Sugar Shakes

sugarshakes

sugarshakes

New member
Hello everyone! I got a suggestion to start a diary, and so here I am! I have been lurking here for a little bit and have been so pleased to see the success and massive amounts of support here - yayee for happy support, yayee!

My name is Nicole. I'm 27, separated (married for 8 years, have been separated for nearly one of those years) and a mother to two. I've been struggling with my weight from early childhood. I remember trying to get sick when I was 6 years old because I heard my mom and her friend talking about my friend who had been sick, and losing weight. My mom has always been concerned with my weight, even now when I look back and it was't - or shouldnt have been - an issue. I fear that her interference has made food more of an "issue" for me than it might have been otherwise, but oh well, moving on. I have been heavier than normal kids, but also taller, so yeah, I stuck out!

When it comes to having always been bigger, the problem with weight loss is not really knowing what I am working towards. Although it does feel good to see the scale go down, I've never lost enough to SEE a difference in myself, and therefore I haven't continued. Just steadily going up and up each year.

I am currently on the Core plan on Weight Watchers. My doctor has been paying close attention to me for the past year as I've been dealing with issues with my thyroid and lots of other health isssues. I hate having health issues at my age when I know if I was at a lower weight, I'd be okay! I have control of these things, so why live with them? My doctor decided I have metabolic syndrome, which seems to translate to some sort of pre-diabetes. I've been put on a medication called Janumet since I have a high level of insulin, among other things. I don't really know what it's supposed to change, but I know that it could cause lots of sugar shakes as my insulin levels drop - so I'm really nervous about that. I hate that feeling. In fact, much of my life I've eaten more than I needed to, more often than I needed to, to just avoid the sugar shakes.

So, now I'm doing the low-carb thing - rather, supposed to be doing. I suppose if I've got people on here to check on me - like usedtobefatmatt - I'll be accountable!! My thighs know how much I eat, but they don't speak that loudly... or do they? haha!

Okay, so here's the basics.
START

5'11"
300.4 lbs.
Size 24
*blech*

Here is a recent pic (a month ago) I need to take "normal" pics of me, but I hate hate hate getting my pic taken (and I'm a photographer!) but had to get these done. So they're the only recent full body ones I have!
OKAY - I had my friend send me a face pic that she took two days ago! Excuse the sarcastic expression, like I said - LOVE that camera... not.
 
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Ooh, Ooh - some more things:

My goals:

My first goal - making 10% loss (30lbs)
2nd - 249 - being under 250 - it's been a while! I briefly did it three years ago.
Very briefly.
3rd is a special goal I've been wanting for ages, 235, the weight I was when I got married.
4th goal is 215 - my weight when I graduated - I looked awesome and was in great shape because I was so active
5th is the elusive Onederland - 199! Seems so impossible, but I know I need to change my thinking.
My ultimate goal is 185. That puts me at about a size 12, and at 5'11', that works for me!

Of course I want to just do it 5 lbs at a time. Anyone can lose 5 lbs, right? I just need to do it oh.... 23 times!! Ha!
 
Okay so seriously... I'm SO in denial!

You'd think with my weigh-in on Friday being 300.4 (I've GAINED 4 lbs in 6 weeks) that I'd not be in denial, but I am! Delusional!

Seriously. So that pic I posted on my first post. It looks good to me. Yknow, whatever. But then I uploaded the pics that my friends and I took of each other before we went out on Saturday. Umm... yeah, delusional!

I don't go out often since I'm a single parent. My kid's father has them one day per week and about once a month, I go stay with my girlfriend who lives in another city and we go out. It's a wonderful break! So, as you can imagine I also don't get gussied up much. But I did on Saturday and I felt like I looked smokin'! Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a photo and talk about REALITY check. Blucchh...

I know I'm heavy, I know I'm real heavy. But those pics proved that I can pretty much COUNT on myself being the biggest girl in the room. I hate that. And I hate that I've allowed myself, with all my potential to become that. It's like wearing your addiction for everyone to see. Wearing your weakness - evidence. Evidence that I don't have it all together.

If I really want to be at the top of my game when it comes to so many things in life, especially my career - being a great parent and friend and someday, wife/partner again... I really need to be at the top of MY game, be in control of MYself.

I just hope I can find this. One day at a time? Nah... at this point, it's one hour at a time.
 
Hi there! I suggest looking some threads in the before/after forums and diaries. It really gives you a sense of the day to day work that weight/fat loss is.

Have you modified your diet or have an exercise plan? Everyone suggests FitDay, which I've been toying with lately and it really is a comprehensive indepth look at weight loss from what I can tell.
 
Okay man's perspective here and some other stuff too.

You're 5' 11" tall, that is awesome. At 6' 8" I would have been stalking you back in my single days...

You are also inherently very attractive, take it from me! You have a great start, you will only get better as you become more healthy.

What are you doing for exercise? WW core is a good plan, it works pretty well from what I've seen. Something to think about though if you aren't already doing it is a nice balanced exercise plan. Often you will see visible results more easily with exercise. Exercise = inches lost even without lbs so much, because you are changing body composition.

And how many times have you heard this "you don't look ____ lbs, you're so tall" or "you carry it well" Yeah if I had a dime...

Anyway welcome in. check out before and afters, check out other diaries have some fun too.

There is a chat feature here too, not that it gets used much, but sometimes.
 
Hey,
welcome to wlf! You have a long way to go but I think you are doing well by thinking 5 pounds and then think again. I have said often that I really admire people who know they have a long way to go and still decide to go on this route. Well done!
I started seriously losing weight after a dr's visit too, I discovered I have coeliac disease (not related to my weight) and that living in a way that will insure I do not get cancer aged 30 I needed to cut out most of the food I really loved and overate on. Well it was not as hard as I thought and now I look in the mirror and I am surprised at what I see... who'd have thunk this girl was inside the chub? She is pretty!
And I am right there with the delusional thing but it goes both ways, some days I look at myself and I am like "how come no hollywood producer has cast me into a movie yet" and then the next day I think I must be the ugliest person in the world and look at the fat on my arms and on my legs and on my tummy and even on my chin... and I am pretty sure it is neither of the two extremes in reality.

I think you are pretty, and once you lose weight... wooooow, you will be truly stunning! There are very many people here who have done it, who had a lot to lose and are real insirations. Check out wishes, mal and omega, all three of them have lost a very large chunk of weight (there are more but those three jump to mind first for me).
Have a great week, Camy
 
Hey Nicole,
I'm glad to see you started a diary. I read your story and you are on the right track. We can all see you are motivated and have the right attitude to lose that weight. THe above posts are right, check out the before and afters there are some amazing people on this site.

I agree with Cabbie, you already look great and i cant imagine how good you will look when you reach your goal. Speaking of goals, i love how you have small goals. Small goals lead to big goals.

Stay motivated and dont be a stranger.


Matt
 
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Thanks for stopping by, all! It is really something special to feel like people are supporting you, and I don't even know you guys - so it was really nice to just put yourselves out there. Thanks!! It's a lonely place when starting such a thing - now, not so much. I have been peeking into other's diaries and am very impressed with the success of others here. It can be done!

I started out this morning well. I had half a grapefruit with splenda and a boiled egg. On the janumet, my doc said I need to consistently get in protein. This has always been a problem for me. I also am working in a coupe hours, and I don't sit still at my job, so I hope the protein from the egg is enough to keep me going. I need to get to the grocery store for portable protein - low sugar... any ideas?

Here we go! Day One (billion)...
 
Eggs are very good for some quick protein. I try to boil a dozen on sundays and they will last me the week. Other ideas could be deli turkey (just make sure you get a lean kind and watch the salt), tuna straight from the can, beek jerky, chicken breast. I see you are doing Core and i was close to doing Weight Watchers but chose to count calories instead. They should have lists of food for you.

I always like to do my shopping for home and for work. I will ALWAYS have carrots, fruits, string cheese, cottage cheese, laughing cow lite cheese, Wasa lite crackers and almonds at my desk. You always need to be prepared with healthy snacks or you will go for the easiest which is usually not good for you. Also, drink plenty of water and when you finished your water, drink some more.

Always remember it can be human nature to fear the unknown.(dont tell anyone but i broke down and cried like a baby when i was told i was pre-diabetic) You said it is lonely when starting out and i can agree with that. You want to change and will be going through many changes in you life. That can be the unknown and it is scary. Just stay focused on the big picture and why you are doing this. You can always come to this site for support. Food is not the answer. Sorry for the long post. I sometimes start tyoping and dont know when to stop.


Matt
 
Okay, so tomorrow is Thanksgiving!! I should be out fighting the crowds at the grocery store, alas I'm here. Therapy before food for sho!! Haha...
Despite my attempts, well not real attempts, my fleeting thoughts of a healthy Thanksgiving, that was firmly vetoed by my family who wanted the traditional things that I make... I can't say I fought too bad. So, my plans are, SNACK on healthy things throughout the morning, lots of veggies so I'm not completely ravenous by the time the main meal is served. Every other Thanksgiving it's like, I'd do the "save your calories" thing and starve the entire day and then it was like "Start your engines" waiting for the prayer to end so I could physcially do a triple luxe off of my chair into the middle of the table...
okay, so that was a pretty vivid thought...

I am going to not only snack on veggies and drink crystal light or water, but I'm going to use my puny plate that has become my friend. Chew lots, put fork down - blah blah blah. All in an attempt to enjoy holiday foods in semi-moderation. Not much can be done in moderation on Thanksgiving. I will have to stay away from some faves, like green bean casserole, I mean, it's just not worth it is it? It's astronomical!

Enough of that. I'll be gone til early next week... I've got Thanksgiving out of town tomorrow and then the day after that I'm going up to a cabin in the mountains with some friends til Sunday. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm taking my eldest child and my dog - so it will be some good quality time with my 4 year old, and the dog, too. I love my dog! We're planning on lots of hiking, so it should help work off the Thanksgiving damage.

So everyone, I'm about to catch up on some other posts around here, still getting to know you all - which I'm sure is a never ending thing.
Also, then I need to get moving for the day! I'm off to the post office, I've got a lot of family overseas... that's sure to be reallllll cheap to send... NOT!

Happy Thanksgiving All!
 
I would assume a lot of people start Diaries here when they're on their way, their journey, or ready to begin their journey. I'm not sure exactly why I started mine. I knew so well that I don't feel ready. I feel ready to fail, that's what. I don't feel the energy, the motivation, the positive outlook... I started it because I'm grasping at straws. I'm reaching out anywhere for help to shake me into changing my life.
I'm feeling really crappy today and have for a while now. This whole year has been so tough... so tough, but this week I feel at a new lowest low. I feel terribly physically, I look terrible too. Blahhh. I can't believe I have a Christmas party on Friday to go to, and it's formal. Bluchghh, dressing up sounds horrid to me right now. Nothing looks right.

I just feel like, what's the use of keeping this diary if I'm not even trying. What the heck is up with me? Everyday at the end of the day I feel such disappointment in myself. Every morning, my good intentions last no longer than saying so in my head because I expect my failure.

I realize how pathetic I sound. And coming from me, it's really terrible since i'm always the person trying to lift others up. It's just where I am right now, I feel like such a failure. I have the power within, somewhere, to change my course in life and to no longer feel this negativity... but I continue to make no change and I can't figure out why.
 
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Well your first step needs to be to take that beautiful smiley picture and put it in your avatar. It's simply too gorgeous to let get lost on page one of your diary (since you're gonna be here for many, many more pages).


Next step: Accept we understand you. In every way, shape and form, collectively we've all mirrored what you're going through.

Next: Be courageous. Change is hard but living unhappy is even harder. The daily decisions are yours and yours alone. We can walk with you but we can't be there to slap your hand. Ultimately, your strength is your reward.

Then: Fall in love with you. I swear you'll adore the new you. And we will, too. No one here will fool you into any easy ways this is accomplished. It just has to come from your heart one day at a time. You'll be so surprised how fast the energy will come back.

You sound like you needed a push, so there ya go !! I'm pushing :)

Be strong and embrace what's ahead.
 
T2 Trucker - Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Guess who's got tears in her eyes? Yup, me.
Wonderful advice, I think I'm gonna write it out and put it on a sticky :)
**Fall in love with you**

Aww.
 
Okay, so that little pep talk last night seems to have done some good! I'm not only feeling a bit lifted today, but have thus far made more than decent food choices. GO me! I took my daughter to swim class and forgot how much I used to love love love working out. Just this summer I was at the gym 3-4 times a week. I want to get that back :)
 
Okay, so here I am again. I know, I know - two posts within hours of each other. But with how low I've been feeling and the fact that I'm still proud of my choices at this point, I have to come here and just keep the momentum going. I always have such a hard time at day one. 3-5 pm will be my hardest times and you bet I'll be here then, too!!

Also, I'm back to doing WW Points. I was becoming too flustered with Core, feeling anxious that I'd be trapped without a choice - ahah! But even though I'm doing points, I'm still going to focus on high protein/produce and stray from the sugars and breads/pastas/rice...
 
If 3-5pm is a toughy, by all means feed the monster, just make sure the monster understands who's the boss here. And feed it smartly. It's all mind control.

Good job on coming here and hashing it out.
 
Alriiiight so day one (again) was a success! I got through it without any emotional binging. That's huge for me. I just kept busy, and the food that I did eat were high in fiber and protein and just seemed to "hold" me longer.

I already have resisted temptation today, too, because my daughters came over a bit ago with a bag of chips for me to open. Usually I'd open it and grab a few on top... I passed it over immediately. Woohoo!

I'm feeling good today. I wanted to get to the gym, but it snowed badly outside and I'm sure it's an ice rink until later in the afternoon when the plows come, but by then I've got to babysit. So, I'm going to do one of my low impact videos. Still not sure how exercise will affect me on the Janumet, but with something low-impact, I'm interested to see :)

And for what I did resist yesterday, it felt good this morning because I was proud of myself. That good feeling far outweighed the temporary good feeling food gives.

One day at a time - day two!!
 
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