Springflowers' Diary

[Springflowersandmore]

I've been struggling with unhappiness with my weight for a few months now, not really sure how or what to do about it, but I have the feeling keeping a journal and finding a community will help, so I just joined this forum and thought I would begin journalling. Thanks to anyone who reads.

In the last several years I've had my three children, pretty much one after the other, so I never managed to lose any of the pregnancy weight (or post-pregnancy stress eating weight!). I went from being in the low 50's kg - never really conscious of my weight but I know at my first pregnancy appointment at the doctor I was 51 point something - as well as being very fit, active in several sports, and all over very pleased with my body and my fitness without really having to "try"! And now I've ended up at an amazing 72 kg, leaving me with about 20 kg to lose, certainly several sizes larger than I've ever been, and with visibly just more fat on my body and a great loss in physical fitness as well.

I know that the great shift in lifestyle is what's led to this. Being a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom has left me close to no time for sports or going to the gym anymore, and throughout my pregnancies I was hit with so much fatigue and exhaustion that I didn't even have the desire to be active anymore. Not to mention the hunger, cravings, and a bad stress eating/emotional eating habit I've picked up, due to not being able to rely on exercise or other hobbies for my stress relief anymore... I love my kids and I love my life, but it's left me not in the best physical shape. I don't like placing self-worth in how I look, and I consciously try to not let it put a damper on my mood or my life, but I have to admit that the drastic change to my appearance has really left me feeling down and not very good about myself, to the point of crying over it some days. I'm just fat now, plain and simple, and I don't like it.

Anyway, that's my story! It feels very cathartic to write out how I feel. I'll answer the questions posted on the intro thread here...

-I'd like to lose 15-20 kg. I suppose it's not perfectly realistic to aim for the exact same body type as a young and free 20-year old when I'm now nearly 30, post-pregnancy, with work, home, family obligations. So my goal is simply to go from being 70+ kg to being in the 50-55 kg range.
-I would like to lose the weight by the time I'm 30, which would be in a year and 2 months from now.
-I actually have a pretty healthy diet in terms of regular meals, as we home-cook almost always, so I think my biggest changes need to be working on cutting out emotional eating, during which I do end up eating a lot of processed and sugary foods, and just being as active as I can by walking more places and doing a little at-home training (pull-ups, push-ups) even if I don't have time for formal exercise.
-I'm not sure I have much specific support, but I hope keeping this diary and posting and reading online will help.
-I'm intentionally being pretty minimalistic with my goals and timeframe, lol, so I hope it is realistic to do.
-I've been half-started for a while now...just still have a lot of work to go changing my lifestyle for the healthier.

That's all I'll write for now. I've already been interrupted about 20 times trying to write this much! Thanks again for reading, and I hope to find friends and support here as I go.

 

[Cate]

Hi, Springflower & welcome to the diary section of the WLF forums.
Your goals sound perfectly doable & realistic.

working on cutting out emotional eating, during which I do end up eating a lot of processed and sugary foods

Just doing that alone will have you losing that weight. With 3 small children, you will also be setting the best example. Always have healthy snacks, like cut up raw fresh veg & fruit available to snack on & maybe allow yourself one evening where you are allowed to enjoy a "treat" such as good quality chocolate or slice or something that you love.
You can do this I'm sure. 15-20 kg is SO doable in a healthy way

 

[Llama]

Welcome, Springflower! Cate already said most of what I wanted to say. I don´t know how old your kids are and have no children of my own but my babysitting kids are always happy to be used for lifts, squats and kettlebell swings. I assume it´s much harder when you´re taking care of three at a time but given that you have a solid exercise history I´m sure you can come up with alternatives (or shared physical activities).

 

[Springflowersandmore]

Hi Cate and LaMaria! Thank you so much for your helpful comments and encouragement. It means a lot.

That's a good idea to have healthy snacks available, for the kids as well as myself. I know that's common advice but I don't tend to take the time to do it even though I have noticed that whenever I start reaching for food as a way to un-wind, I will totally and happily go for carrots or apples or yogurt if they're there instead of cake and cookies, because I instinctively know I prefer those. So I should be more proactive about that. I'll buy and cut up some produce today!

And great suggestion on the incorporating kids into exercise. Mine are all three under four years old, so they're too much of a handful to let me exercise and never all nap at the same time so I could do so, haha, but I could also be more proactive about taking the chance to lift and swing and throw them around a bit. They definitely do love that!

Maybe I'll make those two habits to focus on doing more of to start off with.

Yesterday I had good meals, stir-fry for lunch and homemade Indian spice curry type dish for dinner, and also walked my middle kid to and from daycare one way (twice a week I take her to daycare for 2-3 hours so that I can work at home) so that was about 40 minutes of walking up and down a large hill.

 

[Cate]

That sounds like a very good day Springflower. I'm sure small changes will make a big difference. Your kids will love being swung around. I sometimes use my little dog as a weight, by carrying her when I go for a walk. Dancing with your kids would be another great exercise & lots of fun. Housework always seems easier when you have music on.
Your avatar is one very cute munchkin

 

[Llama]

All the things Cate said, again Three kids below 4 years old sounds like a rollercoaster ride for sure! I think you´re off to a great start and I look forward to seeing you get healthier and more energetic.

 

[Springflowersandmore]

Thank you Cate and LaMaria again for commenting! I’m going to try to get around to reading and posting in other people’s diaries ASAP, by the way. Just have trouble finding the time yet, sorry!

It’s harder than I thought to remember to be active. That’s another thing I don’t have time for, or even time to think about doing, apparently, haha. But I did do quite a bit of walking while pushing/carrying the kids to the store yesterday again. We also had some weird meals- I eat a pretty regular breakfast (which is usually just coffee, haha), lunch, and dinner most days, but kids and work I ended up having like a brunch, and then my husband was home and cooked for us a meal at around 3 pm... He’s such a good cook and loves to cook and eat together so I never want to say no to his food - flexibility is not something I’m willing to give up for a diet or losing weight, given that I’ve been really rigid with my diet at periods in the past and it’s really not fun for anyone when you’re with friends and family - BUT I did think I made a good small choice by just asking for extra vegetables and less of everything else. And after that I wasn’t much hungry for dinner anyway so I think it all balanced out.

I haven’t done any emotional or stress or boredom binge eating for a few days now. Knowing I want to post an update here makes me feel extra motivated not to.

I’ve also started urging myself to get back to wearing normal clothes and not maternity ones. I went summer shopping a few days ago (which was partly what spurred me realizing I needed to lose so much weight, when I found I was many sizes bigger than I used to be!!), and even though I feel a bit awkward and ashamed to be wearing things like shorts and dresses and short sleeves, since I feel they really show how big and flabby my arms and legs have gotten....I feel like it’s better to not keep hiding in maternity clothes, and instead to start accepting what my body looks like now, instead of being in denial. That also gives me more motivation to remember to make small changes to how I eat and exercise as well.

Just a ramble of thoughts - I’ve had a lot of them but no place to write them down until now! I’m sure more to come, haha.

 

[Cate]

I haven’t done any emotional or stress or boredom binge eating for a few days now. Knowing I want to post an update here makes me feel extra motivated not to.

I love this!

Just a ramble of thoughts - I’ve had a lot of them but no place to write them down until now! I’m sure more to come, haha.

Me either & that's why my diary is a gazillion pages long!
Don't worry about not getting around other people's diaries. You won't get the chance to read all of them (especially mine) and we understand that you would be "as busy as a one-legged arse-kicker". I was going to amend that to bottom-kicker, but it just doesn't sound as funny.

 

[Llama]

I did do quite a bit of walking while pushing/carrying the kids to the store yesterday again.

Sounds good to me. Exercise needn´t happen in a gym and involve special clothing to count.

I did think I made a good small choice by just asking for extra vegetables and less of everything else.

Another chance that´ll make a lot of difference in the long run!

I feel like it’s better to not keep hiding in maternity clothes, and instead to start accepting what my body looks like now, instead of being in denial.

Very likely. Especially if it helps you remember your identitiy isn´t 100% mom 100% of the time.

 

[Springflowersandmore]

Thanks for the comments again <3
It feels so motivating to have people reading along!

I feel good about yesterday again. I had another quite long walk to the shopping center, while pushing two babies and carrying the big one on my back, so that definitely felt like a workout, haha. I had lunch by myself so I just made another stir-fry of random vegetables and ground chicken (random stir-fry has always been one of my favorite things to make, especially whenever I’m just cooking for myself and I don’t really have craving for anything specific, so we are going to hear about me eating this a lot, haha), and for dinner my husband cooked steaks with green beans. They were pretty giant steaks so I just had a few bites of rice along with it instead of a whole bowl. Was too busy to snack at all!

Today we are going to take family photos. I’m a little anxious/annoyed at the prospect of dressing up when I don’t feel I look my best, and then having photos showing me like this, but I’m trying to stay positive and think of it as a chance to make a memory and capture the adorable kids, at least!

 

[Cate]

I bet you will look lovely in the photos. Smile & imagine yourself looking just as you want to be xo

 

[Petal001]

Hi Cate and LaMaria! Thank you so much for your helpful comments and encouragement. It means a lot.

That's a good idea to have healthy snacks available, for the kids as well as myself. I know that's common advice but I don't tend to take the time to do it even though I have noticed that whenever I start reaching for food as a way to un-wind, I will totally and happily go for carrots or apples or yogurt if they're there instead of cake and cookies, because I instinctively know I prefer those. So I should be more proactive about that. I'll buy and cut up some produce today!

And great suggestion on the incorporating kids into exercise. Mine are all three under four years old, so they're too much of a handful to let me exercise and never all nap at the same time so I could do so, haha, but I could also be more proactive about taking the chance to lift and swing and throw them around a bit. They definitely do love that!

Maybe I'll make those two habits to focus on doing more of to start off with.

Yesterday I had good meals, stir-fry for lunch and homemade Indian spice curry type dish for dinner, and also walked my middle kid to and from daycare one way (twice a week I take her to daycare for 2-3 hours so that I can work at home) so that was about 40 minutes of walking up and down a large hill.

Hi sunshine . I have not been here long but really enjoy the diary and reading all the updates . Twice a week I chop up 2 large melons and stick them in tubs in the fridge . Also the family will eat if they are chopped up.

It’s hard to exercise when kids are young but dancing or playing outdoors is good . If you can access YouTube Leslie sansone does some 15 min walk programmes . If you can try one or 2 . They are my go to when time is limited .
Good luck

 

[Llama]

Pushing two kids and carrying a third DEFINITELY sounds like a workout to me!

(random stir-fry has always been one of my favorite things to make, especially whenever I’m just cooking for myself and I don’t really have craving for anything specific, so we are going to hear about me eating this a lot, haha

Sounds like my pasta-with-veggies-and-beans
I can´t stand taking pictures but when they´re official ones I just pretend to not care and it turns out the camera doesn´t really know the difference. Looking back on them with your kids in twenty years they´ll be completely different from whatever you think into them right now anyway.

 

[Marsia]

Hi, I love your diary! I can't imagine having three little ones to take care of at the same time - one was quite a lot for me. Hopefully they will all eventually play together and give you time for yourself, but in the mean time, wow!

I also have trouble with getting my picture taken. I never liked it when I was skinny, and now I try to avoid it if possible. But I asked my kid the other day if I looked as chubby as another mom we know, and she said that she never thought of the other mom as chubby, she was just her, and the same with me, I was just me. I don't actually think of the other mom as chubby unless I am comparing myself to her either. So probably people who know us (the ones who would see us in photos) just like us for us and aren't thinking about the things we want to change in ourselves.

So great you are out walking with your kids! When I didn't want to go out to the playground or on our nature walks because I was too tired out, I would think about how I was making new memories for my daughter. Now when we go back to San Francisco where she was born, we sometimes drive by places in our old neighborhood where I took her, and she still remembers them, and I can tell her about the happy times we had in each place (and I marvel at the impossibly steep hills I used to push a stroller up!)

Do you want to make a pact to do weights for little intervals 2 or 3 times a week to reduce our arms? I really need that, and would love someone to encourage me because I always wonder if I am doing it right and that makes me nervous to do it. But really I could just find a youtube video and use that to make sure I am doing it right. I have been throwing in a little bit of an abs workout with my yoga, and it is nice to just do a couple minutes of that and not stress if I don't do a lot. My stomach is too out of shape to do much more anyway right now. I wonder if you could just throw down a mat or blanket on the floor and do a few crunches or whatever you like and not worry if you are getting in a full workout at first? From experience, I find I wind up liking the hard exercises as I ease into them and just do what I can, and eventually find ways to make time to do them because they make me feel so much better.

 

[Springflowersandmore]

Thanks everyone for the comments!! I will get back individually soon. No time really but I wanted to quick update. Have had...quite a lot of sweets for a couple days. So many things to get done all at once it seems, and I just automatically crave taking a break with a bunch of sweet foods whenever I get a chance. I did have fruit and yogurt around that I snacked on first sometimes so step in the right direction at least. Busy day and busy week ahead!

 

[Llama]

We´re none of us perfect. Just keep trying!

 

[Cate]

We´re none of us perfect. Just keep trying!

Never give up. That's the main thing

 

[Springflowersandmore]

Thank you for that reminder! Goodness I feel so hopeless about my body and weight sometimes. Like today. I just feel like I might as well just give in and eat a ton of junk food and not care because it seems to impossible, or at least too far away, to ever be thin again. So far I haven’t though...and that’s better than nothing.

Going back, Marsia, I like your idea of committing to doing something to work out our arms together, haha. I have kettlebells that I do some micro workouts with when I remember, and I’d really like to regain my strength to be able to do push ups and pull ups again, so I need to start practicing those as well.

 

[Llama]

We all get those hopeless moments sometimes and it´s HARD to get through them without giving in. But if you can do it you´ll be so proud of yourself afterwards!

 

[Marsia]

Goodness I feel so hopeless about my body and weight sometimes... I just feel like I might as well just give in and eat a ton of junk food and not care because it seems to impossible, or at least too far away, to ever be thin again...

Going back, Marsia, I like your idea of committing to doing something to work out our arms together, haha. I have kettlebells that I do some micro workouts with when I remember, and I’d really like to regain my strength to be able to do push ups and pull ups again, so I need to start practicing those as well.

Hi! I usually start dieting by getting off sugar, and sometimes that takes me a few false starts. It's hard because it's quick energy, but it makes you crash and feel more tired in the end which makes you want to reach for more sugar. I really empathize!!! Have you tried probiotics to cut down on the cravings? It seemed to work at least somewhat for me.

I looked where I keep my small weights, and darn, I moved them. I'm sure I can find them again though, so do you want to shoot for doing weights for our arms twice a week or so? I am just going to do them maybe 5 minutes or so at first, whatever feels right, because I pulled an upper arm muscle a little. But I love doing hand weights - it makes me feel so better!

I've never been good at pushups or pull ups, but I have been doing plank pose in yoga, which makes my arms shake so I can tell it is strengthening them. I've been doing a little of abs exercises, too, and can't believe how weak my stomach muscles got. I have my work cut for me, but don't mind because I just do a little at a time so that I like getting stronger.

What are you thinking as far as what you want to do for weights?