Susan's Weight Loss ~Journey~ lol

Update

From this thread.

The reason I want to be fat is:
*I've always been this way, it's what I know.
*I won't be used to the positive attention, especially from men.
*I love the taste and texture of junk food too much and don't want to give it up.
*I have a huge sweet tooth.
*Maintenance will be too hard.
*I don't want to do it for the wrong reasons, for other people.
*I hate having so many different sizes of clothes.
*What if I'm still not happy with how I look at my goal?
*What if nothing changes?
*What if it takes too long?
*It gives me something to blame for not having as many close friends at school.

It's going to work this time because:
*I'm ready to work for it.
*I deserve to have nothing holding me back.
*I'm not stopping before goal.
*I'm vain enough to want to be hot :p
*I'm self aware enough to not let myself gain it all back.
*I'm not letting summer vacation/travel/being busy with school be an acceptable reason to not eat healthy and exercise.
*I really enjoy exercise now.
*I'm ready to make the time for exercise.
*I do want the male attention.
*I realize I'm the only one with control over what I put in my mouth now.
*I cook for myself now and have more control over food choices.
*I've found healthy food that I enjoy eating.
*I've come this far.
*I want to reach milestones and reward myself.
*I know I'm able to splurge and then get back on track.
*I'm not going to let those numbers go back up again.
*I feel so much healthier.
*I'm okay with being hungry sometimes.
*I finally get that I'm not entitled to eat badly just because "everyone else gets to."
*I know what full feels like now.
*I realize that sweets/junk food are not an everyday thing.

I'll add more as I think of them.

Also, I started running yesterday! I'm sort of getting bored with the elliptical/stationary bike so I thought I'd challenge myself. I'm doing the Couch to 5k program to ease myself into it. It actually felt pretty good, I felt like I was working hard and sweating but just on the EDGE of getting side-split cramps, but not quite. And I'm sore but not incapacitated. So today I did the elliptical, then tomorrow will be running, day 2 haha. I'm starting out on the treadmill just because it's been so rainy lately and they have the track covered up for graduation. I was also curious to see how fast a good pace was for me. I did the walk segments at about 3.4mph and the run segments at about 5.8mph. I'm not sure but maybe I'll try running in the park tomorrow, taking note of the route I take, and then use mapmyrun.com to figure out how long it is, then I can figure out my speed and all that stuff. I think it'd just be a good way to explore the area and keep me interested and all that. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but my brother's in cross country and track and is super fast, like 5 minute mile fast, so hopefully I can get lots of tips from him. Sometimes it's hard to believe we're related haha. But maybe I share some of his fast genes :)
 
well done on putting down your reasons you want to lose weight you may find when you are feeling down about your weight loss you can look at those reasons to help remind you why you are doing this!

Well Done on starting the running :)
 
Wow Susan, you inspire me. I know exactly what you mean about overweight being all I know. I went to my first dietician at age 9... so my story sounds similar to yours. I'm only getting this right for the first time now, this last month or so.

I also am planning on running a 5k race in October, so maybe that couch to 5 k plan is an idea! Well done on all your hard work, you should be proud!
 
Hey susan :)

You're doing really well! That was a very brave thing to do, facing up to all those reasons...not sure Im brave enough to do that yet!

Hope the running goes well for you!

Allie x
 
Holy crap, look at your sexy, toned new tummy picture!

Well well well done! Wear that bikini girl!
 
Yeah, Ankebuzz, it's so strange to think of how long I've been struggling with this. That's one of the reasons I'm reallying trying to understand why I used to eat like I did. It's so hard for me to explain, too. Like, the last few days I can easily look into the vending machine, see all the candy, and have no desire to get any at all. But like a week ago? When I was hormonal and feeling lonely? I physically couldn't seem to stop myself from eating a twix and a reeses bar. During times like those, my rational brain will tell me that the taste won't even be worth it, and it really wasn't, yet I still wanted to do it. So strange. Hopefully I can sort out my relationship with food a little bit better.

I think I'm getting close to 174, 10 pounds since the last pictures, so I'll take new ones then! Haha I definitely wouldn't describe my tummy as toned or sexy by any stretch of the imagination. Thank you though! I'm slowly starting to see my weight loss pattern. In the beginning, I was losing pretty steadily. Now I seem to be plateauing for awhile, and then dropping two or three pounds really rapidly. However by body wants to do it is fine by me, though, as long as the numbers aren't going up!

I'm also adjusting to eating out a lot, since that's just something I've ended up doing with my residents. Also, I know I'm going to be having lunch dates with friends to catch up, and I've had two free lunch meetings this week. And people keep offering me things like pizza, garlic bread, klondike bars...it's ridiculous. I'm just trying to make the best choices possible, make my best guess as to the points, and try to eat light afterwards. I just don't want to be that person that is antisocial just so I can stick to my healthy, easily measurable foods. I want to go out and have fun and be social! So I have to just make this work.

The couch to 5k thing is going really well! I'm taking it really slow, but that's fine by me. I'm using two different podcasts, so I listen to each twice before moving on to the next week's. When I do the treadmill, I'm walking at about a 3.7mph pace and running at about a 6.1mph. I want to push that up just a bit more. If the weather's good tomorrow morning, I'm going to run at the track though.
 
Damn, I'm only managing 3.1 walking and 5.5 jogging, but then again, it is my first week. I'm repeating this week though, just to ease myself into this now.
 
Yeah, I think I ran about 5.7mph for my first runs. It's crazy though, that in such a short time I'm feeling the need to push it up and challenge myself. But I feel no need to rush this, it's not like I have some coach yelling at me haha.
 
Hey all, long time no see!

I went home last weekend and didn't try to count calories because we were eating out every meal, but did pretty well as I'm continuing to lose.

I even went running with my brother! I'm now at the end of week 5, 20 minute runs! Crazy. It's been more than 10 pounds since my last pictures, so I'll take some new ones soon. I'm getting really close to having lost 40 pounds! Totally nuts.

Haha so this might come off as bragging or whatever, but it's my journal so whatever. I'm totally not used to getting any sort of male attention. I have an internship in the city so I'm out and about off of campus more often now, and having strangers wave or hit on me or yell at me from cars is SO strange. Having a guy buy me drinks at a bar was a new experience for me too. It really is like I've lost the anonymity that came along with being overweight, at least for me.

Still having trouble with candy, ice cream, and baked stuff. I'm still not buying it for myself, but there were leftover Klondike bars in the communal fridge that I couldn't resist, there's a bag of candy in the office for everyone, there was cake and brownies when I visited my family, etc etc etc. It's so impossible for me to resist when it's right in front of me and free! I basically just let myself have it but then make sure I write it down and still stay within a reasonable calorie range. If I stop losing weight because of it, I'll need to really do something though.

I'm sort of considering going vegetarian. For a multitude of reasons. I think it would make losing weight easier since a lot of meat is higher in fat/calories than eating grains, beans, nuts, tofu etc. There are a lot of health benefits, it helps the environment, I'd stop contributing to the unnecessary killing of animals. And I'm just not that excited about meat. I end up ordering vegetarian things a lot anyways because they just appeal to me and they're usually a healthier option on the menu. I'm going to finish up all the meat products I currently have, and then give it a trial period and see how it goes.
 
Hmm, becoming vegetarian, interesting idea. I don't think I could... I really feel like my body needs the (lean, high protein) meat!

I know what you mean about the male attention... pretty good feeling, huh?

See ya!
 
Starting up again, couple of new posts

May 05 2009 20:45

I'm counting again, as best as I can, tomorrow. I don't have a scale here, and I do eat out a lot, but I'm going to do the best amount of guessing calories and making the best choices when I go out. I don't know what it is, but I think I'm fed up with the way I've been eating lately. I don't want to go home to California fatter than I when I left. I want to feel like I have some control over my life instead of sleeping through it, eating crappily, and procrastinating on homework assignments. I feel like I'm finally ready for a change. Eating intuitively wasn't working anymore, and I feel like I just need a bit more structure to know how I'm doing, so I don't keep just feeling "bad" all the time. I don't want to starve myself either, because that's what seemed to be my downfall last time.

May 06 2009 17:05

I feel really good about today.

I started with a bigger breakfast than usual because I was inspired by a sample menu that showed dividing up 1500 calories into three meals, and the breakfast was around 300-400 calories so I was shooting for that.

I also allowed myself a bigger lunch than I might have normally, since I ate a frozen meal, added veggies, AND made a half sandwich. Normally, I would think that a "rule" would be to have one or the other, but I knew the frozen chicken wouldn't have been enough. Weird that I feel like I'm eating more when I'm on a "diet".

When I went to get coffee with my friend Erin, I started having "those thoughts". I was thinking that when she left, maybe I could walk by Tesco and get a bag of cookies or donuts and secretly eat them all in private. Then I realized that I didn't need to be ashamed, I was just HUNGRY. So I got a panini instead, a much better choice even if it did have white bread. It was more nourishing than something I would have binged on. And I listened to my hunger, which was a good idea because I ended up spending quite a lot of time in studio.

I had a sandwich as a "second dinner", and though I'm a bit hungry still, it's manageable and I'm going to try to get to bed soon. My body is just adjusting to not getting it's daily sugar/junk food fix and I figure 1550 calories is fine even if it might be a bit of a shock for my body. I'm sure all the sugar I ate in the last two days is still readily accessible on my body.

This time I'm focusing on STEADY eating. That means eating a similar amount each day. Maybe 1500 on a good day, maybe 1700 on an exercise intensive day (lots of walking plus a normal workout, for example) or on a day where I drink say four drinks. I was looking at my old entries and too often I would have 1300 days and 2200 days. SUCH a big swing. I was probably WAY too hungry at 1300, which would cause me to binge. Which is what I want to avoid this time, I want my body to feel satisfied at a smaller deficit so that I don't freak out and eat.

May 07 2009 12:47

Well, I am HUNGRY right now. I've only eaten about 700 calories and I've worked out, so that explains why. However, I've done this because I'm going out to eat and we'll be drinking so I'll need all of those 1,000 calories for sure, if not more. That was one thing that I really need to work on, feeling okay with being hungry. I need to realize that it's not the end of the world, and will only be temporary since I will eat again soon and I'm eating more of a normal amount of calories so I shouldn't be hungry all the time like I was when I would eat 1,300 a day sometimes. I don't know why I was so scared of it before, I would feel like I needed to eat before going anywhere or before I was going to be eating with other people "just in case" I got hungry.

Also, I often felt the need to impulse buy snacks when I'm out in London. When I pass by the 24 hour store, I so want to buy chips or chocolate. When I pass by the kebab place, I want to get fries. When I go to the cafe, I want a frappucino or brownie. It's partially the food, but partially just the action of buying something. Well, I think I'm going to try to curb that a bit by letting myself buy lunch out at places like Pret, where their salads are around 300 calories without dressing, or coffee with splenda. I'll be saving money anyway from not "treating" myself to chocolate bars, so that money can go to less calorie dense stuff.
 
Putting down the fork

Today I ate two frozen pasta entries. At the end of BOTH I started to feel full, and knew I could stop, wrap it up, and save it for later. I don't know what it is-laziness?-where I just would rather finish it all. I also enjoy the feeling of being really full. Maybe it's finals stress. Maybe I worry about feeling hungry soon after. I need to listen to my stomach more and promise myself that there WILL be food later if I need it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top