Struggles on the road to health

I got on the treadmill again yesterday and did 1.5 miles, with a long cool down at the end. Gosh that was boring...slooooower and slooooooooooower....blah. Still got dizzy when I got off, but not nearly as badly as before. I'll mess with the incline next time, SweatPea, and see what that does....
 
I'm doing so horrible with snacking on sugary stuff at work! I vowed to be better, then this morning came to work to see a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg (those Easter special things) on my desk. The guy who works in the back usually brings us something like that every little holiday....last year it was jelly beans. He's not sabotaging....he's just a nice little guy who does stuff like this every so often.

Do I intend to eat it? Heck yeah. I haven't had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in a YEAR. I'll fit it in so I don't go over today, and NOT eat anything else, snack-wise.

I hope.... :banghead:
 
I'm doing so horrible with snacking on sugary stuff at work! I vowed to be better, then this morning came to work to see a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg (those Easter special things) on my desk. The guy who works in the back usually brings us something like that every little holiday....last year it was jelly beans. He's not sabotaging....he's just a nice little guy who does stuff like this every so often.

Do I intend to eat it? Heck yeah. I haven't had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in a YEAR. I'll fit it in so I don't go over today, and NOT eat anything else, snack-wise.

I hope.... :banghead:

A year? You are a goddess! JK! I couldn't imagine it. One of my co-workers told me how those reese things were on sale at one of the stores today. I could've done w/o that piece of news. But, I got out of work late today, so no time to go splurging! :D
 
I'm wanting a Cadbury Cream Egg more than life itself this week....just not sure I should have the sugar! I keep trying to talk myself out of it...

So I've been having some self-esteem issues. It was taking a while for me to get used to the "new me," and it was harder because people kept on talking about how thin I was...in a BAD way.

For example, I used to go to a little bar here in town with my husband. We'd usually go once a week, and I rarely, if ever, drank. I just went to go and be with him, and talk. Only a handful of people really go there, so I knew everyone enough to call them an acquaintance...you know, say hi in the store and stuff.

Then one time I went out there. I felt SO good about myself that day....we were talking and laughing and having fun. Then the jukebox went off and I heard some people at the bar (you know, drunk enough to think they were talking softly when they weren't)....they were talking about how I looked GREAT before...but I'd lost too much weight and looked SO bad now. I needed to gain weight again. If it was just women I'd have blown it off...but it was men to. No reason for a man to be "jealous."

So that pretty much crushed any headway I'd made with self-esteem, and I didn't go back there for a couple of months. I started feeling better about myself, even though I can't even leave the house or office without someone publicly and loudly telling me to "stop losing weight! You've lost enough!" I calmly tell them I stopped losing back in November, and I'm happy where I am.

Finally felt good enough to go back to the bar with my husband. It was his friend's birthday, and he, his wife and sister were there with a handful of people, once again. I went for a little bit, but left early because I'd gotten up too early and was sleepy. My husband informed me the next day that there had been a bar-wide conversation after I walked out about how "horrible" I looked, and "how sick" I looked. How he needed to stop me from losing anymore because I looked like I was dying.

And the worst of the comments came from the man that is his best friend...someone I considered a friend and whose opinion I trusted. I still can't get over it. And this week I find myself totally sabotaging my progres....snacking, eating sweets, etc. I think my self-esteem is SHOT....
 
I find myself sabotaging everything I've done. Or at least trying to...so far it hasn't worked.

I've been going INSANE with eating too much recently...too many snacks and too many sweets on top of meals, etc. Today I've been snacking on M&Ms, some vanilla/chewy candy treat things, mints, etc. On Easter...don't even get me started on how many times I hit the candy bowl or how much I ate, overall.

Then just in everyday life...I'm fine in the morning. I have my low-fat wheat waffle with fat free cream cheese and a 100 calorie tub of Yoplait thick and creamy yogurt. I last about half an hour before the candy snacking starts at work. I go home for lunch and eat my lunch...and a few potato chips while stuff's in the microwave, or a few crackers or a pinch of shredded cheese. Afternoon snack is consumed less than an hour after lunch, then I'm "hungry" in the afternoon and eat more sweets. They don't stick around long and before supper I'm back into the potato chips, cheese and stuff. I've been chewing sugar free gum constantly to try to ward off the feelings that I HAVE to have something...it's not helping!

Sitting here analyzing myself (instead of working), I've come to realize that all the negative comments I've been getting are making me do this to myself. I never got a single bad comment when I was bigger, and it's been 20+ pounds ago that people stopped commenting in positive ways on my losses. Now all I get is "STOP losing!" or "You look sick! You've lost too much!" I'm comforting myself with food...

What to do....what to do... :svengo:
 
If I can make it through TODAY without any additional, over the top snacking, I'll be re-taking a big first step...

As of 9 a.m. - NO extra snacks!

11 a.m. - No snacks, and about to go to lunch!

12 p.m. - made it through lunch with ONLY what I'd planned to eat...lean pocket, some salad and fat free ranch...yum....

Did ok 'til I got home...went slightly overboard with dinner, but I think I'm still ok. Thursday will be better!!!!
 
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So Jillian Michaels is still kicking my butt with the 30 Day Shred. Since I'm no longer trying to lose, I just use the video as a workout tool about two days a week...sometimes three, like this week. I finally moved up to level three and WOW is all I can say. I definitely, DEFINITELY got a workout. The whole thing, start to finish, burned about 275 calories, according to my heart rate monitor. I can totally see how this could have helped me lose weight (when I was losing) if I'd found it before.

The best thing about the third level is that it is challenging enough, more so than the other two, to keep me trying to improve for a while. By the cardio time in the third circuit, I was DYING. But a good kind of dying, if that makes any sense. Even the cardio moves incorporated a lot of strength training, like jumping jacks holding weights, etc. In spite of the "jumping jacks with weights" example, the third level also has a lot less jumping around. Which means NO EXCUSES for me to not do them during a certain week of the month. And the strength moves were waaaaay harder. I'll be on this level for a while, and it'll keep me going.

After this level gets to be old hat (if it ever does), I'm moving on to Jillian's "Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism" which is 5 minutes of warmup, 40 minutes of circuit training and 5 minutes of cool down. The video I'm using NOW is just 20 minutes.
 
I don't usually post on weekends, but I'm having issues! I'm so insanely bored today and ALL I want to do is snack! It's killing me!

Posting now to tell myself, in writing, NO, Mindi...you're NOT hungry, no matter how much you THINK you are. You DON'T need to eat 'til dinner. GET OVER IT!! Find something to do!!! :cuss:
 
This week - back on track

HAVE to get back on track this week. I haven't gained weight and I've been lucky. That luck WILL run out. Time to refocus on what got me where I am and get back to ignoring the sweets and stopping the extra snacking.

If I can do it THIS week, I can do it any week. Here we go...
 
I've gotten myself under control during the day, but still struggle at night with snacking. I'm horrible about eating while I cook...well, really about eating after I get home (nothing big...but little snacks add up), THEN when I cook and bites of the leftovers.

If I got the rest under control, I can do this too, right?
 
Hey Mindy,

Sorry I haven't been stopping in here lately. I just caught up and read the "bar" stuff. I just wouldn't even give those comments the time of day. I've seen your pics and there is no way those comments have any weight to them. No pun intended.

I think you look lovely. I know you are not too thin either. I don't know why people have to make comments like that. You're right though they will come from both sides.

Ugh, I feel for you w/ the snacking. I'm a snacker. I wish I wasn't but it's like I think about snacks all the time... "What do we have in the cupboard?" LOL

Anyway, I'm glad the snacking hasn't caught up with you, it must be Jillian's workout. ;)
 
Did you say you were going to try Jillian's workouts before?

Well, fell off the snacking wagon yesterday. Had MAJOR blowups at work and ran straight to the 5 pound bag of chocolate candy (literally) in the back. Stopped at just a few, though...getting back on track today.

Will be a busy weekend. Working on centennial stuff at work today, then my last day of obedience training with my rat terrier tomorrow, followed by more centennial stuff. And baking...got a family reunion Sunday and I'm expected to bring a dessert. At least I won't be expected to EAT any.

All in all, NOT a very relaxing weekend for me. Wish me luck!
 
Obedience training with a rat terrier, how did I miss that? I bet that was fun.

I do have her video, I have not put it in the dvd player as of yet. :smash:

Ugh, I'd like to hit my dh with that mallet too. He made a comment tonight that was not very nice, but true I guess. I had gotten out some ice cream (have to let it thaw just a little before scooping it out.) And, then I went to do some sit-ups. He said if you wouldn't have the ice cream you wouldn't have to do the sit-ups.

Grrr... I just got up and put the ice cream away. 1st of all I had just gotten back from an hour long walk and felt like the ice cream. I was doing the sit-ups for myself, not because of the ice cream. I'm a little mad at him and at myself. He bought the ice cream, but doesn't eat it. I love it. Grrr!
 
I feel your pain on the ice cream....I LOVE ice cream. I found these Blue Bunny brand fudgesicle-sort of things that have "no sugar added." They're sweetened with Splenda, and a serving is TWO bars for only 70 calories. I use one as a daily after-dinner dessert with zero guilt...sometimes two if I've got wiggle room on calories.

Totally missed the workout this morning. Had some stomach issues yesterday that had me feeling a little off this morning, so I'm going to try to do the 30DS video this afternoon sometime. Or the bike...depends on how I feel later on.

Right now I'm just wishing it would RAIN. Our lake is drying up fast, and we keep getting storms that come up to the county line, die out, move over us and re-form and go on to rain other places. It's getting pretty bad..maybe my workout today should be a rain dance....
 
You just can't trust some people.

A friend of mine, who I met while working out for 45 minutes to an hour a day, five days a week, for over a year....who RUNS the workout center where I worked, called me this morning. Her first question was "Are you the only one there?" So I knew something was up...

She was in the post office yesterday and overheard a conversation that one of my co-workers, who I've worked closely with for FOUR years and KNOWS better, was having with another person. She overheard the other person tell my co-worker that she "wanted to be as skinny as Mindi" because I looked very good. The other guy in the room said he thought I was too thin, and my co-worker said, "Well, she wouldn't feel as bad as she does if she hadn't had that surgery."

WHAT?! This woman, who I totally trusted, was basically implying I'd had surgery to lose weight, when she knows how hard I worked. She's the one who started me out at the workout center! She's my number one cheerleader when I'm feeling bad about myself...she's the one to jump in and say how good I look now and how healthy I must feel.

Obviously she's a total lying snake who can't be trusted. I'm just floored this morning. Wow.
 
Well, the stress is almost over! Tomorrow is centennial day. This time tomorrow I'll be working on the thing I've been helping plan for months. After the parade ends at 3:30-ish, it's smooth sailing...can't WAIT for Sunday, just so I can be past this!!!
 
I bet you will be so relieved. I hope you have an awesome centennial. :)
 
The centennial is over, and everything went great! Not doing anything like that again for a while...

You know, I got to thinking about my snacking. Maybe this is just wishful thinking....but I've kind of tied the start of my seemingly-obsessive snacking with when I started chewing gum a lot.

Before, I'd use gum a few times to keep me from eating. Like when I was cooking, I'd chew gum to keep from tasting too much stuff, or during long periods without a snack. Not very often at all...once or twice a day, MAX. Then it became more and more, until I'm almost CONSTANTLY chewing gum. It's become so second-nature for me that it doesn't keep me from eating anymore...I just get rid of it, eat the chocolate/snack item and get some more.

It's almost as if I've conditioned myself to always chew something. And maybe my mind or subconscious is telling me, "Hey! You're chewing but your stomach isn't getting anything! Eat something!"

At least it's my theory...gonna cut back on gum consumption and see what happens...
 
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