Taz's Diary & Struggle ....

Taz

Taz

New member


Hi Everyone,

I think its time that i should start a diary of my own....abt my struggle with weight...I have been lurking in this forum for more than a year and I have not had the courage to write a diary not until very recently...

A brief intro about myself..I am married with 2 kids age 6 and 2....and working full time as a Secretary...I have gained weight the 2 times that I had been pregnant and I had gained even more AFTER I had lost some while nursing my daughter..I am abt 165cm (5ft5) and my weight at the highest was around 85kg (187 lbs) and somehow over the 1 and half year period i managed to bring it down to 70kg (154.3lbs)..just by cutting out on most food, for most times and exercise..Before pregnant, my weight had always been at 65kg..but i am still considered very big size to people around.

My diet background..I am used to snacking and that is a habit that I am trying to curb so hard...I have stop drinking all the fizzy drinks..but recently have started a bit since it was the festive period recently...Those 2 are my downfall, the snacking of unhealthy junk food and the sweet drinks..but I am trying to stop myself on a daily basis..

My emotional background..I have no self confidence about myself watsoever..I have always had a very negative upbringing where my mother would say a lot of negative things abt me or my size...and even up til today..I am always unsure of a lot of things concerning myself..and more so especially abt my self confidence and weight..I have a very slim & beautiful sister in law who is very proud of her thin-ness and she will always makes me aware of her slimness and would always ask me if I am working out enough or what i am eating...etc etc..I admit I always always feel very big and ugly standing next to her...:-( and I really want to change that mindset and that feeling...

THat will be my introduction for now....I hope that I will continue to get the support from the rest...and I will write in my food intake, moods on a daily basis for sure...

Thanks you all for reading..

xxxx,taz...
 
Taz,

So sad reading about you but I think over time, you can build your self confidence back, once you start making the right choices and getting results.

Dont be bothered by others, especially ur sis in law, well, I just want to say that. If she keeps trying to highlight how slim she is to you, it just shows how insecure she is and how much she needs to convince herself by telling others again and again. This is common for people with low self esteem, they will need to tell others whom they think would listen about their acheivements.

As far as being a model is concerned. Do ask her, which agency is she from. There are 2 types. Real models or talent models. Real models make $5000-$10K per asignment half day! I know this cause I use models for photoshoot for my products and thats what I have to pay!

I also use talent models, who are equivalently pretty but they are NOT real models, they are pretty slim people who we can use for photoshoot if we cant afford real models. These talent models cost much lesser and you can join their agency if you are short. You dont need to be pretty also, make up will do wonders...
I also use talents, they are not the best people for photoshoot but if you're on a budget, they will do.

When I hire a professional photographer, they usually refuse to work with talent models and always insist I hire real models...

So dont be so bothered by her... from the pictures, you can easily be passed as a model. Ur pretty and if you are a talent model, you will make more money, cause you look more eurasian. Seriosly.

Sorry about ranting in your diary... haha... Im just tired of hearing so many ladies in Singapore, saying that they are a model based on being a talent. :smilielol5:

It just bring down the standard of real models. :cuss:

Allright.. have a nice long holiday and happy deepavali!! LOL!!
 
Hi Taz, I am the only 'big' person in my family and have had many of the same type of questions sent my way from my brother, sister and a friend of mine. They think they are being helpful but do not realize how hurtful their words can be.
Starting a diary is a great way to go, you can get those thoughts out of your head where people 'who are going through the same things' can be there to give you support. The important thing is to stop bottling it up inside, cuz that's when those unhealthy snacks seem so much more appealing.
Just remember to tell yourself, that beautiful person who you are, in and out, needs to be loved by YOU first.
Michelle
 
Cybermama,

Thanks for your encouragement and I hope honestly that I can get my self confidence back one day..as I am trying to tell myself that I dun ever want my daughter to go through the emotional cycle like I had…as for the talent or model agencies..I am not sure. I had never asked her before…I just knew that she had modeled before and she had shown me pictures of her portfolio and one of older namecards states “professional model” And she is the sort that flaunts her assets..as in she has really really nice legs..& she would wear shorts with tight tops and walked around the whole house while me at that time in my frumply loosely attired..I can’t be wearing like her cos for 1, I dun have those legs 2nd, its my inlaws house, I am not confortable wearing things like this..but another thing, thank god she does not stay in Singapore, she is staying abroad..right now only sees her pictures on her blog and facebook..but she will still tell me she is fat..not trim enough for a skimpier bikini…:p

Brazenlysasse,

Thanks also..and I guess you could understand the feeling of being the only BIG one in the family …its kinda weird, in my own family NO..my sister n brother are much bigger than me but with my inlaws family I am one of the biggest oh wait a min, I am the only big one..the rest are much slimmer, hubby included…so I am trying to be of a normal weight so I wouldn’t appear too big next to my hubby…but all in all the lessons that have to be drilled in my head is “YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST”…easier said that done..but I am trying..
 
A little more background on my history…I have always been a pear shaped..so its always hard to get my body into the proportionate stage..I don’t have much left on top ever since I embark on my weight loss regime..but all is left on my hips, butt and thighs….its makes wearing pants, finding jeans very difficult..

I am trying to change my diet..and still continue to work out regularly..I have tried to avoid rice on most occasions. That works on weekdays usually when I am at work when I have better self control..rather than being at home..
 
Taz, I have seen your posts in Cybermama's journal, and you have been a strong suppoter for her there. I'm glad that you have started your own, so that we can all help you too.

I'll be sure to check in with you and try to be a part of your journey.
 
Not a good morning, i KNOW i had overstuffed myself with food yesterday..Seeing that it was a public holiday yesterday, was out had pizza hut for lunch and then i had Hor fun noodles for dinner but didn't finish the whole plate..but STILL..I already feel a bit heavier in the morning when I woke up..true enough gained back a bit more:-((
 
Breakfast:

1 packet of instant oats cereal (hadis) with 1 wholemeal bread...@ 10am
 
Hi Taz, Just wanted to stop in and wish you well. Sounds like your morning is going well enough. I wouldn't worry much about one bad day, it happens.

I sent you a friendship request. I also wanted to let you know that I checked out your profile pictures. You are a very beautiful woman, and your kids are cute too.

BTW, I'm constantly googling things from your journal and Cybermama's. There always seems to be some celebration going on! I'm not used to the customs and local foods in your country, so I don't always know what you are tallking about... but I'll figure it out!
 
Hi there ReluctantCabbie,

I have accepted the request for Friendship request..thanks for that..And thanks for the compliments..funny how some days you can feel good about yourself and some days NOT..thanks...again..

LOL on the celebrations going on around here in Singapore..yes we have had quite a number of festivities going on and that always result in over-indulging..I thought I had done good with the fasting month but there is always a day or two where I will just slip and over (eat or munch)..Thanks for the reminder, I won't let one bad day (or two) bring me down...its a good day to start my healthy eating...As for the festivities, I think its going to be quiet until X'mas next month...but until then no more celebrations..not as far as I am aware of ...:))
 
Lunch @ KFC ...had last minute invitation from a former colleague

Small burger, minus the top bun

half of the fries

pepsi light..
 
Hi Taz!!

How was the Beriani Weekend?? lol

Cabbie, the festivities was just some weddings on Taz's side and my friend's house warming for myself.

Its usually normal for people to have their wedding & some party over long weekends like the past weekend.

Monday was actually Deepavali which is the festival of lights. The Hindus celebrate it as how you would celebrate Christmas.

Although we didnt actually celebrate Deepavali but the public holiday was a good reason to celebrate lol

Taz, nice start with a high fiber diet... you can actually take in oats. I dont really like them but I know its good for me. I think I should start.

I heard that subway uses this oat bread to make their sandwiches. I thought that since subway in not halal. I wanted to make the oat bread myself and make my own subway club sandwich lol!!

I asked my maid to buy the ingredients just now so she would go to the market tomorrow. I will let you know how it comes up to be.

No worries about overstuffing on the weekend. Well, i think it should all clear itself out by the week with healthy choices. I dont think it would reflect.

Well, sometimes collegues can be a big test cause they always seduce us to fast food eateries..lol but I think you did great there... you saved on some calories and carbs.. good job.
 
Hello....

YOu know wat I didn't really over indulge much on the briyani cos its..done by Malay cooks..as I had read previously abt what you wrote abt Malay briyanis...so I guess u know what I meant right..I like the REAL BRIYANI..the real Indian type like those from Arab Street is also yummy but Malay ones..no need to have 2nd helping..hee heee..hee..but I was munching on the savories, some cakes but I try as much as I can to drink plenty of water but tat was that..thank god I don't have weddings to attend every weekend..this is very rare actually for my husband's side to have a function like that...

Back to last night, I had to go to the dentist and after the results from the X.ray came back, showed that I have had to go for either root canal surgery or the extraction. After weighing on the cost for the surgery, I decided to have the extraction. Its right at the back so it means that I won't be able to chew on hard food for a very long time...So I had the extraction done and obviously no food..it was funny I was trying to teach my 6 year old, being very firm and (fierce) at times but couldn't speak properly..I had to keep changing the gauze but while teaching him at the same time..Didn't eat much or none at all just MILO and soft piece of bread..

Cybermama,
You are very good at cooking your own food..I would love to cook some of the stuff which you had posted on your diary but not really possible on weekdays but I will try to cook the sardine pie over the weekend...

I still have to be at work later in the afternoon. so will try to find some porridge or soup for lunch...
 
Uggh, I hate tooth removal... I'm sure they warned you about using straws and such too. It will pass soon. Good luck!
 
haha.. that can be funny... talking to a kid while having your mouth stuffed with gauze. If it was me, im sure my kid would laugh at me.

root canal can be expensive. I paid $300 for mine. Its cheaper done in JB, RM300. If my infection hadnt gotten so bad, I would have waited to have it done in JB. I know this very good dentist there.

I love baking actually. Im not really a good cook, I just love making things.. its fun. I also love to buy instant betty crockers cookie mix and let the kids mix the dough up and put them in a tray and bake it for them. It is fun for them also. They get all excited when they get to bake cookies. I like watching the Asian food channel, they have this show called SUGAR. Anna Olsen will cook many types of pasties on the channel and me & the kids will drool over it... and they will pester me to make it.
 
Hi Reluctant Cabbie,

Yes they did warned me abt straws but me sometimes think I am a superhero and always wanting to do things in a hurry have got no time to slurp on a straw. It was hurting still quite bad last night, but better this morning...

Thanks for your tots..
 
Hi Cybermama,

My son was trying not to laugh, I can see that in him but I was showing such a stern face so he didn't really dare but we did laugh at one part ..when I mumbled something wrongly and it sounded so funny and then he looked at me and when I had looked back, he couldn't help himself and starting laughing..

Interesting..abt your baking experiences..I also do like baking but sometimes I can't be bothered to do the tedious ones as I have to be the one doing most of the cleaning LOOL...

I don't have that channel on my cable..hmm sounds interesting apart from that STYLE channel which you had also mentioned earlier..
 
Lunch - Macaroni soup - small bowl
Half of tom yam chicken soup

Snack - coffee...

Dinner - asam pedas fish only..
 
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