MsWant2BHealthy
New member
I’ve been heavy my whole life. There’s no reason to sugar coat it and say I’m “pleasantly plump”, because at my current weight there’s nothing pleasant about it. I’m unhealthy and it scares me, especially seeing where my parents are now that they’re in their 60s—they are also overweight (where do you think I learned to eat like this?)—all of their adult lives they’ve been heavy and now they suffer from a variety of health problems, most of which relate directly back to poor nutrition and lack of physical activity.
Highschool was probably my heaviest time, I was around 270lbs (I’m 5’9”); I’m a comfort/stress eater and bullies thrive on an easy target that won’t fight back, the more I was tortured, the more I ate. I’m not saying it’s their fault I was as big as I was, I would have been heavy either way, but it certainly didn’t help.
After highschool I moved out and far, far away. I started working and going to school, met new people, got taunted much less, and a friend of mine introduced me to the atkins diet. It was tough at first, but after 2 years I’d lost 70lbs (20 years old at this point). Unfortunately, when I was forced to move back home I realized I couldn’t maintain that eating pattern with so many people around me eating bread. At the time I was, quite literally, dreaming about bread.
My mother freaked when she saw me at 200, convinced I was unhealthy level thin—I wasn’t, we’re just a family of medically obese people and they’d never seen me that close to a healthy weight before. I gained 5lbs back when I switched to calorie counting, probably because I didn’t ease into it, I dove head first. My own fault, but it wasn’t a big deal really now that I think about it; though, at the time, it felt like the end of the world.
Counting calories worked well for me and I lost down to 180lbs—at which point my mother washed her hands of my “starvation”, for the record I was eating 1400 calories a day. There’s nothing starving about that much food, it was just a third of what I’d been eating in high school. Unfortunately, my little brother was on the path to having my weight history and, try as I might, I couldn’t reach him though he complained daily about his weight.
Met a nice guy and after we moved in together my weight dropped a bit more, being happy meant less stress eating. When we got engaged I suddenly had a lot of motivation (wedding dress) and I lost down to 150lbs—I was exercising 6 days a week for a minimum of an hour, not including walking the dog or running errands. Took me a full year to lose that 30lbs, but on my wedding day I felt really good (24 years old). Healthy, energized. I even felt happier, maybe it's because clothing shopping was so much easier and I didn't get glared at in public. Yes, you read that right, where I live now I get glared at when I'm in public; I carry my weight well (at least, I think I do and everyone is surprised when I tell them my weight), but there are a lot of "big girl" haters that seem to have cropped up in the last couple of years. Or maybe now I'm just noticing it more that I'm more uncomfortable with myself.
Since the wedding, it's been an uphill battle. I've lost and gained so much its crazy. After the wedding I maintained my weight for 2 years (until my 26th birthday, I think I was 155lbs), but it slowly crept back on over the last 5 years. Okay, maybe not so slowly after all. My husband and I started trying for a baby and I guess when it didn't happen it just added a lot of stress; not just on me, either, he’s been stressed too. We’ve both gained weight. He gained about 30lbs, though he doesn't carry it well, it's gone straight to his chin and tummy so his face is round and his pants don't fit (he's so unhappy about it, I don't mind personally I love him no matter what) and I gained 90. Yes, 90lbs
. Some of that is due to the fertility drugs I’m on, but after looking at my calories from this weekend, I know the majority of weight is coming from how I’m eating.
So, I’m starting again. 240lbs. I’d like to say “today is the first day of the rest of my life”, but I’m a little disheartened.
Sorry for the novel and thanks for reading.
Highschool was probably my heaviest time, I was around 270lbs (I’m 5’9”); I’m a comfort/stress eater and bullies thrive on an easy target that won’t fight back, the more I was tortured, the more I ate. I’m not saying it’s their fault I was as big as I was, I would have been heavy either way, but it certainly didn’t help.
After highschool I moved out and far, far away. I started working and going to school, met new people, got taunted much less, and a friend of mine introduced me to the atkins diet. It was tough at first, but after 2 years I’d lost 70lbs (20 years old at this point). Unfortunately, when I was forced to move back home I realized I couldn’t maintain that eating pattern with so many people around me eating bread. At the time I was, quite literally, dreaming about bread.
My mother freaked when she saw me at 200, convinced I was unhealthy level thin—I wasn’t, we’re just a family of medically obese people and they’d never seen me that close to a healthy weight before. I gained 5lbs back when I switched to calorie counting, probably because I didn’t ease into it, I dove head first. My own fault, but it wasn’t a big deal really now that I think about it; though, at the time, it felt like the end of the world.
Counting calories worked well for me and I lost down to 180lbs—at which point my mother washed her hands of my “starvation”, for the record I was eating 1400 calories a day. There’s nothing starving about that much food, it was just a third of what I’d been eating in high school. Unfortunately, my little brother was on the path to having my weight history and, try as I might, I couldn’t reach him though he complained daily about his weight.
Met a nice guy and after we moved in together my weight dropped a bit more, being happy meant less stress eating. When we got engaged I suddenly had a lot of motivation (wedding dress) and I lost down to 150lbs—I was exercising 6 days a week for a minimum of an hour, not including walking the dog or running errands. Took me a full year to lose that 30lbs, but on my wedding day I felt really good (24 years old). Healthy, energized. I even felt happier, maybe it's because clothing shopping was so much easier and I didn't get glared at in public. Yes, you read that right, where I live now I get glared at when I'm in public; I carry my weight well (at least, I think I do and everyone is surprised when I tell them my weight), but there are a lot of "big girl" haters that seem to have cropped up in the last couple of years. Or maybe now I'm just noticing it more that I'm more uncomfortable with myself.
Since the wedding, it's been an uphill battle. I've lost and gained so much its crazy. After the wedding I maintained my weight for 2 years (until my 26th birthday, I think I was 155lbs), but it slowly crept back on over the last 5 years. Okay, maybe not so slowly after all. My husband and I started trying for a baby and I guess when it didn't happen it just added a lot of stress; not just on me, either, he’s been stressed too. We’ve both gained weight. He gained about 30lbs, though he doesn't carry it well, it's gone straight to his chin and tummy so his face is round and his pants don't fit (he's so unhappy about it, I don't mind personally I love him no matter what) and I gained 90. Yes, 90lbs
. Some of that is due to the fertility drugs I’m on, but after looking at my calories from this weekend, I know the majority of weight is coming from how I’m eating. So, I’m starting again. 240lbs. I’d like to say “today is the first day of the rest of my life”, but I’m a little disheartened.
Sorry for the novel and thanks for reading.
