Starting over (and over and over)

RunningGirl said:
so than I've been caught haven't I? LOL So I am totally and utterly embarrassed!!! HAHAHAHA ahhh and I AM CRAZY and I can admit it. ;) Oh yea I have an eating disorder too. I wanted to be sane with the new name, but it back fired very badly and now I just look S T U P I D!!! It's hilarious too. I hope all is well and I can be forgiven & this name will def stay out of area's that I can't handle emotionally. (cuz I tend to take personally) oh and P.S. Michelle I will PM you so you're not totally out on the limb as to why I am writing any of this in YOUR THREAD to Korrie.

Anyways, Hi Michelle,

Good to hear the stitches are out. Not good that it hurt, y didn't they freeze it?

Are you giving candy to kiddies? Do you dress up with Halloween?

TTYL

C​
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You've already heard this from me, but ill say it again ;) You DO NOT look stupid
Having an eating disorder is not something to be ashamed of, it just needs to be dealt with
It's not easy for anyone to admit that there is a part of their life that lacks control. Its hard for me, but I talk about it because for myself...talking helps...and i feel that it may help someone else realize that they are not alone.
To be honest, sometimes i felt crazy when i couldn't stop binging, but now i realize that its an OCD that I have had since a child and will probably have for the rest of my life. Ive not been driven crazy, but the behavior drives me crazy... * there is a difference..lol*
I know how well i can do with support, and im not too proud to admit it....lol
 
The stitch removal only hurt briefly and now it feels pretty good.
We are not handing out candy because we are going to a haunted house and corn maze halloween night....we went last year and it was SCARYYYYY funnnnn...lol
How about you?
 
That's good to hear about the toe, I hope it heals soon for you too. :)

I don't do Halloween at all. Or rather I haven't been able to give candy to kids for the last 8 years. LOL *shucks* I was told I might get an early move in date, to my new place and it happens to be on ground floor with a patio all it's own so I was kind of stoked about that. I thought maybe I'd be able to finally hand out candy to kids and ppl would see my carved pumpkin! But buying candy is not in my best interest right now....:willy_nilly: I want Dots.

I did a haunted house once, a guy jumped out of the wall at me, and by reflex, I kicked him back into the wall!! HAHAHA this was a real person too btw ;)​
 
brazenlysasse said:
You've already heard this from me, but ill say it again ;) You DO NOT look stupid
Having an eating disorder is not something to be ashamed of, it just needs to be dealt with
It's not easy for anyone to admit that there is a part of their life that lacks control. Its hard for me, but I talk about it because for myself...talking helps...and i feel that it may help someone else realize that they are not alone.
To be honest, sometimes i felt crazy when i couldn't stop binging, but now i realize that its an OCD that I have had since a child and will probably have for the rest of my life. Ive not been driven crazy, but the behavior drives me crazy... * there is a difference..lol*
I know how well i can do with support, and im not too proud to admit it....lol
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Word.

RunningGirl said:


I did a haunted house once, a guy jumped out of the wall at me, and by reflex, I kicked him back into the wall!! HAHAHA this was a real person too btw ;)​
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That's hilarious.
I applaud your reflexes. :hurray:
 
Well..... today was my appointment with my dietitian/diabetes nurse and my doctor. I have been taking my blood sugar ever day at specific times and recording all my food/fluid intake for the past 2 weeks. The conclusion is that I will be starting insulin soon. I am doing another 1 1/2 weeks of testing 2 x per day and then on Nov 10th i go for insulin training and a general physical. I actually was given a shot of insulin today by the nurse, my sugar was very high, so they used it as an opportunity show me the needle and how it works. It didn't hurt, but I found it emotionally overwhelming. It was a big step towards some bigger changes in my life

I recognize that i have not been handed a death sentence (some people feel that way with diabetes) It is an opportunity for me to make some changes in my life that were long over due. Ive never been good with schedules (probably why im always late) and now ive been told that I have no choice...i NEED to be good at shedules..NOW.. lol.

SO...im now good at schedules.. well.. good is probably not the right choice of word...im good at setting the alarm on my cell phone to remind me to check my blood sugar, take my pills and eat. Either way..im doing it.

Honestly though,...even though i am aware of what i need to do, and im accepting of the facts..I am feeling a bit sad (not having a pitty party) just a bit emotional. Losing the weight will help, but there is some damage done that can not be fixed.

I think maybe, i should just be thankful, that I am in a position in life, that i can be treated for these issues and that I am lucky that I know I am diabetic. (there are millions undiagnosed) I need to be thankful that I am still able to reverse some of the concerns and ultimately live a healthy happy life.

sighhssss...guess it was a day for me to ramble ;) Michelle
 
It doesn't look like a ramble, looks like you've learnt a lot about your diagnoses in a short time period. I am sure once things settle a little bit you'll be able to be a healthy you again in no time flat!

You're just going to be a little more knowledgeable than the average bear. It will probably help you feel better too.

Good Color Coordination! :)​
 
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Michelle, sweetheart,

I'm glad you are taking a positive view of this (or at least as positive as you can).
You're right, it's not a death sentence, and it is an opportunity and impetus to get your house in order - and keep it in order.

I feel for you, and it is natural to feel a little sad. But you are doing the right thing and taking the best care of yourself possible.
 
Thanks so much RG and Cord...I truly appreciate what you both said.
Im feeling a bit better today... I could have easily binged last night, but kept it together and busied myself.
I really do feel this is a chance to grow *in a good way* and to get more of an emotional grasp of my eating.
 
A while back, i was going to boot camp with a friend.. It was hard but i was managing except for an old injury in my ankle. My weight was just too much for it and the swelling was crazy. Part of the problem was that...although the boot camp was modifying certain things for me, it was still really hard on the joints of someone my weight with my health concerns. So...my doctor said, give it up until you can find some other way to lose 50lbs then re-visit it.
Well, I just found out that there is a boot camp for plus sized people now. The trainers all work with people that have significant weight to lose and have more of an idea of how to modify. That makes me very happy...lol. So, my foot puts me out of commission for a little while, but im sure i can try it in January.
I figure, what the hell... Ill be moving more than i am now, and im not trying to keep of with a class of athletic people who were always at some point waiting for me to catch up. Its not too expensive as well...which is great. I still have 15sessions left with my old boot camp..and the girl that runs it said to me that she would hold on to those sessions for me, when i lose enough weight to come back, then I have them waiting for me no matter how long it took me. (that was totally a nice thing of her to do)
Im feeling quite positive that this year to come with bring some healthy wonderful changes for me... diabetes and all..lol
 
Sounds like it will be a good class. Too bad you have to wait to heal first.

Very awesome that your other boot camp instructor is going to hold your remaining classes until you are ready for them. That's very classy.

I know that next year (and the rest of this one) is going to be your year to Shine!
 
Cord the Seeker said:
Sounds like it will be a good class. Too bad you have to wait to heal first.

Very awesome that your other boot camp instructor is going to hold your remaining classes until you are ready for them. That's very classy.

I know that next year (and the rest of this one) is going to be your year to Shine!
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I think it will be a good class too. It is too bad that i have to wait, but in the long run, it will insure i don't have to take more time away from exercising because im re-injured. Im being a little bit more careful as well because of my issues with the diabetes and my feet.
It was truly great that Maira is holding the classes for me, but she is truly about the fitness and not the money. When i was going to her class, it started with a 1km run, and because i take so much longer than everyone, i would go 1/2hr early so i could get the run in. She started coming earlier too so that i wouldnt have to run/walk alone.
 
tonight i went to a TOPS rally *taking off pounds sensibly* It was a good rally, lots of people and wonderful attitudes. I was one of the younger people there. My goal is to get some younger people involved with tops, *if not my group at least some group* Its affordable and sensible. We will see what happens.
Michelle
 
Don't give up!

Thin is also a state of mind. Think it before you go to bed, when you get up in the morning, as you force down another glass of water...all day, everyday, think I am smart, sexy, beautiful and will be slender, fit and in good health. Try everyday to be this way...and once you are there, don't let it slide like I did, keep it up. At least you keep trying and don't give up entirely, just take a little vacation when you have too.

I am starting again myself...today is day one, I have 158 days to reach my end goal of 140 lbs...that means I will be loosing 2.22 lbs per week...I can do this! You can too!

Take care of yourself!
 
Michelle~ Hi dear! I finally found your diary! hehe and it is very encouraging and positive in here! cadragonfly~ I love that last post you have, that is an excellent idea! I can't wait to see you heal Michelle so you can really start kickin some tail! I will definetely still be here in January and you can count on me to help keep you encouraged! Thanks so much for dropping by my diary. It is nice to have people who are interested in my story and goals.
Hope your day goes great!

~Emily.
 
cadragonfly said:
Thin is also a state of mind. Think it before you go to bed, when you get up in the morning, as you force down another glass of water...all day, everyday, think I am smart, sexy, beautiful and will be slender, fit and in good health. Try everyday to be this way...and once you are there, don't let it slide like I did, keep it up. At least you keep trying and don't give up entirely, just take a little vacation when you have too.

I am starting again myself...today is day one, I have 158 days to reach my end goal of 140 lbs...that means I will be loosing 2.22 lbs per week...I can do this! You can too!

Take care of yourself!
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I agree, its all a state of mind, I am getting far more comfortable making good choices because it just feels right...Its not as much of an effort because its becoming who i am. Ive struggled a long time to feel this way. Before, if friends got treats around me, i would go crazy, now...i just know its not what i want..and im pretty much at peace with it..lol hallelujah!!!! ;) **sipping my water**
 
Emmy72389 said:
Michelle~ Hi dear! I finally found your diary! hehe and it is very encouraging and positive in here! cadragonfly~ I love that last post you have, that is an excellent idea! I can't wait to see you heal Michelle so you can really start kickin some tail! I will definetely still be here in January and you can count on me to help keep you encouraged! Thanks so much for dropping by my diary. It is nice to have people who are interested in my story and goals.
Hope your day goes great!

~Emily.
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YAY you found me! lol, welcome to my diary, pull up a chair... would you like some ice water? ;)
I feel like im going to start kicking some tail...and that is wonderful. I obviously will still have struggles, but my mindset is different right now, and I have to take that and run with it. I am so tired of the excuses i have made to myself as to why im this size, so now im being real with myself
To be honest, having to test my blood sugar 2x a day helps as well, because i see the direct result of what happens to my body when its not meeting its needs.
Thanks very much for hunting me down, I look forward to getting to know you ~ Michelle
 
Today i slept in, and it felt soooooo gooood.
Breakfast: 1 weight watchers bagel toasted, no butter, topped with scrambled eggs, 1/2oz grated cheese and warm salsa. On the side i had a cup of mandarin orange, 1 large glass of water. woke up with a blood sugar of 8.0 not a bad reading, but considering the amount of medication i am on, it should be closer to normal. However, on the plus side, i WAS waking up to reading of 19 - 23 not that long ago...I would be exhausted, and now i feel good
 
Hello Michelle,

When your blood sugar was at 19-23 that means it was quite high? Such as too much sugar in the blood?

Silly I never really payed any mind to what my Grammie was doing when she'd take her blood. For a short time she didn't have to use needles, she got to take pills & something that would just dissolve on her tongue. Will you ever get to not take needles too?

How do you get the word out for younger people for tops? Just word of mouth? Or do you have a marketing plan too?

Thanks for the friendly hello's in my diary, most times that's all I really need. :)​
 
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