Step AWAY From the Fridge: Diary of a Snackoholic

[lemmy1]

The feeling is so familiar. I really can't remember a time in my life without it.

It typically starts in another part of the house, but always makes its way to the kitchen. It's a feeling of wanting something, and the more I try to push it away, the harder it pushes back.

Usually I don't even know exactly what it is I want, which is really probably the most problematic thing, because then nothing satisfies me, and I don't stop until I am painfully full.

Sometimes it starts with a great meal. I have something I really love, put the leftovers away, but can not stop thinking about them. Everything I try to distract myself with eventually scurries out of the way to avoid being mercilessly trampled by the Big Leftover Beast, and even though I've had plenty to eat, and probably not too long ago, the Beast will not rest, will not stop viciously attacking all my other thoughts, until all the food is gone.

I know people who just stop eating when they're full. Just stop. I have always wanted to be someone who does this naturally, but it is always a struggle, and I almost always lose. When there is food on my plate, especially warm, savory, comforting food, I just do not think about my stomach, what its telling me, what it is comfortable with. It's all in my head. I just swim in mashed potatoes, waltz with fried chicken, and absolutely lose myself in the embrace of creamy pasta.

It would be one thing to say that I've never been able to do anything about it. It would be frightening, no doubt, but not nearly as frightening as it is to think about how many times I have gotten past it, but always always always come back around to it. It makes me afraid that somehow this is just me, this is how I will always be deep down, that everything outside of it is a temporary fix that will always dissolve in the end.

--

It's twenty to nine in the morning. It's one of those days, I've had them before. I wake up and right away, I know I'm going to do something about something that's been bothering me for a while. A few weeks ago, it was my bedroom. I cleaned all day. Now, it's messy again. Today, I woke up worried about my gut. I'm sure I'll do great today, maybe even tomorrow. But how will it be different from my room two weeks from now? How do I make it different?

 

[adeon]

Hey there! Well first off I want to say that you're a pretty good writer. I enjoyed reading that. I also have a big problem with eating until it hurts. I don't really know when I'm full. I think I'm actually just starting to feel it. But it's hard to stop eating when the food is soo good. I don't really have any tips for you, as I haven't really been able to conquer the problem myself. Maybe just leave the house and go for a walk when the food temptation arises. Maybe go out for like 3 hours if it persists and then you can go home and eat again haha.

Good luck on your journey

 

[lemmy1]

Thanks for the compliment. And also, thanks for chiming in that you have a similar problem - it really does help to know. It's not something I share with people in my "real life" very often, so as I'm sure you know, it can feel very lonely.

I should take more walks. I should get out and try to exercise more in general, but I'm afraid of over-doing it and hurting myself again. In March, I broke my leg (left tibia) and have been slowly but surely recovering, gradually adding weight to the leg, and as of last week, I'm officially up to full weight-bearing and down to one crutch (still have to wear the air cast as well). It's exciting, but it also makes me nervous because I am so close to full recovery that I really don't want to get crazy-ambitious and end up having to backtrack. Guess I should take this time to really work on my upper body!

What I've been thinking about the most today is what kinds of foods and activities (restrictions considered) will help me get my energy up. I get a full night's rest almost every night and still take at least one nap during the day. I feel like this is a cycle I've let myself slide into out of boredom and self-pity, as for such a long time my injury had me feeling so confined to my apartment - I forget how much more I am able to do now if I put the effort forth.

The good news is, I've got a job interview on Wednesday. It's at a call center, since I'm still on doctor's orders for sedentary-work only, but the place is a healthy 15-20 minute crutch from my apartment, so if I get the job, I'll at least have that much activity slotted into each day (there and back), and I'll also have less time for the dreaded fridge-grazing activities that usually go on all day.

There are two folded-over bags of chips on my desk. I really need to get rid of them (and I don't mean down the hatch!). I'm not hungry for chips right now (thank god), but when I am, they should be much farther away than half an arm's reach!

I had a home-made "Egg McMuffin" for breakfast - egg, ham, & cheese on a buttered English muffin. Certainly not world's healthiest breakfast, but it also wasn't biscuits drowning in sausage gravy, two eggs, and hash browns with cheese, which you'd better believe I've indulged in more times than I'd care to admit - so it's nice to keep things in perspective. For another thing, it was extremely satisfying, and although it was about two and a half hours ago that I had it, I'm still not obsessing over what I'm going to eat next.

Have I mentioned that I hate cold breakfasts in general? It took me years to admit this to myself, especially during times of "watching what I eat." It's especially during those times that I feel obligated to eat (and like!) a breakfast such as "small bowl of muesli cereal with half a cup of skim milk, one container of fat free no-sugar-added yogurt, and a pear." NO. Sorry, that is not what I like to eat in the morning, and I really think that pretending it is has been part of my problem way too many times. Just browsing quickly online just now, there are plenty of hot, healthy, delicious-sounding breakfasts that are almost as easy to make as a bowl of cereal.

So, as obvious an idea as this may be, today I'm banishing foods that I don't actually like!

 

[tinkerbella]

LOL love the name of your diary, and i agree that you are a really good writer! You have a very funny turn of phrase!

I too am a seasoned snacker...I hold my hands up to it I think i have it under control until i have a bad day or a few to many drinks and then im the snacking queen again!

You are def right to be cautious abt your leg...the last thing you want to do is be out of action for any longer than you need to be. There are lots of arm exercises and things that you can do but please dont hurt yourself!!

Im not a breakfast eater at all (can neever eat until i have been awake for at least 3 hrs for some bizarre reason!) but you are on the right track by finding things that you like to include in your diet. I have honestly never met anyone who likes muesli but there must be some out there! Things like your egg muffin sounds pretty healthy tbh...maybe not the butter but that wouldnt do much damage and is certainly a far better option than the mcdonalds version Omelettes are supposed to be nice (and low cal) for brekkie...not sure tho cos i hate eggs!


Sorry for rambling on! Good luck