The Diary of Madness

Trops said:
You are an adult, but for some reason you still have that mentality of Momma's little girl.
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Ain't that the truth!?!?

95% of the time my mom is the most supportive person in the world and has helped me reach all sorts of goals in my life. However, she has some odd behavioral things. Her mother has Borderline Personality Disorder (can make a person very controlling, manipulative, demeaning to others, etc) and my mom had a real rough time growing up because of it. Every once in a while, my mom will fall into a pattern that she learned from her mother. I used to think that she was actually developing the disorder, but I've realized that it's just a taught pattern. My mom has worked HARD to not be like her mother and that's why she is wonderful 95% of the time. Unfortunately, the other 5% is straight from her mother and it's NASTY. So now when she makes a comment that is only sorta bad, I react like she is acting like the 5% because I know that it could go there. So it's my fault for overreacting too. That's a learned response that I need to UNLEARN!

I honestly think the reason why she made the comment was because we saw each other at brunch yesterday and I suspect that she noticed the 16 pounds I've lost. Subconsciously, I bet she's jealous. She would never purposely sabotage my weight loss, but she did several times last year when I started to lose. She thought I was too extreme in my diet any time I passed up french fries or beer. She told me not to run so much that I was going to hurt myself. She complained that I wasn't helping her lose weight and that it wasn't fair. I wish I could help her. But first she has to help herself. I can't force her to lose weight. Just encourage her and be supportive. But if she isn't willing to change her lifestyle, nothing is going to happen.

Hmmm...I'm thinking that once my mom comes right out and says that she can tell I'm losing weight (I have not so far told her that I'm trying because of fear of unintentional sabotage), I will see if she is ready to try herself. Maybe this time it will work.
 
Goals

I've been thinking about what kind of goals to set for myself. I have the usual weight by a certain date goal as well as how much food and exercise. But I feel like I would be working harder if I had some other goals to reach. I'm just not sure what to do.

I think I'll try the 100 push-up challenge. Right now I can do exactly zero "regular" push ups and about 5 knee push ups. Supposedly in 6 weeks, you can do 100 following the program (either knee or regular). I think I'd like to try, but make it 12 weeks to do 100 regular push ups since I'm starting so far behind.

I've also thought about setting a speed goal for running a mile or 5k. But I don't know how to put a date on that. I don't think I can. Maybe just "run a mile in less than 10 minutes" and see how long it takes me to reach it.

I'm also going to set a distance (like the 20 miles a week I already have) for running and walking as well as how many steps in a day (the body bugg keeps track of that).

I'm going to be throwing out baggy clothes each time I reach 10 pounds lost starting from 190 (then 180, 170, etc). So by next week, I should be throwing out a bunch of t-shirts. This is my fiance's idea. He hates my baggy clothes now! It'll be nice to get rid of some of this old crap.

Other than that, I'm having a hard time coming up with things. I guess I could try the "small pants" goal - buy a pair of pants one size too small and celebrate when you fit into them. I guess I'm just looking for little games to play with myself to keep me on track. I'll keep thinking...gotta have some new ones when I set my goals next month.
 
madness said:
I think I'll try the 100 push-up challenge. Right now I can do exactly zero "regular" push ups and about 5 knee push ups. Supposedly in 6 weeks, you can do 100 following the program (either knee or regular). I think I'd like to try, but make it 12 weeks to do 100 regular push ups since I'm starting so far behind.
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I've never heard of that challenge! I can only do knee push ups, so I'd be interested in learning more about it!

Maybe just "run a mile in less than 10 minutes" and see how long it takes me to reach it.
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That's a good one! I can only run a >10 minute mile if I really, really try! It took a while to get there, and i still takes a lot of effort! :)

(the body bugg keeps track of that)
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Those are pretty pricey, huh? I had never heard of them, so I googled it.
 
Hello Madness!

I've enjoyed your diary. I'm sorry about what your Mom said. Maybe it's a generational thing. I can remember when I first gained some weight my mother kept badgering me, telling me I had a double chin, when my gosh, I know I didn't weigh over 130-something! Now when I look in the mirror, at 177, my eye fixates on my chin. I get depressed all over again. Parents don't realize the negative internal monologues they can instill in their kids. It's tough love to them, I guess. But I can do without that kinda love!

I don't know you but I'm proud of how hard you have tried! I'm gonna keep trying too!
 
daiseeangel said:
I've never heard of that challenge! I can only do knee push ups, so I'd be interested in learning more about it!
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Some one else posted a link somewhere around here and that's how I heard of it -

I'm going to start today!!!



Those are pretty pricey, huh? I had never heard of them, so I googled it.
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I got mine as part of a package deal with the gym. So I didn't have to pay the full $300 or whatever they are up to know. I think with the new version, the price went up. I got mine at a discount with my gym membership. But it's been worth the price 100% for me. I would shell out $300 for another one if this one were to break. I know it's not for everyone and it's certainly not necessary for weight loss, but when I put it on in the morning, I am immediately accountable for my actions. If I goof off that day and don't exercise, there it is in black and white and stored on the computer. It makes it harder to backslide while using it. When I started to lose weight again a few months ago, I thought I would try to not use it. That's when I gained 10 pounds. So, I'm pretty hooked on it!
 
Thanks for the link!

That's how I am about my Polar HR monitor. I don't wear it all day, but I always wear it when I exercise. If I don't push myself, it tells me so! In black and white, like you said!
 
I'm reassessing my diet and exercise plan a week early. I just think they need tweaking and it's silly to wait a week to do that. This will be my plan until I see fit to change it. If I haven't changed it by the end of August, I will reassess to make sure that I'm still on track.

Diet:
  • 1600 calories a day
  • 20% protein, 20% fat, 60% carbohydrates
  • Only drink alcohol one night a week
Exercise:
  • 2850 calories a day
  • exercise class once a week
  • walk 20 miles a week
  • run 6 miles a week
  • take 15000 steps a day
  • strength training once a week

And I would like to add fitness goals. These don't have a specific date to be reached, but they will be much appreciated milestones when they happen!

Fitness Goals:
  • run a mile in less than 10 minutes
  • run a 5K in 35 minutes
  • 100 push up challenge
That's all I can think of now but I'll be adding to them as time goes on - and of course updating them as I improve my fitness!
 
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Ok, getting my butt back in gear. For some reason I am coming no where near my exercise and diet goals for this week. Monday I woke up late, Tuesday and I don't know what happened and Wednesday I wasn't feeling well. No real good excuses, just a build up of crappy ones.

I'll have to average 3213 calories burned and 1450 calories consumed to reach my goal for the week. I'm trying to decide if that's too lofty. I'm not sure, but I think I can do it. I at least have to try. I want to end the month with a bang!

Let's see what I can do today!

Oh, and I didn't start the 100 push up challenge until today - 3 days late. Better late than never I guess.
 
Weight Goal Update

Longterm goal: 150 lbs by the end of 2008

First short term goal (set May 26): 195 lbs by summer solstice (June 20)
(this is a big goal and I might not make it, but I need to push myself in the beginning to get this going!)

Result (June 20): 196.2 lbs! I got darn close and I'm proud!​

Second short term goal (set June 20): 180 lbs by the Summer CrossQuarter - Aug 2nd. We are having a big party then...it would be so nice to be 180!

Update (July 24): The goal date is a week and a half away. I know I won't make it or get even close (I'm 191.6 lbs today), so I wanted to update with another goal that I do feel is reachable (well, barely!). New goal for Aug 2nd: 187 pounds. That will make me 20 pounds lighter than my high weight.​
 
I sucked pretty bad. I don't know if you know the program, so I'll explain a little. I'm in the lowest (i.e. weakest :p) category and can only do knee push ups. I did an exhaustion test to determine this - do as many good form push ups as possible, and that was 5.

You are supposed to do a prescribed amount of push ups with 60 seconds rest in between every other day. For the first day for me, that was 2 push ups, 4 times. And then one last set of doing them until you reach exhaustion, but at least 3. I got 5, maybe 6 in for that (that last one was pretty pathetic in form).

I rest for a day and then the next day do 4, 3, 2, 2 and then until exhaustion (with 60 seconds in between). After two weeks of increasing like this, I do another exhaustion test. At that time, I'm hoping to be able to do some "real" push ups. If I can do at least 5 real push ups, I'm going to start the whole program over with that. If not, I'll do the next two weeks until the next exhaustion test and try for real push ups again.

My upper body is REALLY weak. But I'm hoping this will fix that! :p
 
I read through the program and thought that it looked really good. Nice going. You made it through and now you are on your way to a stronger you.
 
I really like the concept of the program. It's kinda hard to believe that I could go from barely doing 5 push ups to doing 100 push ups in just 6 weeks. I've never been good at them - even when I was training for sports and did crew I sucked at them. But I can easily stick with this for 6 weeks (or even 12 if I have to start completely over with the regular push ups). Plus I'll be losing weight the whole time so they will be getting easier because of that too!
 
Also, think about it this way. Six weeks, three times a week, that's just 18 times. Every time you do it, just check it off. You'll be done in no time.
 
Yeah, I'm pretty excited about 20 pounds. And it's really just around the corner!

You know, I'm actually sore from the push ups yesterday. Shows what a wuss I am that 15 push ups did this to me! :p All the more reason to keep at it!
 
I did the push up routine last night - I'm doing it every 1.5 days (instead of 2) until I catch up to my original schedule - that should be Wednesday next week. I actually did 10 push ups in a row! Wow, I'm already getting stronger.

And I did a timed "mile" this morning. I ran to work (since no one works on Saturdays and it doesn't matter if I'm all gross and sweaty while I sit around the lab checking on experiments). It's actually only 0.9 miles, but I ran it is 8:19! So I'm pretty sure I can do a mile in less than 10 minutes. I'd like to get to a track and try it out though. Maybe tomorrow.
 
Wow, you're inspiring me now! I can't even do 1 pushup... how are you doing it???

And the running, oh how I miss it now, haven't had a proper run in over a week! Must... exercise... today and tomorrow!!!!!:gnorsi:
 
Hey thanks guys! I'm a bit annoyed with my weight loss (hitting a bit of a stall - not that bad, but not what I wanted!) but my fitness level has increased noticeably so that's keeping my motivated!

Anke, I'm following this program:

I started out only being able to do 5 knee push ups last week. I'm hoping to graduate to "real" push ups next weekend though.

And my actual weight loss is pretty far off from my expected. I've caught myself a couple times this week not recording snacks in my calories. I'm afraid I haven't been very good about it lately and I'm not sure why. So I gotta be EXTRA careful again to see if I can't get the numbers to match up. Counting calories....ARG!
 
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