The best way to support a partner who wants to loose weight?

sponge

New member
My girlfriend is overweight & I know that she is unhappy with her weight & that she'd like to loose some weight. She is so beautiful my heart skips a beat every time I see her. I don't want her to feel that she has to loose weight for me to find her attractive, but at the same time I want to encourage her.

Does anybody have any advice? What is the best way to be supportive & encouraging without pressurising?
 
Just try jokingly inviting her on a jog with you, or to throw around a Frisbee in the park. Make it more about spending time with her than getting her to work out.
 
I would start with just asking her if she wants to join you doing exercises that you can do together, such as walking, playing tennis or basketball, or going for a hike. You could get in the habit of this. Also just by talking about the healthy foods you eat you might encourage her. You might be encouraging her already just by her seeing you succeed in your weight loss!
 
These are great tips, thanks :) I'm away with work a lot of the time though so I am not always around do this :(
 
remind her of what you said in the first post...

do you live together? where you can avoid having unhealthy foods in the house?

for dates - go for activity dates - spring is coming -get a kite and go flying one... hikes that aren't overwhelming but still get you both out and moving.
Basically, depending on how out of shape she is (if she even is) don't plan dates that will discourage (ie honey, let's go run a marathon) but stuff that she could do -- feel good about it and then move on to other things...
 
another trick that I think works is if you tell her she looks like she lost a little weight (even if she didn't). It will make her confidence go up and might inspire her to try to lose more.
 
Does she want to lose weight? If not, don't pressure or try to trick her into doing so. I've had that happen to me for a long time, and it does the exact opposite of "motivation". I'm obviously not saying that you are doing these things, just be careful in how you approach it. It's good that you realize what a risk it is, and it's GREAT that you are looking specifically to find good ways to avoid pressuring her.

For specific recommendations:
- Be more active, invite her to come along when you do things.
- Respond positively to any active activities she suggests.
- Eat healthier and offer to split meals with her, so that you can reduce your own intake, and she'll be helping YOU, instead of feeling like you are pressuring her. Don't be surprised if she gets excited about it at that point.
- Answer her questions honestly. If she wants to talk about your loss or your plans, goals, etc. then talk about them.
- Have a good time with her, even if she isn't interested in "dieting"; if she's overweight, she knows it, but may have tried and failed to lose weight many times. If that's the case, it's almost guaranteed to be a sensitive spot for her.
- Talk about your own food plan and exercise, without putting any pressure on her to join in. Just remember it is sensitive for some folks.

How much walking do you already engage in? For example, is there a store within walking distance? If you need to make a quick trip to the store, walking to the close one can be a lot better for you than driving or riding the bus to one that is farther away, even if the price might be slightly higher at the local store, and the gas/bus fare might make the difference on small trips.
Obviously, big shopping trips would be better to drive, but they are their own kind of exercise ;)

I hope those ideas help!
 
Encourage her by setting a good example. Tell her that you will support her if she decides the time is right for her to lose weight and you will support her if she doesn't. Like the others said, find workouts or fun activities that you can do together. If you live with her or spend a lot of time at each other's places, don't fill your home with junk food. It's very sweet that you are showing concern for the right approach to take on this because it can be an extremely sensitive topic. The most important piece of advice I could give is to let her know that you will support her no matter what.
 
Qjay hit the nail on the head. This is an intensely personal struggle. You can't succeed if you're doing it for someone else -- at least I never could.

However, your example may prove to be an inspiration to her. As she sees the changes in you, she may decide that she can do it, too.
 
I can't speak for everyone - but wanting to isn't often enough - I wanted to for years - it's the readiness factor that plays a big role...

You're setting a good example, you're encouraging healthy habits, and not criticising or questioning the choices so that plays a huge role...
 
very true, mal. i have wanted to lose weight forever, but it wasn't until now that i was truly ready to make the changes that i needed to.

very good point, oh wise one! :)
 
Hiya Sponge

Here's something I am doing to encourage my spouse to get in shape. Now she is a Chinese lady, very slim and petite anyways, however, our 7 year old daughter can blow her away when it comes to walking and activites. And even though the biggest in the house, there is no denying by anyone that I am the most fit. Yet again more proof that skinny doesnt always mean fit. My daughter, even though just 7, started walking with daddy a few months ago, a little at a time, and can now keep up as I powerwalk 7-10 km on the weekends. However mommy is another story. She gets 1/3 of the way and is done. So in order to get her stronger to be able to join us for the biggest walks I did this:

First I asked her to start taking smaller walks with me. Holding hands and talking casually. Just a friendly stroll in the park. She came along because it was romantic and sweet, but thats not the real reason I was bringing her. Next I decided to up the ante when I noticed there was a new yoga school in the neighborhood. I told her I would absolutely LOVE to try yoga classes and told her how fit I thought Yoga could make me, but that I felt a little too shy and nervous to go do it myself. (complete and utter bull-hooey! Not a shy bone in my body!) Maybe if I had someone to go with it would be eaiser..... And that did it! Now we are both signed up! She is doing it to help me achieve my goals, and in the process I am hoping she will learn how much fun it is and enjoy it for herself too.

But the important thing was her desire to support me. There is no doubt my wife is a great woman who loves me to bits. I am a very lucky dude. She and my daughter are my biggest motivations to lose weight. So by asking her to do these healthy activities with me, she is not only getting in shape herself, but she feels she is helping me out more. Maybe something like that will work for you. Maybe letting her be part of your own weight loss journey will make her want to do it for herself, even though she is thinking about you.

worth a shot!

sirant
 
Back
Top