Taking the Plunge.

CUTigers

CUTigers

New member
Trying to stay on track while frustrated.

I've been lurking and finding inspiration on this forum for a few weeks now. I continue to put off taking the time to start a diary of my own but I am finally going to take the plunge, introduce myself, and keep track of goals I'm setting.

I suppose I will start with one of the more difficult part, my stats. I hope to measure my weight loss based more on looks/feelings/inches rather than pounds, however, those will play a part as well considering its easier to set goals that way! I am a 20 year old college student. I only stand at 5'4" and I currently weigh 160lbs. I'm aiming to get down to 135.
I wear a 36E bra & measure 41.5 inches across the widest part of my bust.
33 inches directly below my bust
39 inches at the widest part of my gut/stomach
36 inches around my hips
24 inches per thigh at the widest part
11.5 inches around my upper arms
Size 12 pants

Wow, taking those were eye-opening for sure! I obviously carry most of my weight in my chest, stomach, and Im a little surprised my thighs were that large!

So here's a short version of my weight gain story.. I have never been skinny, I was always the kid with 'baby fat' and once I reached high school I really began to develop. I have tried to lose weight many times to no avail but this time is different. I don't eat horrible but I always seem to maintain this weight. I have so many reasons to want to loose weight and I figure I'll just post a few. For one I'm sick of being the hard to please person in pictures who needs 20 tries to finally be content with one. I'm tired of hating pictures because of my weight. I desperately want to get to a point where there aren't pictures I hate because I look fatter than the mental image I have of myself. I'm also rather developed in my chest and I would love to lose some of that because it is so difficult finding clothes that don't make me look like a whore and considering I ride horses its a pain in my rear to ride with such a large chest to deal with!

I am hoping to lose at least 20 pounds before I go back to school and move into my apartment (with 2 male roommates) on August 15th.


^ On the right

^Riding, please excuse my position, I don't ride often now that I'm in college but this shows my weight

^My favorite heifer, Nala (Rest In Peace) oh & lovely coveralls


^^ I show cows, this is Madea

Bathing suit pictures to come soon.
 
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Hi there, and welcome. :)

Your pictures look very pretty, even now!
I hope you'll be successful in your weight loss endeavors, especially with the help of this forum. I'm trying to lose a bit mostly before going back to school, as well!
 
Thank you very much hanabi, as much as Im annoyed by my chest and curves I appreciate them sometimes as well because it helps make me look balanced and proportionate.

I've had a pretty good day as far as eating well and I am going riding in the morning so that exercise will be great. I'm proud to say I've been able to resist the Chocolate cake sitting on the counter from my Dad's birthday yesterday :)
 
Started the day off right by going riding, its such a great stress reliever! (& pretty good excercise too! I'm definitely out of riding shape) I went out to the barn early so I kind of ran out of time for breakfast considering I got home at noon... Oops but its better to beat the heat and on a good note I drank plenty of water, that clear tasteless liquid is finally growing on me since Ive spent a few weeks off of soda.
 
I know exactly what you mean in that first post! I HATE pictures of me. Everytime I see one I almost want to cry, because in my head, I just totally do not look like that. Despite my weight, I've always had such a positive view of myself, and photos just shatter that.
I wear a 36DD bra right now, well, for the last three years. I carry most of my weight around my hips though. Total pear to the extreme. Anyway, I'd pm you but apparently I haven't been a member long enough. Good to meet you! I'd love a weight loss buddy!
- Rachel
 
Well, I obviously haven't written here in a little while, I've been pretty good lately, the weeks are definitely easier than the weekends. I actually went and rode/jumped 2 horses this morning and I must have sweat off 3 pounds lol. Luckily that good exercise :)

& Rachel that sounds so much like me, I kind of forget im overweight at times... till I see pics! I would love a weight loss buddy, I've been looking for one actually... and its great that you can relate with a similar chest size, its kind of insane! I'll pm you and hopefully it will let you respond!
 
Hi CUTigers,
I wasn't able to pm you as a newbie I guess I have to wait 5 days to pm other members. I'll pm you when I can. :)

I completely understand you and Rachel on the pictures, I'm the same way. It's so bad I don't even think photo's exist of me anywhere near my highest weight. I felt so unhappy over my appearance that I just ran from the cameras lol. I have found that much of the time we really are our worst critics. I didn't notice the negative beliefs you stated about yourself. I think you're very pretty actually.

Off topic: What do you show?...jersey?
 
Thanks for responding here, I'll pm you, that worked with Rachel :) & pictures are the worst, my friends think Im being a pain about pictures but they don't realize its because im so self conscious of my weight in them. :/ And thank you for the compliment, I feel relitively comfortable in clothes but I would love to be able to wear a bikini with confidence and even be photographed in one comfortably! && YES I love me some Jerseys! The club I show with usually show both holsteins and Jerseys with a brown swiss and guernsey occasionally but I'm known for my fondness of Jerseys, they have such personalities, in good & bad ways sometimes :p

& I hate to admit I just had a piece of cake, the icing was so appealing and I couldn't resist so I broke down and splurged, however, I threw away half of it after I ate the part I wanted which is not something i usually would have done... so I don't feel TOO terrible :-X Back on track asap... luckily I did resist the Mt. Dew that was also calling my name!
 
CUTigers said:
Thanks for responding here, I'll pm you, that worked with Rachel :) & pictures are the worst, my friends think Im being a pain about pictures but they don't realize its because im so self conscious of my weight in them. :/ And thank you for the compliment, I feel relitively comfortable in clothes but I would love to be able to wear a bikini with confidence and even be photographed in one comfortably! && YES I love me some Jerseys! The club I show with usually show both holsteins and Jerseys with a brown swiss and guernsey occasionally but I'm known for my fondness of Jerseys, they have such personalities, in good & bad ways sometimes :p

& I hate to admit I just had a piece of cake, the icing was so appealing and I couldn't resist so I broke down and splurged, however, I threw away half of it after I ate the part I wanted which is not something i usually would have done... so I don't feel TOO terrible :-X Back on track asap... luckily I did resist the Mt. Dew that was also calling my name!
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I'm not really all that familiar with cattle, but I do recognize the jerseys lol cuties they are.

A little icing is not all that bad. Tonight I almost stopped for chinese food thankfully my conscious kicked in telling not to do it, that I'd reget it later. I wasn't even craving it, I think was just hungry. Anyways I went home and has much healthier dinner (baked haddock) I feel good about that. lol on the Dew, soda was one of my biggest vices next to chocolate of course. Soda had such an addicting affect I had to cut it out...But recently I did find a fair trade off. For 0 sugars, 0 cals, 0 sodium, & 0 caffeine Clear American has a strawberry carbonated water. It has the fizz of soda that I missed and taste though not as good is tolerable.
 
I think Jerseys look like deer lol, they have really sweet eyes (if that makes sense, it does in the horse world lol) && Congrats on resisting chinese, luckily i no longer crave that because I couldn't eat it when I had gallstones... & I definitely used to drink that stuff all the time when I was little with my grandma :) I may have to go grab a bottle :) Great idea!

But its soo frustrating, my Mom keeps buying junk food she knows i love and offering it to me even though i told her i am trying to lose weight. Its so tough to resist :( She brought home chocolate chip cookies which is a huge weakness of mine tonight ... and she complains about being over weight but never does anything to help herself or the family.
 
Welcome to the forum. Very nice pictures, you are beautiful already. Congratulations on starting the healthy way of living. I hope you find what you need in these forum.
-Juni
 
CUTigers said:
I think Jerseys look like deer lol, they have really sweet eyes (if that makes sense, it does in the horse world lol)

But its soo frustrating, my Mom keeps buying junk food she knows i love and offering it to me even though i told her i am trying to lose weight. Its so tough to resist :( She brought home chocolate chip cookies which is a huge weakness of mine tonight ... and she complains about being over weight but never does anything to help herself or the family.
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Your right about the jerseys, I do think they have a gentle expression to them.

I know it's like that here at times. That's why I think it's so great to be able to come here. It makes up for the support I'm lacking at home. :/
 
I hear all the time that the biggest detriments to a healthy diet are family and friends, and your mom seems like a perfect example of that. But you're tough!
Would she be open to sitting down and having a real conversation with you about your goals? Maybe get her excited about helping you? Just a thought.
 
Thanks for the support guys, its kind of tough with my Mom because I have tried to lose weight before and when she finds out she usually gives me a huge lecture about how I'm going about it all wrong and micromanages what I eat and judges me for slip ups etc. & Im a very independent person so this drives me insane, plus I feel like if shes got all this advice to offer she should take it and lose weight but instead she is slowly but surely packing on the pounds, all the while complaining about chronic back pain and knee problems. So I tried to kind of do it without her knowing this time but shes been pressuring me to go shopping for fall clothes and I finally just told her "No, I do not want to go shopping, I am trying to lose weight and I would rather wait till I'm smaller" ... I didn't get the lecture this time but instead she's almost taunting me and my willpower, I try and ignore it but it really does get tough. I'm appreciative that atleast y'all understand and are so encouraging!

On another note I asked my parents yesterday where our scale was and sadly they said they got rid of ours so I am going to go get one in the next day or two for myself, to use as encouragement when I can't see the results immediately... that's definitely most discouraging... I wish results could be quicker because I think that once I see them it will help keep me on track but getting there is such a rollercoaster!

& Today I have been good... I've had
A banana
1 cup of Quaker Oats Oatmeal Squares cereal (250 calories with skim milk)
2 Strawberries
1 Ham and Cheese sandwich on white wheat bread and minimal mayonaise (250 calories)

I plan on drinking water with a 5 calorie crystal light package (pomegranate lemonade, yum!) before I walk the dogs I'm petsitting and walk Monday-Friday for the summer... & I'll snack on an apple sometime before dinner (not sure what we are having yet).
 
Wow, she sounds like a complete saboteur. It probably has a lot to do with her own insecurities, but it's unfair for her to pass that on to her daughter. She should be encouraging and positive about your healthy choices, not critical. And I agree with you, if her advice was so good, she's apply that advice to her own life.
You obviously have more willpower than her. The best that you can do is get yourself healthy. Maybe she'll follow your example. If she doesn't, you did the best you could, and you have to make yourself number one no matter what anyone else thinks.
I'm proud of you!
 
Thanks so much Rachel, it definitely helps!

& well its around that time of month and those chocolate chip cookies are staring at me, I almost skipped dinner since they are equivilant calorie wise & just so I could have one but I decided against that, Im proud of myself for that small victory!
 
Well disappointment has struck.
First of all I went on the adventure to buy a scale which was rather daunting because it was sort of a public way of admitting I am trying to lose weight & while I will probably never see these people again in my life I felt instantly judged. Also, It took me a while to find the scales in the Walmart so I felt like I was wandering around endlessly for too long. I was doing laps around the housewares section while the attractive employee looked at me curiously and at one point even asked how I was doing today... I responded politely but it was rather awkward. When I finally found the scales I picked up the one I liked best, it's black & digital. So then came the adventure of parading through the store with scale in tow, mind you its in the brightest blue box you ever did see.. So I'm trying to carry it in a way that doesn't scream "Look at the fatty buying the scale". :( So when I finally reach the checkout the cashier tries to be nice and initiate conversation but says "So are you going to try and start exercising?" which while I think she had good intentions felt like a neon arrow pointing at me announcing that I am trying to lose weight.. And while I'm not ashamed of trying to lose weight and make a positive change it takes me admitting im overweight and it means people will know if I fail so its rather daunting.

So then I get home and hop on the scale, hoping to see a number in the 150s but no, the number 161.6 popped up. I've been watching what I eat for two weeks now and I assumed I would be out of the 160s, I really wouldn't have even cared had it been 159... I guess now part of me is hoping I was closer to 165 at my start weight but I assumed I'd maintained the 160 mark which was determined by multiple weigh ins before I got my gallbladder out in May.. So it has been quite a frustrating afternoon to say the least but I'm trying to stay on track and to not 'fall off the wagon'.
 
Oh, I know exactly how you feel about buying that scale. That's the same way I felt when I was looking for a kitchen scale at Walmart a few weeks ago. You know, one where you can measure the ounces and grams in food? I was sick of not being able to gage exactly what I was eating. Anyway, I seriously just waited around the kitchen section until an unattractive older employee came by to ask her where the scales were, instead of being forced to ask an attractive male stock boy. I got a cart just for that one item just so people couldn't see me carrying it around. I was so paranoid. I don't know what I would've done if somebody I knew had seen me.
And it's so strange, because we should feel proud of making an effort to lose weight. I think it's the same thing that keeps fat people out of gyms. It's like admitting to everyone that you have a problem, instead of laughing it off or hiding it. I think that's why they say that losing weight is such a mental thing, as much as physical issue.
But you made a really, really good step and I'm proud of you! Just stay tough! That number is gonna start dropping really soon!
 
Eek, totally understand on the mother-front... only it's my husband that brings home junk food and eats it in front of me! How are you supposed to resist something when you can see it and smell it and it's RIGHT THERE??? I'm usually ok if there isn't any in the house but if it's there I can't say no!

Maybe you just need to have a really honest conversation with her about it? Maybe she just doesn't understand how much it means to you to lose weight.
Good on you for your efforts so far, your body is probably thanking you for giving up soft drink :D Every small change is a step in the right direction!
 
Oh my Gosh Rachel I did the same exact thing! I wouldn't ask the employees smaller than me :-X & I definitely wouldn't have asked the cute guy lol... & I definitely contemplated a cart (By the way I tried to im you twice today but never got a response :( )

& Luzdafuzz I know, its horrible when they constantly offer you some and it gets so tough to deny... as much as I hate that someone understands because it absolutely stinks I'm glad I'm not the only one faced with those tough decisions! & Im definitely glad Im making a change, now even when I splurge and have like one soda or carbonated drink I feel so bloated! & I've heard so many people say that giving up soda helps with weight but I don't think I've lost any :( Its so frustrating!

I'm babysitting tonight and I've had an good day food wise. I've eaten:
A banana which was equivilant to a cup when cut up
A cup of Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal with skim milk 250 cals
A Sandwich with 2 Pieces of bread (170 cals) Mayonaise (50 cals) Cheese (80 cals) and a slice of ham
A cup of sliced strawberries
An apple
& another sandwich for dinner (had to babysit from right before dinner so it was easy to grab)

I contemplated a slice or two of peanut butter toast instead but can you believe 2tbsp of PB is 190cals! Extremely upsetting for someone who loves PB! (& I find the reduced fat disgusting)

So overall its been an extremely frustrating day but I haven't slipped up and given in to one of the chocolate chip cookie/ice cream combination sandwiches in the freezer (if I remember right they are almost 250cals!)
 
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