings. :D
  19. Do you eat when you are not hungry?
  20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
  21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
  22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
  23. Do you eat as a reward?
  24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?

    Yes, yes, BIG FAT YES to all of the questions above.
  25. What do you normally eat for a meal?

    Unhealthy me stuffs down anything and everything edible.

    Healthy me tries to avoid excess fat, sugar and starches. I try to keep an eye on balancing the intake of good nutrients, food that I like, enjoy but that is also good for me.
  26. What type of snacks do you eat?

    Healthy me eats apples and yogurt.

    Unhealthy me seems to swallow bags of chips and chocolate bars and tubs of ice creams at the velocity of light.
  27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?

    I'm currently riding a bike a few times a week (probably under 10 miles at a time), walking some miles.

    And I have a crosstrainer at home. Hardly used, though, if I may add.
  28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?

    As I live in downtown, it's mostly around the neighbourhood and nearby bike paths. And at home.
  29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?

    I love walking, biking and swimming (don't do that often, though).
  30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?

    The future possibility of feeling good in my skin and not feel embarrassed about the way I look and constantly worry about what people think of me. If I could sort that out for myself, I'd be a happy camper.
  31. Do you have rewards for certain goals?

    Yes, FOOD. :D:D:D Probably a bad idea, as it can trigger bingeing episodes.

    Going for a movie, reading a good book, buying some beauty product.
 
FleurDeLis said:
Welcome Subbus, can't wait to here more about what your goals are!
Click to expand...

Well, hello there, my very first forum encounter on a more personal scale! :)

Thanks for the welcome. I guess I can't hide anymore and I'd better put my brains to work and put some goals down. :D
 
Well, today hasn't been that great. But not really awful either.

Had to go out for lunch. Thai place. I chose Tom Kha with chicken. I don't get Thai food all that often and I knew it was a good place, so opted for Tom Kha. I have no idea how bad it is calories wise, it might be better if I didn't know just for now.

But had it, loved it, took half of it home in a box as well to have it later. So, in fact, it was two meals. Still, not that bad.

However, had pasta for dinner AND gulped down quite a large portion of vanilla ice cream. I could have gotten three portions out of it, easily, and I could have had them with three meals. But didn't. Not good.

I feel a bit bad about that. The Man didn't want it, and I got into my usual obsessive-compulsive mode and just had to have it ALL, at once.

I find that I do this quite a lot, the bargaining with myself. The kind of thinking that ok, this is here now, if I just eat everything now, I can eat less tomorrow or the following days.

I can't stand wasting food but during my bingeing episodes I do sometimes reach a point when I feel so disgusted with myself and just throw away food I've gotten. No such luck today. Ate half the box.

Today was stressful as well. I'm planning a vacation and The Man is of no help. He says he gets irritated about thinking about all this stuff. Well, duh, guess what, it's not supposed to be easy but it has to be done. So far I've had to do everything alone and it's starting to get on my nerves. Usually I love planning and being anal about things, it gives me comfort to try to think about all the possible ways of doing things. But it also starts to be a source of stress and irritation after a while...which...leads to emotional eating to relieve the pressure. :(

The sad thing is that I know that, but still fool myself into thinking that I'm stronger at the moment and can deal with it. All of that vanishes when I turn into The Binge Monster.

Oh well. At least I can congratulate myself that I only had the ice cream and it didn't turn into a full bingeing episode.

Another day bites the dust.
 
*sigh* Today was even worse than yesterday. Had to go out for dinner with the in-laws. Chinese food. I made the mistake of not eating several hours before the meal and ended up getting breaded pieces of chicken, shrimp and beef in sweet and sour sauce. I should have known better, not listen to The Hunger Monster and just taken the steamed vegetables.
 
First binge episode in a week. I guess I should have seen it coming. Stressful past few days, no regular eating or sleeping, and I just let everything slip away. I don't purge, can't seem to be able to do it and I don't want to take that road anyway.

Oh well. Water under the bridge, I have to keep reminding myself. Tomorrow will be better.
 
We seem a lot alike. If I have chips in the area...I will eat them. That's why I don't buy them. If I do buy chips for other people in my house, I buy the small 160 calorie bags. Then I know that I'll eat the right portion.
For the first month, I cut all junk out. Once a week, I would have a cheat meal. It really helped. Now, I don't want the junk food and still do a cheat meal. Don't get me wrong....there are times I want to devour everything in site. I've lost 44lbs since May 1st. 44. That's insane. When I look at that, and then I see the major difference in my body....those chips don't seem so tasty anymore.
A couple of things that have worked...
I always have a large....74.4 oz....jug of water with me. I don't care if people think it's silly. I'm healthier because of it. :)
Take pictures every time you hit a milestone...for you. Every 10lbs lost, I take a pic.
Think in small increments. I think, "wow....in 6 lbs, I'll have lost 50lbs!" Then, I think about only losing 6. :)

Stay positive. Seriously. Smile. Make other people smile. It really helps.

Good luck.

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
Hi, imaninjadangit! Thanks for popping by and dropping a line. :)


When I first started dealing with my weight years ago, I just cut all sugary, fatty and "empty calories" food out of my diet. Healthy foods that help me feel full for longer that are also filled with good nutrients became a must have. And I do enjoy them. The one trick I have is to only have foods that I like having, not just because they're supposed to be good for me. But sometimes all that just goes out the window. I can't have any kind of food around that could trigger a bingeing episode. The problem is that any kind of food might actually trigger the episodes. Usually I just don't have the foods with loads of sugar, fat and starches laying around. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not.


The taking a picture with every milestone is a very good idea. I thought about starting doing that this time. And also start taking measurements. The last time I lost a lot of weight, I first lost 70 pounds, I didn't feel any different really. I saw the number on the scale, but I still felt the same as I always did. I thought that it was so ridiculous and felt really hopeless. 70 pound lost, going down from about 286, and I only went down 2 pants sizes. The top size stayed the same. Twist of irony, sometimes when larger people complain about weight problems they blame it on having large bones. I actually do have a large frame. *facepalm* With about 90 pounds lost, I started feeling the pants getting too big for me. It felt good, but nothing drastic and the feeling didn't last very long and I've gained, and lost again, and gained back the weight again and again.


Haven't updated in a while because I've been on vacation and while I do try to make healthy choices, sometimes The Man and I only have a meal once a day.


I'm not really thinking about losing weight or anything weight related at the moment. The Plan is to start doing that once I get back home and into a nice pattern again. I can't wait really. I like having a plan to follow and having certain structure on a daily basis.


We'll see how things go, I guess.
 
Thank you, Irishprincess!!! :)


I am feeling good about starting up with my regular routine again. I'll be home in a few days and things should get back to normal soon. I can't wait to get on my walking rounds again, I love to walk most of all. And since the autumn is coming, it's going to get cooler as well, so it's all the more pleasurable.
 
Alrighty now.


September 1, 2011. Started with everything again. My food schedule is set, I took a walk yesterday for the purposes of exercise and now I'm going to put down the cold hard numbers.


Here are my measurements following these guidelines:








Bust: Measure around the chest right at the nipple line, but don't pull the tape too tight.

Chest: Measure just under your bust

Waist: Measure a half-inch above your belly button or at the smallest part of your waist

Hips: Place tape measure around the biggest part of your hips

Thighs: Measure around the biggest part of each thigh

Calves: Measure around the largest part of each calf

Upper arm: Measure around the largest part of each arm above the elbow

Forearm: Measure around the largest part of the arm below the elbow.



[/quote]


Weight: 111.5 kg / 245.8 lbs

Bust: 120 cm / 47.2 in

Chest: 103 cm / 40.6 in

Waist: 100 cm / 39.4 in

Hips: 118 cm / 46.5 in

Thighs: right - 74 cm / 29 in; left - 73 cm / 28.7 in

Calves: right - 48 cm / 18.9 in; left - 49 cm / 19.3 in

Upper arm: right - 41 cm / 16 in; left - 41 cm / 16 in

Forearm: right - 31 cm / 12.2 in; left - 30 cm / 11.8 in


I will probably update on these once a month. Let's get this show started!!!!!!!!
 
So far, so good.


I've been on track with my eating and I've managed to have some exercise almost daily. I mostly walk, and I have a pedometer to track the steps. So, that's all been good.


I've also managed to keep the temptations at bay. It doesn't help when one has an animal of a brother visiting, who devours everything high in salt, sugar, fat and starches. Despite my warnings, he just keeps going and there's no end in sight. But I can't help him when he doesn't want to help himself.


This might be TMI, but whatever. It's my blog and I'll blab if I want to. Things go ok for most of the month, when I manage to keep track of myself. But once a month, obviously around my period, about a week before and during, the cravings might break me. So I guess I'm just being wary about any kind of progress I've made and don't feel I have the right to feel that proud of myself. It's been proven time and time again that while things might be going well, there's high chance that any moment they won't be well anymore.


What really bothers me is that I know that they're just cravings, it's psychological, I know binging is bad for me, I know what it does to me physically and psychologically. I know the underlying reasons for that, that it's just emotional eating. But still, my brain just goes into autopilot and The Monster emerges.


Oh well. Just have to keep going. And when I cave, just have to get up and start all over again.
 
Ok, today was really good. I had a really nice walk. The pedometer showed a whopping 11400 steps. Woohoo! I'm glad that I'm able to motivate myself in such a way because most of the places I need to go are not easily accessible by public transport, so I just walk everywhere. I take longer rounds to get home or to run my errands, and it's really fun. And in addition I also take walks solely for the purposes of exercise. I'm walking around in the city in areas I've never visited before and since I love architecture, it's really nice to combine sightseeing with exercise.


I've managed to stay on track with my eating. Today was really good, but I try to take it one day at a time. I also eliminated something from my life that was causing me more stress than necessary. It's no good when people I'm around irritate me so much, that it spills over into every aspect of my life and just poisons everything. It was time to move on, it was already becoming a burden and an addiction and I really don't see why I should tolerate it when just walking away doesn't cause me any more problems.


Tomorrow I have an outing planned with my family. Hopefully I'm still able to resist temptations when we go out to eat. I guess we'll see.
 
12600 steps today. Nice to know in the winter, when the weather isn't all that suited for walking and I'd have to find alternatives and I'd feel like giving up altogether.
 
6900 steps today. Pretty good.


I haven't weighed myself for a while. I used to do it every day. My pattern was quite a lot of weight lost in one week, not so much the next one. I realized my body needed time to adjust and there's no need to really worry or panic.


Right now, I know that I'm following my food plan, I'm exercising, I'm moving forward even when I don't lose tons of weight. I'm able to walk up the stairs without keeling over.


Considering that I only started again a few weeks ago, the initial weight lost could be quite a lot, but in the long run it's going to slow down as it has in the past. Unfortunately this is the time when I'm feeling most like giving up. I don't think it's about disappointment about not losing a whole lot, but it's more about getting stuck in the rut and following the plan starts to feel like a burden. I have to learn how to get past that.


So, I'm following the plan and I'm feeling pretty decent. There have been temptations but I've managed to get past them. All in all, things are on the right track for now. Fingers crossed for the future.
 
7111 steps today. Lovely number. The autumn is definitely here, it was pouring down today. Just as I took a walk and got completely soaked. I might start to incorporate a crosstrainer into my daily exercise routine if things continue on as such.


Everything is still good on the food front. Even though I just devoured three apples. Maybe it's nothing, but still it's better to be safe than sorry. Can't be spontaneous like that or else it might trigger a binge episode and then there's only downhill from that. I'm not even kidding how bad things could get.


But things are ok so far.
 
Keep it up Subbus!!!!! Just keep your goal in mind when you think you are going to binge!!! Apples are a great way to fill the void. I eat 2-3 a day. Remember, this is a life change, not a quick fix!


You are doing GREAT!!!!
 
Thanks for the encouragement iq_rider. :)



However, I ended up bingeing after all. I should already know better. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. Let's start all over again.
 
Originally Posted by SubbuS


Thanks for the encouragement iq_rider. :)





However, I ended up bingeing after all. I should already know better. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. Let's start all over again.
Click to expand...



You've binged, it happens to the best of us! As you said, tomorrow is another day:) I ate like an awful pig last week but today and yesterday ive been good:)
 
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